1
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:11,578
Shouldn't you be at work by now

2
00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:13,580
in your dehumanizing little cubicle

3
00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:15,081
squatting in quiet desperation?

4
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,583
I've got a cold.

5
00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:18,084
[HACKING]

6
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:21,588
I.E., the wussiest of all illnesses.

7
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,089
Come on, get dressed and go to work.

8
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:25,091
You know I like to have the house to myself

9
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:26,092
in the late morning.

10
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,094
I hate when people go to work sick.

11
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:31,097
All they do is hack and cough and spread their germs

12
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:32,599
and infect everyone else.

13
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:34,601
[NOISY SNEEZE]

14
00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:39,606
Just to be safe, it might be a good time to update your will.

15
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:43,610
"I, Dilbert, being of sound mind and sound body..."

16
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:45,111
I can't sign this.

17
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:46,613
My body isn't sound.

18
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:47,614
Typo.

19
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,118
"...sound mind and round BODY..."

20
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:53,620
It's just a cold,

21
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:55,622
and I'm this CLOSE TO FINDING THE CURE.

22
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:58,124
Look, I've already isolated the virus.

23
00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:00,627
You mean bacteria.

24
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,128
That's a common misconception.

25
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,130
Colds are caused by viruses.

26
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:07,133
Bacteria are microorganisms that contain no chlorophyll

27
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:09,135
and multiply by simple division

28
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:10,637
while viruses

29
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,639
are parasitic polynucleotides

30
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,140
surrounded by a layer of protein

31
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,142
which are unable to reproduce

32
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:17,644
without invading a host cell.

33
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:20,146
Well, you got a big ol' brain on you.

34
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:22,148
This microscopic, nuclear-powered

35
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:23,650
intravenous probe

36
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:26,152
seeks out the cold virus and destroys it

37
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:28,154
with a highly focused sonic blast.

38
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:32,158
[SNEEZING]

39
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:33,660
[SNORTING]

40
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:36,162
Okay. I don't usually like to do this,

41
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:38,665
but I feel sorry for you on so many levels.

42
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,667
Here. This'll cure you immediately.

43
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:43,169
[SNIFFING] Really? What is it?

44
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:44,170
A placebo.

45
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,673
A placebo. Now that you told me it's a placebo

46
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,174
it's not going to work.

47
00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:49,676
It will if you think it will.

48
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,678
But I already know it's a placebo.

49
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:52,679
Maybe it isn't.

50
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,180
You just said it was.

51
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:55,682
[SPLUTTERING]

52
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:58,184
That's precisely the power of the placebo.

53
00:01:58,184 --> 00:01:59,185
No, thanks.

54
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:01,187
I'll try my method.

55
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:06,693
[HIGH-PITCHED SOUND BLAST]

56
00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:13,700
All right, give me the pill.

57
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:17,704
[EXPLOSION]

58
00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:25,712
[music]

59
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:13,760
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

60
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,773
DILBERT: So, according to the market research

61
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,274
the people most likely to buy

62
00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:29,776
our Gruntmaster 6000 product

63
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:32,278
are the same group who are most likely

64
00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:33,780
to buy UFO abduction insurance.

65
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,281
Maybe we could package them.

66
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:37,283
[COUGHING]

67
00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:40,787
Alice, you're sick.

68
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:41,788
Go home.

69
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,790
I'm not sick. You're sick.

70
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:44,791
No. I was sick.

71
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,793
Now I'm fine.

72
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,294
Oh, good for you.

73
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:50,797
[COUGHING]

74
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,298
It's your fault.

75
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:53,299
You gave it to me.

76
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,301
Well, you gave it to me before that.

77
00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:56,803
You gave it to me before that.

78
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:57,804
Well, you gave it to me--

79
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,806
You know, we've been passing the same cold

80
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:01,808
back and forth for seven years.

81
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:02,809
Well, you started it.

82
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,310
It's these cubicles.

83
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:07,814
This wouldn't happen if we all had offices with doors.

84
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:08,815
Or at least if I DID.

85
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,316
Can I have your sick days?

86
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:11,818
Are you coming down with something?

87
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:14,320
No, but why waste a sick day when you're sick?

88
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,822
Because you're sick?

89
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:17,824
Well, I'd rather be sick at the office.

90
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:20,326
They have soup and tea, and nobody bugs me.

91
00:04:20,326 --> 00:04:22,328
Besides, I'm saving up sick days.

92
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:24,831
I've got nearly, uh, 12,000.

93
00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:28,835
One day, I'll have enough to call in sick until I retire.

94
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:30,336
I'll trade one of my sick days

95
00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:31,337
for a carton of sticky notes.

96
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:33,339
It'll appear on your desk tomorrow.

97
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:34,340
I'll give you my sick day

98
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,843
for a box of binder clips and some tape.

99
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,344
Done and done.

100
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:39,846
[COUGHING]

101
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:41,848
If I had my own office

102
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,350
I would just lock the door during cold season

103
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:45,351
and never come out.

104
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:47,854
What about going to the bathroom?

105
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:48,855
You know what I mean.

106
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:49,856
No. I don't.

107
00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:51,357
What's the difference?

108
00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,860
You'll never have an office in this company...

109
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:54,861
Or any other. Ever.

110
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:55,862
You're an engineer.

111
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:57,363
I can still dream.

112
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:02,368
[music]

113
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:13,379
[ALL COUGHING]

114
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:14,380
Look at this.

115
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,883
It's a minefield of germs.

116
00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:17,884
[SNEEZES]

117
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,886
Oh, my.

118
00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:24,390
[COUGHING]

119
00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:37,904
[COUGHING]

120
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,405
Alice, drink this.

121
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:45,912
[music]

122
00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:32,458
Ahh... that's good.

123
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:36,462
[ALL COUGHING AND SPLUTTERING]

124
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,464
Lovely day, isn't it?

125
00:06:38,464 --> 00:06:40,967
Anyway, as you may have heard...

126
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:42,969
[SNEEZES]

127
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,470
...especially you...

128
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:45,972
[CHUCKLES]

129
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:47,974
...40 percent of our workforce

130
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:50,977
has dropped dead from some sort of mysterious illness.

131
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:54,480
The heartier folks have just turned into hideous mutants.

132
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,482
We don't know what's causing it.

133
00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:58,985
[SNEEZES LOUDLY]

134
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,486
But we have some hunches...

135
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:02,488
[CHUCKLES]

136
00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:03,990
Funny!

137
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:06,993
Be that as it may, the names of these valiant employees

138
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:09,996
who died for some reason that cannot be

139
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,998
conclusively linked to workplace hazards

140
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:16,002
have been engraved on the marble wall you see behind us.

141
00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:22,008
Their sacrifice is an inspiration to us all

142
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:23,509
not to mention a cost savings

143
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:26,012
that goes directly to the bottom line.

144
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:28,514
[ALL COUGHING AND CLAPPING]

145
00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:31,517
Questions?

146
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,019
Yes, Loud Howard.

147
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,021
[LOUDLY] I... I...

148
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:36,522
[COUGHS]

149
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:39,025
[HOARSE] I've lost my voice.

150
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:40,526
Finally! Hooray!

151
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:41,527
Thank God!

152
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,529
Sorry, son. I couldn't hear you.

153
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:45,031
[CHUCKLES]

154
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:46,032
Oh, me...

155
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:51,537
At this time, it gives me great pleasure to do this.

156
00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:55,541
It also gives me great pleasure to introduce the owner

157
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:59,545
of Dogbert's Private Environmental Protection Agency.

158
00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:00,546
Him.

159
00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:07,553
My research indicates that there are abnormal levels

160
00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:11,057
of insect fecal matter present throughout this building.

161
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:16,562
And as the black light reveals, even in this very room...

162
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:17,563
[ALL GASPING]

163
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:18,564
WOMAN: What's that all about?!

164
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:20,066
[ALL MUTTERING]

165
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:22,568
Highest concentrations of insect fecal matter

166
00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:25,571
were found to be present on Wally.

167
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:27,073
ALL: Eww!

168
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,574
[DISGUSTED MOANS]

169
00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:29,575
That's unsavory!

170
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:30,576
Gross!

171
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:34,580
I can't see.

172
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:35,581
WOMAN: Get away from me!

173
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:37,083
MAN: Take a shower!

174
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,084
You're disgusting!

175
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,585
It's not my fault that flies like me.

176
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:42,088
So the insect fecal matter's making us sick?

177
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,590
No, but I thought it was an interesting side note.

178
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:45,591
Unfortunately, this building

179
00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:47,593
like everything that's ever existed

180
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:49,595
in the history of the universe, is dying.

181
00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:52,598
We're doing what we can to make its last hours comfortable.

182
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,104
[SIREN WAILING]

183
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:02,608
MAN: Clear!

184
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:11,117
I have two recommendations,

185
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:13,119
either of which I can feel more strongly about

186
00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:15,121
based purely on the size of my fee.

187
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:18,124
One is to keep the building on life support indefinitely

188
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:20,126
and watch more people mutate and die.

189
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,128
What if I just pretend to watch?

190
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:24,130
What's the other choice?

191
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:26,632
To build a brand-new, incredibly over-budgeted

192
00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:28,134
ill-conceived headquarters.

193
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:34,140
Excuse me while I weigh those very, uh, weighty choices.

194
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:39,645
Does anyone know what "heads" means?

195
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:43,149
Excuse me. Can I see you?

196
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:44,150
Can't you?

197
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,651
Have I become invisible?!

198
00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:47,153
No.

199
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:49,155
Woo! You had me scared for a minute there.

200
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:52,158
I don't understand.

201
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:54,160
Every day, I water this silk tree

202
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,661
but it hasn't grown an inch.

203
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,663
It's not a tree that grows silk.

204
00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:59,165
It's made out of silk.

205
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:00,666
Probably needs more light.

206
00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:03,169
Yeah. Try that.

207
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,671
Uh, by the way, what, with the recent outbreak of disease here

208
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:08,174
I think you made the right decision

209
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:09,675
to build a new headquarters.

210
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,677
That's not why we're moving.

211
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:13,179
Get over yourself.

212
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:15,681
There's a much bigger issue at stake here.

213
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:16,682
There is?

214
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:17,683
Yes. Of course.

215
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:20,186
This building is a rectangle.

216
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:22,688
Almost square, but not quite.

217
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:24,690
Do you know what I mean? Rarely.

218
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:27,193
I've always wanted to work in a building

219
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:29,695
shaped like an isosceles triangle.

220
00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:31,197
An isosceles triangle?

221
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:33,699
You think I'm mad, don't you, Dilbert?

222
00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:34,700
No.

223
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:35,701
You think I'm stupid?

224
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:36,702
No.

225
00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:37,703
Lazy? No.

226
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:39,205
Fat? No.

227
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:42,708
Well, I wish I'd married you instead of the hag in my house.

228
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:45,211
I was thinking-- You're gonna need somebody

229
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,713
to oversee the design and organize the move.

230
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:51,717
Someone with first-rate engineering skills.

231
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:56,722
An aptitude for problem solving.

232
00:10:56,722 --> 00:11:00,226
Way-above-average intelligence.

233
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,728
No, I think we should use someone

234
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:04,230
who works at this COMPANY.

235
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,232
Well, I'd like to volunteer.

236
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:07,733
All I ask in return

237
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:10,736
is for first dibs on any extra offices with doors.

238
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:15,241
Oh... I see your hidden agenda now.

239
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,243
You're the master of the obvious.

240
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,744
Well, no need to flatter me.

241
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:21,247
You've got the job.

242
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:22,748
[CHUCKLES]

243
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:25,751
And they said no engineer could have his own office.

244
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:34,760
I think this would be a great site for the new headquarters.

245
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:36,262
Let's visit site number two.

246
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:46,272
[SQUAWKING VIOLENTLY]

247
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:49,775
Okay, let's visit site number three.

248
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,292
So, I think the choice is pretty obvious.

249
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:08,294
Right. We build on the cliffside.

250
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:09,795
Wait. Wait.

251
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:10,796
What about the meadow?

252
00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:12,798
If you wanted the meadow why did you make

253
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:15,801
such a convincing case for the cliffs?

254
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:18,304
But the meadow is so picturesque, so peaceful.

255
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:19,305
It's... perfect.

256
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:20,306
Alice, tell him.

257
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,310
Uh-huh...

258
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:26,312
Wally, help me out here.

259
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:29,815
Uh, the meadow's only five minutes from your house.

260
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:30,816
[BUZZING]

261
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:32,318
Well...

262
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:34,320
I suppose we could build a cliff

263
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:35,821
in the meadow!

264
00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:37,323
Get the best of both worlds.

265
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:40,326
Or we could just wait a week and you'll forget about the cliff.

266
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,327
Will that work?

267
00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:42,328
Usually.

268
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,829
Well, in that case, why wait?

269
00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:44,830
The meadow it is.

270
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:49,835
And put your office smack dab next to mine.

271
00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:00,346
[OFFICE CHATTER]

272
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:10,856
[CLEARING THROAT]

273
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:11,857
As you can see,

274
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,359
each floor will be portioned

275
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:14,860
Into pie-shaped divisions

276
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,862
So that at the center of the pie

277
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:18,864
Where all the divisions converge

278
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:22,368
Employees will engage in valuable knowledge transfer.

279
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:25,871
Must... stay... awake...

280
00:13:25,871 --> 00:13:28,374
Managers will have private offices

281
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,376
As will one cunning engineer.

282
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:31,377
Now, any questions?

283
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:33,879
[BUZZING]

284
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:35,881
I'm sorry, I don't speak fly.

285
00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:37,383
Anyone else?

286
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:38,384
Anybody?

287
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,885
What will be the parking situation

288
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:41,387
at the new headquarters?

289
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:42,388
Good question.

290
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,390
We will have a state-of-the-art

291
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:45,891
underground parking structure.

292
00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:47,393
I'll be needing extra headroom.

293
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:51,397
How about it?

294
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:53,399
Give it up for the Dil-man.

295
00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:58,904
Hold my calls.

296
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,406
Hey, uh, Dilly.

297
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:02,908
Jimbo, Frankie and I are taking in a ball game tonight.

298
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:04,910
Afterwards we're going out for pizza, beers,

299
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:05,911
maybe play a little darts.

300
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:06,912
What do you say?

301
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:07,913
Who are you?

302
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:10,916
[LAUGHING] Very funny.

303
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,918
I'm your old pal Tony from Sales.

304
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,420
I know we've never spoken before,

305
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,422
but I love your take on the new headquarters.

306
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:18,424
Brilliant! STROKE OF GENIUS, REALLY.

307
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:20,426
I'm going to need some extra steps on the staircase.

308
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:22,428
You know, because of the legs.

309
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:24,930
Extra half steps on the stairs for multi-pods.

310
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:25,931
I'll see what I can do.

311
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:27,933
And don't put me next to the boss.

312
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:31,437
Hey, Dil. Greg from Marketing.

313
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:34,440
We've never met, would never like each other in normal life,

314
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,442
and yet since I've become reptilian

315
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:37,943
I feel we have an unspoken bond.

316
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:38,944
Go on.

317
00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:39,945
What, with the scales

318
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,947
and what have you, I'll be needing a sink

319
00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:43,449
with scalding hot water to clean myself.

320
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:47,953
Okay. Special scalding hot water valve for reptilian employees.

321
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:49,455
I'll try.

322
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,957
Oh. Don't put me next to the boss.

323
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:53,959
Hey, Dilby.

324
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,462
Now that I'm an exoskeleton,

325
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:58,464
I'll need a separate thermostat

326
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,466
so I can keep the temperature in my cubicle

327
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:01,467
at 94 degrees Fahrenheit.

328
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,968
Otherwise, I'll die.

329
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,970
Special heating ducts for the skinless.

330
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,472
I can't promise anything, but--

331
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:07,973
Okay. I understand.

332
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,975
I'm not afraid of expiring,

333
00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:12,478
but just don't put me next to the boss.

334
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:13,479
Got it.

335
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,995
Hey, watch it.

336
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:31,497
Sorry.

337
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:32,498
We need to talk.

338
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:33,999
Right, right.

339
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:36,502
You know there's a suggestion box on the fourth floor.

340
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:39,004
How am I supposed to use a suggestion box?

341
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:41,507
Maybe you could just hang around the suggestion box

342
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,509
and yell your ideas at people who walk by.

343
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:46,512
Okay, but I'm going to need special pulleys and slides

344
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:49,014
to get around the office and between floors

345
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:50,516
and a customized keyboard

346
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:53,018
and, uh, uh, lower toilets-- much lower.

347
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:55,020
Okay, I'll check into it.

348
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:57,022
And I will suck you into my ectoplasm

349
00:15:57,022 --> 00:15:59,024
if you put me next to the boss.

350
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:01,527
I'll need more leg room.

351
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:04,029
I have gills and I have to be in water.

352
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:05,030
I'm also deciduous.

353
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:06,031
More doorknobs.

354
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:08,033
I need a butt-rubbing tree.

355
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:09,535
Butt-rubbing tree, got it.

356
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:11,537
Keep him away from me.

357
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:15,541
Okay, I can put the swamp here, a butt-rubbing tree over here,

358
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,042
lower these toilets...

359
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:20,045
All this just to get your own office.

360
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,046
It's worth it.

361
00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:24,049
Do you really believe that all this is happening

362
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:25,551
because of sick- building syndrome?

363
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:27,553
I have no reason not to believe it.

364
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:29,054
What if it's all in their minds?

365
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:30,556
Everything is in our minds,

366
00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:32,558
but when it causes us to grow an extra leg

367
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:34,560
I think we need to take it seriously.

368
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,561
Okay, okay.

369
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:36,562
On a lighter note,

370
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:38,564
I have a coupon for a free fecal wash.

371
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:40,065
No, thanks.

372
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:41,066
On the house.

373
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:42,067
On the house? Okay.

374
00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:50,075
Wally, you got your stuff packed?

375
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:51,076
It's time to go.

376
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:53,078
I'm not going anywhere, Dil-bzzz.

377
00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:54,079
You okay?

378
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:55,581
Do flies catch cold

379
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:56,582
or do they just drop dead?

380
00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:58,584
Are you gonna use one of your sick days?

381
00:16:58,584 --> 00:16:59,585
No way.

382
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:00,586
[BUZZING]

383
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:02,588
I've banked 14 years worth of sick days.

384
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:05,090
It's time to cash them in and retire early.

385
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:06,592
[BUZZING]

386
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,093
Um... Wally... I hate to do this,

387
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:10,095
but I think this might be a good time

388
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:12,097
to tell you something.

389
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:13,098
[BUZZING]

390
00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:15,100
Sick days don't accumulate, they expire.

391
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:16,101
[BUZZING]

392
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:18,103
And you can't trade sick days with other people.

393
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:19,104
[BUZZING]

394
00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:20,606
We've been using you

395
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:22,608
to steal office supplies for us for years.

396
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:24,610
It's easier than ordering from the catalog.

397
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:26,111
[SAD, ANGRY BUZZING]

398
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:34,119
I guess it was kind of cruel in retrospect.

399
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,121
[SPEAKING THROUGH COMPUTER] Uh... Dil-bert?

400
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:37,623
Yes?

401
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:39,124
My nose.

402
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:41,126
It itches.

403
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,628
Try not to think about it.

404
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:45,631
Otherwise, your whole body will start itching.

405
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:48,634
[FRUSTRATED, ANGRY GRUNTS]

406
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:58,143
Ah, moving day... exciting, isn't it?

407
00:17:58,143 --> 00:18:00,646
You know, if this works out, maybe we'll do it every year.

408
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,648
What? Move? That's insane.

409
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:05,150
You've got to learn to think outside the box, Dilbert.

410
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:07,653
So, who's going to be in the office next to me

411
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:08,654
Where all the action happens?

412
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,155
The nerve center.

413
00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:13,158
You've got the whole floor to yourself.

414
00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:14,159
Excellent.

415
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:15,661
By the way, I forgot to tell you--

416
00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:18,163
I need to make a few minor alterations to the building.

417
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:19,164
Alterations?

418
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:20,666
Teeny-tiny. Nothing with nothing.

419
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,167
But... Poquito. Ca va?

420
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:23,168
Like what?

421
00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:24,670
Well, remember that whole thing

422
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:26,171
about the isosceles triangle?

423
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:28,674
I had it all wrong. I meant A TRAPEZOID.

424
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:29,675
It's already been built!

425
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,677
You're in charge. Make it happen.

426
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,679
Check back with me in a week.

427
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,180
That's the spirit!

428
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:37,182
That's the end of that.

429
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:42,688
[music]

430
00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:15,220
BOSS: Dilbert!

431
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,723
I must say I'm VERY impressed

432
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:22,227
with the way the new headquarters has turned out.

433
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:24,229
It's so shiny and big.

434
00:19:24,229 --> 00:19:25,731
And white.

435
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,733
And these... portals.

436
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,735
You can actually see through them.

437
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,236
It's a miracle.

438
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:33,238
You mean the windows.

439
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:35,741
Yes... and those magical moving stairs.

440
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:38,243
I mean, where do they all go?

441
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:40,245
Anyway, you've done a bang-up job.

442
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,247
It's SO perfect.

443
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:43,749
Thank you.

444
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:45,250
Yeah, it's so PERFECT.

445
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,752
Too bad we can't afford to stay here.

446
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:48,754
What?

447
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:50,255
I just saw the rent allocation budget.

448
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,256
Too rich for our blood.

449
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:53,258
We'll lease it to a more profitable company.

450
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:54,259
But... but...

451
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:56,261
By the way, where's the cliff?

452
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:18,784
[music]

453
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:41,306
[CAN SPRAYING]

454
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:52,818
Alice, you look a lot...

455
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,319
I was never sick!

456
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:55,320
Yeah, that's what I meant to say.

457
00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:02,828
Luckily, everyone seems to be developing an immunity

458
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:04,329
to the toxic environment.

459
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:05,831
I guess, as a species

460
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:06,832
ultimately, we can adapt to anything.

461
00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:10,335
Yay for us.

462
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:13,338
Everybody, I'd like to personally welcome you all back

463
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:15,841
to the new, healthier, old headquarters.

464
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,342
How is it healthier?

465
00:21:17,342 --> 00:21:19,845
Well, for one thing, we've added warning signs.

466
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:33,358
Hey, everybody... I'm back to my old self.

467
00:21:33,358 --> 00:21:34,860
Too bad.

468
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:37,863
Secondly, we've stocked the first aid kits

469
00:21:37,863 --> 00:21:39,865
with these new wonder drugs.

470
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:43,368
"Plah-see-bos."

471
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:52,377
[music]