1
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,573
Hmm... hmm.

2
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:10,076
Huh. According to my perpetual calendar program

3
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:13,580
June 30 in the year 2014 will be a Thursday.

4
00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:15,081
Did you know that?

5
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,083
If I say yes, will you not talk?

6
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:19,085
No. This is kind of interesting.

7
00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:20,587
Guess what day of the week

8
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:23,089
is the first day of the year 2222.

9
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:24,591
Two-sday?

10
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,092
No, but that would've been good, too.

11
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:29,095
More importantly, which is better, Paris or Rome?

12
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:29,596
Better?

13
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:32,098
Paris.

14
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,602
Which is better, Prague or Budapest?

15
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:37,103
Why does it matter which is better?

16
00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:38,605
Prague.

17
00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:41,107
Which is better...

18
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:42,108
What're you doing?

19
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:44,611
I have to RSVP to my millennium parties.

20
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,613
Millennium parties?

21
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:47,614
Yes.

22
00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:49,616
Which is better, Hong Kong or Singapore?

23
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:50,617
Wait a minute.

24
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,620
Maybe my invitations have been lost in the mail.

25
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:54,621
Oh, who cares?

26
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,623
I never liked New Year's Eve anyway

27
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,625
And this one's no different.

28
00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,627
Except that everyone on earth will be

29
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:03,129
celebrating the end of the millennium.

30
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:05,131
Well... everyone except you.

31
00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:06,132
I don't care!

32
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:08,134
I will not be pressured into having fun

33
00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:11,638
just because we arbitrarily use a base ten counting system

34
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,139
and a big round number is coming up.

35
00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:16,142
If I'm going to have fun, I want a good reason.

36
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:17,644
Well said... so, which is better

37
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,145
Lisbon or Istanbul?

38
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:21,147
Oh, come on. I can't be the only person

39
00:01:21,147 --> 00:01:24,150
Not getting invitations to millennium parties.

40
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,652
RATBERT: Which is better

41
00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,654
Tokyo or Munich?

42
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:28,655
[EXPLOSION]

43
00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:35,662
[music]

44
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,710
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

45
00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:37,724
Do you guys have any party plans

46
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,225
for New Years Eve, 1999?

47
00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:40,226
Oh, yeah, of course.

48
00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:42,228
Only a total loser would have no plans

49
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:44,731
for the biggest night ever in our lifetime.

50
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:46,232
What are you doing, Dilbert?

51
00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:47,233
Me?

52
00:02:47,233 --> 00:02:48,735
I, uh...

53
00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:50,236
I got plans.

54
00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:51,237
I'm planning to link up

55
00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,239
with my survivalist militia group

56
00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:55,241
and loot a National Guard ammunitions dump.

57
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:56,743
Do you know something I don't?

58
00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:58,244
Hello? The millennium bug?

59
00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:01,748
When the date hits 2000, all computers will malfunction

60
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,750
and the world will plunge into chaos.

61
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,251
I don't want to be outgunned.

62
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,253
We won't a have a year 2000 problem

63
00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:08,254
in this company.

64
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,256
All of our computers are new.

65
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:12,759
Not all. You're forgetting Black Betty.

66
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:16,262
Black Betty. That mainframe was replaced years ago.

67
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,764
Black Betty.

68
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:19,265
Did you say Black Betty?

69
00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:22,268
Boy...I haven't thought about old Black Betty in ages--

70
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:23,770
Maybe never.

71
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,271
But she's real.

72
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:26,773
As real as the dwarf

73
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:29,275
who sneaks into my bedroom at night

74
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:31,277
and steals my underwear.

75
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:32,278
About that mainframe...

76
00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:33,279
Not now. I'm reminiscing.

77
00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:34,280
Where was I?

78
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,281
Black Betty.

79
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:37,283
Yes, Black Betty the mainframe.

80
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:38,785
Boy, oh, boy.

81
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:40,787
We thought about replacing her years ago

82
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:42,288
but then we thought

83
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:44,791
"Well, why not just cobble our new systems

84
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:47,794
"to the old one with untold miles of spaghetti code

85
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,796
and obsolete coax cable?"

86
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,297
Why'd you do that?!

87
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:53,299
It was an executive decision.

88
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,802
We figured it would save money in the short run

89
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:58,304
and only later plunge the company into darkness

90
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:01,307
after we executives had all left for other companies.

91
00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:02,809
But you're still here.

92
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,310
Brinksmanship-- I live for it.

93
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,312
You know how sometimes you're driving down the freeway

94
00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:08,815
and you pull into the oncoming lane intentionally

95
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,316
only to swerve away at the last minute?

96
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,318
That was you? You ran me off the road.

97
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:14,821
Stared destiny right in the face.

98
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:15,822
You could've killed me.

99
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:17,323
Sorry.

100
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:21,327
Anyway, which is better, Jakarta or Geneva?

101
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:23,830
We have to do something about the millennium bug.

102
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,331
The millennium bug?

103
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:29,335
Are you telling me that Han Solo's ship is here?

104
00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:31,337
That's the Millennium Falcon.

105
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:34,841
I'm talking about the year 2000 problem: Y2K.

106
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:37,343
Oh, yes, um...

107
00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:38,845
T3G.

108
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:39,846
Pardon?

109
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:41,848
[LAUGHS] B9C.

110
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:42,849
"B9C"?

111
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,351
Look, if our computer systems are all connected

112
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:47,854
to Black Betty, some ancient mainframe--

113
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:48,855
Oh! Oh!

114
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:50,356
E4J. This is fun.

115
00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:52,859
...we're out of business when the date changes.

116
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:56,362
You mean all the technology is going to...

117
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,864
break?

118
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:58,865
Yes!

119
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:01,868
Is there any way this "collapse of civilization" thing

120
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:03,369
could affect me, personally?

121
00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:04,370
I think it might.

122
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,872
Okay, then.

123
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:08,875
You have my full support to fix the problem.

124
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:11,878
Unless it involves any sort of resources

125
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:13,880
or decisions or effort on my part.

126
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,382
Remember: Money is no object.

127
00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:18,384
Unless, of course, you plan to spend it.

128
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:19,886
Me? Why is it up to me?

129
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,387
Because you brought it up.

130
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:22,388
You know the rules.

131
00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:24,390
He who complains is assigned to fix it.

132
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,392
That only applies to little things.

133
00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:27,393
This could be the biggest project

134
00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:28,895
in our company's history.

135
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,397
And I've never even seen that Black Betty mainframe.

136
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,399
No one has, for years.

137
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:34,901
It's quite splendiferous.

138
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:35,902
You've seen it?

139
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:36,903
I helped install it.

140
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,404
Of course, that was years ago,

141
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:40,907
before the life force was drained from my body

142
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:43,409
and I became a selfish and apathetic shell of a man.

143
00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:44,911
Then you can help.

144
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:46,412
I don't think you were listening.

145
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:48,414
Besides, I don't even remember back then.

146
00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:49,916
You have to help, Wally.

147
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:51,918
The career of every employee depends on it.

148
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:53,419
If our mainframe goes nuts,

149
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:55,421
we'll lose our payroll system.

150
00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:57,924
Our pension database. The personnel records.

151
00:05:57,924 --> 00:05:59,926
It will be as if we never even worked here.

152
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,427
For me, every day is like that.

153
00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:02,929
You know what I mean.

154
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,932
If we go down, you're going down with us.

155
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:06,933
Shh, shh...

156
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:09,435
Yes, I want the gold card, the silver card

157
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:10,436
and the platinum card.

158
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:13,940
Are there any other heavy metals that you make cards in?

159
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,441
Okay, then. Send them out.

160
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:16,943
Wally, what are you doing?

161
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,444
Welcoming in the millennium.

162
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:19,946
By ordering credit cards?

163
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:21,447
That's right.

164
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:22,448
I'm applying for every credit card

165
00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:23,950
I can get my hands on.

166
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:25,451
Then I'll take huge cash advances

167
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:28,955
and wait for the millennium bug to hose the banks' computers.

168
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,456
They'll never be able to bill me.

169
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,959
You would have made a great evil mastermind.

170
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,460
No, the hours are too long.

171
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:37,463
Alice, you got to help me

172
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:38,965
on this year 2000 project.

173
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:39,966
I need a team.

174
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,467
I would, but I don't have time.

175
00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:42,468
I'm buried with work.

176
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:43,970
Maybe you should come with me

177
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,471
to see the director of Human Resources.

178
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:47,974
He might have a company-sponsored program

179
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,475
for time management.

180
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:50,977
Asok, we need your help

181
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,979
on the year 2000 project.

182
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,481
I'd like to help, but I'm just an intern.

183
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:57,984
I have no experience with computers made before the '90s.

184
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,485
Come with us to see

185
00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:00,486
the director of Human Resources.

186
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,988
Maybe he knows of some

187
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:04,991
company-sponsored training you can take.

188
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:07,994
Wally...

189
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:10,496
Shh, I'm securing a home equity loan.

190
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:11,998
But you don't own a home.

191
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:14,000
I don't, but my good friend Bob does.

192
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,501
Who's Bob?

193
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:17,503
I'm Bob. Oh.

194
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:18,504
Sheesh.

195
00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:20,006
But Wally, you're our best hope.

196
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:22,008
You've got to help on the year 2000 problem.

197
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:23,509
You were there.

198
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:24,510
You know where the date code is

199
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:26,012
on the old mainframe.

200
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:27,513
I don't remember any of it.

201
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,015
It was a long time ago.

202
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,016
Yes, I'm holding.

203
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:33,019
Come with us to see the director of Human Resources.

204
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,521
Maybe he has some sort of company-sponsored program

205
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,023
to regain lost memories.

206
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,524
Aaah!

207
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:41,527
MAN: Bob? Bob, are you there?

208
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,029
Hello, Bob?

209
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,031
Dogbert, I need you.

210
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:47,033
Meet me at work.

211
00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:56,042
[WIZARD OF OZ -STYLE MUSIC PLAYING]

212
00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:12,058
What do you want?

213
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:13,559
We came to see Mr. Catbert.

214
00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:14,560
What for?

215
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,062
Well, I need 45 more people

216
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:18,564
to help me on the year 2000 project.

217
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:19,565
I need more time.

218
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,067
I need experience.

219
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,068
I need a memory.

220
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:23,569
What about the dog?

221
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,571
I'm perfect, but thanks for asking.

222
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:28,074
Mr. Catbert is busy. Go away!

223
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,579
We could shove Asok, the intern, through the opening

224
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:35,581
and he can unlock the door from the other side.

225
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:37,583
I could never fit in that tiny--

226
00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:39,085
Oh...

227
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,088
Note to self:

228
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,590
Get smarter troll to guard door.

229
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,592
We need your help. I can't help.

230
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:49,095
Why not? It's a company policy.

231
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:51,097
Aren't you the one who makes the company policies?

232
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,099
Do I have a great job or what?

233
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:54,100
If you don't help us

234
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,101
we'll be stuck here

235
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,602
and we'll never be able to go home.

236
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,604
Dilbert, you don't need me.

237
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:02,108
You have everything you need right here.

238
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:03,109
Take Asok here.

239
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:04,610
He has no experience.

240
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,112
I am a blank slate.

241
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:07,613
But what he doesn't realize

242
00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:10,116
is that cynicism is almost the same thing

243
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,118
as experience.

244
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,119
It is?

245
00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:16,622
Sure. Just try thinking the worst about people

246
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:18,624
and you'll usually be right.

247
00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:21,127
I feel wiser already.

248
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,128
And Alice.

249
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,129
You need more time.

250
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:25,631
But that's only because you spend so much time

251
00:09:25,631 --> 00:09:27,633
with your hair and makeup in the morning.

252
00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:28,634
That's a necessity.

253
00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:30,636
Only in your mind.

254
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:32,638
You mean I'm beautiful just the way I am?

255
00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:34,140
CATBERT: No.

256
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,641
I mean it's a lost cause.

257
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:39,145
You should put that time to better use.

258
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:40,646
DILBERT: What about Wally?

259
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:41,647
He needs a memory.

260
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:43,649
Wally doesn't need a real MEMORY.

261
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:44,650
I don't?

262
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:46,652
No. Recent court rulings

263
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:48,154
have proven false memory

264
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:50,656
is just as good as the real thing.

265
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:51,657
Maybe better.

266
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,159
How do I get one of those?

267
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,660
Hypnosis will do the trick.

268
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,162
I have some books right here.

269
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:57,663
Let me see those.

270
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:07,673
You don't have these on video, do you?

271
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:09,175
Okay, this is a start,

272
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:10,676
but I still need more bodies.

273
00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:12,678
Don't you have a list of surplused employees?

274
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:15,681
Well, I don't usually do this.

275
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:17,683
Do what? Be helpful.

276
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,185
But I do have a list of employees

277
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,187
who have recently been terminated.

278
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:22,188
How does that help?

279
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:24,190
They're still on the payroll

280
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,191
for two more weeks.

281
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,193
They're all described in this binder.

282
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:32,698
[music]

283
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:34,200
NARRATOR: The useless guy.

284
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,202
The useless guy will take up space

285
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,703
and eat your doughnuts.

286
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:40,706
Sometimes he will clip articles from publications

287
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:41,707
and leave them on your chair.

288
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:43,209
Ted, the generic guy.

289
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,211
He has no distinct characteristics.

290
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,213
People who have known him for years

291
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,214
can't describe him.

292
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,216
There may be more than one Ted in the company.

293
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,218
No one really knows.

294
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,719
Zimbu, the monkey.

295
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:55,721
Smarter than the average simian.

296
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:58,224
Writes computer code at record speed

297
00:10:58,224 --> 00:10:59,725
thanks to his tail.

298
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:02,228
They aren't much, but they'll have to do.

299
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,730
Can you regress him to his earlier days

300
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,232
as an engineer,

301
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,234
when he helped install the mainframe?

302
00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:10,736
I'm not up to the regression chapter yet.

303
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:11,737
What have YOU LEARNED?

304
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:14,240
I can make him walk a tightrope across a ravine.

305
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,242
Does it have to be a ravine?

306
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:17,743
Can it be any sort of chasm?

307
00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:20,746
Sure. Ravine or gulch... or chasm.

308
00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:22,748
Orgasm... Huh?

309
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,753
Oops, I skipped a chapter.

310
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:43,269
[THUD]

311
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:47,273
[GRUNTING]

312
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:48,274
Mom?

313
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,775
Mom?

314
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:50,776
In here, dear.

315
00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:52,278
Push a little harder.

316
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:54,280
Get your shoulder into it.

317
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,282
[GRUNTING]

318
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:00,286
Mom, what are you doing?

319
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:01,287
Stockpiling.

320
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,289
Stockpiling? Why?

321
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:04,790
Where have you been?

322
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:07,293
Haven't you heard about Y2K?

323
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:08,294
Heard of it?

324
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:11,297
I'm in charge of fixing the bug for my whole company.

325
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:13,299
You are? God help them.

326
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,300
Thanks, Mom.

327
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,302
Maybe you should start hoarding

328
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:19,305
essential supplies before it's too late.

329
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:21,807
Why are you hoarding hair conditioner?

330
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:23,309
I had a coupon.

331
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,810
Mom, it would be a lot easier

332
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:26,812
to talk to you if I could see you.

333
00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:28,814
I'm not here.

334
00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:30,316
I'm at the Warehouse Shopping Club

335
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:31,817
with a moving van.

336
00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:33,819
Am I so predictable you can record

337
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:36,322
your side of the conversation in advance?

338
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:38,324
Yes, you are so predictable

339
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:42,328
I can record my side of the conversation in advance.

340
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,834
Put it back.

341
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:57,343
DILBERT: Excuse me.

342
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:58,344
I need to get out.

343
00:12:58,344 --> 00:12:59,845
Get out? Nobody gets out.

344
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:01,847
Haven't you learned that by now?

345
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:02,848
I mean the driveway.

346
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,350
I know what you mean.

347
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,352
The question is, do you KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN?

348
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:07,353
What do you mean?

349
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,854
You're concerned about Y2K.

350
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:11,357
You're afraid you won't be able to solve the problem in time.

351
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:12,858
That you'll go down in history

352
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:14,360
as the goat of the new millennium.

353
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,361
How do you know that?

354
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:16,862
It's written all over your face.

355
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:22,368
If you're so smart, what do I do about the year 2000 problem?

356
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:23,369
Don't fight the problem.

357
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:24,870
Embrace it.

358
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,372
You are Y2K.

359
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:28,374
I am Y2K.

360
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,376
Are you just going to keep repeating what I say?

361
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,878
Okay. Embrace it. Got it.

362
00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:34,880
Finally.

363
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:40,386
Uh, excuse me.

364
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:41,887
I still need to get out.

365
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:43,889
They never listen.

366
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,395
This all looks pretty optional.

367
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:56,902
And then he says,

368
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:58,404
"Do you KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN?"

369
00:13:58,404 --> 00:13:59,905
And I said-- Fix it yet?

370
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:00,906
Not yet.

371
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:01,907
Okay.

372
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:03,909
As I was saying...

373
00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:05,911
Cut it out!

374
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:07,913
I'm not doing anything!

375
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,915
Your tail is poking my face!

376
00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:12,918
Your face is poking my tail!

377
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:15,921
Let's go around the table and introduce ourselves.

378
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:16,922
We just did that.

379
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,424
Can anyone pay attention here?

380
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:21,927
Can I say something?

381
00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:22,928
What?!

382
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:26,432
Nothing!

383
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,434
It's just been a while since I said anything!

384
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:29,435
[FRUSTRATED SIGH]

385
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:30,436
Now, Ted...

386
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,938
It seems to me you might be able to...

387
00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:34,440
Ted?

388
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,442
I was saying you might be able to--

389
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:37,943
Ted, I--

390
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:39,445
Ted.

391
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:40,446
Ted!

392
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:41,447
Are you talking to me?

393
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:42,948
Yes!

394
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:43,949
My name's not Ted.

395
00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:44,950
It's not?

396
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:45,951
Well, what is it?

397
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,454
Well, it's Ted...

398
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,456
but not the Ted you're thinking of.

399
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:51,957
Hey, what did I tell you?

400
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:53,959
Come and get me!

401
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:55,461
[SCREECHING]

402
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:56,462
TED: Help! Help!

403
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:57,463
Get him off of me!

404
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:58,964
I cut out this article today.

405
00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:00,966
I'll pass it around.

406
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,468
[GRUNTING]

407
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:03,469
[ZIMBU SCREECHING]

408
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,971
There it is. Black Betty.

409
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:07,473
That mainframe is tied

410
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:09,975
to every computer system in this company.

411
00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:12,978
And only Wally knows its secrets.

412
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:15,481
[RUMBLING AND ELECTRONIC HORN SOUNDING]

413
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,487
[AWED GASPING]

414
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,989
This is the only control port into Black Betty.

415
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,991
It hasn't been used for years.

416
00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:27,493
There must be 10 million lines

417
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:29,495
of computer code in that thing.

418
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:30,996
And no written documentation.

419
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:33,999
Let's give up now and form an agrarian society!

420
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,501
Don't panic yet.

421
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,002
If Dogbert can get Wally

422
00:15:37,002 --> 00:15:39,004
to remember how we install this,

423
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:41,507
we'll know exactly where to make the changes.

424
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:44,510
So our futures depend on Wally.

425
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:48,013
That's it! We're all farmers!

426
00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:49,515
How's it going?

427
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:50,516
Any progress?

428
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:52,518
Moo...

429
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,520
Apparently, he was a cow in a previous life.

430
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,522
Stop playing around.

431
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,524
We need him to remember his days as a young engineer,

432
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:01,026
when he installed the Black Betty mainframe.

433
00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:02,528
You're stressed.

434
00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:04,029
Have a glass of warm milk.

435
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:06,031
I am KIND OF THIRSTY.

436
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:07,032
[SLURPS]

437
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:08,033
Moo...

438
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:10,035
[SPUTTERING]

439
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,037
Blecch!

440
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:15,541
ASOK: It's COBOL.

441
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,543
I learned about this in school.

442
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,545
You learned to program in COBOL?

443
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:22,047
No. I learned about it in history class.

444
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:23,549
History, you say.

445
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:28,053
I'll see if I can find anything about HISTORY in the literature.

446
00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:34,059
Back... Back in time. Back to the 1970s.

447
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,567
WALLY: I am getting such A SUNBURN.

448
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,569
Whose idea was this pyramid thing anyway?

449
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:46,071
Why don't we just cover the pharaoh with sand?

450
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:48,574
He afraid we'll run out?

451
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:51,076
Now, this IS MORE LIKE IT.

452
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:56,081
Hey, I'm on a break.

453
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,084
How did you get here?

454
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:01,086
Hey, who's the hypnotist?

455
00:17:01,086 --> 00:17:02,087
Right.

456
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:04,590
A god has descended to earth!

457
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:05,591
Sorry, no autographs.

458
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:12,598
In retrospect, this was a pretty great epoch.

459
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:15,100
All right, who wants to fan me?

460
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:16,101
Back...

461
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:17,603
Back in time...

462
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:19,104
To the 1970s...

463
00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:20,606
A.D.

464
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:23,108
Remember yourself as a young engineer.

465
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:24,109
I had hair.

466
00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:26,612
You were full of optimism and enthusiasm.

467
00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:27,613
I cared about my job.

468
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,615
["FREE RIDE" PLAYING]

469
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:30,616
Morning.

470
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:31,617
Morning.

471
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:32,618
Morning.

472
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:33,619
Morning.

473
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:34,620
Morning.

474
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:36,121
Good MORNING.

475
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:38,624
That's the new whiz kid.

476
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:39,625
Ha!

477
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:40,626
Hotshot!

478
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,128
So much hope and energy.

479
00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:46,131
He's got the world on a string.

480
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:49,635
Hey, Wally, how about some coffee?

481
00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:51,136
Uh, thanks but no thanks.

482
00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:52,638
I don't want to miss any work.

483
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:54,139
[SHUDDERING MOAN]

484
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:56,642
Look at him go!

485
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,644
He's written an entire customer database system

486
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:00,646
from scratch.

487
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:04,149
Why do we only use two DIGITS TO STORE THE DATES?

488
00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:05,150
It saves space.

489
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:06,652
Yeah, but in the year 2000

490
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:07,653
the programs won't work

491
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:10,656
because the computer will think it's year zero-zero.

492
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,157
[LAUGHING]

493
00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:14,660
[LAUGHING]

494
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:16,161
Zero-zero...

495
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:17,663
That Wally.

496
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:19,665
Oh, can you imagine?

497
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:21,166
We know

498
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:22,668
from the hypnotic regression

499
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:25,170
that Wally used to be a great engineer.

500
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,171
Wow.

501
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:29,675
From great engineer to doorstop in just a few short years.

502
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,677
Wally was a magnificent stallion

503
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,679
before he became a broken man.

504
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:36,682
You don't often hear the words "Wally" and "stallion"

505
00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:37,683
in the same sentence.

506
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:39,685
But he was a stallion once.

507
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:40,686
That's the point.

508
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:41,687
Don't you get it?

509
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:42,688
I get it!

510
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,191
No, I don't!

511
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:48,694
We've got to think like Wally.

512
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:49,695
[SNORING]

513
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:50,696
No!

514
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:52,197
Young WALLY.

515
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:55,200
Young Wally would have seen this year 2000 problem coming.

516
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,202
He would've left flags in the program

517
00:18:57,202 --> 00:18:59,705
so he could find the date code easily.

518
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:03,208
Probably some sort of keyword in the program documentation.

519
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:04,710
If we figure out the keyword

520
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,212
we'll know exactly where the problems are.

521
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:09,214
Wally, what is the keyword?

522
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:10,215
Keyword.

523
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:12,718
What is the keyword?

524
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:14,720
Keyword. No, no.

525
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,722
What is THE KEYWORD?

526
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:17,222
Keyword.

527
00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:23,729
I think his keyword was "keyword."

528
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:27,232
All right, I said "smart," not "creative."

529
00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:38,243
This old equipment won't make it!

530
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:40,245
It has to. It's obsolete.

531
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,748
If it fries, we'll never have a way

532
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,249
to reprogram the mainframe.

533
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,757
He's not going to make it!

534
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:53,258
He's not fast enough!

535
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:54,259
Step aside!

536
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:55,761
I see what he's doing.

537
00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:57,262
You just need a faster typist.

538
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:02,768
Still no good!

539
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:04,269
He won't make it!

540
00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:05,771
Use the tail, Zimbu. The tail!

541
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:11,777
Fix it yet?

542
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:13,278
Not yet!

543
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,780
Okay.

544
00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:18,784
It's going to blow!

545
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:28,293
I feel so...soiled.

546
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:30,295
Even more than usual.

547
00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:33,298
Oh, my God, have I been working?

548
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:34,299
Is it fixed yet?

549
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:36,802
We won't know until January 1st.

550
00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:37,803
Why?

551
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:40,806
What significance does January 1st have?

552
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:43,308
January 1st, 2000.

553
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:45,811
Apparently...you've been too busy fooling around

554
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:47,312
to read the news.

555
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:51,817
The National Bureau of Standards has decided to skip 2000.

556
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:54,820
The 21st century won't officially start

557
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:56,321
till the year 2001.

558
00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:57,322
You can't do that.

559
00:20:57,322 --> 00:21:00,325
That's what they said about daylight savings time.

560
00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:01,326
No, they didn't.

561
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:02,828
Well, they should've.

562
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:03,829
My watch is off by an hour.

563
00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:05,831
Sometimes it's like that for months.

564
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:09,334
Maybe we should get hopping on the year 3000 PROBLEM.

565
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:11,336
You know, nip it in the bud.

566
00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:13,839
Good THINKING, ALICE.

567
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:15,841
You're in charge.

568
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,342
[EXASPERATED SIGH]

569
00:21:25,851 --> 00:21:27,853
Hi, how are you?

570
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:28,854
What?

571
00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:30,355
Nothing.

572
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:32,357
I'm here to withdraw the maximum cash advances

573
00:21:32,357 --> 00:21:34,359
from each of these credit cards.

574
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:37,362
Are you one of those guys who thinks our computer records

575
00:21:37,362 --> 00:21:39,364
will be wiped out by the year 2000 bug

576
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:40,866
and you won't have to pay us back?

577
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:43,869
And there's nothing you can do about it.

578
00:21:47,873 --> 00:21:49,374
Here you go.

579
00:21:52,377 --> 00:21:53,378
[YELLS]

580
00:21:55,881 --> 00:21:59,384
You know, no matter how many times I do that

581
00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:01,386
it's always enjoyable.

582
00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:11,396
[music]