1
00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:11,077
"Push the button and see how a giant meteor

2
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:13,580
caused the extinction of the dinosaurs." Hm.

3
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,083
Until this moment

4
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:20,086
I had trouble visualizing it.

5
00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:24,591
If aliens helped build the pyramids

6
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,593
where are they now?

7
00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:28,094
Did they just leave?

8
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:33,600
You know what they say.

9
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,602
History is written by the winners.

10
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:41,608
Let me out of this damn thing!

11
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,109
Please, someone!

12
00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:46,112
"Push the button to simulate the storm

13
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:49,115
that brought Amelia Earhart's plane down."

14
00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:50,116
[YELLING]

15
00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:53,620
No! Not again!

16
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:57,123
Oh, God! Make it stop!

17
00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:58,625
It looks very realistic.

18
00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:01,127
You don't think that's the real Amelia Earhart, do you?

19
00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:03,129
Yes, I think the museum found her on an island

20
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:04,130
and put her in this exhibit.

21
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:05,632
Same thing happened to King Kong.

22
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:06,633
It's not that unusual.

23
00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:08,134
Come on.

24
00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:08,635
All right.

25
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:13,139
EARHART: Nooooo! Stop!

26
00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:15,642
Above you are the billions of stars

27
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,644
that make up our universe.

28
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,145
Or so we used to think.

29
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,647
We now know those lights

30
00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:22,649
are an armada of alien ships coming to destroy the earth.

31
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:23,650
Are there any questions?

32
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:26,152
Yeah. What's a black hole?

33
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:28,655
Well, my career would be one example.

34
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,156
Any other questions?

35
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:32,158
Better not ask him anything about Uranus.

36
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:33,660
I think I've seen enough.

37
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:37,163
There's only so much learning you can pack into one day.

38
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:49,175
EARHART: No! Confounded little dog!

39
00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:52,178
Somebody help me for mercy's sake!

40
00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:53,680
[EXPLOSION]

41
00:01:57,684 --> 00:02:00,186
[music]

42
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,735
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

43
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:04,751
Can I ask you a question?

44
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:06,252
That's why I'm here.

45
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,253
Why don't I ever see

46
00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:09,255
any other garbage men in this city?

47
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:10,256
It's always you.

48
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:11,257
I like to work alone.

49
00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:12,258
That's impossible.

50
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:15,261
One garbage man cannot handle the whole city.

51
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:16,262
I have shortcuts.

52
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,764
Shortcuts?

53
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:18,765
What possible shortcuts

54
00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,266
would let one person handle the whole...?

55
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:21,768
[RUMBLING AND ELECTRIC CRACKLING]

56
00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:27,273
Well, maybe we'll pick this conversation up later.

57
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:33,279
[music]

58
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:38,284
So tell me more about the many, many ways

59
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:41,788
in which the Stuntmaster Six Oh Oh Oh

60
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:44,791
can give me the workout of a lifetime?

61
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,793
[LECHEROUS CHUCKLE]

62
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,797
Keep rolling! Keep rolling!

63
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:51,798
Uh-huh.

64
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:58,304
Four easy payments of money will order yours today.

65
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,807
I'm losing consciousness...

66
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,809
And yet I'm still aroused.

67
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,312
[BUZZING]

68
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:10,817
BOSS: Input, people, input.

69
00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,318
But remember it's already in the can

70
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:13,319
and we can't change it.

71
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:14,821
If I may use a sports analogy,

72
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,823
you've really hit the goalpost on that one.

73
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:19,325
Yes, I guess I did.

74
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:21,327
I watched it only once

75
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:22,829
and already I want to date that model

76
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,330
and suffer a head trauma.

77
00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:27,333
Why, thank you, Loud Howard.

78
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:28,835
You humble me.

79
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:31,337
I've said it before and I'll say it again...

80
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:32,338
What?

81
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,340
That's as far as I ever get.

82
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:37,343
Dilbert, you seem strangely silent.

83
00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:40,847
Shall I interpret that as a sign of deep respect

84
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,348
and dare I say, awe?

85
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:44,350
Yes, you could interpret it that way.

86
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:46,352
I'm blushing now.

87
00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:47,854
But I can't help wondering.

88
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,355
Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves

89
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:50,857
with the informercial?

90
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:51,858
We haven't even tested

91
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:53,860
the new version of the Gruntmaster 6000.

92
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:54,861
We're doing that now.

93
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,362
We're sending it to a typical family

94
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,864
for consumer field testing.

95
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:58,865
That's impossible.

96
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:00,366
There's only one version

97
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:02,368
of the new Gruntmaster in existence,

98
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:03,870
and it's sitting in my design lab.

99
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:09,876
That thing's not ready for human testing.

100
00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:12,378
We haven't even lab tested the technology.

101
00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:13,880
Oh, calm down.

102
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,381
We'll do that after.

103
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:18,885
The graviton generator alone is very sensitive.

104
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:22,388
[MOCKING TONE] "The graviton generator alone is very sensitive."

105
00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:23,890
Quit your whining, missy.

106
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:24,891
[LAUGHING]

107
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:27,894
I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen?

108
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:29,395
STEPHEN HAWKING: If anyone were foolish enough

109
00:05:29,395 --> 00:05:31,898
to build a graviton generator,

110
00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:34,400
it would surely create a black hole

111
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,904
that would annihilate the entire solar system.

112
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,906
Well, I don't know what's the worst thing

113
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,908
that could happen,

114
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:44,410
but when you start distorting the fabric of space and time,

115
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:46,412
stretching and enfolding upon itself...

116
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:47,413
[SNORING]

117
00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:53,419
Nice try, but I don't think you bored him quite to death.

118
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:54,921
Excellent, Dilbert.

119
00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:55,922
Nice going, Dil. Just great.

120
00:05:57,423 --> 00:05:59,425
music Camptown ladies Sing this song music

121
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:00,426
music Doo-dah, doo-dah music

122
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:01,928
What are you waiting for, ladies?

123
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:02,929
Start singing.

124
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,430
Carol said since he hit his head

125
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:05,932
he's been talking in his sleep.

126
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,934
Come on, let's get out of here before he wakes up.

127
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,936
Wait. Let's just hear what he says next.

128
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:11,437
[SNORING]

129
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:12,438
Boom!

130
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:13,940
[LAUGHS]

131
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,441
Cooked by explosion.

132
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:18,444
music When you walk Through a storm music

133
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:21,447
music Hold your head up high music

134
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,449
Then you'll trip and fall on your ass in the mud.

135
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:24,951
[SNIFFING]

136
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:27,453
Is that smoke?

137
00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:28,955
Wally, what are you doing?

138
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,957
Well, I wanted to make some popcorn,

139
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:31,958
but somebody was using the microwave

140
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:34,460
and the printer has that heater thing in it

141
00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:36,462
that makes the paper warm, and...

142
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:37,463
[SCREAMS]

143
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:40,967
Cooked by explosion.

144
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:42,468
Didn't the boss say that?

145
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:44,470
Yeah, but he was just babbling.

146
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:45,471
Or was he?

147
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:46,472
What are you saying,

148
00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:47,974
that he predicted this would happen?

149
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:48,975
I don't know. Am I?

150
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:50,977
Predicting the future is impossible.

151
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,478
Is it?

152
00:06:52,478 --> 00:06:53,980
Yes. It violates causality.

153
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:56,983
There is no way to know something will occur

154
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:57,984
until it occurs.

155
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:58,985
Or is there?

156
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,987
If you don't stop asking rhetorical questions

157
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:01,988
I'm going to kill you.

158
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:02,989
Are you?

159
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:05,491
On the other hand,

160
00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:06,993
it'd be a pretty big coincidence

161
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:09,495
if the boss just happened to mention an explosion

162
00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:10,496
right before it happened.

163
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:14,000
Alice, I think he's dead.

164
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,501
[COUGHING]

165
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:18,004
Oh, man, I was in the tunnel.

166
00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:19,505
I neglected to mention

167
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:22,008
the one glitch with the infomercial.

168
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,510
We have to do it all over.

169
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:26,512
I had to fire the babe.

170
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:27,513
Why?

171
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,515
Depends whose story you believe.

172
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:30,516
Mine or the truth.

173
00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:33,019
I feel like I've seen this popcorn before.

174
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,521
This might be a case of deja food.

175
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:38,524
[WHISTLING "CAMPTOWN RACES"]

176
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:40,526
DILBERT: I can't believe it.

177
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:43,029
I can't believe they sent the Gruntmaster out

178
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,531
to some defenseless family for testing.

179
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:48,534
Do you realize the potential for disaster?

180
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:49,535
Do you realize--?

181
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:52,538
The mute button only works on the TV.

182
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:54,040
It was worth a shot.

183
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,043
We didn't even have the instruction manual written yet.

184
00:07:57,043 --> 00:08:00,046
That graviton generator is a bit unpredictable.

185
00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:01,547
I only hope and pray

186
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:04,050
they found a smart family to test that thing.

187
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,552
Otherwise, we may be in grave trouble.

188
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,563
Eat your possum, Dory Ann,

189
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:19,565
or you ain't gettin' another one.

190
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,067
That tain't no possum, Pa.

191
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,068
That's a raccoon.

192
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:24,570
It just looks like a raccoon

193
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:26,572
because of the tire marks.

194
00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:29,075
I believe there's been some mistake.

195
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:30,076
I forgive you all

196
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:32,078
and now I must bid you all adieu.

197
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:36,082
You better hurry up and run him over again.

198
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,584
Are you sassing me, young 'un?

199
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,086
I got half a mind...

200
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,088
You say you got half a mind.

201
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,589
You mind your manners, Lucas

202
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:46,092
or the Baby Jesus will come down here right now

203
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:48,094
and beat the living tar out of y'all.

204
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,595
I tain't afraid of no Baby Jesus.

205
00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:51,097
Bring him on.

206
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,099
I'll bring him on, you little whippersnapper!

207
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:54,100
He'll do you what for.

208
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,101
He won't neither.

209
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,602
Quiet.

210
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:57,603
[TRUCK APPROACHING]

211
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:01,107
Get the gun.

212
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:10,116
Morons.

213
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,117
[SCREAMS]

214
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:16,122
I told you this WAS STOP AND THIS was keep going.

215
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,629
[LAUGHING]

216
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,131
music Pardon me, boy music

217
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:27,133
music Is that the Chattanooga choo-choo? music

218
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,634
I apologize. Pardon me, sir.

219
00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:29,635
Track 29?

220
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:31,137
Thank you very much.

221
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,638
Dilbert, this is stupid.

222
00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:34,140
He's been talking nonsense for years

223
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,641
and no one thought he was psychic before.

224
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:38,144
The only difference now is he has his eyes closed.

225
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:39,645
Squiddler's patch...

226
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:41,147
Tay-has.

227
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:42,648
The darkness engulfs us.

228
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:45,651
The hole... The hole in space... In time...

229
00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:49,155
The void... The abyss from which no light escapes...

230
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:51,657
From which no life escapes.

231
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,659
music Ha-ha-ha, hee-hee-hee music

232
00:09:53,659 --> 00:09:55,661
music Little brown jug, Oh, you're for me music

233
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,663
music Fiddle dee dum And fiddle dee dee music

234
00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:59,665
music Little brown jug, Oh, you're for me music

235
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:02,668
As long as it's filled with plenty of booze.

236
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:06,172
Let's see what the Skeptic Society has to say about this.

237
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,177
[PHONE RINGING]

238
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:12,678
MAN: I assume this is Alice,

239
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:16,182
the woman I met at the Skeptic Society dinner.

240
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:17,683
How did you do that?

241
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,185
That's incredible.

242
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,686
[CHUCKLES]

243
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:23,189
A magician never gives away his secrets.

244
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,191
Well, the reason I called...

245
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,693
Is because you want me to debunk

246
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:30,196
your boss's alleged psychic claims.

247
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:33,199
Wow! At least tell me how you did that one.

248
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:35,201
Tut-tut-tut-tut-tut. Wish I could.

249
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:37,203
All right, so when can you get here?

250
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:43,209
Are you telling me that was a trick too?

251
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:46,712
Yes, Alice, a good magician can duplicate any trick

252
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:49,715
done by a so-called psychic or mentalist.

253
00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:51,217
For example, watch this.

254
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:54,720
[music]

255
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:55,721
[GROWLING]

256
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:57,723
Huh? Aaah!

257
00:10:57,723 --> 00:10:59,225
Down! Whoops.

258
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:02,228
[ELECTRIC SPARKING]

259
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:03,229
Lucas, if you break it

260
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,731
the Baby Jesus will take you to hell

261
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:08,234
and burn you like a pork chop for eternity.

262
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:11,737
[GASPING AND WHIMPERING]

263
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:15,741
What the...? I ain't never seed...

264
00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:17,743
Lawdy! That don't look right.

265
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,250
RADIO ANNOUNCER: You've just been listening to a song.

266
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,752
I was on the phone, so I have no idea what it was.

267
00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:28,254
Now the news.

268
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:29,755
We take you to our sister station

269
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:31,757
K That's All We Could Think Of,

270
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,259
Squiddler's Patch, Texas.

271
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:35,261
[EERIE WHOOSHING]

272
00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:37,763
Oh, my God!

273
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:39,765
My worst fear has come true.

274
00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:42,268
You mean a pregnant spider crawled up your nose

275
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:45,271
while you were sleeping and laid eggs in your head?

276
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:46,772
Okay, my second worst fear.

277
00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:48,274
That you'll destroy the world

278
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,775
with one of your inventions?

279
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:50,776
Yes.

280
00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:52,278
Dogbert, we've got to go

281
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:54,280
to Squiddler's Patch immediately.

282
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:05,791
music I dream of Jeannie With the light yeller hair music

283
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:11,797
music Floating like a vapor In the soft summer air music

284
00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:12,798
[SNIFFING]

285
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:14,300
Whoa, that's no vapor.

286
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:18,304
Wally, don't tell me you've bought into this scam.

287
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,306
It's my ultimate fantasy.

288
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:22,308
Everyone is bald and poorly dressed.

289
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,809
And if you hadn't noticed,

290
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:26,312
no one is doing anything that looks like work.

291
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:29,315
Ah, it's utopia.

292
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:31,317
Not for long.

293
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:34,820
I brought a world-famous skeptic to debunk that fraud.

294
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:38,324
Wally, meet The Amazing Rudolph.

295
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:40,326
Please, call me "The."

296
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:42,828
I don't do that.

297
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:44,330
Forget the chitchat. Get to work.

298
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:48,834
People, I am The Amazing Rudolph

299
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:52,338
and I will show you how easily a skilled magician

300
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:55,841
can reproduce any of these so-called psychic tricks.

301
00:12:57,843 --> 00:13:00,846
All: Ooh... Aah...

302
00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:02,848
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

303
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,350
Whoops.

304
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:05,851
He's a witch!

305
00:13:05,851 --> 00:13:08,354
No, just a skilled illusionist.

306
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:09,855
That is my point.

307
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,357
If you're just an illusionist,

308
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:12,858
tell us how you made the bird appear.

309
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:15,361
A magician never reveals his tricks.

310
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:18,364
I'm bound by the magician's code of ethics.

311
00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:19,865
Well, that's awfully convenient, isn't it?

312
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:22,368
That sounds like something a witch would say.

313
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:23,369
Kill the witch!

314
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:30,376
music She was the daughter Of Rosie O'Grady music

315
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:33,379
music A regular Old-fashioned gal music

316
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:35,381
With one important distinction.

317
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:37,883
Listen, he wants us to go to Texas

318
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:40,386
and throw the witch in the black hole.

319
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:42,388
[ANGRY SHOUTING]

320
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,390
He didn't say that!

321
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:47,393
I know, but I've always wanted to go to Texas.

322
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,395
[SPUTTERING]

323
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:52,398
People, I can't give away my trade secrets,

324
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,900
but perhaps I can give you a hint.

325
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:01,407
All right, I'll tell you!

326
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,409
I'll tell you everything!

327
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:04,410
Nah, forget it.

328
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:06,412
Now we'd rather throw you in the hole.

329
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:08,414
Come on. I ain't got all day.

330
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:27,933
DILBERT: That's a good sign.

331
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,935
I heard you can tell a place is okay

332
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:30,936
if the truckers eat there.

333
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,443
[BELCHING LOUDLY]

334
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:40,446
I guess "'scuse me" just ain't gonna cut it.

335
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:41,947
No.

336
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,454
So, what can I get you fellers to swaller?

337
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,955
Could we see a menu?

338
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:51,957
This ain't Paris, boy.

339
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:53,459
Okay. Give us two

340
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,461
of whatever you've touched the least.

341
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,463
Two soaps.

342
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:58,964
Make that one.

343
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:00,966
Hey...

344
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,968
What's happening to my cup?

345
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,470
Hey, what the...?

346
00:15:12,978 --> 00:15:13,979
Hey, Eustas.

347
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:15,981
What's making everything all stretchy?

348
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:18,984
I ain't paying for this here gas.

349
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:22,488
I'd say Squiddler's Patch is thattaway.

350
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,496
I'll meet you at the black hole.

351
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:32,998
I think we need some help.

352
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:42,007
[music]

353
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,513
Professor Stephen Hawking, please.

354
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:48,514
[SIGHS]

355
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:50,015
Sign here, if you would.

356
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,019
Thank you.

357
00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:56,522
Send up Professor Hawking straightaway.

358
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,023
WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Here he comes.

359
00:15:58,023 --> 00:15:59,024
[SLIDING AND THUD]

360
00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:00,526
Here you are...

361
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:03,529
One Nobel-prize-winning Lucasian professor of mathematics,

362
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:06,031
expert on all astrophysical phenomena

363
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:07,533
and black holes in particular.

364
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:09,535
Hello, Dogbert.

365
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:10,536
Hey, Steve.

366
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:11,537
Will there be anything else?

367
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:13,539
How do I move him around?

368
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,040
Oh...terribly sorry.

369
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,041
Just use this.

370
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:40,566
REPORTERS: Dilbert! Over here! Mr. Dilbert!

371
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:44,069
I'll answer any engineering or scientific questions

372
00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:46,071
about the black hole phenomenon.

373
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:47,072
Has anyone famous

374
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:50,576
ever had sexual relations near a black hole?

375
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:52,077
Not that I know of.

376
00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:53,579
Then you don't deny

377
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:56,081
that someone famous has had sexual relations

378
00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:57,082
near a black hole?

379
00:16:57,082 --> 00:17:00,586
Does anyone have a question about the science?

380
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:01,587
There's nothing here.

381
00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:29,114
Wow! You're Stephen Hawking!

382
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,616
I read your book.

383
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:33,619
Did you buy it or read it in the library?

384
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:35,120
I think I borrowed it.

385
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,122
You cheap bastard.

386
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:38,624
Boys, please.

387
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:40,125
Can we focus on this black hole problem?

388
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,627
There is no rush.

389
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:45,130
As long as nothing disturbs the singularity,

390
00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:48,133
the hole will grow very slowly.

391
00:17:49,134 --> 00:17:51,136
[SCREAMING]

392
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:54,640
We're screwed.

393
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,642
Come on, Wally. Dance with us.

394
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,143
I don't hold hands.

395
00:17:58,143 --> 00:18:00,145
I'm only in it for fashion reasons.

396
00:18:00,145 --> 00:18:01,647
Come on!

397
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:02,648
Ohhh....

398
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,650
[GROUP CHANTING AND PLAYING TAMBOURINE]

399
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,655
WALLY: Wow. I've never felt so alive.

400
00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:15,160
Check that. Oh...

401
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,161
Wally!

402
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:18,664
Wally is gone!

403
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:20,165
Don't thank me.

404
00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:22,167
Thank the black hole.

405
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:25,170
Someone must go into the singularity

406
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:27,673
and stop whatever caused the black hole

407
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:28,674
in the first place.

408
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:31,176
It's a simple case of wormhole travel

409
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:33,178
using a shortcut in space-time.

410
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,182
Well, you listen, you pick up a few things.

411
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:38,684
But he was my friend!

412
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,185
It's all my fault.

413
00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:42,187
I caused this to happen.

414
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:43,689
I'm going in after him.

415
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,694
Isn't anyone going to stop me?

416
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:50,696
No. Go ahead. Jump.

417
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:51,697
MAN 3: Knock yourself out.

418
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,701
Just...let me get my breath.

419
00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:57,202
This is a big step.

420
00:18:57,202 --> 00:18:58,704
DILBERT: Lots of unknowns.

421
00:18:58,704 --> 00:18:59,705
[WHEELS SQUEALING]

422
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,206
Peril beyond belief.

423
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:02,708
One small step for...

424
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,710
[HOLLERING]

425
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:07,713
BOSS: Dilbert?

426
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:09,715
You seem strangely silent.

427
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:13,218
Shall I interpret that as a sign of deep respect

428
00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:15,220
and, dare I say, awe?

429
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,723
Yes, you could interpret it that way.

430
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,725
Oh...I'm blushing now.

431
00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:20,726
But I can't help wondering

432
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,728
aren't we getting ahead of ourselves

433
00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:23,729
with the infomercial?

434
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:25,731
We haven't even tested the new version

435
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,232
of the Gruntmaster 6000.

436
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,233
We're doing that now.

437
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:29,735
We're sending it to a typical family

438
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,236
for consumer field-testing.

439
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:32,237
That's impossible!

440
00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:34,740
There's only one...

441
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:35,741
It's in my...

442
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:37,242
Would you excuse me?

443
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:00,766
[PHONE RINGS]

444
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:01,767
Yes?

445
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,268
The door's locked?

446
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:05,270
Oh, well, in that case...

447
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:08,774
[SNORES LOUDLY]

448
00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:13,278
music Shine on, shine on Harvest moon music

449
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,780
music Up in the sky music

450
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:17,783
music I ain't had No lovin' since... music

451
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,785
[MUMBLING]

452
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,787
January 30, 1955?!

453
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,288
Huh.

454
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,293
...and the farmer's daughter

455
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:31,296
says, "I see you've met my cat."

456
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,298
[LAUGHING] [ELECTRONIC LAUGH]

457
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:35,300
Hey, what's so funny?

458
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,301
Nothing.

459
00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:37,803
Is it garbage day again?

460
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:40,305
It's always garbage day somewhere.

461
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:42,808
Professor Hawking?

462
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:44,309
What are you doing here?

463
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:47,312
Isn't this several thousand miles out of your way?

464
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:50,315
Actually, it's a shortcut.

465
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:51,817
A shortcut?

466
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:54,319
My street is a shortcut to England?

467
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:55,320
Yes.

468
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,822
Will somebody explain to me

469
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:57,823
what's going on?

470
00:20:57,823 --> 00:20:58,824
No. No. No.

471
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:04,329
Hey, I've got a copy of your book in my trunk.

472
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:05,330
Would you mind signing it?

473
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,331
I already signed it.

474
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:07,833
No, you didn't.

475
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:09,334
It's locked in my trunk.

476
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:12,838
I'll wager five dollars I already signed it.

477
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,341
You're on.

478
00:21:36,361 --> 00:21:37,362
Hmm.

479
00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:42,367
The joke's on him.

480
00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:44,369
He'll never be able to collect the five.

481
00:21:47,372 --> 00:21:49,875
You didn't really think you'd win a bet

482
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:51,376
with a Nobel-prize-winning

483
00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:53,378
Lucasian professor of mathematics?

484
00:21:53,378 --> 00:21:56,381
At least I didn't pay for his stupid book.

485
00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:05,891
[music]