1
00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:06,823
That was even more fascinating than last week.

2
00:00:06,858 --> 00:00:10,076
Could we go someplace else next time, Mom?

3
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,042
Anyplace? Please?

4
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:13,044
There's so much more to see.

5
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,582
We practically ran through the exhibit

6
00:00:15,617 --> 00:00:17,351
of giraffe-necked babies.

7
00:00:17,386 --> 00:00:19,085
Those babies are so fake.

8
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,552
Oh, they're real.

9
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:23,339
That's not the sort of thing they'd lie about.

10
00:00:23,374 --> 00:00:26,092
That's exactly the sort of thing they'd lie about.

11
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,594
Back me up on this, Dogbert.

12
00:00:27,629 --> 00:00:29,095
Oh, they're real.

13
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:32,564
How did you get so distrustful?

14
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:35,602
Well, I'm just guessing, but maybe it was because

15
00:00:35,637 --> 00:00:37,569
you lied to me about the Tooth Fairy,

16
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:40,106
then you lied to me about the Easter Bunny,

17
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,073
then you lied to me about Santa Claus,

18
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:45,111
then you lied to me about the stork bringing babies.

19
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,578
He knows about the stork?

20
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:49,115
My fault. I let him watch the nature channel.

21
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,617
He put two and two together.

22
00:00:50,652 --> 00:00:51,583
Now I don't believe

23
00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:54,120
anything I'm told unless there's proof.

24
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:56,623
This paperweight is an exact replica

25
00:00:56,658 --> 00:00:59,090
of the largest fibroid tumor

26
00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:01,628
ever removed from a human uterus.

27
00:01:01,663 --> 00:01:03,094
That's ridiculous.

28
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:05,631
How do they know it's the biggest one?

29
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,134
There's an annual festival in Monterey.

30
00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,605
Get the Turbo Supreme.

31
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:18,144
The commercial says it whitens your teeth while you drive.

32
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:19,611
That's ridiculous,

33
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:22,148
but I'm going to get the Turbo Supreme

34
00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:24,150
just to prove you wrong.

35
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,655
You have to believe in some things

36
00:01:28,690 --> 00:01:30,121
without proof, Dilbert.

37
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:32,659
Otherwise, life will appear meaningless.

38
00:01:32,694 --> 00:01:34,678
Maybe life is meaningless.

39
00:01:34,713 --> 00:01:36,628
Did you ever think of that?

40
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:39,165
That one is getting whiter already.

41
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,168
Dogbert, could you go inside

42
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,670
and take care of our bill?

43
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:50,176
Do you ever feel bloated after eating a big meal?

44
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:51,142
Yes, I do.

45
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:52,679
How'd you know that?

46
00:01:52,714 --> 00:01:53,645
I'm a surgeon.

47
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,682
Your problem is caused by a huge fibroid tumor

48
00:01:55,717 --> 00:01:57,148
in your uterus.

49
00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:59,185
I can remove it if you have a health plan.

50
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:01,204
I don't have a health plan.

51
00:02:01,239 --> 00:02:03,189
Can I pay you with gas?

52
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:04,458
[SIGHS]

53
00:02:04,493 --> 00:02:05,657
All right.

54
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:08,194
I'll need a plastic fork, a jar of salsa,

55
00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:10,196
and one thing I left in the car.

56
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,666
I'll always remember the day

57
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,953
that little surgeon saved my life.

58
00:02:16,988 --> 00:02:19,170
I'm telling you, it's dangerous

59
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,207
to smoke cigarettes while you pump gas.

60
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:23,209
My daddy always pumped gas this way

61
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:24,676
and he's still alive...

62
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:26,678
or at least it looks that way

63
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:29,716
when the wind catches his rocking chair just right.

64
00:02:29,751 --> 00:02:32,218
You can open your eyes now.

65
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:33,685
That didn't even hurt.

66
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,222
I'll have to send this to the lab.

67
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:37,689
[EXPLOSION]

68
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,226
Bad news. You're out of Turbo Supreme.

69
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,728
[EXPLOSION]

70
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:47,734
[music]

71
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:53,740
[CHANTING]

72
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,783
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

73
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,259
Oh, my God!

74
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:50,261
Dilbert, can you hear me?

75
00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:52,799
Can you do something for him, little surgeon?

76
00:03:52,834 --> 00:03:54,801
No, I used the last of the plastic forks

77
00:03:54,836 --> 00:03:55,767
when I operated on you.

78
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:58,304
Whatever happens is on your conscience now.

79
00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:00,306
Wake up! Dilbert, wake up!

80
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,808
Can you hear me?

81
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,282
I must be dead.

82
00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:14,320
This is the tunnel I keep reading about.

83
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:22,829
Behind this door are the answers to the ultimate questions.

84
00:04:22,864 --> 00:04:24,330
The afterlife.

85
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:47,854
Frankly, I was hoping for more.

86
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:54,861
[SCREAMING]

87
00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:00,331
He's dead.

88
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:01,617
Dilbert is dead!

89
00:05:01,652 --> 00:05:02,869
Are you sure?

90
00:05:02,904 --> 00:05:04,370
Yes.

91
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,131
Hey!

92
00:05:15,166 --> 00:05:16,347
[SIGHS]

93
00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:17,849
I don't know what kind of manners

94
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,635
they have in the afterlife, funny boy,

95
00:05:19,670 --> 00:05:21,387
but on earth, you watch your hands.

96
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:22,889
Am I alive?

97
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,858
Actually, you're down a quart.

98
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:29,896
You're a miracle worker, little surgeon.

99
00:05:29,931 --> 00:05:30,862
You got that right.

100
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:33,364
Dear, now that you're alive again,

101
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:36,903
I need to ask you one very important question.

102
00:05:36,938 --> 00:05:37,869
Yes, Mom?

103
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,906
Are my teeth any whiter?

104
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:44,410
And then I traveled back down the tunnel

105
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,377
and woke up at the gas station.

106
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:50,917
Are you telling me the afterlife is a stinking cubicle?

107
00:05:50,952 --> 00:05:52,884
I'm just telling you what I saw.

108
00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:54,886
How fast was the internet connection?!

109
00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:57,673
I don't know if it had an internet connection.

110
00:05:57,708 --> 00:06:00,426
Well, this raises many troubling questions

111
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:01,893
about the afterlife.

112
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:05,181
First, how do you get your software upgraded?

113
00:06:05,216 --> 00:06:08,434
Uh, I guess it was just the one question.

114
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:11,437
So, technically, you were dead.

115
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,904
I think so.

116
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,942
No more employee benefits for you, my dead friend.

117
00:06:15,977 --> 00:06:17,408
But I came back to life.

118
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,445
Rules are rules. Try to look at the big picture.

119
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,948
music Happy birthday, Wally music

120
00:06:21,983 --> 00:06:23,414
music Blah, blah, blah music

121
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,952
Everybody, eat cake and see if your morale goes up.

122
00:06:25,987 --> 00:06:27,418
Yeah, I'd love to stay,

123
00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:29,420
but secretaries have to watch the phones.

124
00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:31,958
Oh, sure, I can buy the cake and I can buy the gift,

125
00:06:31,993 --> 00:06:33,424
but the world would end

126
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:35,461
if I let one phone call go to voice mail.

127
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:38,965
Sometimes I call her my BOSS.

128
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:44,936
That usually gets a laugh.

129
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,973
Did anyone bring the birthday kit?

130
00:06:47,008 --> 00:06:48,474
Got it.

131
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,947
Do we get any cake?

132
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:58,484
Howard, whose birthday is it?

133
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,451
Yours!

134
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:02,989
Does anyone care that I was dead yesterday?

135
00:07:03,024 --> 00:07:04,455
Can you let someone else

136
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:06,742
be in the spotlight for one second?

137
00:07:06,777 --> 00:07:08,995
We can't stop a birthday celebration

138
00:07:09,030 --> 00:07:09,495
every time you die.

139
00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:12,999
Uh, unwrap my present. I'm a little busy.

140
00:07:13,034 --> 00:07:14,000
I am honored.

141
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,468
Oh, it is a round thing

142
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:22,508
you throw through the air for no apparent reason.

143
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,975
I'll take the picture...

144
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,761
So there's no photographic evidence

145
00:07:25,796 --> 00:07:27,513
that I ever associated with any of you.

146
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:33,519
Wally!

147
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:35,521
Napkin.

148
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:51,036
Where have I seen this before?

149
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,306
Before we get back to work,

150
00:07:53,341 --> 00:07:55,506
I want to remind everyone

151
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:59,545
that all employees must be present at the launch site

152
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:03,549
when our new deep space exploration rocket goes up...

153
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,051
in about five minutes.

154
00:08:05,086 --> 00:08:06,517
Five minutes?

155
00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:08,054
We can't get there in five minutes.

156
00:08:08,089 --> 00:08:09,055
No exceptions.

157
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,528
Except you, Dilbert.

158
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:22,568
I want you to visit our director of human resources--

159
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,570
Mr. Catbert.

160
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:31,542
Let me out!

161
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:36,082
Please! I'll never rob another convenience store again!

162
00:08:36,117 --> 00:08:38,584
I'm scared straight!

163
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,596
Ow! Ow! Oh, God!

164
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:51,562
That's hot!

165
00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:55,601
How would you feel about making this an unmanned probe?

166
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:58,069
That's what it's supposed to be.

167
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,106
There's still time to put a monkey in there.

168
00:09:00,141 --> 00:09:01,072
I hate monkeys.

169
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,573
No. All we want on board

170
00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:05,076
is the capsule full of earth artifacts

171
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:09,115
in case the rocket is discovered by an alien civilization.

172
00:09:09,150 --> 00:09:10,581
A capsule, you say.

173
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:13,619
The capsule is on board, isn't it?

174
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:16,587
Would you excuse me for a moment?

175
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:21,627
I need someone to volunteer for a suicide mission.

176
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:25,131
Now you'll need to run toward the launch site

177
00:09:25,166 --> 00:09:27,098
and fling this birthday kit

178
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:30,636
through the open window of the rocket module,

179
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:34,140
then turn and be consumed by the launch flames

180
00:09:34,175 --> 00:09:35,909
while trying to get back.

181
00:09:35,944 --> 00:09:37,794
Oh, nature was calling me.

182
00:09:37,829 --> 00:09:39,645
Did I miss anything important?

183
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,148
20... 19... 18...

184
00:09:42,183 --> 00:09:44,650
[PANTING]

185
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:48,654
If I can succeed in this assignment,

186
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,656
I will be remembered and rewarded

187
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,158
for the rest of my career.

188
00:09:52,193 --> 00:09:56,662
[YELLING]

189
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:58,164
Yes!

190
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,421
Stupid bird.

191
00:10:05,456 --> 00:10:06,637
[CHUCKLES]

192
00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:09,175
Anyone know what kind that is?

193
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,650
And remember,

194
00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:22,188
any friend who won't join your down-line sales force

195
00:10:22,223 --> 00:10:23,689
is no friend of yours.

196
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,161
Gullible sheep.

197
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,663
I could tell them anything right now.

198
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:36,702
If you believe you can get rich with multi-level marketing,

199
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:39,205
slap yourself in the face real hard.

200
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:40,974
[LOUD SLAPPING]

201
00:10:41,009 --> 00:10:42,673
Every time.

202
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,210
I still can't believe it.

203
00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:59,725
So you admit you were dead.

204
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,192
Yes, but very briefly.

205
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:04,730
That's no reason to cancel my employee benefits.

206
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:08,234
Well, at the risk of sounding sadistic and uncaring,

207
00:11:08,269 --> 00:11:12,238
our policy is to discontinue benefits at death.

208
00:11:12,273 --> 00:11:14,740
That only applies to people who stay dead.

209
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,759
I was only dead for a minute.

210
00:11:16,794 --> 00:11:18,709
If I granted this exception,

211
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:22,248
everyone would claim they were coming back to life later.

212
00:11:22,283 --> 00:11:23,516
Oh, do whatever you want.

213
00:11:23,551 --> 00:11:24,715
It doesn't make a difference.

214
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,253
We all just die and end up in a cubicle, anyway.

215
00:11:27,288 --> 00:11:30,256
Pray tell, what did you have in mind?

216
00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:32,758
Angels playing harps on a cloud?

217
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,225
Well, no.

218
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:37,012
Well, tell me, Dilbert, I'm curious.

219
00:11:37,047 --> 00:11:39,765
What is your vision of the afterlife?

220
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,267
Well, actually, uh...

221
00:11:41,302 --> 00:11:42,733
Well...

222
00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:44,019
[BUZZER SOUNDS]

223
00:11:44,054 --> 00:11:45,163
Oh, I'm sorry.

224
00:11:45,198 --> 00:11:46,272
Your time is up.

225
00:11:46,307 --> 00:11:47,738
Literally.

226
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:50,276
We have some nice parting gifts for you, Dilbert.

227
00:11:50,311 --> 00:11:52,278
Tell him what we have for him.

228
00:11:52,313 --> 00:11:53,779
Nothing!

229
00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:03,539
Do you think this was all part of the presentation?

230
00:12:03,574 --> 00:12:06,292
He was supposed to give us the new vision statement.

231
00:12:06,327 --> 00:12:07,258
Maybe it's inside.

232
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,295
We're supposed to interpret it.

233
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:15,301
It looks like some sort of holy man.

234
00:12:15,336 --> 00:12:16,802
Look at the halo.

235
00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:21,272
It says... "To Wally" on it.

236
00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:24,810
This must be a picture of the Wally.

237
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:28,314
And that must be his holy plastic grail.

238
00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:39,325
It's the shroud of Wally.

239
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:51,302
As you know,

240
00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:53,839
yesterday's rocket launch was a complete success.

241
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,841
Uh, could you use the laser pointer?

242
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:56,842
I'm not following you.

243
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:01,847
We're pretty sure the problem was

244
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:03,866
a defect somewhere in this area.

245
00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:05,851
I'll bet NASA is sorry they hired us

246
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:06,817
to build that thing.

247
00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:09,855
Have they asked for their $5 billion back yet?

248
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,822
More good news on that front--

249
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:14,825
we also have the contract to provide them

250
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:18,364
with the digital images the rocket sends back.

251
00:13:18,399 --> 00:13:19,830
How is that good NEWS?

252
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:22,868
Well, as luck would have it, all stars look alike--

253
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,835
tiny dots of light.

254
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,623
One looks just like the... next.

255
00:13:27,658 --> 00:13:30,376
Does NASA know the rocket went down?

256
00:13:30,411 --> 00:13:32,378
No, and thanks to Dilbert,

257
00:13:32,413 --> 00:13:33,879
they never will.

258
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:34,845
Me?

259
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:35,846
Your job is

260
00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:37,883
to create digital pictures

261
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:39,850
of uncharted star systems

262
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:43,389
and deliver them to NASA every... Tuesday.

263
00:13:43,424 --> 00:13:44,855
How am I going to do that?

264
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:46,892
Try sending it as an attachment in e-mail.

265
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,359
It's very efficient.

266
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,895
Don't make them all look the same.

267
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,362
That's a dead giveaway.

268
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:53,899
I am not going to lie for this company.

269
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:55,866
It's morally indefensible.

270
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:58,404
Why? Are you afraid you'll die and go to a cubicle?

271
00:13:58,439 --> 00:14:00,406
[LAUGHING LOUDLY]

272
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:04,410
It wasn't that funny, but I like to laugh!

273
00:14:04,445 --> 00:14:07,413
You've seen your afterlife, Dilbert--

274
00:14:07,448 --> 00:14:09,432
No penalties, no rewards.

275
00:14:09,467 --> 00:14:11,382
It's time you loosened up

276
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:13,919
and started harming other people.

277
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,886
That is so wrong...

278
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:17,923
although I don't know why.

279
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:21,927
Oh, and do something about these protesters.

280
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,894
They call themselves "The Wallyites."

281
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:27,933
They have some gripe about space exploration.

282
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,702
"Wallyites."

283
00:14:29,737 --> 00:14:31,402
I like the name.

284
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:34,189
Wally is the way.

285
00:14:34,224 --> 00:14:36,907
Okay, settle down.

286
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:39,445
Who can tell me why you're opposed

287
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,447
to space exploration?

288
00:14:41,482 --> 00:14:42,913
It is heresy.

289
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:45,951
The Book of Wally SAYS NOTHING ABOUT GOING TO THE STARS.

290
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:48,454
There's a Book of Wally?

291
00:14:48,489 --> 00:14:49,920
That's it?

292
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:51,707
That's the whole Book of Wally?

293
00:14:51,742 --> 00:14:53,424
It can be interpreted many ways.

294
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:56,462
It doesn't say we should go "To the stars."

295
00:14:56,497 --> 00:14:58,429
It says, "To Wally."

296
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:01,967
When we die, we will spend eternity with Wally.

297
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,434
I hate to break it to you,

298
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,971
but your entire belief system is based on a myth.

299
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,740
Do you have something better?

300
00:15:07,775 --> 00:15:09,440
You'll find us very flexible.

301
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,977
I'm not fond of the outfits, anyway.

302
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,479
You can believe in science.

303
00:15:13,514 --> 00:15:14,445
That's real.

304
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,981
You mean like your rocket ship?

305
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:17,448
Yes!

306
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,985
I mean, no; that's probably a very bad example.

307
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:21,987
People only think THE ROCKET EXISTS.

308
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,756
Hi, Dilbert.

309
00:15:23,791 --> 00:15:25,391
Hi, nuts.

310
00:15:25,426 --> 00:15:26,992
Liar!

311
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:42,473
Wally!

312
00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:44,510
What are you doing in the afterlife?

313
00:15:44,545 --> 00:15:46,477
Haven't you heard?

314
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:49,014
After you die, you spend the rest of eternity with me.

315
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,015
[PANICKED GASPING]

316
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,033
Wh-whoa!

317
00:15:51,068 --> 00:15:52,017
Whoa!

318
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,528
I know, I know, you died again.

319
00:16:02,563 --> 00:16:03,529
It's getting old.

320
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,032
No, that looks wrong.

321
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,801
How about HERE?

322
00:16:08,836 --> 00:16:10,186
That's just stupid.

323
00:16:10,221 --> 00:16:11,379
It doesn't matter.

324
00:16:11,414 --> 00:16:12,503
Nothing MATTERS.

325
00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:14,540
You live your whole life being nice,

326
00:16:14,575 --> 00:16:15,506
and you still die

327
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:18,043
and go to that little cubicle in the sky.

328
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:19,510
They say, "Only the good die young."

329
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:22,047
If it works the other way too, I'm immortal.

330
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,013
Speaking of evil,

331
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:25,551
I could use your special talents tomorrow.

332
00:16:25,586 --> 00:16:27,320
Well, let me check my calendar.

333
00:16:27,355 --> 00:16:29,054
I'll see what else I have going.

334
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,556
"Evil... evil... evil...

335
00:16:30,591 --> 00:16:31,522
not EVIL."

336
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:34,024
Looks like I have an opening.

337
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:36,061
I don't mean to seem skeptical,

338
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:37,528
but these photos look like

339
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:39,064
they were made on a personal computer

340
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:40,030
with a paint program.

341
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:41,567
This is where you COME IN.

342
00:16:41,602 --> 00:16:42,533
Surely, you agree

343
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,034
that in a vast universe

344
00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:46,321
with billions and billions of stars,

345
00:16:46,356 --> 00:16:48,574
it probably looks exactly like this

346
00:16:48,609 --> 00:16:50,093
from some ANGLE.

347
00:16:50,128 --> 00:16:51,542
Well... yes,

348
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:54,580
but we wanted actual pictures from the rocket.

349
00:16:54,615 --> 00:16:56,349
Isn't that a little narrow-minded?

350
00:16:56,384 --> 00:16:58,083
You know, this could be the answer

351
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,049
to our funding problem.

352
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:01,587
Can you give us evidence of life on other planets?

353
00:17:01,622 --> 00:17:02,553
Are you kidding?

354
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,089
This picture is teeming with life.

355
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,556
See this dot?

356
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:08,093
It looks exactly like the other dot, but smudgier.

357
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,061
What's that prove?

358
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:12,597
I can't do it all FOR YOU.

359
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,064
Ned, you're good at this.

360
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:15,566
That smudginess could only be caused

361
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:18,103
by a distortion in the electromagnetic spectrum

362
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:20,105
typically inhabited by ham radio signals.

363
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:21,624
That's it?

364
00:17:21,659 --> 00:17:23,073
And, uh...

365
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:25,110
further studies are needed?

366
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,112
[CHEERING]

367
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:31,582
That'll get us funding for the space station.

368
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:34,119
We'd like to bid on the space station project too.

369
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:35,586
No! No!

370
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,122
Forget the bid.

371
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,624
You got the job.

372
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,593
Can you tell us anything

373
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:45,631
about how you plan to build the space station?

374
00:17:45,666 --> 00:17:47,598
All right, fellas,

375
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:50,886
I'd better not get into the technical stuff.

376
00:17:50,921 --> 00:17:54,139
My engineers say I tend to shoot from the hip...

377
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,106
but I can tell you this--

378
00:17:56,141 --> 00:17:59,144
I'm pretty sure phase one involves building

379
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,611
a giant stepladder.

380
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:01,897
The rumor is that you got

381
00:18:01,932 --> 00:18:03,148
this $100 billion contract

382
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,615
without even bidding.

383
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:06,116
My question to you, sir, is

384
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,654
do you think UFOs have visited us?

385
00:18:08,689 --> 00:18:09,620
No...

386
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:12,122
but they're on the way.

387
00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:14,159
Have you seen this picture yet?

388
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:19,164
After I talked to the Wallyites,

389
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:20,631
the next time I died,

390
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:23,168
I saw their VERSION OF THE AFTERLIFE--

391
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,687
an eternity with Wally.

392
00:18:24,722 --> 00:18:26,136
What I want to know is

393
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:28,673
was I really dead or just hallucinating?

394
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:31,443
Why don't you ask that man we saw on TV.

395
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:34,179
The one who can talk to the spirit world?

396
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:35,646
He has an 800 number.

397
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:37,432
I don't believe in that stuff.

398
00:18:37,467 --> 00:18:39,184
But you believe we spend eternity

399
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,686
in a cubicle with Wally?

400
00:18:40,721 --> 00:18:42,187
What's his number?

401
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,156
Hello.

402
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:48,694
Each call costs $3.00 per minute.

403
00:18:48,729 --> 00:18:50,195
I was expecting your call.

404
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,161
You were?

405
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:52,698
You want answers, don't you?

406
00:18:52,733 --> 00:18:54,164
Yes, I do.

407
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:57,703
Do you know someone who died in the last 50 years

408
00:18:57,738 --> 00:19:00,205
named John or Jim or Bill or Tom?

409
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,171
Yes!

410
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:02,673
I thought so.

411
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:05,210
He has a message for you from the other side.

412
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:07,678
Which one, John or Jim or Bill or Tom?

413
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:10,716
He says you like to do things with your hands--

414
00:19:10,751 --> 00:19:12,718
typing or cooking or gardening.

415
00:19:12,753 --> 00:19:13,684
Is that correct?

416
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:15,470
I type on the computer!

417
00:19:15,505 --> 00:19:17,187
I have to admit, he's good.

418
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:19,725
He says you get great pleasure from this...

419
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,744
typing or cooking or gardening.

420
00:19:21,779 --> 00:19:23,694
I do, but I wanted to ask...

421
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:25,731
He says you enjoy music and food.

422
00:19:25,766 --> 00:19:26,999
Is that right?

423
00:19:27,034 --> 00:19:28,134
Forget about that.

424
00:19:28,169 --> 00:19:29,199
I want to know

425
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:31,737
if the afterlife is nothing but a cubicle.

426
00:19:31,772 --> 00:19:33,739
He says to be careful with your back,

427
00:19:33,774 --> 00:19:35,240
or vision, or lungs, or weight.

428
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,206
I feel fine.

429
00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:38,493
All I want to know is...

430
00:19:38,528 --> 00:19:40,711
So, what are you wearing?

431
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:43,248
I've never been a supreme being before,

432
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,250
but I'm willing to give it a try.

433
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:47,217
Your humility inspires us.

434
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:49,720
Please teach us everything you know.

435
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,757
Maybe you could ask me specific questions.

436
00:19:51,792 --> 00:19:54,224
What is your favorite cheese?

437
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:57,262
Uh... you know, the one with the holes in it.

438
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:58,729
Swiss!

439
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,265
Right... not that one.

440
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:05,270
Can we wear casual clothes on Fridays?

441
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,272
No, it leads to promiscuity...

442
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:13,278
And no humming to yourself when you're alone.

443
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:14,780
I hate that...

444
00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:19,750
My faith is being tested.

445
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,536
And if you order fish at the restaurant

446
00:20:21,571 --> 00:20:24,181
and it comes with the head still on it,

447
00:20:24,216 --> 00:20:26,792
try covering it with mashed potatoes.

448
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,799
I wonder if it was something I said.

449
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:40,055
Is the answer out there... or in here?

450
00:20:40,090 --> 00:20:42,307
Is everything simply a manifestation

451
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:43,273
of consciousness,

452
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:46,812
or is there another actual level of existence--

453
00:20:46,847 --> 00:20:48,278
a dimension parallel to

454
00:20:48,313 --> 00:20:50,315
or beyond the one we live in now?

455
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:52,334
It's all part of the big illusion

456
00:20:52,369 --> 00:20:54,345
that we perpetuate on ourselves,

457
00:20:54,380 --> 00:20:56,286
and, in turn, is perpetuated upon us

458
00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:58,824
like the rocket ship, or the shroud of Wally.

459
00:20:58,859 --> 00:21:01,291
When we believe, we engage the illusion.

460
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:04,830
When we stop believing, we shatter the illusion

461
00:21:04,865 --> 00:21:07,332
and shatter ourselves in the process

462
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:08,834
because we are PART OF IT.

463
00:21:08,869 --> 00:21:10,300
Maybe you're right.

464
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:12,838
Maybe the mistake is in making distinctions--

465
00:21:12,873 --> 00:21:14,339
out there, in here...

466
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:15,305
life, death.

467
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:17,843
It's all the same illusion.

468
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:23,849
Exactly.

469
00:21:31,356 --> 00:21:33,358
[music]