1 00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:15,081 Welcome to ENGLISH FOR MANAGERS, TAPE ONE. 2 00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,583 Listen and repeat. 3 00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:19,085 Tape one. Listen and repeat. 4 00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:22,088 We will enable timely, knowledge-based decision-making 5 00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:24,090 based on real-time information 6 00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:28,595 by implementing an enterprise resource management system. 7 00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:32,599 We will entangle timid, college-based precision markets 8 00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:34,601 based on full-time repudiation 9 00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:38,605 by instigating a... something, something. Whatever. 10 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:39,606 Very good. 11 00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:41,107 Really? 12 00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:42,108 I thought I missed a word. 13 00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,619 They say they're slow, but they're not. 14 00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,625 [EXPLOSION] 15 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:04,130 [music] 16 00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:11,137 [CHANTING] 17 00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:52,679 [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING] 18 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:08,695 I just want to take this opportunity 19 00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:09,696 to thank you all 20 00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:11,197 for participating 21 00:02:11,197 --> 00:02:14,200 in our company's mandatory blood drive. 22 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:18,204 You really are the life blood OF THIS COMPANY. 23 00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:19,205 [CHUCKLES] 24 00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:20,707 [LISTLESS CHUCKLES] 25 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:24,210 [LOUD LAUGHTER] 26 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,211 Oh. 27 00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:29,215 Rose, you are like 28 00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:32,218 the fresh dew on a morning flower. 29 00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:34,220 My heart yearns for you. 30 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:35,221 Your soft skin. 31 00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:37,223 Your triangle hair. 32 00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:38,224 Your lips 33 00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:41,728 like two tiny sausages stacked upon each other. 34 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:44,731 Death row is a lonely place, my precious. 35 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:48,234 The only things to occupy the empty hours 36 00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:49,736 are thoughts of you 37 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:53,740 and the contraband I have hidden in my colon. 38 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:57,744 My dying wish, Alice, is for your hand in marriage. 39 00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:59,746 That is so romantic. 40 00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:01,247 All my love, Vince. 41 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,750 P.S. Please respond before next Friday at noon. 42 00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:06,252 What if I don't have any extra blood? 43 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,254 Maybe I only have exactly enough. 44 00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:09,756 Everyone has extra blood. 45 00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,257 It doesn't matter anyway. 46 00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:13,760 You'll never get past the screening process. 47 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,764 I will now read a list of disqualifying conditions. 48 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:19,766 Please leave the auditorium 49 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:22,769 if any of the following apply to you. 50 00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:26,272 "Are you now or have you ever been... Wally?" 51 00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:28,274 Yes. First one out. 52 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:31,778 Repeat. 53 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,780 The disconnects between gross margin and leverage 54 00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:36,783 will be harnessed for commercial ventures. 55 00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:40,787 The discotheques between gross margarine and beverages 56 00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:43,790 will be harmless to your dentures. 57 00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:44,791 Very good. 58 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,793 [CHORTLING] 59 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,294 Now close your eyes 60 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:51,798 and visualize each word as you say it. 61 00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:01,307 Imagine the word "vision." 62 00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:03,309 Try to see it in your mind. 63 00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:04,811 Is it black? 64 00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:09,315 Have you gotten any tattoos in the last six months? 65 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:17,824 Have you had intimate physical relations with anyone 66 00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,325 in the past 10 years? 67 00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:23,329 Not really, 68 00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:26,332 but I'm trying to build a reputation. 69 00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:27,834 With your eyes still closed, 70 00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:30,336 imagine a picture 71 00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:32,839 that corresponds with the phrase 72 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,841 "a commitment to synergy." 73 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:38,845 I see it. It's like some sort of two-headed woodchuck, 74 00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,346 or is it a beaver? 75 00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:48,354 Can you get a clean shot at his tires? 76 00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:51,858 I think I can hit the spare tire in the back. 77 00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:52,859 Wait. 78 00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,360 He stopped. 79 00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:58,865 music Infinity bottles Of beer on the wall music 80 00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:00,366 music Infinity bottles of beer music 81 00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:03,369 music If one of those bottles Should happen to fall music 82 00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:05,872 music Infinity bottles Of beer on the wall... music 83 00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:07,373 Come on! I can't take 84 00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:08,374 Another four hours of this. 85 00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:09,876 Go! Go! Go! 86 00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:11,878 music Infinity bottles of beer on the wall... music 87 00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:13,379 Will you just shut up? 88 00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:15,381 You have infinite beer on the wall, okay? 89 00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:16,883 It will never be fewer. 90 00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:19,385 Now put your hands out to your sides 91 00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:21,387 and wave them, slowly. 92 00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:25,892 Can you imagine if something 93 00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,894 were to happen to this bus, Helmut? 94 00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:29,395 The sciences of physics, chemistry, 95 00:05:29,395 --> 00:05:30,897 mathematics and medicine 96 00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:32,398 are wiped out in a stroke. 97 00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:33,900 And economics. 98 00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,902 Economics is not a science and never will be! 99 00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:37,403 He's waving us on. 100 00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:38,905 Finally. 101 00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:50,416 All units. 102 00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:52,418 He's heading for a large business campus. 103 00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:53,920 Prepare to intercept. 104 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:54,921 Are you telling me 105 00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:57,423 you haven't done anything on this list? 106 00:05:57,423 --> 00:05:58,424 I've been very busy. 107 00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:01,427 All right, roll up your sleeve. 108 00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,435 Whoo. 109 00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,437 Isn't that the fifth bag? 110 00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:12,438 We got a quota. 111 00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:13,439 Can I have a cookie? 112 00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:15,441 No, I ate them while you were bleeding. 113 00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:25,451 All right, sharpshooters. 114 00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:26,452 If you get a clear shot, 115 00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:27,954 take it. 116 00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:37,463 Uh... there's people in the way. 117 00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:39,966 Aw, shoot. 118 00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,468 [GUNFIRE] 119 00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:46,973 Aw, shoot. 120 00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:48,474 [GUNFIRE] 121 00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:51,978 I've got to get me a new swear word. 122 00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:59,986 The vehicle had no registration or plates 123 00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,988 so we're hoping someone saw him. 124 00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,489 Why would a vehicle need 125 00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:04,490 registration and plates? 126 00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:05,992 I'm just the sketch artist. 127 00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:07,493 Oh, a specialist. 128 00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:08,995 Well, I didn't exactly see the guy, 129 00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:10,997 but from what I heard on the radio 130 00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:12,498 I've got a pretty good idea 131 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:14,000 of what he looks like. 132 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,501 Can you describe him for me? 133 00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:17,003 I could, but I'm extremely busy. 134 00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:18,504 Wally! 135 00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:20,006 Uh, I can't work too hard. 136 00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:21,507 I almost gave blood today. 137 00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:23,509 I want you to describe to these officers 138 00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:24,510 the man I heard about 139 00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:26,012 on the radio this morning. 140 00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:27,013 What? 141 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,514 Be as specific as you can. 142 00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:30,016 Don't leave out anything. 143 00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:32,518 All right. I'll tell them everything you know. 144 00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:45,031 [CHUCKLING] 145 00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:48,034 These remind me of water balloons, except... 146 00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,035 filled with blood. 147 00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:50,536 Put that down. 148 00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:52,038 It looks like 149 00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:54,540 you have some extras. 150 00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:56,042 All right, one bag, 151 00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:58,044 but let me show you how to do it. 152 00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:02,548 This psycho must have left a blood trail. 153 00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:05,551 I want you to comb every inch of this area 154 00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:06,552 for the killer's DNA. 155 00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:08,054 Maybe we'll get lucky. 156 00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,555 And don't let this crime scene 157 00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:10,556 get contaminated. 158 00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:19,065 [BOTH LAUGHING] 159 00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,566 Good one, huh? 160 00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:21,567 Nice shooting, yourself. 161 00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:22,068 Well, thank you. 162 00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:33,079 Driving without blood is surprisingly difficult. 163 00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:34,580 [SIRENS] 164 00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:45,091 Sir, how many drinks have you had this evening? 165 00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:47,593 Nothing. I couldn't even get a cookie, 166 00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:50,096 then a lady took all of my blood. 167 00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:52,098 Okay, buddy, count backward from 100 168 00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:53,599 using only prime numbers. 169 00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:57,103 97, 89, 83, 79, 73, 71... 170 00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:59,605 Okay. No one likes a wiseass. 171 00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:02,608 Get out of the car. 172 00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:05,111 Attention all units. Attention all units. 173 00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,612 Positive DNA match has been made 174 00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:08,614 on the Nobel prize slaughter. 175 00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:11,117 The suspect is Caucasian, 176 00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:13,119 wearing glasses, in laughably bad shape, 177 00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:14,620 and answers to the name "Dilbert." 178 00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:17,123 Hey. That's me. 179 00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:26,632 WOMAN: So with the Nobel prize killer 180 00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:28,134 safely behind bars 181 00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:29,635 looking at a swift execution 182 00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:31,637 once the 40 to 75 years of appeals is over 183 00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:34,640 and everyone associated with the case long dead, 184 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,143 strange men with incomprehensible theories 185 00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:38,144 that can't be proven 186 00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:40,646 can once again breathe a sigh of relief. 187 00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:44,150 Mr. and Mrs. Fennerman? 188 00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,151 Hi, I'm Alice. 189 00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:47,153 I'm engaged to your son, Vince. 190 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:49,655 It is so nice to meet you, darling. 191 00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:51,657 Here, do you need a sign? 192 00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,159 That's okay. I have my own. 193 00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,161 I don't understand. 194 00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,163 Aren't you two getting married? 195 00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:58,664 Yes. 196 00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:01,667 We're going to spend the rest of our lives together. 197 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,169 Mark my words... 198 00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,171 this marriage will never last. 199 00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:15,181 Wow! 200 00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:17,683 This cell is huge. 201 00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,685 Sorry about the internet connection. 202 00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:21,687 There's an internet connection? 203 00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:23,189 Your cable modem's in the shop. 204 00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,191 We're running you through the T-One until it gets back. 205 00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:26,192 What's this? 206 00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:27,693 Fan mail. 207 00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:29,695 Probably a few marriage proposals. 208 00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:30,696 For me? 209 00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:32,198 Marriage proposals? 210 00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:34,200 You're in for murder, right? 211 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,202 That's an aphrodisiac for the fairer sex. 212 00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:38,204 You know, I'm actually innocent. 213 00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:40,206 I wouldn't let that slip out. 214 00:10:57,723 --> 00:10:59,225 Excuse me-- how did you decide 215 00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,727 that five cigarettes was worth one candy bar? 216 00:11:01,727 --> 00:11:04,230 Well... I was hungry. 217 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:05,231 First of all, 218 00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:07,733 you should never barter on an empty stomach. 219 00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:09,735 Second, this is much too inefficient. 220 00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:13,739 So, everything used for barter 221 00:11:13,739 --> 00:11:15,741 could be valued at a constant rate 222 00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:17,743 relative to everything else. 223 00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:20,746 For instance, a shampoo bottle of home-made gin 224 00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:22,748 is equal to a clean toothbrush, 225 00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:24,250 which is also equivalent 226 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,252 to an eight-ounce bar of chocolate 227 00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:27,753 or five cigarettes. 228 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,758 Any questions? 229 00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:37,763 Okay, one might wonder 230 00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:42,768 what happens when a scarcity in a perishable commodity, 231 00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:44,770 say chocolate, 232 00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:48,774 causes a relative glut of another more durable item 233 00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:51,277 such as erotic literature. 234 00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:54,280 Anyone? 235 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,781 Yes? 236 00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,283 We carve a potato into the shape of a gun 237 00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:58,784 and cover it with shoe polish? 238 00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:01,287 You could do that. 239 00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,789 Or wait for the market to automatically adjust 240 00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:06,292 to take into account the commodity imbalance, 241 00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:09,795 thus moving the exchange rate to a new point of stability. 242 00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:11,297 You can do all that without a potato? 243 00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:12,798 Ay! 244 00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:15,301 Chocolate at two-and-a-half cigarettes! 245 00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:17,303 Chocolate at two-and-a-half! 246 00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:19,305 Over here, Victoria's Secret. 247 00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:20,806 Desserts, desserts! 248 00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:22,308 I got Victoria's Secret. 249 00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:30,316 How about 8-N-G-Y-4-3-2? 250 00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:31,317 Let me check. 251 00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:33,319 Boys! Boys! 252 00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:35,321 You're sitting on a gold mine here. 253 00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:38,324 Do you realize the license plate business 254 00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:41,327 is a growth industry and a legal monopoly? 255 00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:44,830 By automating your order flow and assembly process, 256 00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:47,833 you'll increase productivity and reduce costs. 257 00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:52,338 The guy who had this job before didn't train me. 258 00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:53,839 Dead man walking! 259 00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:56,842 Down the aisle. 260 00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:09,355 PRIEST: We are gathered here today 261 00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:11,357 to join two souls in holy matrimony 262 00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,859 and to damn one of them to eternal hellfire. 263 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:16,862 I understand that you two have written your own vows. 264 00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:19,865 Vince, who would've thought 10 years ago 265 00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:21,867 that a grisly mass murder 266 00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:23,869 would lead to such a blissful union? 267 00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:26,372 You are my heart. You are my soul. 268 00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:28,374 You make living worthwhile. 269 00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,376 I look forward to spending 270 00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:33,379 the next 45 seconds as your loving wife. 271 00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:34,380 Vince? 272 00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:35,381 I didn't do it! 273 00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:37,883 Oh, for the love of God! 274 00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:39,885 Please don't kill me! 275 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:42,388 [CRYING AND SCREAMING] 276 00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,390 Uh... right. 277 00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:46,392 Okay. 278 00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,893 By the authority vested in me 279 00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:49,895 by the state correctional facility, 280 00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:51,897 I pronounce you man and wife. 281 00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:53,399 You may now insert the gag. 282 00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:57,403 You're making a big mistake! 283 00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:58,904 I didn't! I didn't! 284 00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,906 [MUFFLED SCREAMS] 285 00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:05,411 MAN: it is an incredible book, 286 00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:06,412 Mr. Dogbert. 287 00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:08,914 Thanks. It took me all morning to write it. 288 00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:10,916 It's the ending that bothers me. 289 00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:13,419 It would be better if this Dilbert fellow 290 00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:14,920 gets set free at the last minute, 291 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,423 instead of flaming like a marshmallow. 292 00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:19,425 How much better would it be? 293 00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:21,427 Mmm, about $3 million in movie rights. 294 00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:23,429 I'll talk to the supreme court. 295 00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:29,935 Ugh! There are just no good convicts out there! 296 00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:31,437 That one's cute. 297 00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,939 Cute, yes, but he's got a damn good appeal pending. 298 00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:35,441 I read the brief. 299 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:36,942 Oh, you can't tell anything 300 00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,444 from a picture, anyway. 301 00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,446 In my high school yearbook, I didn't even look attractive. 302 00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:43,449 Maybe we should go visit Dilbert. 303 00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,451 Check the place out. 304 00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:48,454 That sounds like it involves leaving work. 305 00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,955 I'll drive. 306 00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:51,457 I couldn't help overhearing you 307 00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:52,958 while I was eavesdropping. 308 00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:54,460 Do you mind if I go with you 309 00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:56,462 to stare at the miserable miscreant? 310 00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:58,964 Uh, there's no room in my car. 311 00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:00,966 It's filled with oxygen and carbon dioxide. 312 00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,468 That's not good. 313 00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:03,969 I'll drive my own car. 314 00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:05,971 Can you give me directions? 315 00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:07,473 Yes. Yes, I can. 316 00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:17,483 Who's that? 317 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:18,484 He's an axe murderer. 318 00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:20,486 Ooh, the outdoor type. 319 00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:21,987 Let me talk to Wally. 320 00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:24,990 Put in a good word for me in C block. 321 00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:26,492 Hey, Dilbert! Looking good. 322 00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:28,994 All that hard manual labor's paying off. 323 00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,496 Actually, there is no hard labor. 324 00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:32,498 I have all day to think, to exercise, 325 00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:33,999 and to work on my own projects. 326 00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:36,502 I barely have to do anything if I don't want to. 327 00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:38,504 Mmm, but it's lonely, right? 328 00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:39,505 Hardly. 329 00:15:39,505 --> 00:15:41,006 Wally, this week alone 330 00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:43,509 I've received over 100 marriage proposals. 331 00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:45,511 Boy, is my values system all screwed up. 332 00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:50,516 There it is, bars and all-- 333 00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:52,017 the big house. 334 00:15:57,523 --> 00:16:01,527 Okay, next we'll hear from Tino in shiv manufacturing. 335 00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:03,028 Thank you. 336 00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:05,531 I am pleased to report that since we instituted 337 00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,032 the battle recycling program, 338 00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:09,034 the number of pointy objects 339 00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:10,536 available to the prison population 340 00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:11,537 has tripled. 341 00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:13,038 [APPLAUSE] 342 00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:14,540 Good work. 343 00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,041 Um, Bobby G., you're up. 344 00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:19,044 I just prepared this memo on the new production quotas. 345 00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:21,046 As you can see, 346 00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:24,049 all the inmates are participating in the prison 401-K. 347 00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:26,051 Considering the average inmate's salary 348 00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:27,052 is 18 cents a day, 349 00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:29,555 at maturity, this amounts to a retirement package 350 00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:31,557 of approximately $34. 351 00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:34,059 Well, let's see if we can't supplement that 352 00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:36,061 with some of the souvenir sales. 353 00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:38,063 All right, is there any new business? 354 00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:40,566 I think we should probably discuss the status 355 00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:43,569 of the escape plan and the progress of the tunnel. 356 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:44,570 All right. 357 00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:48,073 Using two shifts round the clock and a teaspoon, 358 00:16:48,073 --> 00:16:50,576 we have dug approximately... three feet. 359 00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:52,578 At this rate of excavation, 360 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:55,080 we estimate the tunnel will be completed 361 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,582 some time in the year 2125. 362 00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:58,584 And when is the escape currently scheduled? 363 00:16:58,584 --> 00:16:59,585 Tuesday. 364 00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:01,587 Okay. 365 00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:02,588 I've done some calculations 366 00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:05,591 along with a preliminary geological survey and-- Tony? 367 00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:08,594 Shirt. 368 00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:10,596 The bearing wall is made of basalt. 369 00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:13,599 Basalt is among the most dense of igneous rocks. 370 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:16,602 Now, if we drop down approximately 10 meters, 371 00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:19,104 the composition of the bordering wall 372 00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:22,608 becomes limestone, a very spoon-friendly material. 373 00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:25,611 Now, I've drawn up plans for an electric spoon, 374 00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:28,113 but it's going to cost four million candy bars. 375 00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:30,115 Eh, no problem. 376 00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:32,117 Did you know 377 00:17:32,117 --> 00:17:34,620 that I'm the only one in my bridge club 378 00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:36,622 with a son on death row? 379 00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:39,124 I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you, Mom. 380 00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:40,626 Disappointment?! 381 00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,629 Everyone asks about you; you're on the news. 382 00:17:43,629 --> 00:17:45,631 I used to get blank stares 383 00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:48,133 when I told people you were an engineer, 384 00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:51,136 but murderer, that gets people's respect. 385 00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:53,639 You could be a little DISAPPOINTED. 386 00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:56,141 Let's see, "Bank robbery, 10 to 15 years... 387 00:17:56,141 --> 00:17:58,644 Kidnapping..." ooh, "20 to life." 388 00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:00,145 Not too shabby. 389 00:18:00,145 --> 00:18:02,147 "Frotteurism: 390 00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:04,149 "the crime of rubbing up against people 391 00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:05,651 in crowded public places." 392 00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:08,153 When did they make that illegal? 393 00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:12,658 JUDGE: Dogbert, always a pleasure. 394 00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:15,160 Why don't you come to the meetings anymore? 395 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,664 I'm not actually a member of the supreme court. 396 00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:19,665 Really? 397 00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:23,669 Now I feel bad about letting you write all those decisions. 398 00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:24,670 I didn't mind. 399 00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:26,171 What brings you in today? 400 00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:28,173 I want you to overturn the conviction 401 00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:30,175 of a guilty murderer named Dilbert. 402 00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:32,678 If you don't mind, I'll just write up your decision 403 00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:34,680 and sign all your names to it. 404 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,182 Okay, but make me sound indignant. 405 00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:40,185 And throw something in there about fairness. 406 00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:41,186 Do you want a copy? 407 00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:43,689 I don't see when I'd ever read it. 408 00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:45,190 Today, my friends, 409 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:48,193 marks the dawning of a new era. 410 00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:49,695 Today, we proved 411 00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:52,197 that with vigor, discipline, and a little... 412 00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:54,199 [ALL YELLING] 413 00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,711 I guess it works. 414 00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:20,225 What's your NAME? 415 00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:26,231 Good Lord, man, what's happened to you in there? 416 00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:28,734 Okay, time to go, Dilbert. 417 00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:31,236 But they're coming back... aren't they? 418 00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:34,239 Probably. The recidivism rate is very high. 419 00:19:34,239 --> 00:19:36,241 Did they ever find the real killer? 420 00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:38,744 Funny thing, right after I got you off, 421 00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:41,246 some lunatic confessed to the crime. 422 00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:51,757 You sure is good at not being able 423 00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:54,760 to hammer up them rocks at all. 424 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,261 I wasn't really expecting 425 00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:58,263 this kind of an environment. 426 00:19:58,263 --> 00:20:00,766 Ooh, are those the conjugal visit trailers? 427 00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:02,768 We's a team, you and me. 428 00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:03,769 Got us a quota. 429 00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:06,271 If'n we ain't meet her by sundown, 430 00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:08,774 we ain't getting no dinner! 431 00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:12,277 So, you, uh, get a lot of marriage proposals since you been here? 432 00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:13,779 You hear me up, boy? 433 00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:15,781 I ain't missing my shower day 434 00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:19,284 account of your baby-butt hands can't swing a pick! 435 00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:22,287 Grab up that there pick and bring her down! 436 00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:27,793 Naw, that ain't gonna do her! 437 00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:29,294 Here, let me show ya. 438 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,802 Hup-dah! 439 00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:39,304 Now you're getting it! 440 00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:43,308 I... think... my... shoulders... 441 00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:46,812 are... dis... locating... 442 00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:48,313 That's enough out of you. 443 00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:53,318 By the power vested in me 444 00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:54,820 by the state correctional facility, 445 00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:56,321 I now pronounce you man and wife. 446 00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:58,323 You may now insert the gag. 447 00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:02,327 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 448 00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:05,831 Yello? 449 00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:06,832 It's the governor. 450 00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:07,833 The real killer confessed. 451 00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:09,334 You've been pardoned. 452 00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:10,836 [INMATES CHEERING] 453 00:21:12,337 --> 00:21:15,340 Now we can start a life together, Alice. 454 00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:16,842 It's like a miracle! 455 00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:18,844 You're innocent? 456 00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:20,846 I'm having serious second thoughts. 457 00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:22,347 The governor wants to speak to you. 458 00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:24,349 Tell him to hold for one minute. 459 00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:31,857 Oh, which one is the hold button? 460 00:21:33,358 --> 00:21:35,360 [ELECTRICAL BUZZING] 461 00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:40,866 [music]