1
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:07,574
This carpooling together is a great idea.

2
00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:09,576
Who thought of it anyway?

3
00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:11,077
You did.

4
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:14,080
[BOSS CHUCKLES WITH FALSE MODESTY]

5
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,082
Do you mind if I shave in the car?

6
00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:17,584
I guess that would be okay.

7
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:21,087
What are you doing?

8
00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:22,088
I like to start on my back.

9
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:30,597
I hope you realize I have to sell my car now.

10
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,098
You mind if I brush my teeth?

11
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:33,099
I don't see how...

12
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:36,603
How do you expect to rinse your mouth out?

13
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:49,616
[CLOSED MOUTHED]: Uh-oh, uh-oh.

14
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:50,617
Hmm.

15
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:52,118
Tomorrow, you drive...

16
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:53,620
preferably without me.

17
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:01,628
What?

18
00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:04,631
[SPITTING]

19
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:06,132
What was that sound?

20
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:09,636
I think you hit a squirrel.

21
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:11,638
[EXPLOSION]

22
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,644
[music]

23
00:01:21,147 --> 00:01:23,650
[CHANTING]

24
00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:05,191
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

25
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:22,709
I love carpooling.

26
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:24,210
By the way, I dropped my floss

27
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,211
in the crack of your seat.

28
00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:26,212
I'd like it back.

29
00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:27,714
You can have the whole car.

30
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:29,215
Thank you.

31
00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:30,216
Have a nice day.

32
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:36,222
I left my ID in the car, but you know me.

33
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:37,724
I do?

34
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,225
We've seen each other every day

35
00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:40,727
for the past five years.

36
00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:42,729
Then you must know my name.

37
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:44,230
Well, uh...

38
00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:45,732
It's Gary.

39
00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:47,734
Of course, Gary. I knew that.

40
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,235
It's not Gary.

41
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:50,737
Then why did you tell me it was?

42
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,238
Testing your character.

43
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:53,740
Guess you failed.

44
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,241
Look, I'm kind of in a hurry.

45
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:58,244
There's always enough time to be secure.

46
00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:00,246
That's my motto.

47
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:01,748
That's not your motto.

48
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,249
It is now.

49
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:04,751
I liked it as soon as I heard it.

50
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:06,753
How about letting me slide this time?

51
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,254
That would be a violation

52
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,757
of the security guard's professional code of ethics.

53
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:12,759
Professional code of ethics?

54
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:13,760
Is that a joke?

55
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,262
All you do is sit there and watch people walk past.

56
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,764
That's hardly a profession.

57
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:20,767
Well, Mr. Big Shot Engineer

58
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,268
thinks he's king of the world

59
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:23,770
with his degree and his briefcase

60
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,271
and his fancy cubicle.

61
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:27,273
It must be so hard

62
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,776
to sit there in meetings all day.

63
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:33,279
At least it's a profession with very strict requirements.

64
00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:35,281
Your job could be done by a...

65
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:37,784
a... uh...

66
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:39,786
Help me out here.

67
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:42,789
There's always enough time to be secure.

68
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:44,791
An ostrich.

69
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:47,293
That's what your job could be done by.

70
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:48,294
Oh, good one.

71
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:49,796
An ostrich could do my job.

72
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:50,797
Very clever.

73
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,298
I'm sure you use that cleverness

74
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,300
in your challenging job as an engineer.

75
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,802
You bet I do!

76
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:56,803
And lots more.

77
00:03:56,803 --> 00:04:00,306
I could be an engineer tomorrow if I wanted to.

78
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:02,809
but you could never, ever DO my job.

79
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:05,311
That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

80
00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:07,313
Engineering takes years of training.

81
00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:09,315
I've been doing some reading on the topic.

82
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:13,820
For example, did you know

83
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:16,823
you can build your own helicopter for $25?

84
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:19,325
You can't build a helicopter for $25.

85
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:21,828
That just gets you the instructions.

86
00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:23,329
What if you already have the parts?

87
00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:24,831
Good point there.

88
00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:27,333
Who has helicopter parts in their house?

89
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:29,836
You can't be an engineer just by reading magazines.

90
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:32,839
If you're so cocky, how about a little wager?

91
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,841
We'll switch jobs for one day.

92
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:37,844
Whoever can do the other person's job wins.

93
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:39,345
I'd do it, except there's no way

94
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:41,347
you could ever get hired as an engineer.

95
00:04:41,347 --> 00:04:42,348
When can you start?

96
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:43,850
What are you doing?

97
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:45,852
He's never been an engineer before.

98
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:46,853
Oh, how hard could it be?

99
00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,855
I'm always correcting your WORK,

100
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:50,857
and I've never been to engineering school.

101
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:54,360
You always correct my work from being right to being wrong.

102
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,362
Well, uh...

103
00:04:56,362 --> 00:05:00,366
There's always enough time to be secure.

104
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:01,868
Okay, you're on.

105
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:04,370
And what are we wagering, if you're so cocky?

106
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:06,372
It doesn't matter, since I'm going to win.

107
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:07,373
How about your house?

108
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:08,875
Sure, why not?

109
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,877
If I lose, you can have my house.

110
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,879
If you lose, I can have your house.

111
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:13,880
I don't have a house.

112
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,381
How about your speedboat?

113
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:16,382
Uh, no.

114
00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:17,383
Polo ponies?

115
00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:19,385
Let me think... no.

116
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:21,387
My God, man,

117
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:23,890
what have you been wasting your money on?

118
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,391
Food.

119
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:27,393
Well, maybe you should cut back on the calories.

120
00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:29,395
That's how I got my summer home.

121
00:05:29,395 --> 00:05:30,396
How about your car?

122
00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:31,397
It's borrowed, but...

123
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:32,899
Yeah, I guess that'd be okay.

124
00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:34,400
Deal.

125
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,903
But you still need your I.D. to get in the building.

126
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,404
I'll be right back.

127
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:39,906
It's in the glove compartment.

128
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,908
Look at the time.

129
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:42,909
Gotta go!

130
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:46,412
Do you want to get in on the sports pool?

131
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:47,914
What teams are playing?

132
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:48,915
Doesn't matter.

133
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:51,417
The winners are chosen by matching the scores

134
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:53,920
to your randomly-selected positions on the grid.

135
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,422
If it's random, why does it matter what the scores are?

136
00:05:56,422 --> 00:05:58,925
Why not forget the game and pick the winners out of a hat?

137
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:02,428
So, you prefer to play the hat.

138
00:06:02,428 --> 00:06:04,430
I can make that happen.

139
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:08,434
For $1.00, you can draw from the hat.

140
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:10,937
And there are no random sports teams involved?

141
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,939
Right-- just the way you like it.

142
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:14,440
$1.00.

143
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,449
It's a four.

144
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,451
That's a loser. Thanks for playing.

145
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:26,452
What's the winning number?

146
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:28,454
Not four. That's all you need to know.

147
00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:30,456
Did I hear some gambling going on here?

148
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:31,457
I want in.

149
00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:32,458
There's the sports pool,

150
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:33,960
the dead pool, the awards pool,

151
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,461
and the Dilbert pool.

152
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:38,965
People are betting ON ME?

153
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,466
Well, most are betting against you.

154
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,468
You know, if you bet against yourself,

155
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:43,970
you'll be covered both ways.

156
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:44,971
I'm not betting.

157
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,472
What are the odds?

158
00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:47,473
Five-to-one against.

159
00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:48,975
I'll take the Dilbert pool.

160
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:50,476
The hat's a sucker's game.

161
00:06:52,478 --> 00:06:54,981
DILBERT: How much training do you think I need

162
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,983
to be a security guard for one day?

163
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:58,484
Mm, six months.

164
00:06:58,484 --> 00:06:59,485
Maybe a year.

165
00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:00,987
A year?

166
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:02,989
All they do is stand there and say, "Have a nice day."

167
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:04,490
It looks pretty easy.

168
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:06,492
It looks EASY BECAUSE THEY'RE SO GOOD at it.

169
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:08,494
If you try to do that job without the proper training,

170
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:10,496
you're dead meat.

171
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:11,998
"Dead meat" is redundant.

172
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:14,500
Once something gets classified as meat,

173
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:15,501
it hardly ever recovers.

174
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:17,503
I've got a pork chop in the fridge

175
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:18,504
that I'm optimistic about.

176
00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:20,006
He's a fighter.

177
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:21,507
Do you have TO ARGUE

178
00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:23,509
with every SINGLE THING I SAY?

179
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:25,011
Mm, I don't have TO. IT'S MY HOBBY.

180
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:26,512
I can quit any time I want.

181
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:29,515
I need to find a one-day training course

182
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:33,019
on how to be a security guard.

183
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,020
Here we go--

184
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:37,023
"Learn the art of office security

185
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,524
in one easy class."

186
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:41,527
Taught by Security Guard Grand Master Chu Nee.

187
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,029
Mm. That sounds good.

188
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,531
The course includes sitting in a chair,

189
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:47,533
pointing toward the elevator,

190
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:50,036
shooing smokers away from the lobby entrance,

191
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,538
and killing an intruder with your thumb.

192
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:54,540
Does it have to be an intruder?

193
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:56,042
Because that could come in handy.

194
00:07:57,543 --> 00:08:01,047
That is absolutely the last time we carpool together.

195
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:02,548
Was it my singing?

196
00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:04,050
Because I don't have to do German OPERA.

197
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,551
I make up the words,

198
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:07,053
so it can be any language you like.

199
00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:11,557
Well, if it isn't my old nemesis

200
00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:14,560
the security guard.

201
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,562
Don't make me use the thumb.

202
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:19,065
Just show me the badge and no one gets hurt.

203
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:21,067
Okay, okay.

204
00:08:27,573 --> 00:08:29,575
There's still time to get in the sports pool.

205
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:31,577
Only $1.00 per square.

206
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,079
Do you take credit cards?

207
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:34,580
Yes, I do, Loud Howard.

208
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:36,582
I've upgraded my operation.

209
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:40,086
This is a good investment because I get airline miles!

210
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,089
Here is my brand-new credit card.

211
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:44,590
It has a $10 limit.

212
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,092
Asok's in for 10.

213
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,593
No, only five.

214
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:48,594
I charged some items

215
00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:50,596
at the drugstore earlier today.

216
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:52,098
Never mind what.

217
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,600
Why would we care what you bought at the drugstore?

218
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,602
Nice try, but my exciting life

219
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,104
is none of your business.

220
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,106
My lips are sealed.

221
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:01,107
What else you have to bet on?

222
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,608
I got the fever now.

223
00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:04,610
I could deal some poker until the boss gets here.

224
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:05,611
Deal 'em!

225
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:19,625
Sorry I'm late,

226
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:22,128
but someone didn't let me clean my ears

227
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,629
in the car this morning

228
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,631
so my schedule's been off all day.

229
00:09:25,631 --> 00:09:27,633
You asked to use my pen.

230
00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:30,136
Anyway, anyway, the reason we're here

231
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:32,138
is to select someone from the group

232
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,140
to organize a career day for young girls

233
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:36,642
who might want to be engineers some day.

234
00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:39,145
These girls need a role model.

235
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:43,149
Someone who is feminine, yet skilled at technology.

236
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:44,150
How about Asok?

237
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:46,152
He's not technically a woman,

238
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:48,154
but he doesn't have much upper body strength, either.

239
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:50,656
One time I ASK FOR HELP CARRYING A COMPUTER MONITOR!

240
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:52,658
One time!

241
00:09:52,658 --> 00:09:54,160
Calm down, Asok.

242
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,661
I was thinking more along the lines

243
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,663
of a real WOMAN.

244
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,669
[BELCHES]

245
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:05,171
I got a pair of fours.

246
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:06,172
If anyone beats that,

247
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:09,175
I'll rip off his head and spit down his neck.

248
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:12,178
What?

249
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:16,682
MASTER CHU NEE: You say you want to be security guards...

250
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:18,684
but do you have the stamina,

251
00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:21,187
the courage, the guts for the job?

252
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:25,691
Now...

253
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,193
close your eyes and imagine

254
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:30,696
you have just been asked for directions to the elevator.

255
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:34,700
With your left hand, point.

256
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:40,706
In your final lesson,

257
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:43,209
you will learn how to kill a man with your thumb.

258
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,211
[GASPING]

259
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:46,712
I need a volunteer.

260
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:50,216
You do realize he's going to kill you with his thumb.

261
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,218
Oh.

262
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,222
So...

263
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:58,224
the student becomes the teacher.

264
00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:01,227
Not really. I just thought that needed to be clarified.

265
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:04,230
Maybe you WOULD LIKE TO SEE HOW THE THUMB CAN KILL A MAN.

266
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,232
I have to admit I'd like to see it.

267
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:07,233
I'm having some trouble

268
00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:09,235
believing you can kill someone with a thumb.

269
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:11,237
You dare to mock me?

270
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:14,740
I have attained three navy blue belts in office security.

271
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,742
I'm just saying it's hard to believe a thumb...

272
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:18,244
Silence!

273
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:19,745
Or you will have to deal with me.

274
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:21,247
[GASPING]

275
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:27,753
Uh...

276
00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:30,756
anybody want to get coffee?

277
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,258
As you know, we need to build

278
00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:33,759
a high-speed communications link

279
00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:35,261
to our Brazilian subsidiary.

280
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:36,762
Any ideas?

281
00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:38,764
Fiber-optic cable.

282
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,266
That would not be economical

283
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:41,267
given the rough terrain.

284
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,269
Well, then, how about microwave relay stations

285
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:44,270
on top of the hills?

286
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,272
Too hard to get the maintenance crews

287
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:47,273
up the hills.

288
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:50,276
How about you, New Dilbert?

289
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:52,278
Well...

290
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:54,280
we could...

291
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,282
build helicopters...

292
00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:59,285
from ordinary parts found in our homes

293
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:02,288
and fly the maintenance crews up the hills.

294
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:03,789
Isn't that expensive?

295
00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:06,292
Only $25 apiece.

296
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:20,306
I'm Officer Dilbert

297
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:21,807
here for the night shift.

298
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:23,809
Nice to meet you, Officer Dilbert.

299
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:24,810
I'm officer....

300
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:26,812
[SURPRISED YELL]

301
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,816
I've sat in some spirited chairs in my day,

302
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:32,818
but this one is the devil himself.

303
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:34,820
You are trained, aren't you?

304
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:35,821
Kind of.

305
00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:37,323
God help you, son.

306
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:40,826
There's a garlic necklace under the counter

307
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,328
for when it gets dark.

308
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,329
Garlic?!

309
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:45,831
Keeps away the undead.

310
00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:46,832
Don't try eating a cross.

311
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:47,833
That don't work.

312
00:12:56,842 --> 00:13:00,346
I'm working security and looking good.

313
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:19,365
How do they do that moon-walking?

314
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,367
It must be special effects.

315
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:22,868
Whew!

316
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:24,370
Well, no problems yet,

317
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,372
and I've been a security guard for well over...

318
00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:28,874
a minute.

319
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,382
We're so glad you're having this career day

320
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:37,883
for our daughters, Alice.

321
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:39,885
You're such a good role model.

322
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:41,387
Pick up your little monsters in an hour,

323
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:42,888
otherwise I'm feeding them to the homeless.

324
00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:45,391
She's got a great sense of humor.

325
00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:46,892
Am I too early?

326
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:48,894
Come back in an hour.

327
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:56,902
Halt!

328
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:59,405
I just came in to use the restroom.

329
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:01,407
Restrooms are for employees only.

330
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,409
Do you mind if I use the elevator?

331
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:05,411
No, you may not use the elevator.

332
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,913
ALICE: The man in the ill-fitting blue suit

333
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:08,914
is Dilbert.

334
00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:10,416
Don't be like him.

335
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,424
Did you come down to keep me company?

336
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:19,925
I came for casino night.

337
00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:21,427
Casino night?

338
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:22,928
You might have the wrong building.

339
00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:23,929
No, I'm infallible.

340
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:26,932
I don't know why you can't remember that.

341
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:29,435
Maybe I'd better come with you.

342
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:44,450
Okay, girls, this game is called craps,

343
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:45,951
because if you lose,

344
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:47,453
you can beat the crap out of Wally.

345
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,455
[ALL LAUGHING]

346
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:50,956
I could take those little girls.

347
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:54,460
Mom?

348
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:56,962
Dilbert? I thought so.

349
00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:58,464
What?

350
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:02,468
All those years pretending to be an engineer. Hmph!

351
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,970
It all makes sense now.

352
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,472
No, it's not like that.

353
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:07,973
What are you doing here?

354
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,975
This is an illegal casino.

355
00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:11,477
I know. Isn't it wonderful?

356
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:12,978
Just this afternoon,

357
00:15:12,978 --> 00:15:15,481
I found your collection of Susan B. Anthony dollars

358
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:16,482
in the basement.

359
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:17,983
I was ready to throw them away,

360
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:20,986
but then I heard about Wally's little racket,

361
00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:22,488
and here I am.

362
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:24,990
You're gambling with my coin collection?

363
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:28,994
Yes, dear, but I'm winning almost a third of the time,

364
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:31,997
and anyway, if you're working security,

365
00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:35,501
I think you've got bigger things to worry about.

366
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,503
I'll need to see some fake ID.

367
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,004
I don't have any fake ID.

368
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:41,507
But you plan to get some fake ID, right?

369
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:42,508
Give me that!

370
00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:43,509
This is outrageous!

371
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:46,011
I want you all out of here this minute!

372
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:59,024
It's not so easy being a security guard, is it?

373
00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:02,027
You! I haven't lost this bet yet.

374
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:03,529
The night is young.

375
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:06,031
I've got hours to clear this up.

376
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:08,534
My mommy is coming to pick me up in 30 minutes.

377
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:09,535
[SHRIEKS]

378
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:11,537
Place your bets.

379
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:13,038
Remember the system.

380
00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:16,542
Face cards are plus one, number cards are minus one.

381
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:19,545
You're teaching her to count cards?

382
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:20,546
This is so wrong!

383
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:23,549
Hey, Asok, look over there.

384
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:24,550
It's a rewarding career.

385
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:27,052
Where?

386
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:29,555
I don't see a rewarding career?

387
00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:30,556
I'm good.

388
00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:31,557
Asok, look over there.

389
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:33,058
It's a woman who respects you

390
00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:35,561
despite your low status and tiny income.

391
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:38,063
Where? I don't see a woman who respects me

392
00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:40,065
despite my low status and tiny income.

393
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:41,567
I'm good.

394
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:44,570
Look, Asok, there's a wall behind you!

395
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,575
What am I doing wrong?!

396
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:52,578
You have 25 minutes before the moms get here

397
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:56,081
and you're fired for being an incompetent security guard.

398
00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:57,082
[LAUGHS]

399
00:16:57,082 --> 00:16:58,584
Ah, I can hardly wait.

400
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,586
This is not over, my friend.

401
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:03,088
I've been in tighter spots than this.

402
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:11,096
Hmm, I don't recognize this corridor.

403
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:12,598
[GASPS]

404
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:24,109
Are you finished?

405
00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:25,110
I guess so.

406
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:27,613
Good. Now, where's the bathroom?

407
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,615
Since when do zombies need bathrooms?

408
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:32,117
When they drink 12 beers.

409
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:39,625
I need an amp and some cable and I'm in business.

410
00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:49,134
That should do it.

411
00:17:49,134 --> 00:17:52,638
Five minutes to spare.

412
00:17:58,143 --> 00:18:00,646
Attention, all illegal gamblers:

413
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,648
this is security.

414
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,149
Leave the building immediately.

415
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:08,153
Attention, attention!

416
00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:10,656
Leave the building now or else!

417
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,157
Or else what?

418
00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:14,660
I'm still figuring that out,

419
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:18,163
but you can be sure it will be very, very bad.

420
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:25,170
Three minutes.

421
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:37,182
Hey!

422
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:39,685
Oh, never mind.

423
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,693
The garlic is my only chance.

424
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:53,198
Hello, LADIES.

425
00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:55,200
How ARE YOU?

426
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,203
How MAY I HELP you?

427
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:02,207
We had Italian for dinner.

428
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:04,209
Halt! You can't go up there

429
00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:06,712
for reasons that are very, very good

430
00:19:06,712 --> 00:19:09,214
but can't be succinctly explained.

431
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,224
[ALARM RINGING]

432
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:20,726
ALICE: Game's over.

433
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,227
Everyone, hit the stairs.

434
00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:39,244
It's a serious crime to set off a false alarm.

435
00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:41,246
We suspect one of the street people.

436
00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:42,748
I can't lie.

437
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:43,749
I DID IT.

438
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:45,250
I PULLED THE ALARM.

439
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,752
Okay. You're free to go.

440
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:48,253
What?

441
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:49,755
I thought it was a serious crime?

442
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,256
You're part of the brotherhood.

443
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:52,257
Brotherhood?

444
00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:53,258
What brotherhood?

445
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:54,760
Well, you got your law enforcement,

446
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,261
and your safety services...

447
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:57,763
Bailiffs, prison guards, judges...

448
00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:59,765
Armed forces, including the coast guard...

449
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:00,766
Did we let the skycaps in?

450
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:02,267
I missed the last meeting.

451
00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:03,268
Yeah, yeah. Me too.

452
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:04,770
Did you hear if the skycaps got in?

453
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:05,771
Just barely.

454
00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:07,773
The Wal-mart greeters held out to the last vote.

455
00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:09,775
How about engineers?

456
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:11,276
Can they get in?

457
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:22,788
DILBERT: I may not have won the bet,

458
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:24,289
but at least I didn't lose.

459
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:25,290
Don't be so sure.

460
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:27,292
You barely succeeded as a security guard,

461
00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:29,294
but the security guard has gotten a job

462
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:30,796
as an engineer at a better company.

463
00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:34,800
He did very well in the personal interview.

464
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:39,304
What do you think you're doing?

465
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:40,806
I could have fallen into that hole.

466
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:43,809
Well, if it isn't Mr. Big Shot Security Guard

467
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:45,310
with his fancy chair

468
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:47,312
and his uniform all clean and sparkly,

469
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:49,815
thinks he knows my job better than I do.

470
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:51,817
How hard is it to put up some safety cones

471
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:53,819
so people don't fall into the open sewer?

472
00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:56,822
Maybe you think you could do this job.

473
00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:01,827
This isn't so hard.

474
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:03,829
I could do this for one day.

475
00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:05,330
Ratbert?

476
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,331
I can't stop.

477
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:07,332
I'm doing laps.

478
00:21:07,332 --> 00:21:08,834
You call that the backstroke?

479
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:11,336
Your arms are all wrong, and you're not kicking right.

480
00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:15,841
Well, Mr. Big Shot Sewer Worker thinks he can be a rat.

481
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:20,345
I'd like to see you do my job for one DAY.

482
00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:29,354
Maybe I should just learn to keep my mouth shut.

483
00:21:37,362 --> 00:21:38,864
[music]