1
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[WIND CHIMES CLANGING]

2
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:06,573
[GRUNTING]

3
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,093
[MONKEYS CHATTERING]

4
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:32,599
Dilbert.

5
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:34,100
So good to see you.

6
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:37,604
You simply must disturb us more often.

7
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,105
Actually, I'm trying to sleep,

8
00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:42,609
which is what normal people do at 3:00 in the morning.

9
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:43,610
Normal people?

10
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:45,111
Oh, how dreadful.

11
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:47,113
Which brings me to my point.

12
00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:49,616
Your wind chimes are making so much noise

13
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:51,117
I can't go to sleep.

14
00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:53,620
We got those on a trip to the Congo.

15
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:55,622
It was the Canary Islands, dear.

16
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:59,626
I didn't see any canaries, but they could have been hiding.

17
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,127
They'll do that.

18
00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:03,129
It doesn't matter where you got them.

19
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:05,131
Can you please keep the noise down?

20
00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,634
Well, it's not us, dear, it's the wind.

21
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,636
You can't hold the wind, son.

22
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:11,638
I learned that in the Aussie outback.

23
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,139
Look, I'm begging you.

24
00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:16,643
All day long, I have to listen to my pointy-haired boss,

25
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:20,146
my yammering co-workers, the traffic, the phone ringing,

26
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:22,148
and my computer beeping at me.

27
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:25,151
But knowing I can return to the quiet of my home--

28
00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:28,655
that little bit of comfort allows me to cling to my sanity.

29
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,657
It's my fortress of solitude.

30
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:33,660
I thought only Superman had a fortress of solitude.

31
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:36,162
Are you comparing yourself to Superman?

32
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:38,164
Rather cheeky, I should think.

33
00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:39,666
Please, the wind chimes?

34
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:41,167
Would you take them down?

35
00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:43,169
Yes, yes, we'll take care of it.

36
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,672
We always comply with our neighbors.

37
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:48,174
Especially the ones who have super powers.

38
00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:49,676
[BOTH LAUGHING]

39
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,177
Did you see the look...

40
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,181
Thank you.

41
00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:05,191
[LOUD CHANTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

42
00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:07,193
[CONGA DRUMS PLAYING]

43
00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:27,714
What is it now?

44
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:29,215
Is the moonlight bouncing off our house

45
00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:30,717
and hurting you in some way?

46
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:32,719
You're playing conga drums

47
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:35,221
and singing at 3:15 in the morning.

48
00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:37,724
Oh. It seems the list of things you don't like

49
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,225
is growing by the minute.

50
00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:41,227
Please, could you keep the noise down

51
00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:42,729
for three more hours?

52
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:43,730
That's all I ask.

53
00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:47,233
MRS. PIERPONT: Look, lovey,

54
00:02:47,233 --> 00:02:49,235
it's the item we purchased in Zimbabwe.

55
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:50,737
I thought it would never come.

56
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:56,242
[TRUMPETS]

57
00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:58,745
That means he's got to go.

58
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:06,252
Hey! Hey, get him away from my lawn!

59
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,754
Stop it! Shoo!

60
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,255
He is a nervous fellow.

61
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:12,258
Yes, he should try to get more sleep.

62
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:14,260
Oh, no!

63
00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:21,768
[EXPLOSION]

64
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,269
[music]

65
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:28,775
[CHANTING]

66
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:11,317
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

67
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:25,331
REPORTER: What does the Tree Lover Society expect from its lawsuit?

68
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:28,334
Big companies have been hurting our trees for too long.

69
00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:31,838
We want to show the world that trees have feelings too.

70
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:33,339
Are you a nut?

71
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:35,842
If so, what kind are you?

72
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:36,843
I am not a nut.

73
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:39,345
I am a man who loves trees.

74
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:43,349
I love them in every way a man can love wood.

75
00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:44,851
Would you mind

76
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,352
handcuffing yourself to a tree

77
00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:47,854
when my photographer gets here?

78
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,355
That's original.

79
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:51,858
There is nothing wrong with the classics.

80
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:52,859
What have you got?

81
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,360
I interviewed an owl.

82
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:55,862
People, whoo-hoo,

83
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:58,364
a little more attention up here, please?

84
00:04:58,364 --> 00:04:59,866
What matters is that

85
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,868
the big corporations who hurt our trees

86
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:04,370
must be stopped.

87
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,872
Long live the trees!

88
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:08,374
That's the man who's suing us--

89
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:10,376
Elmer Oakley,

90
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:12,879
the president of the Tree Lover Society.

91
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:13,880
Why is he mad at us?

92
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,882
We don't harm any trees.

93
00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:17,884
Actually, we do, thanks to Alice.

94
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:18,885
It wasn't my fault.

95
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:20,887
We'll be the judge of that.

96
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:23,389
It all started with benchmarking.

97
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:24,390
Benchmarking?

98
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:25,391
Is that even a word?

99
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:28,394
Benchmarking is when you study world-class companies

100
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:30,897
to learn the processes that make them successful.

101
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:32,899
Then you try to duplicate those processes

102
00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:34,901
using less intelligent employees.

103
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:36,402
So you try to blatantly copy

104
00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:37,904
another company's success,

105
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:40,406
knowing fully that you can't do it as well?

106
00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:41,407
He's a tack, isn't he?

107
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:42,909
In this case,

108
00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:44,410
I studied a company that makes paper.

109
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:46,913
I found out that they have great training programs,

110
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:49,916
fully automated systems, and excellent management.

111
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:52,418
And they completely raped the forest,

112
00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:53,920
don't forget that.

113
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,421
Just laid waste to it.

114
00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:56,923
So, naturally, we had

115
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,925
to completely rape a forest too.

116
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:01,928
Apparently, this damn Tree Lover Society

117
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,429
was somehow offended.

118
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:05,932
DILBERT: Only another 10 hours and I'll be home.

119
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,433
Dilbert. Dilbert!

120
00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:08,434
Yes?

121
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:09,435
That's better.

122
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:12,438
For a moment, it looked like you weren't suffering.

123
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:15,441
What shall we do about the Tree Lover Society?

124
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:16,943
Why don't we have a meeting?

125
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,444
I think this is A MEETING.

126
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:21,447
Loud Howard is on to something.

127
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:22,949
I'm not on anything!

128
00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:24,450
I'm always like this!

129
00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:26,953
I mean, your idea to have an off-site meeting

130
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,955
and invite the Tree Lover Society

131
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,456
to work out a compromise.

132
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,458
He didn't say that.

133
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:33,960
It was implied!

134
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,461
Quiet, I'm trying to think.

135
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:53,479
That won't work.

136
00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:55,481
We'll use Dilbert's house.

137
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:56,983
Why my house?

138
00:06:56,983 --> 00:07:00,987
Because it's the nearest one to my house

139
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,489
without actually being my house.

140
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:04,991
We can trash your place until rush hour

141
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:06,993
and I'll still be home in 10 minutes.

142
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,494
Your logic escapes me.

143
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:10,496
Well, you'd better go catch it.

144
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:12,498
I don't see why I should suffer.

145
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:15,501
I had nothing to do with this Tree Lover situation.

146
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:20,006
Dilbert, do you realize that the letter "I"

147
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:24,010
and the word "I" are one and the same?

148
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,011
Yes.

149
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:27,013
Good. I think I've made my point.

150
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,515
Now, who's handling the refreshments?

151
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:30,516
Alice will.

152
00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:34,020
Why? Because I'm the only woman in the group?

153
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:36,522
Hard to refute the logic of that.

154
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:37,523
Let me try.

155
00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:39,025
[GRUNTING]

156
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:44,030
Apparently, I'll be in charge

157
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,031
of the refreshments.

158
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:48,034
Alice, I want you to organize the icebreaker games.

159
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:50,036
I love Chutes and Ladders!

160
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,538
I think I'd prefer Russian roulette.

161
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:56,542
American games only.

162
00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:01,547
You'd better do more than dust

163
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:04,050
if your co-workers are coming over here for a meeting.

164
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,052
That's all this house needs.

165
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:09,055
My program of ongoing tidiness pays big dividends

166
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:10,556
in these situations.

167
00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:13,059
Your co-workers are going to see you

168
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:15,061
in your natural habitat.

169
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,562
So?

170
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:20,066
They'll form lasting opinions based on your possessions...

171
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:23,569
opinions that will influence your career for years to come.

172
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:26,072
What do I care what others might think?

173
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:28,074
I'm not... like what?

174
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:30,076
You have no athletic trophies on display--

175
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:31,577
says you're a loser.

176
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:32,578
If I had trophies on display,

177
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,580
wouldn't it say I was a braggart?

178
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:37,083
Yes, but if anyone asked you about the trophies,

179
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,584
you could say you were lucky.

180
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,086
Then I would be a lying braggart.

181
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:43,089
And that's still better than being a loser.

182
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:45,591
I'll buy you some trophies at the trophy store.

183
00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:47,093
No bowling trophies.

184
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:49,095
Oh, perish the thought.

185
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:52,598
And the magazines-- you'll have to replace them.

186
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:54,100
What's wrong with my reading material?

187
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:56,602
Needlepoint is not the exclusive domain

188
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,104
of women, you know.

189
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:01,107
It happens to be both challenging and creative.

190
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,608
I'm not going to comment.

191
00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:05,111
I'll just look at you until you agree with me.

192
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:07,113
That won't work, because I'm right

193
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,614
and I know I'm right.

194
00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:10,116
You might not think I'm right,

195
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,118
and no one else might think I'm right,

196
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,119
but I'm right.

197
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:16,622
Okay, you made your point.

198
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:19,125
I'll stop at the newsstand.

199
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:20,126
Is that all?

200
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,128
You'll have to stage the refrigerator.

201
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:24,630
Lose the cheesecake and get some broccoli.

202
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,132
It shows you have self-control.

203
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:27,133
But I...

204
00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:30,136
Oh, all right.

205
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:31,637
I'll go get some fake food.

206
00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:33,639
Change the station on your stereo and TV

207
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:35,141
to something educational.

208
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:37,643
And take the hair out of your soap in the shower.

209
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:39,145
That hair is clean!

210
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:41,647
[SIGHS]

211
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:43,149
At least give it a trim.

212
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:49,655
Just a little off the top.

213
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:53,159
[TRUMPETING AND TRAMPLING]

214
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:57,163
Why do I have to live by the only people in the world

215
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:58,664
who have a pet elephant?

216
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:09,675
Your elephant is ruining my backyard.

217
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,677
Are you sure that's our elephant?

218
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:14,180
How many people on this street have an elephant?

219
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,182
If you don't have that information,

220
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:17,683
how can you be certain it's ours?

221
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:20,686
You're rather jumping to conclusions, my good man.

222
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,188
Just look out your back window

223
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:24,190
and see if your elephant is there.

224
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,191
Oh, very well.

225
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:34,200
Our ELEPHANT IS IN OUR backyard.

226
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,201
You must be mistaken.

227
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:38,204
He just ran back there when you put the phone down.

228
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:40,206
Look at the path of destruction

229
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:42,208
between your house and my backyard.

230
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,710
Do you see a path of destruction?

231
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:46,712
I can't say that I do, dear.

232
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:48,714
No, nothing like that over here.

233
00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:51,717
You are disturbing the sanctity of my home.

234
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:54,220
All I ask is to be left alone at home.

235
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,222
A man's home is his castle.

236
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:59,225
Oh, we're a king now, are we?

237
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:00,226
[LAUGHS]

238
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:01,727
Very good.

239
00:11:01,727 --> 00:11:04,730
I guess he grew weary of being the man of steel.

240
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:05,731
[BOTH LAUGHING]

241
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:10,236
That's it.

242
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:12,238
I'm getting Dogbert.

243
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:14,740
Ooh! He's getting Dogbert.

244
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,242
I'm so AFRAID.

245
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:17,743
[BOTH LAUGHING]

246
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:20,246
Dogbert!

247
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:21,247
Dogbert!

248
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:23,249
How may I be of service?

249
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:25,251
You can tell me where Dogbert is.

250
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:26,252
He left early this morning.

251
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:28,754
Something about installing a puppet government.

252
00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:31,257
He's always installing a puppet government

253
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:32,258
when I need him!

254
00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:38,264
What the...

255
00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:40,766
What is all this?

256
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:42,768
We call it "construction".

257
00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:44,270
I know what it is.

258
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:47,273
I don't think you do.

259
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,275
Why are you on my lawn?

260
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:51,777
We're building a pen for you neighbor's pet elephant.

261
00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:52,778
I'm all for that,

262
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:54,280
but why are you on my lawn?

263
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,281
It's okay.

264
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:56,782
The Pierponts gave us permission.

265
00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:59,285
They can't give you permission to wreck my lawn.

266
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:01,287
They only gave us permission

267
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:02,288
to use YOUR LAWN.

268
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:03,789
The wrecking part was all us.

269
00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:05,291
This is outrageous.

270
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,793
I want all this stuff off my lawn by 2:00.

271
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:09,795
My co-workers are coming over here

272
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:11,297
for an off-site meeting.

273
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:13,299
This will be very embarrassing.

274
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:16,302
More embarrassing than your needlepoint magazines?

275
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:17,803
How do you know about them?

276
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:19,805
You look like a man with eclectic tastes...

277
00:12:19,805 --> 00:12:21,807
and I don't mean that in a good way.

278
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:22,808
That's it.

279
00:12:22,808 --> 00:12:25,311
I'm an easygoing guy,

280
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:28,814
but I've been pushed to the breaking point!

281
00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:31,817
And when I reach that point, look out!

282
00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:32,818
Hey! Hey!

283
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:34,320
Whoa!

284
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:44,830
You might want to put some cones around this open trench.

285
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:01,347
Dilbert, old chap, can't talk now.

286
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,349
We're off for a two-week vacation.

287
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:04,350
We didn't want to be here

288
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,352
when all the construction was going on.

289
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:07,853
It can be so disruptive.

290
00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:11,357
Could you tell the workers to get off my lawn, please?

291
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:12,858
Yes. We'll call them from the car

292
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:13,859
using our cell phone.

293
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:15,361
But if, for some reason,

294
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:16,862
you don't call them from the car,

295
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:18,864
then there's nothing I can do about it.

296
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:20,366
Very good.

297
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,367
Chop, chop.

298
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:36,882
Elmer!

299
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:38,384
Elmer Oakley,

300
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,385
president of the Tree Lover Society?

301
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:45,891
I didn't know how old she was.

302
00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:47,393
She lied about her number of rings.

303
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,895
I say, "Don't judge a man

304
00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:52,898
until you walk a mile in his shoes."

305
00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:54,400
So let's change shoes.

306
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,903
I think I'll get the best of that exchange.

307
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:02,908
I've come from the big company you're suing

308
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:05,911
to take you to an off-site meeting.

309
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:09,415
Do you know what an off-site meeting is, Elmer?

310
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,917
Wait. Don't tell me.

311
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:14,920
Is it, like, a meeting that's not on-site?

312
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,423
Oh! You've got a lot on the ball, son.

313
00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:18,924
What do you say we go

314
00:14:18,924 --> 00:14:20,926
to that meeting, you and me--

315
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,928
you in my shoes, me in yours--

316
00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:24,930
and see if we can't convince you

317
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:27,433
to drop this cockeyed lawsuit, huh?

318
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:28,934
Although, off the record,

319
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:31,937
if I was you, I'd sue for 10 times as much.

320
00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:33,939
Ah! Beautiful home.

321
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:36,442
If I can just get through the off-site meeting,

322
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:38,444
I will have my little sanctuary back.

323
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:47,953
[YELLS]

324
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,457
Dogbert, where are you?

325
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:53,459
I need a little help here!

326
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:54,960
He's not here.

327
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,962
He said something about looting national treasures.

328
00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:58,464
When's he getting back?

329
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,966
I don't have the answer to that question,

330
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,968
so instead, I offer you this dance.

331
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,470
music Yeh-teh-toh, ra-ta-ta... music

332
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,472
My co-workers will be here any minute,

333
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:08,474
I have an elephant on my roof,

334
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:09,475
my lawn has been trashed,

335
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,477
and now I have a dancing rat!

336
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:13,479
I don't see how this could be worse.

337
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:15,481
You'll like Dilbert's house.

338
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:16,982
There's almost no wood in it.

339
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,988
I hope that's sap.

340
00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:27,493
ALICE: What's wrong with you?

341
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:28,994
Why are you driving this way?

342
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,996
This is the way I drive.

343
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:32,498
It is most annoying.

344
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,500
Everyone has their own driving style.

345
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,001
This is mine.

346
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:37,503
You're doing this

347
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,004
so we'll never ask you to drive again.

348
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:42,007
WALLY: It's all perfectly legal.

349
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:44,009
Here it is...

350
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:46,011
Dilbert's house.

351
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:48,013
It has more wood than I remember.

352
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:03,529
Well, well.

353
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:05,030
Let's see what

354
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:06,532
Dilbert reads at home.

355
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,033
Ah! What's this?

356
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:10,035
Dilbert doesn't have good taste.

357
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:11,537
Let's see what station

358
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:13,539
Dilbert was watching last.

359
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,541
And now another masterpiece

360
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:18,544
involving British people with no emotional depth.

361
00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:20,045
Educational television?

362
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:23,048
Dilbert watches educational television?

363
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:24,049
I had no idea that

364
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:27,052
Dilbert was such an accomplished sportsman.

365
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:28,554
He never speaks of it.

366
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:30,556
Oh, those? I just got lucky.

367
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,563
It's broccoli!

368
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:39,565
Nothing but broccoli!

369
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,066
Broccoli?

370
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:43,569
Something is very wrong here.

371
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:45,070
Wally, check his soap.

372
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:47,072
I'm on it.

373
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,575
It's been trimmed.

374
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:51,076
Possibly blow-dried.

375
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,079
I knew it.

376
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:56,081
This place has been staged.

377
00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:57,082
Staged.

378
00:16:57,082 --> 00:16:59,084
We've been had.

379
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:01,086
Uh... were we going to have a meeting?

380
00:17:01,086 --> 00:17:03,589
Right. The meeting.

381
00:17:03,589 --> 00:17:05,591
Let's start with the refreshments.

382
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:07,092
Wally, what did you bring?

383
00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:08,093
I did a survey

384
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:10,095
and found that everyone wanted hot dogs.

385
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,597
I'm a vegetarian.

386
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:13,098
It's too late to cast your vote.

387
00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:15,100
Hot dogs it is. Where are they?

388
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:16,602
Well, the survey was phase one.

389
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:20,105
I'm hoping to get to phase two some time in the next quarter.

390
00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:21,106
Ooh!

391
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:23,609
We can go directly to the icebreaker phase.

392
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,110
Everyone, grab a paint gun.

393
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:27,112
We're playing street rules!

394
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:29,114
Are your meetings always like this?

395
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,616
Not always.

396
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,117
One time, we had HOT DOGS.

397
00:17:32,117 --> 00:17:33,619
Ow!

398
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:39,124
[ALL SHOUTING]

399
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:40,626
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

400
00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:46,131
That paint washes off, right?

401
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:56,141
There's your consensus, you tree-loving freak!

402
00:17:56,141 --> 00:17:57,142
Whoo-hoo!

403
00:17:57,142 --> 00:17:59,144
Nice going, Dilbert.

404
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,146
This is the last time I let you talk me into

405
00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:03,148
having an off-site meeting at your house.

406
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:07,653
I'll sue your tree-killing company

407
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,154
into sawdust!

408
00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:12,157
But not before I win this ice-breaker game.

409
00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:13,659
Hey, this should work.

410
00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:16,161
No! Not the elephant!

411
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:17,663
[LAUGHING]

412
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:19,665
[TRUMPETING]

413
00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:28,173
My house.

414
00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:31,677
You destroyed my fortress of solitude.

415
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:34,680
As it turns out, it wasn't much of a fortress.

416
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,181
I don't know about anyone else,

417
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:38,183
but that really worked up my appetite.

418
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:43,188
Oh, yeah, that's right.

419
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:45,190
I have destroyed your hovel

420
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,693
and I shall destroy your company--

421
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:48,694
in court.

422
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:50,696
[HELICOPTER APPROACHING]

423
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:55,701
Dogbert has returned.

424
00:18:57,202 --> 00:19:00,205
It just turned into a bad day to be you.

425
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:03,208
I'm not afraid of some little dog.

426
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:07,713
Never mind.

427
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:15,220
Explanation?

428
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,222
DILBERT: ...and then Elmer hit the elephant

429
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:18,223
and the whole thing collapsed.

430
00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:22,227
And you want me to fix everything.

431
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:26,231
I believe that is outside of even your powers, Mr. Dogbert.

432
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:31,737
[SOFTLY]: I'm sorry.

433
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:34,239
It seems you have four problems here.

434
00:19:34,239 --> 00:19:36,742
One, dead elephant,

435
00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:38,744
two, Wally forgot the food,

436
00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:40,245
three,

437
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,247
Wood-For-Brains here is suing your company,

438
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:44,750
and four, the house has been destroyed.

439
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:45,751
He's good.

440
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:47,252
We can solve problems one and two

441
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:49,254
by barbecuing the elephant over the lumber.

442
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:50,255
That sounds tasty.

443
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,256
Oh, yeah.

444
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:53,759
As for the woodaphile here,

445
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:56,261
you do know you've slain an endangered species.

446
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:59,765
That's right, he has, and we all saw it.

447
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:02,267
Uh, never mind about the lawsuit.

448
00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:04,770
Forgive and forget, that's my motto.

449
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:06,772
That's three problems out of four!

450
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:08,273
Cell phone.

451
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:10,776
Hello.

452
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,277
Is this the construction firm

453
00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:13,779
that did the Pierpont job this morning?

454
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:16,281
This is Mr.. Pierpont.

455
00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:18,784
I want you to remove the wreckage next to my house

456
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:20,786
and move my entire house into the lot.

457
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:23,288
Throw away all the possessions inside and change the locks.

458
00:20:23,288 --> 00:20:25,290
I lost a lot of computer equipment.

459
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:27,793
I'll get the insurance adjuster here in the morning.

460
00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:29,294
It was time to upgrade anyway.

461
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:31,296
Start tomorrow afternoon.

462
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:34,800
You have two weeks until I return from vacation.

463
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,803
I shall now start the paperwork to make you a god.

464
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:43,308
I call leg.

465
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:49,314
This might be

466
00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:50,816
some of your best work.

467
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:53,819
You're lucky these houses all look alike.

468
00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:55,821
We found this in the wreckage.

469
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:56,822
Do you want it?

470
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:58,323
Yes.

471
00:20:58,323 --> 00:20:59,825
Thank you.

472
00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:01,326
Freak.

473
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:03,829
I wonder what the Pierponts will think when they get back?

474
00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:04,830
I took care of that too.

475
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,331
PILOT: Uh, ladies and gentlemen,

476
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:09,334
I've been asked to make a public service announcement.

477
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:12,337
Be sure to unplug your curling iron

478
00:21:12,337 --> 00:21:14,840
before taking long vacations.

479
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,342
Oh, lovey, did you unplug your curler?

480
00:21:17,342 --> 00:21:18,844
I'm not sure.

481
00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:22,347
Because if you don't, your house might disappear

482
00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:24,349
along with your pet elephant.

483
00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:26,852
And announcement number two,

484
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:29,855
does anyone know how to land this thing?

485
00:21:38,363 --> 00:21:40,866
[music]