1 00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:13,079 Unless I'm a complete moron, 2 00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:16,583 you've invented some sort of a... 3 00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:17,584 steel banana? 4 00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,085 It's a model rocket. 5 00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:21,087 My journey of self-discovery is ending early. 6 00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:24,090 You may commence bragging at any time. 7 00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:25,592 There's no need to brag. 8 00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,594 Stating the facts will be sufficient. 9 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,596 Do as he does, not as he says. 10 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:30,597 Does what? 11 00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:31,598 As you can see, 12 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,099 I've equipped this model 13 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:35,602 with a state-of-the-art pico-nuclear propulsion drive, 14 00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:38,104 an artificial intelligence guidance system, 15 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,106 and a super-hardened ceramic casing. 16 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:42,609 Yes. But can it do this? 17 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,611 Ya-da-da-da-da-da-la-da! 18 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,613 Ta-ta! 19 00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:57,123 I have no further questions. 20 00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:58,625 You're gonna be the envy 21 00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,126 of every 12-year-old in the park. 22 00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:01,628 It's not for the park. 23 00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:04,130 It's for unmanned space exploration. 24 00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:06,633 As you know, I have long held firm in my beliefs 25 00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:08,134 that life in some form 26 00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:10,136 must exist in other places. 27 00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,639 My pleas for further study have gone largely unheeded. 28 00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,641 So I've taken it upon myself 29 00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:17,143 and programmed this to find any trace of life-- 30 00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:19,145 no matter how faint-- gather samples, 31 00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:21,648 and return directly to me when it's done. 32 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,650 Ooh, and lookee, it has a button too. 33 00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:28,154 I wish you hadn't done that. 34 00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,156 I know where you're coming from. 35 00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,171 It'll be okay. 36 00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:47,674 As soon as it collects some samples of alien life, 37 00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:48,675 it'll return directly to me. 38 00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,684 [IN ALIEN LANGUAGE] 39 00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:10,697 [BEEPING] 40 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:29,215 [MUSIC PLAYS FROM RADIO] 41 00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:32,719 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 42 00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:33,720 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 43 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:34,220 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 44 00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,724 CROWD [GROANING]: Oh! Aw, man! 45 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:38,725 What a rip-off! 46 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:40,226 I saw that! I have evidence! 47 00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:48,735 My first dying wish is to live, 48 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:50,737 but since that's not working out, 49 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:55,241 my second dying wish is to have an heir to my vast fortune. 50 00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:57,744 Your wife will be my incubator. 51 00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:00,246 Incu... incu... 52 00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:01,748 Well, incu-whatever. 53 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:04,250 Let's get one thing straight. 54 00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,752 It ain't free. 55 00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,253 We want a hundred dollars... 56 00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:08,755 in unmarked quarters. 57 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:10,757 The unfertilized eggs are ready for implanting 58 00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:12,258 in the surrogate hillbilly. 59 00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:13,760 Hey, just 'cause I take money 60 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,762 to make babies for other people, 61 00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,263 that don't make me no surrogate. 62 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,265 Actually, it does. 63 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,779 That rocket poached your eggs. 64 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:39,786 I know it ain't fair to do it this way, Flossie, 65 00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:44,791 but the bulls think you're... well, skanky. 66 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,303 It's artificial nano-machine DNA. 67 00:03:57,303 --> 00:03:58,805 I have synthesized 68 00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:00,807 the very building blocks of robotic life. 69 00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,809 So you're saying the robots will be able 70 00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,811 to independently reproduce and evolve? 71 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:09,315 Yes, I am. 72 00:04:20,326 --> 00:04:22,328 [GLASS SHATTERING] 73 00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:33,840 When do you expect it to return? 74 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,842 It depends how far it has to travel 75 00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,343 to find samples of new life. 76 00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:39,345 The only thing I know for sure 77 00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:40,847 is that it will return in the end. 78 00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:48,354 [SCREAMS] 79 00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:50,356 [EXPLOSION] 80 00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:44,410 [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING] 81 00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,925 You know, it's lucky he has gall stones, 82 00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:00,426 or this thing would've gone right through him. 83 00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:01,928 Is he going to be all right? 84 00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,930 Will he regain consciousness? 85 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,932 And don't assume that because I'm his mother 86 00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:06,933 I want a certain answer. 87 00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,935 Lab guy says the rocket was covered 88 00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,937 with a mixture of genetic material 89 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:14,941 including alien, bovine, nano-robotic, 90 00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:17,443 hillbilly, and two dozen engineers. 91 00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,946 In a word, he's... pregnant. 92 00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:21,447 Knocked up? 93 00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:22,949 I told him this would happen 94 00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:24,951 if he kept playing with rockets. 95 00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:25,952 You did? 96 00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:27,954 I'm very thorough in my warnings. 97 00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:30,456 We'll terminate the pregnancy at once, of course. 98 00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,458 Don't try it, buster. 99 00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:34,460 That's my grandson in there. 100 00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:35,962 Or granddaughter. 101 00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:36,963 Or grand cow... 102 00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:38,965 What were the other choices again? 103 00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,466 Alien and robot. 104 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:43,469 Whatever it is, you'd better keep it alive. 105 00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:46,472 This is probably my one shot to be a grandmother, 106 00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:49,976 and I'm not letting anybody get in my way. 107 00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,477 His body can't support a baby, 108 00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:53,479 unless we pump him so full of female hormones 109 00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:55,982 it scrambles his gender identity permanently. 110 00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:57,984 You know, if you doctors 111 00:06:57,984 --> 00:07:00,987 stopped worrying so much about the patient 112 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,489 and started worrying more about the family, 113 00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:06,492 maybe we wouldn't be in the health care mess we're in. 114 00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:07,994 But it's not safe. 115 00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:08,995 It's not ethical. 116 00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:11,998 Oh, like you give a damn. 117 00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:14,000 Come on, you know you want to do it. 118 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,003 Hmm. I got to admit, it would be something. 119 00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,505 Yeah, we'll put something down on the chart. 120 00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:21,507 All right. What the hell. 121 00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:24,010 You'll tell him when he wakes up, won't you? 122 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,511 Of course. 123 00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:26,512 Swear? 124 00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:30,516 Okay. All right. 125 00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:32,518 [LAUGHING] 126 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,023 Maybe in the third trimester. 127 00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,530 My feet are like ice cubes. 128 00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:45,531 Is anyone else cold? 129 00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:48,034 It's exactly 72 degrees in here. 130 00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,535 The same as it's always been, 131 00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:51,037 and I might add, always will be. 132 00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:52,538 Well, tell that to my feet. 133 00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:54,040 Ratbert. 134 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,541 I'm afraid of his slippers. 135 00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:57,043 You know what I feel like? 136 00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,544 I feel like ice cream. 137 00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,546 Does anyone want to share some dessert? 138 00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:02,048 You read my mind. 139 00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:04,050 Would you mind driving to the store and getting it? 140 00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,551 I don't want to be seen buying ice cream 141 00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:07,053 until I lose five pounds. 142 00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,054 Only five? 143 00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,055 Is that nice? 144 00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,057 If your feet are cold, 145 00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,558 won't ice cream make it worse? 146 00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:15,061 Those are completely unrelated things. 147 00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,562 I'll need some money. 148 00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:17,563 Rats don't have money. 149 00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:18,564 I'll give you a check. 150 00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:19,565 A check? 151 00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,067 It's a convenience store. 152 00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,568 It's a $5.00 purchase. 153 00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:24,070 Who writes a check for $5.00? 154 00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:27,573 I give up. Forget it. 155 00:08:27,573 --> 00:08:29,575 If you must pick on every little thing I do, 156 00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:31,577 then I don't want any ice cream, 157 00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,579 or cupcakes. or anything sweet and delicious. 158 00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:36,082 I'll just go to my room and put on my socks. 159 00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:37,083 Fine! 160 00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:37,583 Fine! 161 00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:48,094 Tiny. 162 00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,598 And those two... 163 00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:54,100 They make me... 164 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,101 [GROANS] 165 00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:00,106 [VOMITING] 166 00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:05,611 [HUMMING TUNE] 167 00:09:09,615 --> 00:09:11,117 [HUMMING CONTINUES] 168 00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:23,129 Huh? 169 00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:24,130 [LAUGHS] 170 00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:33,139 And now the Chapstick. 171 00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:35,641 [SMACKING LIPS] 172 00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:37,643 Mm... SASSY! 173 00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:47,653 [ALL WHISPERING] 174 00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:59,165 We heard about your accident with the rocket. 175 00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:00,666 Some day, you'll look back at it and laugh. 176 00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:02,668 We already started. 177 00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:05,171 [LAUGHING] 178 00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:07,173 [COUGHING] 179 00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:10,676 But seriously, 180 00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:12,178 are there any aftereffects? 181 00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:14,180 None that I know of. 182 00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,682 The air is so DRY in here. 183 00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:19,185 Doesn't it wreak havoc on your skin? 184 00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,686 No. No. 185 00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,188 Moisturizer? 186 00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,189 No, thanks. No, thanks. 187 00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:24,690 Who wants a peppermint? 188 00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:25,691 Peppermint? 189 00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:26,692 Moisturizer? 190 00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:28,694 That's not a briefcase, it's a fricking purse! 191 00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:30,696 What else do you have in that thing? 192 00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:31,697 Not much. 193 00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:33,199 My romance novel, 194 00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:34,700 some moist towelettes 195 00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,702 Chapstick, extra pair of socks 196 00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:38,704 in case mine get a ru-- 197 00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,206 I mean, uh, ripped. 198 00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:42,708 You know how socks can get ripped. 199 00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:43,709 No. 200 00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:44,710 I do. 201 00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:46,212 You mind if I borrow those? 202 00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,213 Keep them. 203 00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,214 You're my witness. 204 00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,216 And I got these at the drugstore. 205 00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,218 They're EXCELLENT FOR ABSORBING... 206 00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,219 spills. 207 00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,221 Oh, my God! 208 00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:59,725 I just have to try one test. 209 00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:02,228 Dilbert, would you like to date me? 210 00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:05,231 Not in a million years. 211 00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:07,233 Yup. He's a woman. 212 00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:11,237 As you know, 213 00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,739 our older employees-- 214 00:11:13,739 --> 00:11:15,741 the ones with the highest salaries-- 215 00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:19,745 are not dying at the rate we'd hoped. 216 00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:22,248 We've decided to reduce health care benefits 217 00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:25,251 to speed up the NATURAL process. 218 00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:30,756 Dilbert, are you listening to any of this? 219 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,258 Actually, yes. 220 00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:34,760 I've SUDDENLY developed the ability to multitask. 221 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,763 An hour ago, I was talking and thinking and typing 222 00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:38,764 at the same time. 223 00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,766 Men can't multitask! 224 00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:43,269 Only women can multitask! 225 00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:46,272 And lately, I've started to appreciate conversations 226 00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,274 that have no meaningful content. 227 00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,775 Is anyone else cold? 228 00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:51,777 I am. 229 00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:54,780 You can borrow one of my afghans. 230 00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:55,781 This is PRETTY. 231 00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,783 Did you make it yourself? 232 00:11:57,783 --> 00:12:00,786 I WISH. 233 00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:02,288 As I was saying, 234 00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:06,292 your NEW health maintenance organization will be... 235 00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:08,794 somewhat less robust than the old one. 236 00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:10,296 How much less? 237 00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:11,797 They operate out of an Italian restaurant. 238 00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:14,300 How can doctors work in a restaurant? 239 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,302 They don't HAVE doctors per se, 240 00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:18,804 but IF YOU TIP THE WAITERS ENOUGH, 241 00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:20,806 they'll remove your appendix 242 00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:23,309 and PUT IT IN A DOGGIE BAG FOR YOU. 243 00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:25,311 They also have early bird specials. 244 00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,313 They're VERY service-oriented. 245 00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,815 Sometimes, I go there just for the sponge baths. 246 00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:31,817 What IS our maternity leave policy? 247 00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:35,321 Our maternity leave policy is that if you FEEL maternal, 248 00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:36,822 you should leave. 249 00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:40,826 BOTH: That's discrimination against women! 250 00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,828 Every day, this company becomes 251 00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:44,330 less family-friendly. 252 00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:45,331 Little by little, 253 00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,333 you chip away at our dignity. 254 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,335 You COULD get a job some place else. 255 00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:52,338 Wally, I'm not asking you to solve my problem. 256 00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:54,340 That was a plea for empathy! 257 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,342 You could BUY SUPPLEMENTAL HEALTH INSURANCE. 258 00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:58,844 Stop trying to solve my problems. 259 00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:01,347 I'm just sharing my feelings. 260 00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,852 Dilbert, if I wasn't so completely consumed 261 00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:07,853 by my OWN problems, 262 00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:09,355 I might be persuaded 263 00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:11,357 to think there was something wrong with YOU. 264 00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,359 Anyway, here's their pamphlets. 265 00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:14,860 It's also a takeout menu. 266 00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:15,861 They DO delivery. 267 00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:19,365 And may I recommend the prostate exam marsala. 268 00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:20,366 [SMACKS LIPS] 269 00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,867 Mm. 270 00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:24,870 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late for my appointment. 271 00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,873 I'm having dermabrasion and tiramisu. 272 00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:31,377 DILBERT: I feel DIFFERENT 273 00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:33,379 since my accident with the model rocket. 274 00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:34,880 Mm-hmm. Go on. 275 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:37,383 For example, I no longer love my computer. 276 00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:38,884 I see it simply as a tool 277 00:13:38,884 --> 00:13:41,387 for increasing my productivity. 278 00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:42,388 Hmm... 279 00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:43,389 This morning, 280 00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:44,390 I pumped my own gas, 281 00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:46,392 and I noticed for the first time 282 00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,893 it makes my hands smell. 283 00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:51,397 Ah-ha. And what do you think of performance reviews? 284 00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:52,898 I hate them! 285 00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:53,899 I never cared before, 286 00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:55,401 but now the thought of being criticized 287 00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:56,902 drives me crazy. 288 00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:58,404 And do you constantly 289 00:13:58,404 --> 00:14:00,906 find yourself wishing you could take a nap? 290 00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,408 Yes! 291 00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:03,909 Do you know what's wrong with me? 292 00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:05,911 Yes. You've turned into a woman. 293 00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:06,912 [CHUCKLES] 294 00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:07,913 No, seriously. 295 00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:08,914 [CHUCKLES] 296 00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:10,416 I'm serious. You're a woman. 297 00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:11,917 That's impossible. 298 00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:13,919 Well, I can prove it. 299 00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:14,920 Now... 300 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,422 Tell me what you're wearing. 301 00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:18,424 White short-sleeve shirt, red and black necktie, 302 00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:20,926 black Capri pants, white socks, and black shoes. 303 00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:21,927 What does that prove? 304 00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,429 It proves you're a woman. 305 00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:24,930 A man would have to look. 306 00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,439 Wally? 307 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:36,942 What are you wearing? 308 00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:37,943 Uh... I don't know. 309 00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:39,445 I'll give you a hint. 310 00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:41,447 It's the same thing you wear every day. 311 00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:43,449 Oh. Is it blue? 312 00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:44,950 [DISGUSTED GRUNT] 313 00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:45,951 [GASPS] 314 00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,954 Asok, what clothes are you wearing? 315 00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:52,458 Um... I don't know. 316 00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:55,461 Possibly a parka or some sort of sweater? 317 00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:56,462 Is that close? 318 00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:57,463 [DISGUSTED GRUNT] 319 00:14:58,464 --> 00:14:59,465 Loud Howard, 320 00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,966 what color is your shirt? 321 00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,968 Is it a loud color? 322 00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,470 What's wrong with you? 323 00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,472 Are you all brain-dead? 324 00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:07,973 No, we're male. 325 00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:08,974 You seem very upset. 326 00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:10,976 Maybe you could take a pill for that. 327 00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:13,479 Stop trying to solve my problems. 328 00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:14,980 You're all so... 329 00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,482 [GRUNTING IN DISGUST] 330 00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:23,489 Do you want to hear the most ridiculous thing? 331 00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:24,990 It's what I live for. 332 00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:28,994 Our director of human resources thinks I'm a woman. 333 00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:29,995 [CHUCKLES] 334 00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:30,996 Is that funny or what? 335 00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:32,998 Looks like you need bigger pants. 336 00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:34,500 I don't need bigger pants. 337 00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,502 I need smaller pants. 338 00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:39,004 That way, I'll have incentive to lose weight. 339 00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:40,005 [GRUNTS] 340 00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:41,507 But in the meantime, 341 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:44,009 I'll have to wear something else. 342 00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:46,011 Where did I put my sewing machine? 343 00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:48,013 You don't own a sewing machine. 344 00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:49,515 Really? 345 00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:53,519 Mom, 346 00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:55,020 can I borrow your sewing machine? 347 00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:56,522 Mine doesn't exist. 348 00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,524 It's in the sewing room, dear. 349 00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:03,529 Did you tell him yet? 350 00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:05,531 I'm waiting for the third trimester. 351 00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,032 That's not going to work. 352 00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:10,536 We have some major adjustments to make here. 353 00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:14,039 I need time to ease into the grandmother thing. 354 00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:16,542 And, besides, I could use a good laugh. 355 00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,043 I hear you. 356 00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:27,553 There. That should be roomy enough. 357 00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,563 I didn't even know I could sew. 358 00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:39,565 How do you like my new shirt? 359 00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,066 I made it myself. 360 00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:45,070 I wouldn't call that a shirt. 361 00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,572 Of course, it's a shirt. 362 00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,073 I made it extra long 363 00:16:48,073 --> 00:16:50,576 so you can't tell I'm not wearing any pants. 364 00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:51,577 It's an innovation. 365 00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:52,578 It's a dress. 366 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,079 You're just jealous, 367 00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:55,581 but don't be. 368 00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:59,084 I'm planning to sew you one of these for your birthday. 369 00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:02,588 Dilbert, I think Dogbert wants to tell you something. 370 00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,089 Really? What? 371 00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:05,591 Sit down. 372 00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:08,093 Ooh! 373 00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:09,595 I wasn't gonna tell you this 374 00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:11,096 until the third trimester, 375 00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:13,599 but I see you're coming right along there, so... 376 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:15,100 What are you talking about? 377 00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:18,103 Dilbert, you know that experimental rocket 378 00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:19,605 that had its way with you? 379 00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,106 I wouldn't put it that way. 380 00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:23,108 You will when we tell you what we know. 381 00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:25,110 The rocket had genetic material 382 00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:27,112 from a variety of sources. 383 00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:29,114 A wide variety. 384 00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,115 Quite varied. 385 00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:31,617 Maybe you could name a few. 386 00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:32,618 Hillbilly. 387 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:33,619 Space alien. 388 00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:34,620 Robot. 389 00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:35,621 Cow. 390 00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,122 And several dozen engineers. 391 00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:41,126 Wow. Do I make a good life-seeking rocket or what? 392 00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,628 But that's not the best part. 393 00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,129 What's the best part? 394 00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:05,150 [ITALIAN ACCENT] Table for one, obviously. 395 00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:07,152 I need to see a doctor, 396 00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:08,654 or at least a waiter, right away. 397 00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,155 What is your problem? 398 00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:11,156 Do I have to say it 399 00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:12,658 in front of the other customers? 400 00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:14,159 Yes, you do. 401 00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:16,662 I'm pregnant with an alien baby, 402 00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:18,163 or perhaps a cow, 403 00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:19,665 or a hillbilly, or a robot. 404 00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:25,671 I recommend Dr. Eduardo, table four. 405 00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:28,173 He handles our nut cases. 406 00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:30,175 I'm not a nut. 407 00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:32,177 If I were a nut, 408 00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:33,679 would I be dressed like this? 409 00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,180 Good point. 410 00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,682 In that case, I recommend... 411 00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:38,684 Dr. Eduardo, table four. 412 00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:41,186 That's more like it. 413 00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,201 [COUGHS] 414 00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:02,207 My name is Eduardo. 415 00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:03,709 I will be your doctor. 416 00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,210 May I get you a beverage? 417 00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:06,211 Ginger ale, please. 418 00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:08,714 And what seems to be your problem? 419 00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:11,216 I think I'm pregnant. 420 00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:13,719 [GASPING] 421 00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:16,221 Hmm. 422 00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:18,223 Say "ah." 423 00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:19,725 Ahhh. 424 00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:23,228 I don't see anything down there. 425 00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:25,731 [MUMBLING] I don't think you can see it that way. 426 00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,232 Take off your dress. 427 00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,734 It's a shirt! 428 00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:32,237 Yes. I will be right back with your drinks. 429 00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:33,739 Great. 430 00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:35,240 Nothing to read but this menu, 431 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,242 and it's probably been handled 432 00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:38,744 by a million sick people already. 433 00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:41,747 We can't afford an ultrasound machine, 434 00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:45,751 but our busboy, Juan, is the next best thing. 435 00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:46,752 Don't move. 436 00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:48,253 I will make a sound wave, 437 00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:51,256 and Juan will create a picture from the sonic signature. 438 00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:56,762 [SONIC PINGING] 439 00:19:56,762 --> 00:20:00,265 [PINGING CONTINUES] 440 00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:16,281 What's in there?! 441 00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:19,284 Sweet mother of God! 442 00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:22,788 Don't you think you're overreacting a little? 443 00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:25,791 Gaah! 444 00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:30,796 NARRATOR: Next week on DILBERT... 445 00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:34,299 LOUD HOWARD: What? Dilbert's having a baby? 446 00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:37,302 The baby might be an alien, or a robot, or a cow, 447 00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:39,304 or a hillbilly, or an engineer. 448 00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:40,305 Dime a dozen. 449 00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:42,307 Do your friends think you dress too sexy? 450 00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:44,309 DILBERT: Can you help me publish a book 451 00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:45,310 about my pregnancy? 452 00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:46,311 I need the money. 453 00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:47,312 Follow me. 454 00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:49,815 How much news can you afford? 455 00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:52,317 Tonight, we take you to meet this curious man 456 00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:54,319 in a story we call... 457 00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,822 A Womb with a Stew. 458 00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:59,324 Michael Jackson has an order in for three of them. 459 00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:01,326 Join us tomorrow on Prime Line 460 00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:03,829 when we begin gavel-to-gavel coverage 461 00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:06,331 of the fetus custody battle of the century. 462 00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:08,333 Please rise for the honorable... 463 00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:13,839 [ECHOING LOUDLY] Judge Stone Cold Steve Austin! 464 00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:16,341 Austin 3:16 says order in the court. 465 00:21:16,341 --> 00:21:18,343 [MOANING] 466 00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:19,344 It's coming!