DIARY OTHER BOOKS BY JEFF KINNEY Diary of a Wimpy Kid Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Ugly Truth Diary of a Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book The Wimpy Kid Movie Diary COMING SOON Diary of a Wimpy Kid 6 DIARY Vf'npy K'c/ 0O0 DAys ty Jeff Kihhey PUBLISHER’S NOTE: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Kinney, Jeff. Diary of a wimpy kid : dog days / by Jeff Kinney, p. cm. Summary: In the latest diary of middle-schooler Greg Heffley, he records his attempts to spend his summer vacation sensibly indoors playing video games and watching television, despite his mother’s other ideas. ISBN 978-0-8109-8391-5 (Harry N. Abrams) [1. Summer—Fiction. 2. Diaries—Fiction. 3. Humorous stories.] I. Title. II. Title: Diary of a wimpy kid four. PZ7.K6232Di 2009 [Fic]—dc22 2009024953 Wimpy Kid text and illustrations copyright © 2009 Wimpy Kid, Inc. DIARY OF A WIMPY KID®, WIMPY KID™, and the Greg Heffley design™ are trademarks of Wimpy Kid, Inc. All rights reserved. Book design by Jeff Kinney Cover design by Chad W. Beckerman and Jeff Kinney Published in 2009 by Amulet Books, an imprint of ABRAMS. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. Amulet Books and Amulet Paperbacks are registered trademarks of Harry N. Abrams, Inc. Amulet Books are available at special discounts when purchased in quantity for premiums and promotions as well as fundraising or educational use. Special editions can also be created to specification. For details, contact specialmarkets@abramsbooks.com or the address below. ABRAMS THE ART OF BOOKS SINCE 1949 115 West 18th Street New York, NY 10011 www.abramsbooks.com TO JONATHAN JUNE Fri. Un-for+uha+ely, Icon’s idea 0/ +ke per-feci Sommer vaca+ion is di-ffereh+ from mine. Horn says i+s ho+ "ha+ural" for a kid +0 s+ay indoors wken i+s sohny 00+. X +ell ker +ka+ Xki just +rying +0 pro+ec+ my skin so I don’+ look all wrinkly wken X’m old like ker, t>o+ ske doesn+ wan+ +0 kear i+. Horn keeps +rying +0 ge+ me +0 do some+kiV»g ou+side, like go +0 +ke pool. Bu+ X spen+ +ke krs+ par+ of +ke summer a+ my friend Rowleys pool, and +ka+ didn’+ work 00+ so good. ”The lesson X learned is that some people won’t think twice about usinft'O’ . £> m i = t VlKeh +He las+ "Li’l Co+ie” comes 00+, me ahd Pad will Have +0 +hfow a party, kecaose Some+Hih^ like +Ka+ deserves a serioos celekra+ioh. Mohday E-Veh +Kou 3 K me ahd Pod see eye +o eye oh "Li’l Cu+ie," +kere are s+ill a lo+ of +kih^s we bu++ keads over. "Ike bicj issue be+weeh us ricjk+ how is my sleeps schedule. Purih^ +ke summer "I like +o s+ay u^> all hi^k+ wa+ckih^ TV or playih^ video ^ames ahd +keh sleep +krou^k +ke morhih^. Bu+ Pad ^e+S kihd of crabby if X’m s+ill ih bed wkeh ke cje+s kome from work. La+ely, Pad’s beeh callihg me a+ hooh +o make Sure X’m ho+ s+ill asleep. So X keep a pkohe by my bed ahd use my bes+ wide-awake Voice wkeh ke calls. X +kihk Pad’s jealous because ke kas +o op +o work wkile +ke res+ of us ge+ +o kick back ahd +ake i+ easy every day. bu+ if Kt's ^ohha be all grumpy aboui i+, Ke sKould jus+ become a ieacker or a showplow driver or Have ohe of +kose jots wkere you ^e+ +o +ake summers off. Mom’s no+ really kelpih^ improve Pad’s mood, ei+Ker. Ske calls Kim a+ work at>ou+ five +imes a day wi+K upda+es oh eVery+kihg +Ka+’s 301'h^ oh arouhd +Ke Kouse. Tuesday Pad 30+ Mom a hew camera for Motker’s Pay, ahd laiely skes tech +akih^ lo+s of pic+ures. X +Kihk i+s because ske feels ^uil+y abou+ ho+ keepihg up oh +ke family pko+o albums. Vlken ny older bro+ker, Rodrick, was a fcaiy, Mon was +o+aiy oh +o^> of +V»ih^S. Once X cane alon^ X ^oess Mon 30+ busy, so from +ka+ poin+ on +Kere are a lo+ of ^a^s in oor official fanily kis+ory. tiMcoruft. o finest j&VUtfvdla^ pJrt&y (flaj£ oQ rr*M&tSlllL jbdhooL Ive learned +ha+ y>ho+o albums areh+ ah accura+e record of wha+ ha^pehed ih your life, ahyway. Las+ year wheh we were a+ +he beach, hom bou^hi a buhch of fahcy seashells a+ a ^if-t shop, ahd la+er oh I saw her bury them ih -the sahd for Mahhy +o "discover.” naaSfLi^ MaxMSL&l Tod+ approve. A ■few weeks ago Granina wasn’+ answering her ^>hone, so Mon 30+ worried and drove over +0 Granma’s +0 see if she was OK. Granma was fine, tat she wasn’i picking uy her ^>hone because of sone+hing she read. but wken Mom asked Gramma wkere ske ^ot ker information , Gramma said — Grammas dog, Henry, died recently, and ever since tken Gramma kas kad a lot of time on ker kands. So Mom’s dealing witk stuff like +ke cordless j>kone +kin^ a lot +kese days. VJkeneVer Mom finds any tabloids at Grammas kouse, ske takes tkem kome and tkrows tkem in tke ^arba^e. Last week X fisked one out of tke trask ahd read it in my bedroom. X’m ^lad I did. X found out tkat Mortk America will be underwater witkin six montks, so tkat kind of takes tke pressure off me to do well in sckool. X kad a loh^ we>i+ a+ +ke t>eao-ty saloh, t>o+ X didh'+ really mihd. X 30+ +0 read my koroscope arid look a+ pic+ores of movie s+ars wi+koo+ +keir makeup, so X was de-fihi+ely eh+er+aihed- Vlkeh X 30+ my kair art, X -foohd 00+ +ke test ikih^ akoo+ +ke keairly saloh, wku'ck is +ke GOSSIP. Xke ladies wko work +kere know +ke dir+ oh jos+ aboo+ everyohe ih +owh. Uh/or+uha+ely, Mom came +0 pick me op ri^k+ ih +Ke middle 0+ a s+ory atou+ Mr. Peppers ahd kis hew wi-fe, wko’s +wetrly years yooh^er +kah kim. Hopefully my hair will 3 row ou+ fas+ so X can come tack and tear +he res+ of +he s+ory. Friday X "think Mom’s s+artin^ +o regret -taking me +o ^e+ my Kair art -the o+her day. The ladies a+ Bombshells in+roduced me +o soap operas, and now X'm -totally hooked. Yesterday X was in the middle of my show, and Mom told me X had to turn off the TV and find something else to do. X could tell +here was no use arguing with her, so X called Fowley and invited him over. VJhen Rowley 30+ +0 my house, we wen+ s+rai^h+ +0 Rodricks room in +he basement. Rodrick is off playing with his band, Loded Pi^er, and whenever he’s away X like +0 30 through his stuff and see if X tan find anything interesting. Xhe best thing X found in Rodrick s junk drawer this +ime around was one of those li++le souvenir picture keychains you get a+ the beach. Xf you look in+o i+, you see a picture of Rod rick wi+K some ^irl. X don't know Kow Rodrick got +Ka+ picture, because Xve teen wi+K Kirn on every single family Vacation, and if X saw Kim wi+K THAT ^irl, X definitely would Kave remembered Ker. X sKowed +Ke picture +o Rowley, but X Kad to Kold +Ke keycKain because Ke was ^et+in^ all ^rabby. We dug around some more, and then we found a horror movie at the bottom of Rod ricks drawer. X couldn't believe our luck, hjeither one of us had actually seen a horror movie before, so this was a really big find- X asked Mom if Rowley could spend the night, and she said yes. X made Sure X asked Mom when Pad was out of the room, because Pad doesn’t like it when X have sleepoVers on a "work night." Last summer Rowley spent the night at my house, and we slept in the basement. X made sure Rowley took the ted that was closest to the furnace room, because that room really freaks me out. X figured if anything came out of there in the middle of the night, it would grab Rowley first and X’d have a five-second head start to escape. At about 1:00 in the morning, we heard something in the furnace room out of us. that scared the living daylights Xt sounded like a little ghost girl or something, and it said — Me and Rowley practically trampled each other to death trying to get up the basement stairs. We burst into Mom ahd Pad’s room, and X told tHem our House was Haunted and we Had +o move immediately. Pad didn't seem convinced, and He went down to tHe basement and walked rigHt into tHe -furnace room. Me and Rowley stayed about ten feet back. X was pretty sure Pad wasn’t going to get out of tHere alive. X Heard some rustling and a few bt A a ft* seconds la+er ke came tack ou+ wi+k one of Manny’s +oys, a doll named H'de-ahd-Seek Harry. Las+ rugki me and Rowley wai+ed for Mom and Pad +o 30 +0 bed, and +ken we wa+cked our movie. ”T"ecknically, X was +ke ohly one wko wa+cked i+, because Rowley kad k«s eyes and cars covered +ke wkole en+ire +ime. lT\e movie was abotr+ -this muddy Hand +Ha+ ^oes around +He coon+ry killing ^eo^lc. A^d +He las+ person wKo secs +He Hand is always +He nex+ vic+in. IHe special ellec+s were really cHeesy, and X wasn’+ even scared on+il +He very end. XHa+s wHen +He +wis+ cane. Al+er +He ruddy Hand strangled i+s las+ vic+in, i+ cane crawling s+rai^H+ a+ +He screen, and +Hen +He screen wen+ black. A+ lirs+ X was a li-f-He conivsed, bo+ +Hen X realized i+ nean+ +Ke nex+ vic+in was ^onna be ME. X +vmed +Ht TV off, and +Hen X described +He wKole novie +0 Rowley Iron be^innin^ +0 end. VJell, X must’ve done a ^retiy good job telling tke story, because Rowley got eVeh more freaked-out tkan X was. X khew we couldnt go to Mon and Pad +K«s time because tkeyd ground me if tkey found ou+ we wa+cked a Horror no vie. But we didn’t feel safe in tke basement, so we s^ent tke rest of tHe nigkt in tke upstairs batkroom witH tHe ligkts on. X jus+ wish we had maha^ed +o siay awake +Ke whole hi£jh+, because wheh Pad fouhd us ih +he morhihg, i+ wash+ a pre-Hy scehe. Pad wah+ed +o khow wha+ was cjoih^ oh, ahd X had +o ftSS op. Pad +old Mom, So how X’m joS+ wai+ihg +o hear how loh^ X’m ^ohha t>e ^roohded for. Bu+ +o he hohes+ wi+h you, Xm a lo+ more worried aboo+ +h«s muddy hahd +hah ahy pohishmehi Mom cah dream op. X +hoo^h+ at>ou+ i+, though, ahd X realized there s ohly so much grouhd a muddy hahd cah cover ih a day. X was just ^lad Mom didn't invite Fre^ley, +Ki‘s weird kid wHo lives u^> tHe street, tecause Hes teen acting stranger tHan usual lately. X’m starting +o tHink mayte Fre^ley's a little dahgerous, tut luckily He doesn't really leave His •front yard during tHe summer. X tHink His parents must Have an electrical fence or sometHing. Mow said +He books we bronchi wereh + real li+era+ure and +H*+ we were ^oirOnA Have +o s+ar+ wi+K +Ke “classics." 'Ttase «rc +Ke exac+ sane iy^es o{ kooks oor +eachers are always pushih^ os +o read a+ school. "They have a ^ro^ram where if you read a "classic" ih your -free +ime, +hey reward you with a s+.cker of a hamburger or some+hir*3 like +ha+. X don+ know who +hey +hink +heyre fooling. You can ^e+ a shee+ of a hundred S+ickers down a+ +he ar+s-and-crafts s+ore for fifty cen+s. X’m ho+ really sore wha+ makes a book a "classic" +o be^ih wi+h , bo+ X +hi*k i+ has +o be a+ leas+ fif+y years old and some person or animal has +o die a+ +he end. Mom said if we didn’t like +he books she picked oo+, we coold 30 on a field trip +0 +he library and find some+hih^ we all agreed on. Bo+ +ha+ won+ work for me. Sec, when X was eight years old X borrowed a book from the library, and then X forgot all about It. X found the book a few years later behind my desk, and X figured X must’ve owed about two thousand dollars in late fees on that thing. So X buried the book ih a bo* of old comics in my closet, and that’s where it is to this day. X haven’t been back to the library since then, but X know if X ever DO show u^>, they’ll be waiting for me. Xn fact, X get nervous if X even SEE a librarian. X asked Morn i/ we could get a second chance to pick oo+ a book on oor owh, and she said we could. VJe’re supposed +o meet a^ain tomorrow and brin^ our new selec+ions wi+h us. Wednesday Well, +he membership of +he Reading Xs Run Club +ook a bi^ hit overnight. Most of +he ^uys who cane yesterday bailed out, and now there’s only two of us. Rowley trough+ -two toots along with him. "The toot I f>icted was +he nin+h Volume in +he “Magict and Mons+ers-' Part Realms" series. X figured Mom would lite i+ tecause iVs pre++y long and there aren't any pictures. ^fjatototioom ^ DIRK REALMS . TV^k j|4%§j But Mon didn’t like ry took. She said she didht approve of the illustration oh +he cover tecaose she didn’t like +he \». pa^>er with the country clut logo on it. He said it was a till for all the -fruit smoothies me and Rowley ordered at the clubhouse, and the grand total was eighty-three dollars. All those times me and Rowley ordered drinks at the clubhouse, we just wrote down Mr. Jefferson's account number on the tab. Mobody told us someone actually had to PAY for all that. X s+ill didh’+ really uhders+Ahd wHa+ Hr. Jeftersoh was doih^ a+ MY House. X 4vihk Hes Ah ArcHi+ec+ or sone+Hihg, so if He heeds e^H+y+Hree tucks, He CAh jus+ desi^h Ah ex+rA tuldihg. He +Alked +o Hon, +H003H, Ahd +Hey to+H Agreed +Ha+ ne Ahd Rowley heeded +0 pAy off ->He +aH. X +old Hon ne Ahd Rowley Are jus+ kids Ahd i+’s ho+ like we Havc SAUries or cAreers or wHA+ever. But Hon SAid we were jus+ ^ohha Havc +0 fee "creA+ive." ”THeh sHe SAid we would Havc +0 suspend +He ReAdih^ Xs Fuh Cluts nee+ih^s uh+il we pAid wHa+ we owed. To te Hohes+ wi+H you, X'n kihd of relieved. Because a+ +His poihi, Ahy+Hihg +Ha+ doesh+ ihvolve reAdih^ souhds pre-Hy ^ood +0 ne. Tuesday Me and Rowley racked our trains all day yes+erday -trying +o -figure ou+ how +o pay off +ha+ eigh-ty- -three dollars. Rowley said mayke T should jus+ go +o -the ATM and withdraw some money to pay off Kis dad. The reason Rowley said that is tecause Ke thinks I’m rich. A couple of years ago during the holidays, Rowley came over and we had just run out of toilet paper at my house. My -family was using -these holiday cocktail napkins as a suhs+rtv+e until Pad go+ to -the s+ore again. Rowley thought the holiday napkins were some kind of really fancy toilet paper, and he asked me if my family was rich. Ahyway, X'm NOT n'cK, ahd +La+s +Ke problem. X +ried +o kaprt out a way a kid my a^e could ^et K'S Hahds oh some casH, ahd iheh it Hit me-‘ Vie could start a lawh care service. X'm hot talkihg about some average, ruh-of-tHe-mill lawh care service, ertHer. X'm talkihg about a company tHat takes lawh care +o tHe hext level. Vie deeded +o ha me our compahy tHe V.I.P. Lawh Service. Vie called u^> tHe Yellow Pa^es people ahd +old tHem we wahted to ^>lace ah ad ih tHeir Look. Ahd hot just ohe of tHose tihy little text ads, but a really bi two wKole ^>aas+ed pictures of OUR heads oh+o +he todies ■from +he card. After +ha+ we 30+ some cli^> art of lawh +ools ahd po+ i+ all +oge+her. '(Ken we y>nr+ecj i+ oirt, ahd X have +o s*y, i+ looked grea+. V.I.R LAWN SERVICE PAMPER YOURSELF AND YOUR LAWN WITH OUR AWARD-WINNING, WORLD-CLASS SERVICE? CALL 555-2^1 I did some matk, ahd I floored it would cost us at least a couple Hundred tucks ih color ink cartridges and paper to make enou^k flyers -for tke wkole hei^kborkood. So we asked Rowley’s dad if ke’d 30 out +0 tke store and ^et us all tke sioff we heeded- Mr. Jeffersom didn’t 30 for i+. In fl»ct, ke told us we couldn’t use kis computer or priht out any more copies of our flyer. I was a little surprised by tkat, because if Mr. Jeffersoh wanted us to pay kim back, ke sure wasnt makihg it easy. But all we could really do was take our one flyer and ^et out of kis office. AAer we Hi+ <» -few Houses, we realized i+ would He a lo+ easier +o JuS+ ask +He nex+ person we s^oke wi+H +o ^>ass +Hc flyer aloncj so me and Rowley wouldn‘+ Have +o do all +Ha+ walking. How +He only +Hin^ we Have +o do is si+ Hack and wai+ (or +He ^>Hone calls +o s+ar+ rolling in. IHursday Me and Rowley wai+ed around all day yes+erday, Hv+ we didn't ^e+ any calls. X was startih^ +o wonder if we should try to fnd a card with wore muscular 31ys -for our next /Iyer. Xhen, at about 11:00 this mornnc^, we '00 in her son’s pickup truck, and she asked us where our lawh mower and all our equipment was. X said we didn't actually HAVE ary equipment but tkat ry Gramma keeps ker side door unlocked and X migkt be able to sneak in and borrow Ker mower ■for a few kours. X ^uess Mrs. Canfield must kave been pretty desperate +o tjet ker lawn mowed, because ske wen+ along witk Luckily, Gramma wasnt kome, so it was easy to get tke mower out of ker kouse. Vie rolled it over to Mrs. Canfields yard, and tken we were ready +o get +o work. Xka+s wken me and Rowley realized neitker one of us kad ever actually operated a lawn mower before. So tke -two of us poked around for a wkile and tried to figure out kow +o get tke tking started. my plan. Uhfor+oha+el^r, wheh we +il+ed +he mower oh i+s side, «*ll +he gasolihe spilled oo+ oh+o +Ke ^rass, ahd we had +o 30 tack over +0 Gramma's +0 the one who came up wi+h the idea for the lawn service in the first place, so X was more like the owner than a partner. X told Rowley we needed someone to do the grunt work and someone to handle the money so it didn’t get all sweaty. Believe it or not, that was enough to make Rowley walk right off the job. X just wahha say for the record that if Rowley ever heeds me -for a job re-ferehce ih the future, Xr> ^ohha have to ^ive him a lousy review. "The truth is, X doh’t really heed Rowley ahyway. Xf 'this lawh service busihess ^rows the way X thihk it will, Xhn ull oh this handle attached to a cord, so X tried that. ”lXe mower started u^> riou+ -tHe dog poop issue, t>u+ sHe s+ill wouldn't cougH up wHa-t sHe owed me. A^d +o make ma++ers worse, sHe wouldn’-t even give me a ride Home. You know, X -figured someone migH+ -try to s+ififi us +Kis summer, but X never -tHougHt it would be our very firs+ customer. X Had +o walk Home, and i)y +He time X got +o my House, X was really mad. X +old Pad +He wHole story about my lawn mowing experience and How Mrs. Can-field wouldn't pay me. Pad drove riejh+ over +o Mrs. Canfields house, and X wen+ wi+h Kin. X +Kov^K+ he was ^onna chew her out for taking advantage of his Soh, and X wan+ed to he there to see i+ firs+hand. But pad just 30+ Granna’s nower and cut +he rest of Mrs. Canfields ^rass. any noney. "The trip wasn’t a TOTAL waste of tine, though. Vlhen Pad wrapped things up, X planted a sign in Mrs. Canfields front yard. X figured if X wasn*+ gonna ge+ paid, X migK+ as well ge+ some -free advertising for all my +routle. ANOTHER GREAT JOBBt' VI.R LAWN srRvirr 555-2*141 -n- N \4vJJltr Sa+urday The V.I.P. Lawn Service has no+ really panned oo+ +he way X +hough+ i+ would. X haven+ had any work since +ha+ firs+jot, and X’m starting +o think mayte Mrs. Canfield Kas teen tad-mouthing me +o her neighbors. X thought atoo+ just giving up and closing our tusiness, tu+ then X realized that with a few +weaks +0 the -flyer, we could s+ar+ +Kings tack up again in the win+er. SNOW REMOVAL YOU'VE TRIED THE REST NOW GO WITH THE BEST? The problem is, X heed mohey NOW. X called op Rowley +o S+ar+ bra.hS+ormih^ irvew ideas, bu+ Kis mom said he was a+ +he movies wi+h his d<*d. X was a li+tle ahhoyed, because he irvever bo+hered +o ask me if he could +ake +hc day off. Homs not letting me do anything fun until this -frt»i+ Smoothie till is paid off, So that meant it was op +o HIE +o figure out Kow +o earn the cash. X'll tell you who has a lo+ of money, and thats Hanny. X mean, that kid is RICH. A few weeks a^o Horn and Pad told Hanny they’d give him a quarter for every time he uses the po-Hy without tein^ asked. So now he carries around a gallon of water with him at all times. Hanny keeps all his money in a big jar on his dresser. He’s ^otta have at least $150 in -that thing. I’ve +koogk+ aboo+ asking Manny +o lend me +ke mohey, bu+ I jos+ can’+ bring mysel-f +o do +ka+. I’m +rying +o figure ou+ a way +o earn money wi+Kou+ dotir^ any ac+ual work. Bu+ wken I +old Mom wKa+ I was +kinking, ske said I’m jus+ ’lazy." OK, so maybe I AM lazy, bv+ i+’s ho+ really my faul+. I’ve been lazy ever since I was a Irt-He kid, and if someone k«d caugk+ i+ early on, maybe I wouldn’+ be -tke way I am now. X remember in prescKool, wKen play+.me was over, +Ke +eacKer would +ell everyone +o put away +Keir +oys, and we would all sing +Ke "Cleanup Song" wKile we did i+. VJell, X sahg +Ke sohg wi+K everyone else, bu+ X didn+ do any of +Ke ac-tual cleaning. /fj CLEAN UP, CLEAN UP, ~7\ & EVERYBODY EVERYWHERE! J CLEAN UP, CLEAN UP, ** V EVERYBODY DO YOUR SHARE! J So if you wan+ +o -find somebody +o blame for +Ke way X am, X guess youd nave +o s+ar+ wi+K +Ke public educa+ion sys+em. Sunday fAom came ih+o my room +KiS morning and woke me up for cHurcK. X was glad +o go, because X knew X was gonna Kave +o +um +o a Kull. Bu+ +ha+ doesn+ mean Xm ^onna u+ X guess i+’s s+ill wor+h i+. X’ve teen in^ is, X know +Ha+ Pad wan+s a do^, +oo. He used +o Have one wHen ME was a kid. X figured all Pad needed was a li+-He nudge, and on Ckris+mas las+ year X saw my chance. My Uncle Joe and kis family stored by our kouse, and +key brougk+ +keir dog, Killer, wi+k +kem. X asked Uncle Joe if ke wooldn+ mind kin+ing +o Pad +ka+ ke skould ge+ us a dog. Bert +ke way Uncle Joe did i+ probably se+ my dog-ge++ing campaign back 'Tke o+ker +kmg X kave no ckance of ge++ing for my bir+kday is a cell pkohe, and X can +kank The main reason X want my own recliner is because rf X had one, X wouldn't have to 30 u^> to my room after watching TV la+e at night. X could just sleep right in the chair. Plus, these rediners have all sorts of features, like a neck massager and adjustable -firmness and stuff like that. X figure X could use the "vibrate” feature to make Pad’s lectures a lot more tolerable. The only reason X’d ever need to get up is to 30 to the bathroom. But maybe X should just wait until next year to ask for a recliner, because X bet they’ll have that taken care of in the new model. iWsday X asked Mon +o +ake me back +o Bomkskells Beacrty Saloh a^aih ioday, even +koo^k X didh+ really heed a kairco+. X joS+ fel+ like ca+ckihg o^> oh +ke +owh gossip. At^cHe, ry kairs-tylis+, said ske keard ■fron a lady wko khows Mrs. Jemrsoh +ka+ me ahd Rowley kad a /allihcj otr+. Xvery time X see Rowley, he’s pallihg around with his dad. So +he way it looks to me, he’s already 30+ himself a new best friend- X just wanna say X •think it stihks that Rowley gets +0 go +0 -the country club even though he still owes money oh that fruit smoothie hill. Unfortunately, Rowley’s chummy relationship with his dad is starting to affect MY life. Mom says the way Rowley and his dad hang out together is "neat" and that me and Pad should go fishing or play catch in the front yard or something. 3 ut tKe tKing is, me <»hanic because X didn-t know what Tregley was doing at my front door. After a few minutes went by, X looked ou+ the side window, and Tregley was STILL standihg there. X knew X Had +o +ake dras+ic pleasures, so X wen+ +o +He ki+cHen +o call +He co^>s. Bu+ Mon s+o^ed ne before X could finisH dialing ^11. Mon said SUE invi+ed Fregley over. SHe said X’ve seened "lonely” ever since X Had +Ha+ f^H+ wi+H Rowley, ar>d sHe +H003H+ sHe’d se+ u^> a "playda+e" wi+H fre^ley. See, this is why X should (never +ell Mow about my personal business. “This Tre^ley thin^ was a total disaster. X've heard that a vampire can’t come inside your house unless you invite him in, and X’H bet its the same kind of deal with Fre^ley. So now Xve ^ot TWO things to worry about-' the muddy hand and Fre^ley. And if X had to choose the one +o get we frsi, Xd take +he muddy hand in a heartbeat. Sa+urday “Today was my bir+hday, and X 31*55 +KiV»^s wen+ t *ore or less like X expec+ed. “The rela+ives s+ar+ed sKowihg op around l-‘00. X asked Horn +o invi+e as nany people as possible so X could maximize my gift po+en+ial, and X 30+ a pre-Hy ^ood +umoo+. "TV>eh X roved oh +o +He wrapped preseh+s, ku+ there wereh’t a whole lot of those. Xhe £rs+ gift, from Mom ahd Pad/ was Small ahd heavy, which X thought was a good sigh. But X was s+ill pretty shocked wheh X opehed it. Vlheh X looked more closely, X fouhd out it wash’t ah ordihary cell phohe. X+ was called a "Ladyfcug." The phohe didh'+ Kave a keypad oh i+ or ahy+Khg. X+ ohly had two kuttohs: ohe to call home ahd ohe -for emergehcies. So its pretty much useless. AH wy o+her ^i-f+s were do+Kes ahd o+her s-hrf-f X didh+ really heed. X was s+ill hopihg X wi^h+ ^e+ +ha+ recliher, bu+ ohce X realized +here wereh’+ any places Mow ahd Pad could be hiding a ^iah+ lea+her chair, X ^ave up lookih^. Jheh Mow +old everyohe i+ was +iwe +o op ih+o +he dihihg roow +o have sowe cake. iWor+uha+ely, Uhde Joes do^, Killer, had bea+eh us +o i+. Mom cir+ me a bi in a ^>e+ store. X was Ho^n^ we could fool our money +o kuy a do^, ku+ Rodnck seemed to ke interested in a different kind of f e+. Mom handed us each a five-dollar kill and told us we could hoy whatever we wanted, ku+ five kucks doesn’t exactly ^et you very far in a fet s+ore. X finally settled on th'S really cool angelfish that's all different colors. Rodrick picked out a fisk, +oo. X dont know wkat kind i+ was, but +Kc reason Rodrick ckose i+ was because +ke label on +ke +ank said +ke fisk was aggressive. Manny spent MIS five bocks on fisk food. A+ first I tkoogkt i+ was because ke wanted to feed +ke fisk +ka+ me and Rodrick boogkt, but by tkc time we got kome, Manny kad ea+eh kalf +kc canister. Ikis is +kc first time X’ve k«d my very own pet, and X'm kind of getting into it. X feed my fisk tkree times a day, and X keep kis bowl really clean. X even bought a journal so X could keep track of everytbi^ my -fisK does during tke day. X kave +o admit, tkoucjk, X’m starting +o kave a little trouble filling up tke pa^es. X asked Mon and Pad if we could buy one of tkose aquariums and ^et a ton of -fisn to keep my little guy company. But Pad said tkat aquariums cost money and maybe X could ask for one -for Ckristmas. See, tkis is wkat stinks about being a kid. You only get two skots at getting stuff you want, and tkats on Ckristmas and your birtkday. A»vi tken wken ohe of tkose days DOES cone, your parents ness things up and buy you a Ladybug. Xf X kad my own money, X could just toy wH«+ever X wanted <»nd not Have to embarrass myself every time X needed +o rent a video ^ame or buy a piece of candy or somethin^. Anyway, X’ve always known tkat X’H eventually be rick and famous, but Xm starting +o get a little concerned tkat it kasnt kappened ye+. X figured X'd at LEAST kave my own reality TV skow by now. Last ngkt X was wateking one of tkose television skows wkere a nanny lives witk a family for a week and +ken tells tkem all tke ways tkey’re screwing up. VJdl, X don’+ know i f +Kc woman had +o k her ;d ea was +o ^e+ pictures of me ih clothes catalogues or somethin^ like that. But the only thin^ they used my picture -for was this stupid medical took, and X’ve teen frying to live it down ever since. X spent the afternoon playing video ^ames and catching up on the Sunday comics. X turhed +o +ke tack pacje, ahd +kere was ah ad wkere "Li*l Cir+ie" usually is. Wanna be on the funny pages? We're looking for a talented cartoonist to write and draw a one-panel comic to replace "Li'l Cutie." Can you tickle our funny bone? Mah, X*Ve teeh wai+ih^ FOREVER for ah opportunity like tkis. X Kad a conic ih ny school paper ohce, but thus is a ckahce to but the BIG tine. Xke ad said they wereh’t acceptihg ahy ahimal cone strips, ahd X tkihk X khow wky. fere’s tkis conic about a do^ called "Precious Poockie, ahd its beeh ruhhihg for about -fifty years. Xke ^uy wko wrote it died a loh^ tine a^o, but tkey’re still recyclih^ kis old conics. X dont know if theyre funny or not because, to be honest with you, most of them don't even make sense to a person my a^e. :«VRECIOW • VOOCHlf Anyway, the newspaper has tried to get rid of that comic a bunch of times, but whenever they try to cancel it all the "Precious Poockie" fans come out of the woodwork and make a bi^ stink. X cjuess people think of this cartoon do a+ the hewspa^er offices dowh+owh and didh’i leave uh+il +key Ker sleeve. A+ lO-'OO ske said we all heeded +o ^e+ ih +ke s+a+ioh wa^oh, ahd wkeh X asked ker wkere we were yes+erday, because if we s+ayed kome, my fsk would s+ill be alive. Before we lef+ for our +ri^> X fed my fisk, ahd Mom said X skould feed Rod rick S f'sk, +00. Rod ricks fsk was ih a bowl oh +op of +ke refrigera+or, ahd X'm pre-Hy sure Rodrick kadh+ fed kis fisk or cleahed +ke bowl ohce. X +Kink Roe+ die te-fore. He said He used +o Have a dog hamed Hu+fy wHeh He was a kid> but V 4 u+-fy rah away -fo a butterfly farm. I’ve Heard Pad -fell +H>S sane s+ory abocrt Nutty ahd +He butterfly farm a millioh -fines, but X didh‘+ wahha be rode ahd cut Him off. "IHeh Grahdpa spoke up ahd said He Had a "cohftssioh -to make. He said tHa-f Nutty didh-t actually ruh away +o a butterfly farm. Grahdpa said wHat REALLY Happehed was -fHa+ He acodeh+ally rah over -fHe dog wHeh He was backhg His car ou+ of -fHe driVeway. Gratia said he made up the butterfly farm story so he didn't have to tell Pad the truth, but that how they could have a good laugh over i+. But Pad was t^lAD. He told us to get in the car, and he left Grandpa with the hill for brunch- Pad didn’t say anything on the way home. He just dropped us off at the house and drove away. Pad was gone for a long time, and I was starting to -think maybe he was gonna just take the rest of the day for himself. But he showed up an hour later carrying a big cardboard box. Pad pu+ +he bo* oh +he floor, ahd believe i+ or ho+, +here was a DOG ih +Kere. Mom didh+ seem +oo -thrilled that Pad weht oert ahd bought a do^ wi+hou+ checkih^ wi+h her flrs+. X doh’-t +hihk Pad has ever eVeh bought a pair of pah+s for himself wi+hout ^e+tih^ Mom’s OK beforehahd. Bert X thihk she could see +ha+ Pad was happy, so sht le+ him keep i+. A+ dihher Mom said we should come up wi+h a ha me ■for +he do^. X guess +b<*t’s wU+ you get when you send tbe worst speller in tbe Zanily off to do your errands. Vlednesday X was really bappy when we got our dog at first, but now X'm starting to have second thoughts. "The dogs actually been driving me crazy. A few nights ago a commercial came on TV, and it showed some goobers poking in and out of their boles. Sweetie seemed pre-tty interested in that, so Pad said — "That got Sweetie all riled up, and be started barking at tbe TV. How Sweetie barks at the TV CONSTANTLY, ahd +Kc only -Hvhg t-hat- ^e+s him to stop is wheh +he commercial wi+h the gophers cones tack oh. but what really bo^s ne about - the do^ is that - he likes to sleep ih my bed, ahd X’n afraid he’ll bite my hand off if I try +o move him. Ahd he doesht just sleep ih my bed. He sleeps ri^h+ Smack ih +he middle. Pad comes in my room a+ 7.‘00 every morning +o take Swee+ie out. But X 31/ess me and +ke (I03 kaVe some+Kih^ in common, because ke doesn't like ^e+ting ovt o-f feed in tke morning, ei+ker. So Pad toms +ke ligk+s on and off +0 -try +0 make +ke dog wake up. Yes+erday Pad couldn't ^c+ Swee+ie +o go ou-tside, so He -tried some+Hing new. He wen+ +o +He front of +He House and rang +He doorbell, wHicH made +He dog sHoo+ oo+ of ted like a rocket. ”THe only protlem was. He used ry face as a launcHing pad. (A/MVWrr- +o lake him ou+Side. X wra^ed myself ih my blahket ahd +heh le+ +he do^ ov+ +he froh+ door ahd waited •for him to do his bosihess. Bt A Swee+ie decided +o make a ruh for i+, ahd X had +o chase You know, X was actually Having a pretty decent sumncr until Swee+ie came along. He’s ruining +He +wo tHings +Ha+ are +He most important to me-' television and sleep. Arid you know How pad is always getting on my case about lying around all day? VJell, Swee+ie is +wice as bad as me, but Pad’s CRAZY about +Ha+ dog. X don’+ +Hink +He feeling is mu+ual, +HougH. Pad is always trying +o get +Hc dog +o give Him a kiss on +Hc nose, but Swee+ie won’t do i+. XHe only person Swee+ie really likes is Mom, even +KougK she Wely ^>ays Kim any a++en+ion. A>^d X can +ell +ha+’s s+ar+ing +o drive Pad a li++le nu+s. X £e corses, X as well X would've wri++en a bunck of comics las+ nigk+, bu+ Swee+ie was driving me crazy and X couldn't concen+ra+e. VJKile X was drawing, +ke dog was si++ing on m^ pillow licking kis paws and Kis +ail, and ke was really ge++ing in+o i+. WkeneVer Swee+ie does +ka+, X kaVe +o remember +o flip +ke pillow over wken X go +o bed. Las+ nigk+ X forgo+, and wken X lay down X pu+ my kead rigk+ on +ke we+ spo+. Sneaking of licking, Swee+ie -finally kissed Pad las+ nigk+. X+s probably because Pad kad po+a+o ckips on kis brea+k, and X +kink dogs kave an au+oma+ic response +o +ka+ sor+ of +king. X didh’t lv»ve tke keart to tell Pad tkat Sweetie kad just speht tke past kalf kour oh my pillow lickih^ Kis rear ehd. Ahyway, X'm kopihg X can write a few more comics tohiod, either. After X go+ pas+ -the locker room, -things didn't ^e+ a whole lo+ be-Her. 'the scene was jus+ atou+ how X remembered i+, excep-t more crowded. X ^uess everyone had +he same idea +o spend +he fourth a+ the pool. "The only time the pool cleared out was when the lifeguard called a fifteen-minute rest break and all +he kids had to ^et out of +he water. X -think the idea behind rest breaks is to ^ive adults a little -time to enjoy -the pool, but X don't know how -they’re supposed +o relax wi+h -three hundred kids waiting for -the break -to be over. VlKeh X was youh^er X used +o Jus+ go swim ih +He baby pool durih^ +Ke fif+eeh-miho+e res+ break, bu+ +Ka+ was before X khew wKa+ weh+ oh ih +Here. ohly area of +Ke pool +Ka+ wash’+ a comple+e madbioose was +Ke deep ehd, ahd +ka+s where ihe diViYuj boards are. X haVeh + beeh ih +he deep ehd sihce X was ei^h+ years old, wHeh Rod rick talked me ih+o jumpihg off the hicjh diVe. Rodrick was always +ryih off +Ke K^K dive, bu+ +Ka+ +all ladder really scared me. He +old me X heeded +o conquer my fears or Xd hever become a main. X>e*n ohe day Rod nek +old me +Ka+ +Here was a clowh a+ +Ke +o^> of +Ke divih^ board wHo was Kahdim^ oirt free +oys, atnd +ha+ ^o+ my a++eh+ioh. Bu+ by +He +ime X realized Rodrick was foil of balohey, i+ was +oo la+e. Ary way, today Hon got everyone togetker to go +o tke picnic area because tkey were giving out ■free watermelon. but X’ve got a fear of watermelon, too. Rodrick is always telling me tkat if you eat tke seeds, tken a watermelon will grow in your stomack. X don+ know if ke’s idling +ke trutk or not, but school’s only a cookie of mon+ks a way, so X'm hot willing +o take tke risk. Vlken it started getting dark, everyone pot tkeir blahkets out on tke lawn to watek tke -fireworks la^r. VJe sat starihg up a+ tke sky for a long time, but ho+king was kappehihg. Xken someone came on +ke loudspeaker and said tkat tke skow was canceled because someone left +ke fireworks out in +ke rain las+ higkt and tkey go+ soaked. Some li+tle kids started to cry, so a couple of grown-ups tried to create tkeir own fireworks skow. 'Tuesday Tvs nomin^ T was si-Hing a+ +ke ki+cken +able ikrougk +Ke conics, ahd X cane across sone+king +Ka+ alnos+ nacje ne s^i+ ou+ ny cereal. X+ was a -hvo-page t>ack-+o-Sckool ad, n'gk+ wkere ahy kid could see i+. BACK TO SCHOOL Blowout Sab/ \ Save on: slacks, v-netk sweaters, dungarees, pleated skirts, vests, ond much, mud) more! Kl | I ONLY AT MQRTIE'S! | X can+ believe i+s ac+ually LEGAL io run a back-+o-sckool ad +wo non+ks Wore sckool s+ar+s. Anyone wko would do +ka+ kind of -tking nus+ really no+ like kids. X*n Sure back-+o-school ads are ^onna s+ar+ ^>o^fing u^> all over +he ^>lace now, and +he nex+ +Kin^ you know, Mon is ^onna be -telling me i+’s +ine +o 30 clo+hes sho^in^. And wi+h Mon, +Ka+s an all-day affair. So X asked Mon if Pad could +ake ne clo+hes sKo^in^ ins+ead, and she said yes. X +hink she saw i+ as sone kind of fa+her-son bonding Opyor+uhi+y. Bu+ X +old Pad he could joS+ op wi+hou+ ne ahd oick ou+ wha+ever he wan+ed. VJell, THAT was a dumb move, because Pad did all of his shoeing at +he pharmacy. Before X saw that ad, my day was bad enough already. Xt rained again this morning, so Swee+ie -tried +o get under the covers wi+h me after Pad took him out. X guess X mus+Ve been a little off my game, because the dog found a ga^> between the blanket and the bed and managed to get through. And let me tell you, theres nothing more terrfying than being traced under your covers wearihg nothing but underwear with a wet dog crawling all over you. X was stewing about tke dog and tkat back-to- sckool ad wken my wkole day turned around. Mom kad printed out some pictures -from tke fourtk, and ske left tkem lying on tke kitcken table. Xn one of tke pictures you could see a lifeguard in tke background. X+ was a little kard to tell, but X'm pretty sure tke lifeguard was Heatker Hills. if 1 ^ pM y / f \ss *xttaaa -- Xt was so crowded at the pool yesterday that X didn't even notice the lifeguards. And if that really WAS Heather Hills, X can’t Relieve X missed Ker. Heather H'lls is +he sister of Holly H'Hs, who is one of the cutest ^irls in my class. But Heathers in HIGH school, which is a whole different league than middle school. UEATUER 'This Heather Hills thin^ is chan^in^ my whole perspective on the town pool. Xn fact, X*m starting +o rethink my whole SUMMER. Xhe do^ has ruined all the fun of being at home, and X realized -that- if X don’t do something <^u>ck, X won’t have anything good to say about my Vacation. So s+ar+ing +omorrow X’m gonna Have a wHole new a-Hvtude. And Hopefully by +He +ime X ge+ back +o scHool, XU Have a HigH scHool girl-friend, +oo. Wednesday Hon was really Happy X was willing -to go +o +He pool wi+H Her and Manny +oday, and sHe said sHe was proud X was finally pu++ing my family in fron+ of video games. X didn+ men+ion Hea+Her Hills +o Mom, because X don+ need Her ge-Hing in +He middle of my love life. Vlheh we 30+ there, X wahted to ih frori+ of where Morn was si-t+ih^. Ar»d le+ me fell you, i+’s ho+ easy +o he smoo+h wheh your mo+her is si-Hit-^ five fee+ away. Wednesday X've teen hah^in^ out with Heather ever y single day for the past week. X realized my ■friends a+ school will never believe it when X tell them about me and Heather, so X asked Mom +o take a picture of me standing next +o the lifeguard chair. Mom didn’t have Ker camera, so she had to use her cell phone. But she couldnt figure out how to take a picture with it, and X ended up standing there for a lon^ time looking like a fool. X finally got Hon +o press the right button to take a picture, but when she did, ike camera was pointed tHe wrong way and she took a picture of herself. See, this is why X always say that technology is wasted on grown-ups. X got Hon to point the camera at me, hut right at that moment her phone rang and she answered it. Hon talked for about ■five minutes, and by the time she was done, Heather was on to her next shift. But that didnt stop Horn from taking the picture anyway. Friday Relying oh Mom for my ride +o +he pool is s+artih^ +o become a problem. Mom doesh+ wah+ +o * +Hroo^H +He locker room. SHe said He’s ^e-H'iri^ +00 old +0 op +Hroo^H +He women’s locker room wi+H Her, so X ^uess +Hey mus+ Have +He same sHower si+ua+ion in +Here as +Hey do in +He men’s locker room. X+ sHould’ve +aken abou+ -five seconds +0 ^e+ Manny from one end of +He locker room +0 +He o+Her, bu+ i+ +ook at)00+ +en minu+es ins+ead. Manny ^oes everywHere wi+H Mom, so He Had never ac+oally BEEN in a men’s ba+Hroom be-fore. He was really curious and wan+ed +0 cHeck eVery+Hing ou+. A+ ohe ^>Oi'n+ X Had +0 S+op Him -from wasHin^ His Hands in +He urihal because X ^uess He +Hou^H+ i+ was a sink. 1 : • t Uyji $ m s yu a X didn’+ wan+ Manry +o have +o walk +hrou<^h +he slower area and see +he ihin^s X*Ve seen. So X 30+ a +owel 00+ of my ba^ and was ^onna yiA i+ over Manny's eyes when we walked j>as+ +he shower ^uys. Bu+ in +he +wo seconds i+ +ook me +0 ^e+ my +owel, Manny was ^one. And you’ll never believe where he weh+. X knew X h«d +0 rescue Manny, so X closed my eyes as +i^h+ as X could and wen+ in +0 save him. X kind of staggered over +o my spot ondemeath Heathers lifeguard chair. "Then X started taking deep breaths to calm myself down. Ti've minotes later some kid who mostve eaten too much ice cream threw op behind Heather’s ch<»ir. Heather looked behind her, and then she looked down like she was waiting for me to do something. X goess the noble thing to do was to clean op the mess for Heather, but tUs was really beyond the call of dirly. Anyway, X’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and X’ve realized that X need to let this Sommer romance cool off a IrtHe. Some+hin^ <»t>oi/+ +he whole inciden-t seemed a li-t+le fishy +o me. I'm kind of wondering if i+ was a se+up, wi+K hom and Mrs. Jefferson conspiring -to ge+ me And Rowley Wk together. Believe me, Rowleys the LAST person I wont +o spend a week with. But then I readied if I went +o the beach with the Jeffersons, I'd get +o ride the CrAnium Shaker. So mAybe my summer won’t be such a bus+ After aII. Monday I knew I made a mistake coming on +his beach trip when I saw where we were staying. roles ■from ihe t>eacK. Vie weh+ inside +he cabih., and +Kere was ho TV or com^u+er or ANYTHING wi+K a screen on ft. I asked wU+ we were supposed +o do for eh+er+aihroeh+, ahd Mrs. Jefferson said — X tkoo^kt tkat was a ah +he eh+ertaihmeh+ si+ua+ioh. "There was only one bed, so X told Rowley we could make a deal-' Vied flip a coin, and one guy would get the ted and the other would sleep on -the floor. But Rowley took a look a+ the crusty shag carpet and deeded he didn't wan+ to risk i+. X decided X wasn't willing +o sleep on the floor, either. So X got in+o bed wi+h Rowley and just stayed as -far away from h*rn as possible. Rowley started snoring right away, but X was having -trouble -falling asleep wi+h half my body hanging off +he bed- X was finally s+ar+ing +o drift off when Rowley let out a scream like he was being attacked- So Rowleys paren+s spent tKe next twenty mihutes trying to calm Kim down and tellihg Kim it was Just a tad dream and tKere really was no cKicken. Uobody botKered to cKeck on Kow X was doing a/ter /ailing o// tKe bed onto ry /ace. Rowley spent tKe rest of tKe nigKt sleeping in Kis parents’ room, wKicK was fine witK me. Because witKout Rowley and Kis cKicken dreams +0 keep me awake, X was able +0 ge+ a good nigKt’s sleep. Wednesday X’ve been stuck inside tKis cabin for tKree days now, and X'm really starting +0 lose my mind. I've been -trying +o ge+ Mr. and Mrs. Jeffersoh +o take os +o +ke boardwalk, bo+ +key say i+s +oo "noisy" +kere. I’ve never got*. +Us long wi+koo+ TV or compo+ers or video games, and I’m s+arting +o Teel kind of des^era+e. VJken Mr. Jefferson works la+e a+ nigk+ on kis la^+op, I sneak downs-tars and wa+ck kim Jos+ +o ge+ a glimpse of +ke oo+side world. I’ve -tried +o ge+ Mr. Jefferson +o le+ me use kis la^>+o^> a cookie of +imes, bo+ ke says i+’s kis "work comj)o+er” and ke doesni wan+ me +o mess any+king u^. Las+ nigk+ I was a+ my breaking poin+, so I did some+king a li-H-le risky. Viheh Mr. Jtffersoft 30+ up +o use +ke ka+kroom, X jumped a+ py ckahce. X ra++led off ah e-mail +o Mom as <^uick as X could, +keh rah upsiairs and go+ ih+o bed. TO: Heffley, Susan SUBJECT: SOS HELP HELP GET ME OUT OF HERE THESE PEOPLE ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY Vlkeh X came dowhs+airs far breakfas+ +kis morning, Mr. Je-ffersoh didh+ look +oo Kappy +o see me. 1+ turns out that X sent that e-mail from Mr. Jefferson’s work account, and Mom answered tack. TO: Jefferson, Robert SUBJECT: RE: SOS Family vacations can be a challenge! Is Gregory not behaving himself? - Susan X thought Mr. Jefferson was gonna really let me have it, but he didn’t say anythin^ at all. ”Then Mrs. Jefferson said mayte we could 30 +0 the koardwalk later on this afternoon and spend an Hour or two there. Well, that’s all X was ever asking for. A few hours is all X really need. £f £ can just ri wasn’t a total waste of time. Friday £’m tack home from the beach two days early, and if you wanna know the reason why, it’s kind of a long story. The Jeffersons took me and Rowley to the boardwalk yesterday afternoon. £ wanted to go on the Cranium Shaker right away, but the line was too long, so we decided to get some food and come back later. Vie got some ice cream, but Mrs. Jefferson only ordered one cone for the four of us to share. Horn 3«Ve me tKirty dollars to spehd at tKe beacK, ahd X blew twehty of it oh tKis ohe carnival ^ame. X was tryih^ +o win a ^iaht stu-f-fed caterpillar, but X tKihk tKey Kave tKose ^ames ringed so you can’t succeed. Rowley watcKed me Mow my twehtv dollars, ahd +Keh he asked Ms dad to toy Kim the EXACT same <}iaht caterpillar at a sKop hext door. Ahd tKc tMhg tKat really stinks is tKat it only cost Kim teh tucks. I +kink Mr. Jefferson is raking <» tig mis+ake wi+k a n>oVe like +j\<»+- How Rowley /eels like a winner even tkougk ke isn’+. I’ve W own expert l>oh, wK.cK my pareh+s hahded +0 me. Xn fac+, EVERYONE walked away wi+k firs+-place riMtons, even ’Tommy Lam, wko aid ry five tucks ahd posed for ry pko+o. Uhfor+uha+ely, +Ke Jeffersohs 30+ ih+o the pic+vre WITH me, so how my souvehi'r keyckaih is pre++y muck wo r+kless. I was really mad, ku+ X for^o+ all akou+ i+ wkeh X saw +Ha+ +ke lihe for +ke Crahium Skaker was dowh +o a few people. X rah over +o ike ride ahd used ry las+ five dollars +o pay for a +icke+. X +kou^k+ Rowley was riou+ +ke o+ker day. Pad kad keeh oh +ke ^>kohe wi+k Gramma, ahd +key were +al|cih^ about Swee+ie, hot me. Mom ahd Pad kad decided +o give +ke dog +o Gramma, ahd Pad dropped Swee+ie off oh Sohday higkt. To l>e kohes+ wi+k yoo, I doh’+ +kihk ahyohes really gohha miss kim aroohd kere. Tuesday I /.hall Me ahd Pad kaveh’t talked +o eack o+ker sihee +keh, ahd X*Ve t>eeh lookihg for excuses +o s+ay ou+ of +ke kouse. T /ouhd a really good ohe yes+erday. Tkere was a commercial oh TV for +kis s+ore called +ke Game Hu+, wkick is wkere X t»uy all my video games. "Tkey re kaVihg « com^e+i+ioh wkere you play 4+ your I0C4I s+ore, 4 hd if you w/h you ge+ +0 4 tjv 4 K\ce +0 +ke h 4 +.'oh 4 l ylayo-f-fs. Ahd +ke wither of THAT ge+S 4 million tucks. ‘Tke com^e+i+ioh 4+ ny I0C4I s+ore is oh S4+urd4y. I’m sure +Kere 4re gohh4 te 4 +oh of ^eo^le 4+ +K4+ +kihg, so XA gohh4 go so^>er e4rly +0 mojci Sure X ge+ 4 good j>Uce ih lihe. X Ie4rhed +k<»+ +rick -from Rodrick. VJkehever k« W4h+s +0 ge+ +icke+s +0 4 cohcer+, ke c4m^>s ou+ +ke hgk+ te-fore. Xh £»c+, +K 4 +S wkere ke ne+ kis t4hd’s Ie4d sihger, Bill. Rowley anti his dad go camping all the time, so X knew he had a tent. X called Rowley and told him about the video game contest and how we could win a million hocks. But Rowley was acting nervous on +he phone. X think he was s+ill worried that X had electrical superpowers or something, and the only wa> get him to calm down was to promise X wc to ;ldr>’t E-Ven after we were past that, Rowley didn’t seem comfortable with the campout idea. He said his mom and dad banned him from seeing me for the rest of the Summer. X pre-tty much figured that, but X h<»d a plan to get around it. X told Rowley that X'd tell my parents X was going up to his house to spend the night, and he could tell his parents he was going to Collins. Rowley STILL didn't seen sure, so X told Kin Xd bring Kin K«'s very own box of gunny bears if Ke cane along, and tKat sold Kin. Sa+urday Last nigKt we net at tKe to^> of tKe Kill at ‘kOO. Rowley brougKt tKe canning e^ui^>nent and tKe sleeping bag, and X brougKt +Ke flasKligKt and some cKocolate energy bars. X didnt Kave tKe gunny bears rigKt at tKat nonent, but X fronised Rowley Xd buy Kin some tKe first cKance X go+. VJKen we got to tKe Game Hv+ we were tKe only people tKere, and X couldn’t believe our luck. So we pitched our tent in -front of the store tried to cut in front of us. X figured the best way to save our place in line was to sleep in shifts. X even offered to take the first shift and let Rowley sleep, because thats just the kind of person X am. Af+er ny sKif+ was over X woke Rowley op for Kis Vr\, tu+ Ke -fell tack asleep ih atoo+ -five seconds. So X sKook Kin awake ahd +old Kin Ke heeded +o s+ay aler+. Rowley didh+ eVeh to+Ker +ryihg +o defend Kinself. X decided i+ was op +o ME +o nake Sore hotody 30+ in froh+ of os, so X s+ayed op all ni^K+. X was s+ar+ihg +o Kave +rootle keeping ny eyes open aroohd X'OO in +Ke nofhih^, and X a+e to+K of -♦Ke energy tars X packed +o keep nyself 30^3. X 30+ cKocola+e all over ny Kahds, and +Ka+ ^aVe ne ah idea. X opehed +Ke +eh+ flap, +Keh slipped ny Kahd ihside ahd nade i+ crawl like a spider. X +hou^h+ i+ woo Id be funny +0 make Rowley +hink ;+ was +Ke r >>uddy Hand. X didh+ hear any noises coming from inside +he +en+, so X +houtjh+ Rowley was s+ill sleeping. bu+ before X had a chance +0 open +he flap and check, my hand 30+ crushed +0 smi+hereens. X pulled my hand 00+ of +he +en+, and my +humt> was already s+ar+in^ +0 +um purple. X was really +icked off a+ Rowley. Mo+ because he Smashed my hand wi+h a malle+, but because he +hoo^h+ +ha+ i+ could s+op ihe muddy hand. Xke Game Hv+ 31^ wan+ed +0 know wky we k«d a +en+ in fron+ of +ke s+ore, so X +old kim we were +kere +0 com^e+e in +ke video ^ame con+es+. Bu+ ke didn + even know wka+ X was ialkincj abou+. So X +o sKow Kim +Ke Rosier from tKe window +o ^et Kim up +o speed. XKe clerk said tKe store wasn’t really set op for a video ^ame toornament kot since tKere were only two of os, mayke we coold jost play eacK o+Ker in tKe kack room. X was a li-Hle irritated at first, kot tKen X realized all X needed +o do +o win tKis toornament was +o keat Rowley. So +Ke clerk se+ os op to play a dea+K ma+cK in Twisted Vlizard. X almos+ felt sorry for Rowley, kecaose X'm pre-Hy mocK an expert at tKat game. But wKen we started to play, X realized my tKomk was so messed op X cooldn’t press tKe kottons on tKe controller. All I could do was run around in circles while Rowley sho+ me over and over. Rowley ended u^> tea+in^ me 15 - 0 . "The cleric +old Rowley he won +he com^e+i+ion and had a choice-* He could ei+her -fill ou+ +he ^a^erwork +o 30 +o +he na+ional +oumamen+, or he could ge+ a ^ian+ ho* of chocola+e-covered raisins. I’ll he+ you can le s+ar+ed +ke mino+e X s+e^>j>ed ou+ of +ke kouse. X kaVen’+ seen Rowley since kc s+ole +ka+ video game compe+i+ion from me, and Pad kasni spoken +o me since X almos+ , bt/+ +Ke +ru+K is me and Pad Ka+e LOTS of +Ke same +K.V>3S. Me and Pad mi 3 K+ no+ KaVe one of +Kose close fa+Ker-son rela+ionsKif>s, bu+ +Ka+s -fine wi+K me. X’ve learned +Ka+ +Kere is sucK a +Kin 3 as X realized Vaca+ion was ^>re++y mucK over wKen Mom •finished u^> wi+K Ker pKo+o album +oday. X •fli^ed +Krou 3 K i+, and +o be Kones+ wi+K you, X don+ +Kink i+ was a very accura+e record of our Summer. B>u+ X 3«ss +Kc person wKo +akes +Ke pic+ures is +Ke one wKo 3e+s +o +ell +Kc s+ory. CL /maeZcoS. V! d JL,. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Thanks to all the fans of the Wimpy Kid series for inspiring and motivating me to write these stories. Thanks to all of the booksellers across the nation for putting my books in kids’ hands. Thanks to my family for all the love and support. It’s been fun to share this experience with you. Thanks to the folks at Abrams for working hard to make sure this book happened. A special thanks to Charlie Kochman, my editor; Jason Wells, my publicist; and Scott Auerbach, managing editor extraordinaire. Thanks to everyone in Hollywood for working so hard to bring Greg Heffley to life, especially Nina, Brad, Carla, Riley, Elizabeth, and Thor. And thanks, Sylvie and Keith, for your help and guidance. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jeff Kinney is an online game developer and designer, and a #1 New York Times bestselling author. In 2009, Jeff was named one of Time magazine’s 100 Most Influential People in the World. He spent his childhood in the Washington, D.C., area and moved to New England in 1995. Jeff lives in southern Massachusetts with his wife and their two sons. It'i summer vacation— the weather's f reat. and all the kids are havin ( fun outside. So where's Greg Heffley? Inside his house, playing video games with the shades Greg, a self-confessed "indoor person.'' is living out his ultimate summer fantasy! no responsibilities and no rules. But Greg's mom has a different vision for an ideal summer .one packed with outdoor activities and "family togetherness." Whose vision will win out? Or will a new addition to the Heffley family change everything? Praise for the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series- the USA Today, Publishers Weekly, Wall Street Journal, and «1 New York Tunes bestsellers: ♦“Genre-busting series . spot-on hum and winning formula.* I -Publishers Weekly, starred review ■ Diary of a Wimpu Kid Is I bent on world domination. “One of the most successful children's series ever published." -Washington Post r*» Amulet Books ■ edaeinwnetef Assures Its Weet IMh Street