OTHER BOOKS BY JEFF KINNEY Diary of a Wimpy Kid Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Ugly Truth The Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book The Wimpy Kid Movie Diary COMING SOON More Diary of a Wimpy Kid DIARY Vf'mpjJ K'flf CBBIKI FEVeR ty Jeff Kift^ey ES AMULET BOOKS Ms* York PUBLISHER’S NOTE: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for and may be obtained from the Library of Congress. ISBN 978-1-4197-0223-5 Wimpy Kid text and illustrations copyright © 2011 Wimpy Kid, Inc. DIARY OF A WIMPY KID®, WIMPY KID™, and the Greg Heffley design™ are trademarks of Wimpy Kid, Inc. All rights reserved. PAC-MAN ® & © NAMCO BANDAI Games Inc. Courtesy of NAMCO BANDAI Games America Inc. Book design by Jeff Kinney Cover design by Chad W. Beckerman and Jeff Kinney Published in 2011 by Amulet Books, an imprint of ABRAMS. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. Amulet Books and Amulet Paperbacks are registered trademarks of Harry N. Abrams, Inc. Amulet Books are available at special discounts when purchased in quantity for premiums and promotions as well as fundraising or educational use. Special editions can also be created to specification. For details, contact specialsales@abramsbooks.com or the address below. ABRAMS THE A FIT OF HOOKS SINCE 115 West 18th Street New York, NY 10011 www.abramsbooks.com to tiChino Contents November December Acknowledgments About the Author NOVEMBER Saturday Most people look forward to th t holidays, tot the stretch between IhanksgiVihg and Christmas just makes me a nervous wreck. If you make a mistake in the first eleven months of the year, its no tig deal. But if you do holiday Season, you re gonna pay for it* Its too much pressure to he on your test behavior for a whole month. The most I can really handle is six or seven days in a row. So if they moved IhanksgiVing to the week before Christmas^ it would be fine by me. Kids whose ■families don t celebrate Christmas are lucky because they don't have to stress out whenever they do something wrong at this time of year- Xn fact, X have a few friends in that category who X think act a little extra jerky around now just because they can. Xhe thing that REALLY makes me nervous is this whole Santa issue- Xhe fact that he can see you when you re sleeping and knows when you re awake really creeps me out. So Xve started wearing Sweatpants to bed because X really dont need Santa seeing me in my underwear. DOES see every ih rh-g you Jo, +heft X cot/ld fee in +routle„ So when X wrHe hjm, X tioin H +ha+. 1 ^ossitle ■ say wha+ X wah+ -for Chris-lmas aid all , use my le++ers +o parh+ myself i'ft +^e bes+ |j‘ah+. Dear Sao+c^ I did no+ -Irhrow a crab opple nrs, f ay lor s cot, even +houcjh P"l" mjgh+ve looked -tbort- woy from a distance. Sincerely, Greg HefTley always talking afcoui. You nwr afcout Ji, but you never actually get to SEE ri> So i"-t s u^ to grow h-ups to "tell you where you stand at any given moment- Ahd Something about that just doesnt seem right, /IFYOU UELP ME with tmese\ f GROCERIES, I'LL BET IT WILL BE JUST ENOUGU TO \ MAKE SANTAS "NICE" LIST! J I kind of wonder how accurate the list really is anyway* There s a kid named Jared Pyle who lives up the street from me, and if theres ANYONE who deserves to fee on ike Tlaughty list, iis him, Bui Iasi year he got a dirt bike for Christmas, So dohi eveh ask me WHAT Santa was thinking oh THAT one. Xts hot Just Savrta Xve got to worry about^ either* Last year wheh Mon was goihg "through some old boxes, she found a homemade doll from her childhood- Mom said the doll is called Sahtas Scout and that his job is to watch how kids behave and then report back to Santa at the ^orth Pole, VJellj XA noi a fan of +Xa+ idea. Firs+ of all, X +hiftk yo\j Kave a righ+ +0 privacy in your own jv>rne* And second, San+as $cot/+ gives ne +He willies. X dont really fciy +he idea +ta+ +Ws doll .s feeding Santa information, fcut just in case, X 4rv +o fee extra good wHeneVer X ^ in the sane room as Santa's Scout, MAY I CLEAR EVERYONE’S Plates? wry, MOW THOJGHTFUL] OF YOU? But It probably doesn't matter anyway , because my older brother, Rodnek, Is eohstahtly feeding Santas Stout bad information about me. £,Very morning when X wake up, Santas Scout is In a new place, which X guess fs supposed to prove that he traveled to the hlorth Foie overnight. But Im starting to wonder if its really Rodritk who moves him. Sunday Today we -took all our Christmas decorations out of the storage room in the basement, Vie have boxes full of ornaments, ahd some of them are me and really embarrassing,, but Mon wont let me throw it out. pretty old- tneres one with a picture of Rodritk taking a bath in the sink that's Vie put up the tree in the living room and started hanging ornaments oh it. My little brother, Manny, was taking a nap upstairs, and when he woke up and found out we were decorating the tree without him, he had a total ne ltd own. It* reason Manny was so upset was because someone hung his /a Vo rite ornament, this candy cane he really likes. So Mom took it off the tree and handed it to Manny to hang up himself. But Manny wanted his ornament to be the FIRST one oh the tree, so that meant we had to take all the decorations down, just so he could get his way And thats just the kind of thing that happens Mom hasn't started +o use the threat of Santa as a 0/ getting Manny to tehave, tut XVi Sure she will soon, X don't think its such a good strategy for keeping us in line, though* Because the second Christmas is over. Mom doesn't have ahy real leverage. /^WELLf THE EASTEfTN _J BUNNY IS GOING TO BE \ ]\ VERY DISAPPOINTED j — V IN YOU BOYS? / Holiday Rig hi before "Thanksgiving break, ike re was a cohiesi ai school io see who could come up wiih ihe besi a nil-bullying slogan, and the grand pri7.e was a y* ZZa p* r iy ^ or iht winning ieam. Only YOU can STOP BULLYING! farm a team of up io flue people art! oomc up with the bestarrti-bullying slogan. The winning team hid get a PIZZA PAKTY in theeafeterte! Let's-make bullying extinct! Everyone wanied ihai pii^a pariy, and people d; in to stop it /rom turning into a full-scale not. Our school only has one legitimate tolly this year anyway, and his name is Pennis Root, A^d with all the signs and posters everywhere. In pretty Sure the message is getting through to him, IbulldozeS^bullyingT Xhe day before XhahksgiVihg -+here was a big anti-bullying assembly, and everyone in the auditorium was looking at Pennis the whole time. X kind of felt Sorry for him, So X tried to make hrm feel better* tveh though Penns is the only real bully In our school this year, we tad 4 BUNCH of +K em LAST year. People were constantly getting picked oh at recessj so the teachers set up a station oh the playground where kids could press a button if they needed to get a grown-up s attention* B Well, the Tell -a -Tether station Just e^tied up being a convenient place for the bullies 4o hahg out arid find their next Victims* "The teachers Say TEASING counts as bulging, too, tut X don't think theres ary way they re gohna put a stop to THAT* Kids are always calling each other names and that kind 0 / thing at my school* Xn fact, one of the reasons X try to stay under the radar is because X don't want to end up gettihg stuck Wrth a nickname like Cody Johnson did* Xn kindergarten Cody stepped in some dog poop at recess, and ever since then people have called him ' Pookie. Ahd I ho+■bdlkiftg <*t>ou+ +He kids, eH'lier. XA talking otou+ +ke +eank thats a good idea, tut rt didnt work out so well when X was getting Wiled. There was this bid who lived In the neigh tor hood next to mine, and /or some reason everyone called him 'Xtasty Pants. £i.very "fine r-ve ahd my friend Rowley weh-f +h rough t^as+y Payy+ss ftefghWhood, he chased us Wi'4l a stick. ~The thi'ng that really s+uhk was +hai me ahd Rowley used the woods ih that Neighborhood as a shortcut "to get to school. So we started haVrhg +o go out o-f our way to aVoM getting harassed by Hasty PaNts. Vie did EXACTLY what the teachers are always telling uS to do, and complained to the Vice principal, but Vice Principal Roy said that since hlasty Pants didn't go to our school, there was nothing he could really do about it* After getting chased a few more times, I deci AtA VA W enoughs so I told Pad about the Situation- X was afraid Pad was gonna say X needed to toughen up and deal with the problem my self,, but he surprised me. Pad said that ME had problems with a bully at my age and he knew Just what X was going through* Pad-s bully was named Billy Staples, and Billys favorite thing to do was pin a kids arm behind his back and hold !+ there until he cried. Pad said that the kids in the neighborhood told their parents about Billy and they all went to Billys house to confront his mom and dad. Mr. Staples made Billy promise to never prck on anyone ever again, and Pad said Billy burst into tears and might have even wet his pants. VJeU j after hearing that s+ory, X doht think Billy Staples wouldve been any natch /or Nasty Pants* But X told Pad X liked the idea of complaining to the bully s parents* X called up Rowley and told him to come over and to bring his dad, because we needed a$ moth backup as we could get. Pad knocked oh Nasty Pantss door, and we waited for one of his parents to open it. But hUstv Pants HIMSELF came to the door, X guess X should Ve described Hasty Pants to Padj because it took him a while to understand that the kid who tame +o the door was the one who was causjhg os all that trouble. Pad talked +o Mrs. Pants, and she told Pad her son was onl^ Five and that he Just gets a little wound up sometimes* Gn the way home, Pad was pretty mad at /or lettihg myself get bullied by a kid who was still in kindergarten. But let me Just say in my defense that when some k4 iS chasing you with a stick, you don’t stop to ask Kin how old Ke is. Tuesda y They took the last piece of playground equipment away at school today. VJe started off the year 7 r with a I! softs of things, like monkey fears and swings and stuff, feut now the playground is an empty sawdust pit* X Heard the school was having trouble paying the insurance for the playground, so every time there was some kind 0/ accident or ihjury or 1 a piece of equipment, the easiest thing to do was Just remove it* In October, Francis Knott went flying off the swing set and landed on the seesaw, so that -took 00+ two fcig items right there* Vie lost the monkey fears when a girl named Christrne Higgins climbed to the top and then got too scared to come down. "Th t teachers aren't allowed to -touch kids, so they had +o tall Christines parents to cone and 3 e+ ^ r - Eventually th £ only piece of equipment left was the balance beam, and X figured nobody could get hurt oh THAT thing. But believe it or hot, some idiot wasn't looking where he was going the other day, so how thats gone, too. Without any playground equipment, theres really nothihg for us to do* But the teachers won't even let us sit down, because they say we have to stay active* i 1 1 1 i 1 i 1 1 J ~r And its not like youVe allowed to bring in toys or Video games to keep yourself occupied t either. In fact, if you get caught with a toy on the playgroi/ndj it II get confiscated* Last week somebody found a miniature car buried in the sawdust that looked like it had been there for years. "The car had three missing wheels, but people were so desperate -for entertaihment that they lined up +o play with it while others kept lookout. ^ow theres a black market -for toys at our school, Christopher Stable! brought ih a bunch of Legos fro m home yesterday,, and X hear a single brick will "The teachers have banned a bunch of games we used to play, too. Last week a group of boys were playing -Freeze T<*gj but one of them got hurt when someone shoved him from behind- So now were not allowed to touch each other or even RUN, Today people were playing Ar T*g and getting around by speed-walking, but it wasn't really the sane* «r ou ask ne^ X think people are getting too earned away with all “this safety stuff* X went to Mannys peewee soccer game, and all ihe kids had wear bicycle helnvets, VO** DOINK Xhe only good thing about the playground equipment being gone is that now X actually have a chance to start doing well in school. Im ohe of +hose ^eo^le who has a hard +iroe /otusirg wheh the teacher is +&lfcjV\cj, arid w her, ahoiher class is havfhg recess fighi outside the window, its practically impossible to pay attention. Xt doesht help that X m not exactly the fastest test-taker* X^ third grade X had a teacher earned Mrs* Sinclair who taught 05 <*.11 these great tricks ’for remembenng multiplication -facts, But they seriously slow me down. X3 EIGHT TIMES FOUR IS THIRTY-TWO, JJ , THIRTY-TWO, THIRTY-TWO! J EIGHT TIMES FOUR IS THIRTY-TWO, J AND NOW YOU KNOW ITS TRUE' CTO THE TUNE OF "MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB") ELarlfer this year we had a math teacher named Mr, Sparks who used to stand on his chair every time he wanted us to rememfcer something important. But ohce wHen Mr. Sparks was trying to get os to remember a mdtH concept, ohe of tHe legs oh His cH<*ir broke and He fell. Mr. Sparks broke H'S collarbone, ahd X H^rd Hes suing tHe scHool over ft* X don't remember tHe concept He was trying to teacH us tHat day, but X Jo always remember never to stand on tHe furniture. Purihg recess today everyone was Just waiting to go back inside, but tHen Rowley got up and started skipping around tHe playground. A people surfed cKeerihg and clapping. XKey mus+ve +KougK"t Rowley was pro+es-Hhg all +Ke hew rules fey skipping rhs+ead of rghhFhg, W +Ke +ru+h tS f skipping iS juS+ Sone+King Rowley likes +o Jo* For Sore reason d really gets on ny nerves wKen Rowley skips, so d tugged me to see Kin prancing around +ke playground like +Ka+. Skipping is ac+ually a real sore subject between +Ke -two of us* Rowley says Xm Jealous of Kirn beta use X doht know Kow io skip, but 1 think it just looks stupid* X Will mi H - -+h*i I never exactly ^crh -the hang of skiooin-q. Xh fac+, X WaS +he OlTily kid rh firs-h TLIAT^ GALLOPING! X was afraid Xd be held hack owhi X learned hoi to sjci^'j but luckily they let me move on to second grade, Still, Xm worried its gonna come back -ho GREG HEFFLEY WILL NOT BE RECEIVING HIS DlPLOm DOE TO AN INABILITY TO SKIP. $ometimes X wonder how me and Kowky ended up keing friends in the first place, since were so different. But at this point X £gore were stuck with each other, so X just try to oVerloo k the things he Joes that annoy me* Xhorsji S' Xhe thing that stinks about having Santa's Scoot watching my every moVe at home is that X cant get away with the things X used to Jo during the holidays. A £ew years ago Horn and Pad pot some gifts under the tree a week before Christmas, and it was driving me craiy not knowing what they were. Gne 0/ the gi/ts had my name on it, and 1 pretty Sure it was 4 VjcJeo game. X made a tiny little tear in the wrapping paper +0 see, and Sure enough > it was a game Xd asked /or. But then it was bugging me that a game X wanted was sitting right there under the tree and I couldnt play it. So X went one step /urther ahct made a slit along the top 0/ the packaging and slid the disc out- X opened the plastic case and removed the game, put the box Wk in the wrapping paper and -taped it closed. But X started to get paranoid that Mom was gonna pick up the present and notice it ’felt lighter, So X opened it back up and put one o/ Rodrkks heavy metal CDs inside the bo* to make it the same weight it was be/ore* X flayed the Vid eo gane every night after Mon ahd Pad Weht to bed, and X actually Wat it* But X forgot to pLift i+ hack in the fco*, and on Christmas j when X opened my present in front of Mon and Padj Rod ricks CD slipped out and roiled onto the floor* Xhe day after Christmas, Mom took the CD to the Game Hu+ and chewed the derk out for selling her materia! that was "inappropriate" for kids. X just doht like not knowing wK<*+ Im ^getting for Christmas, and sometimes X «h'+ Kcl^p ryselfi La si year X went on Moms e-mail account and wrote to all our relatives to see if X could find out what they were gei 4 fhg me. TO: Gairmie, Uncle Joe, Uncle Charlie, Gramma, Grandpa, Uncle Gary, Joanne, Leslie, Byron, 23 more SUBJECT: Gifts Hey, everyone- Let me know what you're buying for Greg this year, so we can coordinate. Thanks, Susan &ut PAgm keeps her e-mail oh At composer ih the kittheh, ahd its hard -to get oh to Her accouht when Santas Scoot is watchihg me like a hawk. L£a>QOO-l 0 * ,JLv o o 0 o o 0 a*. \ o a Tohi^Vit X speht some time tryilng to decide what to pot oh my Christmas wish list this year, X try to be as specific as possible when X make my list, because wheheVer X leave my gifts up to horn ahd Pad i X get Some crazy stuff A few years ago X forgot to write out a wish list, ahd X paid the price for it, Horn was preghaht with MahV\y, ahd she wanted me to get ready for having a baby brother. So {or CHriS+ruaSj Hon me DOLL. A+ -first I want- anything to do with it* Xhen X reaped having a doll you could FEED came in handy. Xn fact, X don't think a vegetable touched my li^s for a month after X got Alfrendo. WERE COnES THE AIRPLANE, ALFRENDO? OPEN wide; But that wasnt the oni /or, X found out that he made a really excellent comic book standj too- thing X used that doll X have to admit, after a few months X got really attached to that doll. Since X didn't have * pet, it was kr’nd of nice to KftVe Something to take care of for once. but one day X came home from school and X touldnt find Alfredo ANYWHERE* X searched the house from top to bottom, but there was no trace of him, Xhe only thung X could think of was that X dropped A}^rtr\Ao at Some point and Somehow didn't notice. I pretty tom up about losfhg my doll, but what I was REALLY worried about was l%m thinking I couldht be trusted around my hew baby brother, So X got a grapefrut out of the fridge ahd drew a face oh it with a marker. Xhen X wrapped the grapefruit ih a d^h towels ahd for the he*t three months X pretended ft was my doll, XI ROCKABYE ^ BABY CM TME J TREETCP... J Mon ahd Pad drdht seen to notice, Rot X was terrified by tbe tdea that tbe REAL Alfrehdo was gohha fihd bis way back bone ahd get bis revehge oh me for ababdohihg b^ ahd re^lacihg brn with a fruit. Xh fact, X still worry ditou^ -+ta+ +□ +Kis dla^* ■for si*+eeh hours wi^hou^ eveft -takihg 4 break +o go +o +he ta+hroon. K Bu+ if you dorf+ kee^> ge++iY>g ^our pe+ v\ew S+uff, i+ starts +o look uhhd^^y, and that real stresses ne out. GREGORY'S LITTLE FRIEND IS FEELING: QUEASY ism! The problem is you can only earn a certain humber of tokehs, and alter that you have to boy them with real money, Unfortunately, I don't have my own credit card, so that means I have to beg Horn and Pad to use TMElRS- And its not real easy to convince Pad to break open hrS wallet so you can boy a fancy outfit lor your virtual pet- | MOOD METER | GREGORY'S LITTLE FRIEND IS FEELING: SNAZZY \ This year X m gonna ask lor a bunch of Krit+en Kash lor Christmas, But In still trying to figure out what to put on the REST ol my wish list. X could actually use a LOT of different things, because a couple weeks ago when X spent the night at the hospital getting my tonsils out, Manny Sold half of everything X owned- Bui In hoi so Sure I should ask /or a horr*a! gj/i like a Vrdeo gane or a icy ikis year. Vlhai Ive reaLzed is ihai tvtry ijne you gei someitahg cool for your fcirihday or for Chrisimas, Wiikrh a week ii5 beihg used againsi you. WELL BE TAKING THIS AWAY UNTIL YOUR ENGLISH GRADE IMPROVES? One thing X know -for sure is that this year I n only accepting store-bought presents. Last Christmas, Mon gave me a really nice hand-knit blanket, and X h«*^ to cone over, even though X was still a little bothered the whole skipping thing. Vlhen Rowley got to my house, we sat down ih front of the TV to play Video games, tc-4 - Mon said we had to shut off the machine and interact But one of the things that makes my friendship with Rowley work is that he doesnt MIND watchihg me play Video games* Plus, the reason our ancestors invented technoloi in tixt first place was so they didn't WAVE to interact with one another. Mom sent me and Rowley down to the basement, and the two of us tried to figure out what to do. Xd asked Rowley to bring some DVDs with him so we could stay up late watching movies. B>ut he only brought HOME movies, and you couldn't PAY me to watch TWGSE* books j where you fill in the blanks to create funny phrases. For the first round, Rowley came up with the words and X wrote +hem down in the blanks. Xhe phrases we made were actually pretty funny, but what WAS NT -funny was Rowley's new habit 0/ Saying LOL instead of laugh rhg« OUR CAFETERIA MAS REALLY SHELLY FOOD. TME PIZZA 15 PURPLE AND TME FRENCM FRIES ARE SUMY* Xt was really driving me CRAZY. So we switched rales, and X cane up with the words instead. Rowley started by asking me for ike name of a sport, so X said Volleyball. But Re told me its bol ley ball, with a b. So then we got into this huge argument about what letter ’volleyball" starts with* X found a aiciioftary and handed It to Rowley and told h-^ to loot it up Kissel/, but instead of flipping to the letter v, Rowley read ever' single word In the J fc 1 section. And when He couldnt find bolleyball, he started over from the beginning. Rowley accused me of having an outdated dictionary and said that's why "bolleybalf 1 wasn't In it, so THEN we got into an argument about what year Volleyball was invented- By this point Rowley was really getting on my nerves, and X realized wed better change gears or we were gonna end up in a fight t as usual* X told Rowley maybe we should do something different, and he said he wanted to ^lay H'de- *nd-Seek. But the problem with flaying Hide-and- Seek with Rowley is he thinks that when he cant see YOU, you can't see HIM, So that makes hin really easy to find* X decided we just heeded a break from eAch other, So X came uy with Ah idea, X told Rowley we were gonna see who was braver, me or him, and we stepped out the sliding glass door. Xach of uS had to walk into the woods and write our name on the tree fort we built last Summer* And whoever chickened out was wrong about Volleyball and had to tall the other guy f sir for the rest of his life* X told Holley X d go first, and X walked into the woods. But as Soon as X knew he couldnt see ne, X ran around to the front of ny house. woods by nyst If at nght. I had written ny nane on the tree fort when ne and Rowlev built it over the Sonner, and thats the reason X cane o^ with the dare. X walked iYk +l\e door, made a tow! of ice cream, ahd related -for a while* A^d X have -to say. Some trme +o myself was jusi wha+ X deeded. Gftce X finished my ice cream, X walked aroi/hd th t side of the house, rubbed some dirt oft my fate and clothes, theft came running out of the woods. X probably shouldft t have added that last part, because Rowley totally gave up on the dare, after that Ay yway, tHat break was just wHat tHe doctor ordered, and tHe rest oP tHe nigHt argument-free. was IWs morning my family Headed to cHurcH, and Rowley carte witH us* X dolnft tHfnk Rowley s ■family really goes to cHurcH tHat mucH, so Hes not used to all tHe rules about wHat you re supposed to do and wHen. So X always Have to tell Him wHen you need to kneel and stand and all tHat. r Toward tHe end we all did tHe Peace be witH part, wHere you re supposed to sHake everyone's Hand* X said Peace be witR you to Rowley, but He started giggling. X thiftk he nn/stve thought I said Peas fee with you/’ like the Vegetable- X don't think Rowley totally understood that youVe just supposed to shake hands with people, either, because when the woman in the pew behind us said Peace t>e with you/' Rowley gave her a big wet kiss on the cheek. After church we dropped Rowley off at his house * and X was glad he was gone and that X could go back to playing my game. And something tells me Mom felt the sane way. PEAS BE WITH YOU. WEE WEE HEEfy "ft iw DECEMBER Tuesday Xoday X was playing Met Kritterz. ih my room, and Horn walked in. su watched for a wKi1e> then asked what X was doing in the game* X explained that X was watching my Chihuahua watch TV, because if your virtual pet watches at least two hours of commercials a day, it mates him happy and you get twenty tonus tokens. Xhen X as ted Mom- if she wouldn't mind spotting me teh tucks because the Met Kritterr store just started carrying trampoline shoes and X ■was pretty sure Gregorys Little friend would really like to have them. but X guess X picked the wrong time to ask Mom for a loan, because it seemed like she was in a bad mood* She said X didn't have any appreciation for the Value of money and that if X wanted to pay for my Met Kri+terz habit. It was gonna have to come out of my own pocket. X told Mom X didnt have any money of my owh and thats why X kept hitting up her and Pad* But she said there were PLENTY of things X could do to earn some, SW said its supposed to snow tonight and X could go out and shovel our neighbors driveways tomorrow. X REALLY doht feel comfortable khockihg oh doors flhd *skih^ our neighbors /or money, My School h*$ three fundraisers a year, and X haVe +o go from house to house teggpng people X hardly know to buy something from me. And half the -fir^e X dont even really know what it is In selling. MELLO, MFL KAPPLErTY WOULD YOU LJKE TO \ PURCHASE SOME HARDY / GERANIUM BULBS^y X wish the school would give us Something USEFUL +o selL like candy tars or cookies. Xhe Girl Scouts are lucky, because at least they get to sell stuff people actually WANT, IV way the system works with these fundraisers is that us students do all tV work ahd the school gives us these junky yrires as rewards. One time X sold twenty dollars worth of gourmet coffee beans, and all X got was a cheay yo-yo that broke before X even got off school property* But Rowley REALLY got stiffed- He sold $150 worth of beans and got a Chinese finger tray as tas yriie* Xt actually worked like it was suyyosed toj but Rowley couldnt get htS fingers out, and h-S mom had to cut it off when V got home. Last year the School tried something different, "They had us sell raffle tickets , a hi whoever woh the raffle would get a spring yard cleanup from the seventh-grade class. Mrs. Spangler, who lives down the street from me, woh the raffle, ahd on the first day of spring the whole seventh grade showed up at her house. But there were only two rakes for all those kids, so most of the class just ended up Sitting around with nothing to do. And by the time the r spring cleanup" was done, Mrs, Spanglers yard was worse o// than when it started- The hew thing the School Is doing is these Walkathons* "The id ea is that well walk around -the track at school a certain number of times, like one hundred or two hundred lays, and get our US for each lap we complete* neighbors to sponsor X «h uhders+ahd asjdhg someone to pay for seed5 of coffee beahS of whatever, but X doht khow what kihd of persoh gets pleasure out of having some W walk arouhd a football fie id a couple Ihe reasoh the school put oh the Vialkathoh fh September was so they could pay for a billboard hear the towh park. I couldnt figure out why the scKool didn’t just skip the VJdllca+Kon and have the kids clean up the town park instead. But I guess F-f the seventh grade was involved , they might Ve completely trashed it. Xve done the math/ and Xve figured out that each grown-up oh my street gives me an average of twenty^ three dollars a year for school fundraisers* So X should Just invite all the neighbors to my house once a year and tell them to bring me the twenty-three bucks in cash, because it sure would save everyone a lot of pain and anguish. r r -r < VJednesday Xt showed Ust higkt just like Mon said it would , and wfiilc all tke otker kids ih tke heigh Wkood were ehjoyihg their day off from school, I was ■poohding the pavement looking for work* i^yvYYYVYTi X thought about whose door X should knock oh first, but it wasn't eas^. Mrs. Purocher lives right Across tke street, but shes a little too affectionate, and X usually do ry test to aYoid her. MOW ABOUT A MUG, GREGORY? DID SOMEBODY JUST CROP TmiS PEBBLE? "Then theres Mr. Alexander, who r^oved ihto the Sheilas' hoLtfe. He ™st hoi We worn traces as a kid, tecause Kis teeth aren't very straight. Unfortunately, the first fine Pad net Mr, Alexander was oh Hrtlloweehj and Pad nostVe thought Kr‘s teeth weren't real. There are people who live oh ny street that X ha vent spoken to ih YEARS. VlKeh I was a toot four> Mon and Pad had a cocktail party for sone of the couples ih the neighborhood, ahd X weht dowhStairs during the party to use the tathroon. d tut the blade cut right through it and the snow stayed where ft was. Eventually the mower started making funny sounds, and then all of a sudden it stopped- So X guess 'those things aren't really built -for told weather. * a o v 4 O ° 11 ° o o S °c X pushed the mower to Grammas and put it tack in her garage. Hope-fully it will thaw out before the summer rolls around. X still had this guys driveway to deal with> tut now the show was REALLY coming down, and v Solution So X could move oh. y X was gonna spend the rest of for five tucks, X heeded a cjoick X could see that his garden hose was attached to the house, so X turned it oh, put the ho^T-le to the shower setting, and sprayed down the snow in the driveway. on contact, and X was erasing. Xheh X saw a sprinkler le^hihg t/p against the house, ahj X 30+ ah eveh BETTER idea. Ghee X was frhishedj X turned off the sprinkler ahj knocked oh the gtys door* He paM rne five bucks when he saw that his driveway was cleared- X was pretty everted akout the way things worked out, and X frgured if X found sone more people with sprinklers, X could have nultipie Jots going at once* Unfortunately, X couidht find anyone else who was hone. But ™y idea probakly wouldn't have worked out anyway* Because fey the +irnt X walked back down Prentice Lane, the driveway X W+ with the sprinkler was frozen over* Vfhen Pad got hoove, we had to go out and bo y five big bags of rock salt to r*eIt the guys driveway. So how ih stead of Having no hey ih my pocket for all my Hard workj X'rn tveh-ty tucks ih tHe Hole. V* „ . UflO S fl * ° « 0*1 „ K^P XHursd* yiTsday Pad washt too Happy tHat X burned sometodys driveway into ah ice-skatihg rihk yesterday, ahd He said He was drsappoihted in me for uSihg poor judgr^ht- 11 XHats tHe e*act Sane pH rase He used a few weeks ago wHeh X scratcHed up His car. Xt all started wHeh X woh Student of tHe Vleek at seHooL VJHeh you win Student of tHe Vleek, tHey give you a pumper sticker tHat you tah put oh your familys car. ily s Xhe bumper slicker is pretty corny, but it was S+ill cool +0 Wj'h it. "3grys 8 My thild if tlw 3 A ft ft STUDENT Or THE WEEK ^ and Km MIGHTY PROUD! In not sure why X won, but X thihk they just ^ive i+ +o everyone eventually* Fregley won Student of the VJeek this past Friday * and In guessing it was for hot bitihg ahyahe for five days straight* Hon wanted to put my sticker on her car,, but Her bumper is so overcrowded that X knew it would just get lost on there* So X asked Pad if X could put it on his car* pad recently tought rt new car, and X thought my Student of the Vleek sticker would look really sharp on his ton per. But Pad said he drdht want to junk y f his hew car. A+ first X was disappointed, tut X guess X could kind of understand where he was coming fron . Hy -family doesn't have anything that's really nice, and when Pad cane hone fron the dealership with a spor-ty car, X was pretty surprised* without talking it through with her, though- She said the car looked "flashy" and that since it only Kad two doors ^ it wasnt practical /or a Zanily oZ ZiVe. But Pad Said it was the car he wanted j and he kept if* AZtef X talked to Pad $ X didht know what to do with rtj bumper sticker, so X just ended up giving it to Manny and telling h^ he could put it on his wagon or so nething* X freaked ou+ because X knew Pad was Cjohrva +Kir\k X was one who j+ +here, 1 toed +o peel A off, hui 1 -they ™/S+ use Superglue oh -the fcacks of those +Kihgs. So I got sone soap and water ahd tried to SCRUB it off. &ut after twenty nfhutes of scrubbing, Xd barely nade a debt. X started looking for Afferent cleaning supplies in the cabinet under the kitchen sihk^ and X found Some si-eel wool pads that looked like they night do the tricks "Those things work pretty good on the pots and pans, so X figured they were worth a try on the ear since H" was netal, too. Sure enoughs the steel wool made +u hunger sticker come off the car as easy as pie. Xn fact/ it was so easy that X kind of got carried away, X used the steel wool pads to Scrape off the tugs and tird poop, too, X figured Pad would te pretty happy X was cleanrng his car for free. But when X rinsed the car off Wfth the hose, X got a huge surprise. The steel wool dicta t just scrape the bumper stoker ahd bogs off the car. X+ scraped the Paint off, too. X panicked and started filling iV^ the tare spots With a permanent marker- But the area where the bumper sticker had keen was too bi^j so X wrote a note in Mom's handwriting and taped it over that spot. X +Uigh+ the note night buy ne a few d but Pad uncovered the but Pad didnt seem to appreciate tke kumor in tkat* Sunday Our family usually ^oes to ckurck at ^-00 a.m.j frut today we went to tke folk service at 11*00. Xhe /oik service has a different kind of music than the regular one, and there's a band that plays guitars and stuff like that, Last week Morn convinced Rod rick to join the folk group because she got * flyer saying they were tooking for a H percussionist. X think Rod rick inched he was gonna get to play his drums in church, so he signed up. but it tunics out the folk group was looking for someone to play HAND percussion instruments^ like the tambourine and castanets. Rodrick tried his best to look cool up there ih the front of the church today, but its really hard to pull that off when you’ve got a pair of maracas in X tan totally relate to getting doped into joining Southing without knowihg all the details. Last year Mon told ne X should Join the church s Pre-Teen Club, but then X found out they were really lax about who qualified as a %re-teen." PRE-TEEN CLUB 0r own-ups 11 E-Very year our church does this thing called the Giv>hg Tree/ where people rh need put their requests in envelopes and hang them on the free* XWh a family picks a random envelope, and whatever it says inside is what they re supposed As far as X know, there aren't any rules about who’s allowed to put a request oh the Giving Tree, So X decided to try my luck ahd -fill out a -form of my own. But Something told me Horn and Pad wouldht approve, so I made sure it couldht be traced back to me. Juvenile male reguests cash, as much as you are willing -to dona+e. Please leave the money in an unmarked envelope under the recycling bin behind -the church, P,5* * Make sure you're no-H followed* Xhis year at school they taped off a Wnch of tables in the cafeteria so kids with nut allergies could eat in a separate section. X "think its great the School did that, hot it means the re s a lot less room for the rest of us to sit. Xm not Sure anyone at my school is actually allergic to hutSj though, because for the first two months of this year the tables in the taped-off *iplete!y empty* area were comt But X guess Ricardo Freedman liked tte idea of all ttat el tow room, because today tie y looped tinsel f dowh in tte middle of tte (^ut^Free 2-ohe and ate two peanut butter and jelly sandwictes te brougtt from tone* Today we tad a general assembly and everyone was ail excited because ttey told us we were gonna get to watct a movie* But it was just ohe of ttose educational films about teal tty eating. m rnTRUIOMAOT^ VS. THE X khow X heed io e*+ healthier,, \nr\ rf you "hake fast food out 0/ r\y diet X n ih kuj trouble, because XVi probably someth tag like ^5% chickeh hogget. iXe school has really beeh tracking down oh juhk 'food ih the cafeteria. Last week they replaced the sod* mchihe with * bottled water nachihe, but if they re gohha charge * dollar -for a bottle 0/ water, they should probably thtak 0/ * better place -ho put it. Xhe school *lso got rid 0/ * buhch of mehu itenSj like hot dogs ahd piz-z.*, ahd replaced then with healthier stuff. Xhey even reflated french fries with a new item called Extreme Sports Sti*/ but it took everyone about five seconds to out that E-xtreme Sports Sti* are Just silted carrots. X usually bring a bagged lunch to school, but -the one thlhg X would always buy from the cafeteria was a chocolate chip cookie. Last week, though i the chocolate chip cookres were replaced by oatmeal raisin cookies. X still buy them, but X eat arouhd the raisins, which is a lot of work* X can't tell you HOW many times Xve bitten Into an oatmeal raisin cookie thinking it was chocolate chip* I have a theory that oatmeal rai'sin cookies were invented as a practical joke a Iong time ago ahd that they were never actually meant to l>e eaten. r ! i i t— i—i—nr Most o/ the kids at school aren't too bothered by all the menu changes, but the thing that really set ^>eo^le off was when they took away the energy drinks- TKe reason the school stopped selling Rowdy Riot was because teachers were complaining that the red dye was making kids hyperactive. And if you walked into my classroom after luhchj youd what they were talking about. see But when they stopped selling Rowdy Riot, people who were used to drinking three or four cans a day were totally unprepared to go cold turkey, Xn fact, Some kids ended up having to go down to the nurses office because they had the shakes from withdrawal. The school wouldn't bring Rowdy Riot back no flatter MOW much people complained. But the other day, Leon Goodsoh snuck in a backpack full of Rowdy Riot hed cans for three bucks a pop* brought from home and sold recess a few kids wKoJ tougk+ Rowdy RrO+ fron Leoh ducked tekind *tke School and slurped down +KeJr drinks where no one could see +kem. Bu+ one 0/ ike recess monrbors, Mrs, Lakey , 30+ suspicious and wen+ tack +here +0 see wha+ was ^ofng on. O ^L _ , 1 , 1,1, ■ 1 — I 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 r ■PSBL.T5/J I I 7" O Mrs, Lahey +ols oh my s+omach* Xheh X made Sure X Had ry shirt off wheh Mr. Uhderwood walked -thro^h ihe locker room. The hesd* ■fhifocj X kheWj though, X Had a fcuhch of copyca+s, ahd -the followihg da^ half the 3ys Eh ry class showed up with their OWN fake six-packs. sane o-f +Kost makeup artists. were REALLY awful Still, X thi^k we had Hr, Underwood fooled, At 1 east uhtil we got sweaty and tKe mascara rah. Vfedhesda^ For the past few days Xve fceeh get+ihg alerts ott ny Met Kritter^ account, and if X dont get sane Kritterz. Kash sooh, X could have a problem on ny han ds* FEELING: AGITATED X aske either. She said X m ft-t +Ke age where X need to be spending my own money so that my gifts mean something. Usually Mom gives me twenty dollars to spehd on presents ahd X do all my shopping at the Hobday Bazaar at school. X+£ great because X tan get all my Christmas shopping done in one shot and the stuff at the Bazaar is dirt cheap. So X always come away with a little mohey X cah s^ehj oh myself. X usually sachet most of my mohey at the cohcessioh stand. Xhey have the most delicious thicken drumsticks Xve ever tasted, but they ahj you feel stupid have a really ejoofy ha me ordering them. COULD I GET SOME OF THOSE CHICKEN LEG THINGIES? (IV THATS WHAT YOU CALL THEM V WHATEVER. YOU MEAN DRUmiES? X Jont know How XH gonna scrape togetHer enougH money to boy everyone a present. Basically; tHere are two times a year wHen X can count oh getting spending money t and tHats oh my birtHday and CHristmas* Xn jos+ glad my birtkdays a -few montHs away from CHfiS+mas so X get separate gifts for BOTH* X feel bad for people wHo Have +Heir birtHday rigHt around tHe Holidaysj. because it gets lumped togetHer witH CHristmas and tHey end up getting cHeated out of a gift. Xts not fair; but X guess its been Happening for tHousands of years, THIS GIFT COUNTS FOR CHRISTMAS AND your , 'geeTT BIRTHDAY, JESUS/ J FHANKSy X realized something today, though- X flight hot have any cash, but X DO have Something Valuable- my first-edition sighed co^y of the Tower of Prufds" graphic hoVeL X got ''Tower of Pruids signed by the author, Kenny Cehtazzo, at the conics convention in the city last year. VJell, actually , X didht technically get it sighed^ Mon did- X waited ih line for two and a half hours, and then X had to take a bathroom break. By the tine X got back, Mon had gotten my book Sighed* X w $$ tunrW X dicihf ge+ +0 neet^ Kehhj Ceh+az-i-o, fcut a+ leas+ X got h <5 autograph* X looked oh the computer tocUy ahd fouhd out th*t a first-edition sighed copy of X^wer of Pri/ids is worth forty Wks. So that I! cover me for Christmas presents, and X*tl have enough left jacorri he SeemS +0 want. over to get Gregorys Li™Hhle friend that Mon s*aid that when X tad kids, the^/d be nad X sold it because it 11 be worth a lot of money. Viellj that se+tled it for me. Xve already decided X hot WAVING ahy kids* X waht to be a bachelor like ry Uncle Charlie, who spends all his money oh Vacations and headed toilet seats ahd stuff like that, instead of forking it over to a bunch 0/ ungrateful kids- X tan thank my librarian, Mrs. Schneidermah, for getting me into the Tower of Pruids series to begin with> because shes the one who started the graphic novel section in our school library* X dont know when they started calling comic books graphic novels, but Xm glad they did. Some of the teachers complain that they dont count as REAL reading t but the way X see it, if they re in the library, they re fa.r game for book reports. UhfoHruha+ely, v /\\eh Mrs. ScKheidermah put ih the graphic hovels, she got rid of the £Lasy Reader sec+bh, X always used the books ih the £Lasy Reader sectioh to do my reports for Social Studies, because you could whip through ohe of the^ (h about forty ^fiVe secohds* r ■ .* * * * 4 ■;: Asa boy, * # b + ■>. J s Abraham V/. * ■ % Lincoln liked m 1 to read. He 1 _r"^ 7B* k liked to read a lot! VJheh X was little X used to waht -to be ah author myself. But whenever X started Celling Mom my ideas, sW d say my story was Just like some boo k that was already published* r? X realised *11 the good ideas were taken before X was even tom. Mom safd if X wanted to be an author, X should try coming up with something original. But it was really Hard coming op with a fresh idea,, so X just took one of my favorite books and more or less copied i+ word for word with a few small tweaks. VJheh Mom read what X wrote > she was really impressed, and X guess she thought X was some kind of genius or something* But X think Mom got a little carried away. She sent my book to a publisher in hiew York, who told her X'd plagiarized "Geoffrey the Gorilla/ which was already a bestselling kids book. t^om was pre-Ky mad o.i rft for passiKej off i\\z took as my owh, feut X h surprised she couldhf figure i+ 01/+ herself from reading i+. Geoffrey the Dinosaur swfncjs from vine to vine. He perches In a tree ard eats a banana. wer of Pfuids ' is totally worthless. X brought it to the conic took sfo^ yesterday afternoon hopng +o cash in, but the ctuy who works there told me X "told Wn he didn't khow whaf he was diking abouf, because Mon gof ny took Sighed by +he aciual au+hor. Uuf fhe conk took guy showed ne a ca+alog wi+h Kehhy CehfaZLos sighafure Jh i+, and if looked COMPLETELY differerrh X was really cowfusedj b« WSeertt HvM'yBuAlv IT EI Hill nil "The person X was supposed to get a gift for was Pean PeUroSA, who XV known a lohg time* Back in third grade, X got invited to P earns birthday party, but Mom got the date wrong and X showed up at his house a week EARLY, Peans rijorn told us the parly was the following week, so we went hone. But the gift Mo n bought for Pean was re^ll cool, and X ended up playing with it nyself. By the time Peans ^cHri^dil birthday rolled around, Xd already broken the robots hand and lost the gun that tame with itj so X skipped the party. Xve felt g^lty about that ever state, and toda X didn't want to cheat Pean out of a gift for the second time* So when X got to school, X asked the secretary in the front office to call Mon and see if she could pick something up for / me. Xhe -teacher started handihg out the Secret Holiday Buddy gifts, and X got ajar of gummy tears, finally, there was only one present under the tree, ahd it was the ohe for Peah* Unfortunately, Mom didn't understand that the gift was supposed to te ANONYMOUSj so it was totally embarrassing when the teacher read the card oft PeaftS present out loud. rwis ONE SAYS, TtTx DEAN DELAROSA, FROM \ YOUR SECRET HOLIDAY \BUDCY, GREG HEFFLEY// Pean looked like he wanted to crawl under his desk ahd hide, and X felt the same exact wa\ Satuf (h 1 X always thou+ our Bazaar. I +kou^k+ +hd+ was a GREAT idea,, and we goi ngki +o work. VJe came up wi+k a hame for our paper and pui togeiker ike front page- The Neighborhood TATTLER Drummies Pricing Scam EXPOSED! TaCffW HL-portcri haw uncnwrtd a priefr-fl ou g ing vdttlUS: fti the jj.-S h lml 1 1 Holiday Bazaar dial hit. Kxn runni ng, unc hcclwd for yuiar* Thf popular chtcton ut we didht have tine to wait for people to sehd in real questions, so we just made a few op. Dear*. ireg, My wife Js Always critidadpg everything [ do. The ether day it was a JttlSe chilly ollL m 1 wore Sucks with my vandal*. My wife actually crude me go Klfk Inside Arid pul ml I feel like *lie treat* me like a child, buL she hits j very strong personality and I'm jitjuL (u up lo her. What can I do? SdnLorelv, FRUSTRATED Dear FRUSTRATED, I Li \'EVER okay Id IVtilT SOtftS wHh wncidK! You should iipnlciftin: lo your wile immediately. Gre$ Dear Cn?£ An? you *ing,lt?? Sincerely; THE LADIES Dear If EE LADfES, Why, ycs r I am 1 Oeg Rowley was all exerted about this View Spacer, amd he said he wahted to be like a real reporter arid go out looking -for stories. So X told kim he should •go around the heigh borhood and see if he could dig u^> aty dirt. But what Rowley cane back wi+K wasri exactly hard-hitting news. Kitten has a fun day By ROWLBY JEFFERSON ^ < 3 ? Yesterday Mrs, Sailer's kilien Mittens was seen fro lick ini; in Iwr front y*«l. Minent spent *n butterfly that was Hying, around Mrs. Salta’s azaleas. and when **- lire huitcrlly flew oil, Millnu got very interested in SOUCtfung :31 h r I. js mi i lei inu ihjar chi? front ^ •** ■ 1J ■ T’«■'* jyi i (|rsi!^L ■n.iai iii£ porch. But by the lime 1 gnt clow; enough Lo wre Winn Mlitem t enjayu the nLe va&tfher ye-Jtiertlny ., Mittens was chasing,, the thing had hopped away. X decided to make myself editor in chief so X could control the k^nds 0/ things we h*d jn our hews pa per* Because if Rowley had his wayj our paper would be like a little girls coloring took. Mom told us we should go to some businesses downtown and see if anyone was willing to pay for ads to cover the cost of our first printing. Xhe only person who was willing to buy an ad in our paper was Tony from Papa Xdnys Pizza, and Xm pretty sure the reason he agreed to help is because we re in there at least twice a week and he didnt want to lose our business. Tony gave us just enough money to buy some color ink cartridges^ so we printed a hundred copies. Yesterday we went around town trying to sell our day papers, fcut hotody wanted to pay and we Had to start giving tHem out /or -free.. VJken we Handed a paper to Tony, He drdnY Seem too Happy tHat H'S ad was running next to a negative review 0/ Kis restaurant* Papa Tony’s pizza stinks! Ipa na Tnny>| n ., Aftd half the lime Ihe SfrlA I * ■ . J By Food Critic ORi:G ! 3 EFFLEY Htise you time Pupji forty's has started to really go dtiw nil ill laLclv? tt all scanwhen they look the barbecue chicken piwa oft' of iheii menu and replaced it wiLh a spinach pi/jff- Thcn they sLopped selling gr-jpe Mhda. Papa ionyi wax □vc only place in town you could gei grape soda, so now l have 30 drink mot beer, hu* it’s really noL the Name. And Half (he lime the &odii w ascr doesn't tnLx righL with the s-yfisp. mi eilher K l-i cncn synip sludge or sodn water, 1 think theyYe just trying to give you a bad fountain soda experience so. you'll pay for the c turned soda, which cimas twice as much. My East complautf is nhoul the napkins. You used to be able to use as many os you wanted, but auw I’otiv uniy lcli you Have two, and Lt'yeu take more He gives you a dirty look. Tu»-fer- 9 m Deci X told Him if He Hougkt a BIGGER ad for tke NEXT edition of tHe paper, we could arrange for a more positive write-up* Vie still Had a few doz-en papers left, and since we were Handing tkem out for free, X figured X could unload tkem at scHool. but when X started giving then to kids as thej walked tt\ the door, Vice Principal Roy asked ne what I was doing. He said X couldn't hand out an uhaothoriz.ed publication' on sc \\oo\ grounds and that he was to confiscate nr knew what this was REALLY all about. Vice Principal Roy was just spooked that we were gonna give the school a run for its money with our Holiday bazaar. going to have papers. But X X was still pretty mad about the whole thing when X got home this afternoon and X decided X wasnt gonna just roll over and let Vfte Principal Roy shut us down. £ven "though Vice Principal Roy took our papers, X figured X could make some sighs and h<*ng them up around town +o advertise. X knew Horn kept poster board and markers in the laundry room /or school projects, so X got to work. X used the neon green poster board, because X wanted to make sure you could see our signs from a mile away. X -finished making the posters after dinner and called Rowley to ask for started with the school because X figured a lot of parents would see them wheh they dropped their kids off in the morning. help putting them up. VJe but rigK+ wheh we were done hahging then op, i+ s-tar-fed io raih, cx^d ihe marker oh our sighs rah* bw+ when we pulled ihem dowh, we goH* * Huge Ayt (for pos+er board bleed, too, ahd how +here were luge greeh splo-khes all over +he brick wall. shock. "The raih had made ihe greeh VJe tried to get the greeh dye aff the wall ^ fcut that stuff w<*s like ^errrt’heht ihk. He and Rowley packed arid took off, VJe ran across the parking lot and through the shortcut in the woods j then kepi running until we were Sere wed la si whoever was back there. X wish we didn't run, because if we had just stayed and explained ourselves it probably wouldW been fine* X doht know if the persoh who called out was a parent of a pa Lee officer or WWATj but X just hope they didn + recogniz-e us* Because if they did we could he in some SERIOUS trouble. Tuesday Vlhen X woke up this morning,, X thought maybe everything that happened last hight was just a had dream. But then X saw the newspaper on the kitchen table* The Daily Herald Vandals deface middle school VkmWe slruclc ln:-1 nijjhl under of iarkocrt uii| rain, Z-cqvinji large htT^t pfrtrtr 3UKCW cm Lhc ftwl wall n( ihe rown mirirtlc scIwkiI tht nkcdnuij! rtf iIk £rcffl k shLI unkiiuvi-n, buL |»lk»l HJSp«* Pl nnizld Ek; sai^. idunl ‘ t inMlH .irruk hrtVf CSUKid a Id c# jwnp(tfy riiTE^ in l/ic jias-i six. rr^nlhi." »id Sfl. iMrtb trf ibu DjiiVii potefiiec. hF.r. VtSD.UA A3 TV A' WWW-JlriT r-\wi&r/mpii foy zhf pnacfbf. So how X'm trtskally <4 crinrhaL Believe it or hot, this isnt the FIRST tznt lie keen Wisely accused of a crime. Vfheh I was ih the Boy Scouts j X was trying to earn my Service Project merit iadge, ahd X had to do some kind of good- deed. Mon said X should go over to Leisure Towers and see if there were any elderly people who heeded help carrying groceries or something like that, and she told Rodjtfck he had to give me a ride. VJHei^ we to the Mrfcihg ioHr of Leisure Towers, thare was a lady walki^G around wh< Vie asked the lad^ if sh^ needed ary help, and she said she was Just walking to the supermarket oir> the other side of the apartment building* But X knew the nearest supermarket was almost five miles away in the opposite direction, so we said We drooped +he womah off 4+ -fhe su^er narked and iW we weh+ hone- VJ Keh we walked rh -+he door, X w*s j?re+y excited +o +ell Mon atof-t ry ^ood deed. X +old her afcoL>+ +he lady ahd how we g^e her a ride +o ihe sirpernarke+ a few niles fron Leisure X>wers and saved her a io+ of walking* But Mom sard tHe re was a brand-new supermarket a block away from Leisure Towers and tHe woman Had probably been Heading THERE. So tHat meant we dropped Her off f Ve miles from wHere sHe was trying to and now sHe d*dnt HaVe a way to get He ■\orne. Mon sard we Had to get Hack in tHe Van and see if we could find tHe lady. So we went to tHe Supermarket wHere we dropped Her off # But a easier told us sHed already finisHed Her sHopping and left. Vie eventually found tHe lady walking along tHe HfgHway witH Her groceries. Vie fried fo offer her a ride Wk fo Leisure Towers, buf fhis tine she wouldhf gef ih -the vah. X guess she nuS+Ve called ffe local TV s+a-hoh fo report us ohce she go+ home, because +h*+ highf we were oV\ -the hews* This School VahddliSm thi hg SeemS * LOT more serious, though* Luckily the eyewithess sketches in the paper didht really look like me ahd Rowley, so X thought maybe weci be OK. But when X got to School, dll ahyohe wanted to talk about was who was behind the green blobs. 1U school had a general assembly in third period j graffiti oh front of the school. Vice Principal Roy said someone had spray-painted the front wall and he was sure the perpetrators were stud eh ts at our school. He said Someone ih the auditorium khew who was responsible amj that it was terrible to live with a r guilty conscience. Xheh he Said he was gonna put a Socked box ih the cafeteria to make it easy for Someone to leave ah ahohymous tip. ahd the topic was the so-called At luhch 1 caulct "tell Rowley was really freakihg oof, so 1 reminded him that "this Vandalism thing was a lot of balohey and we didnt really and tKen Ke told me X sKooldve come clean earlier. \\t said Ke was gonna K*ve to give me a puhisKment to make sure X learned my lesson and said tKat after scKool X Kad to scrub tKe green He sait} X could name my co-conspirator or X could ju£+ "hake the puhiSfvroeht myself. Let me -+eH you, that was hot ah easy one* X really wanted to stick it to Rowley for writing my Mrr on nv own. Eventually X got brave enough to 30 downstairs and grab a baseball bat out of th e garage +0 protect myself* ufrOCK **«* ^||OCK Xhen it got ^uret> and X pulled the curtain back +0 see if the person was still out there* But X was surprised +0 see DAD standing on the front step. He Had gotten his tie stuck in the door and had left his keys in side, so he it to let hin loose. just needed ne to open So XVn sure Pad is ready to ship me off to juVehile detehtroh the -first charge he ^jets* Xh fact, if hes home wheh the police come, Kell probably hahd me over ihto their custody Without battihcj ah eye, MM It turns out X don’t tavt to worry about Pad— at least hot for the he*t twehty-four hours, Xt started Sho wihg pretty hard arouhd drhher tohi'^htj ahd Pad called Hon to say it was too dahgerous for him to drive hone, so he was ejohha stay overnight ih a hotel hear hrS office, Xhat neahs Xve art is that Manny somehow figured out Kow to change my PASSWORD t so how X cant even play the game ahd earn my stuff back* For the past few days Xve t>eeh gettihg e-mails from Met Kritterz. telling me X heed +o get tack oh the site, but there s nothing X can do about it* Ahd rf southing doesn't change soon, X don't it« TO; Heffley, Gregory FROM: Net Kritterz SUBJECT: SOS ? tUhk my Chihuahua is gohna make Dear Gregory- GREGORY'S LITTLE ERIE misses you! Purchase more tokens for your virtual pet before it's too late! Iks isn't the only password ftanny Has chahged, either, \\t ■figured out how io rness with the settings oh our TV and changed the parental lock " feature* The parental lock thing is supposed to allow parents to control what their kids can watch, ohl shows we cah watch are HIS -favorites. A^d he wont give up the password, no matter ho w much we try to hrihe him* hut Manny changed the settings so that the Luckily X tah Still pi ay Video games oh the TV* ftut Mom just got -+KpS exercise game* ahd how she spends ah hour a day using my system* VJheh j+ got told a -few weeks ago, Mon said she wanted the whole family +0 use her exercise game so weet stay active during the winter. X tried it out/ fcut X dohi really like +0 sweat while Xm playing Video games. Ihe profel ert is, +he gane keeps +rack of how nuch you exercise each day,, so Mon was on my case abocr^ hot usj'hg I'h Bu+ -then X figured oui X could use ihe control I er instead 0/ my body, and within a -few Jays X had all the h>gh Scores on the ^ane. VJhen Mon saw ny high scores, she iook 1+ as a personal challenge to beat them* I feel like X should probably cone clean and tell her X cheatedj but shes already lost five pounds trying +0 get on the leaderfcoardj so X think III do her a faVor and keep my mouth shot. Mom always says X need to spend less time on the couch and more time being active. But the way X see it, X m just conserving my energy /or later on. VJhen all my -friends are in their eighties and their bodies are broken down, X II just be getting started. Xhis morning Mom wanted to turn on the weather channel to see when the blizzard was going to end, but Manny wasnt budging on the parental lock, so she went into the kitchen and turned oh the radio. Xhe weather report said we could expect another ■foot and a half overnight, which means this storm is gonna break all the records for our area by the time it s finished* Oh the one hand X was pretty happy, because that meant X had some more time to figure out what to do about the police situation, but X was a li+tle worried* too* The snow was 4 1 ready up to our rail bo#, ahd it wasnt showing any sigh 0/ stopping* J ^ -t fcjrl EJI M Mon wasn't stressed out about the snowj though. SU said it was a good opportunity to slow down and rela# and told me X should go dowh In the storage room to get a punle* H>ut there was no WAY I was getting a puzzle from tKt storage noon- X Have a big phobia about puzzles, and that's because once when X got one out of the basement, X opened the bo# and it was full 0/ CRICKETS that had made a nest in there. After lohck FAom said tkat eVeh tkougk we were gohha niss sekool, s\\t was gohha make sure we didht fall bekihd ih our educa-ftoh* SKe said tka+ two kuhdred ^ears ago all tke kids went to sckool ih ohe classroom ahd tk*t we could do tkfc same sort of tkihg our kouse. &ut if X was ih tkt same classroom as a kid Mahiys age Wk ih tk£ old days^ X would kave gohe kahahas. SAYS ‘BU?^ Pjmr 'Bum : 1 J 7 ^ $aturd< 5 f Last night Hon brought \j^ some stuff i (Von +ta basement to kee^p us entertained. She found a magic Set X got for my Siyth birthday, and all the tricks were still in it- X never really flayed with the magic set because X couldn't read the directions when X got if. Rut "taday X read through the instructions and tried a few tricks out. Hole-in-the-Trtble Trick M M Ttftt the audience then&'fi a magical hole in the table and lhat you Ctin provt? it by pushing a plastic Cup Straight iWmgb it. Pu t a piece of tinfoil over a plastic 1 cup and wrap it tight. 11 Slap down on the empty tinfoil sheEl with your hand, standing up at ihc same time. fhe pi.v,tic cop m ivi 11 hall out of VF ^ your tap and n 1 Xi £1 i de the ptasl i.c ou p low.mi you and allow i t Ia> tall out onto your lap.. But don't lei your audience see you do it! ^ nor - |n(v making It seem I2VJI Mininas H |fl pa&tcd through IJ || f* _ the lablel Voifal "The first trick worked pretty well, and X had Manny believing there was actually a magical Hole in the table. X really wish X hadfat dohe that trick 'for Mahny, though- VJhen Mon was P -oO—- hlow<>d<*ys its & whole different world, <*nd half the tine X wonder if grown-i^ps should really l>e ih charge. Mon went Lrps+rti^rs to take a slower, and after she was finished she yelled down and said there were no towels in -h^e bathroon, So £ got ohe from the linen closet and tried to give ft to her. But the handoff was tricky because she couldn't see and 1 was shutting my eyeS as tight as X could* Later that Mahhy had to use the bathroom, ahd Mom 5 aid she deeded me to go ih tKere ahd keep hirn ehtertoihed* but thats where I put my foot down, because X knew what she had ih mind- Manny used to make Mom read to him while he sat oh the potty, but it just escalated 'from there* After Mahhy was finished ih the bathroom, Mom said X needed to make h'^ lunch* She said he likes hot dogs, so X 301 one out of the refrigerator ahd put it in the microwave. Mom told me Mahhy is really finicky about the way his mustard goes oh his hot dog, ahd she said he likes a straight line night dowh the mi Wk. X didn’t waht a repeat of Mahhy 5 breakfast meltdown, so X tried to make the line of mustard as perfectly straight as possible* X was pretty sure 1 got 1+ ngki« Mahhy kad ahotker temper tantrum , tkougk* X tkougkt tke I rhe must hot kaVe keen straigkt got a ha tkougkt tkat microwave, anotker one. . L _. . XI L pkrh ahd wiped tke mustard ehougk, so X ok/ to giVe it Xkis time X tried to be e*tra careful witk tke mustard, but wkeh X skowed it to Manny, it was tke same e*act result as before. Hom asked me to describe kow X was doing ft, ahd X told ker X was making a straigkt lihe of mustard along tke l eng tk of tke kot dog. &i/t Horn -Void me Manny likes Us line of mustard ACROSS the hot dog, and wheh X did it like that, he finally coined down. See, this is the kind of nonsense Xm dealing with right how, XVe seen a lot of movies where a kid my age finds out hes got magical powers and then gets invited to go away to some special school, Yfellj if Xve got ah invitation coming, how would fce the PERFECT time to get it. Sunday This morning at lC^OO, Horn fold me to go downstairs -w wake up Rod rick. But when X walked down the basement steps,, X could tell something was seriously wrong. There was at least a FOOT of water covering the basement -floor. X guess all that Show was too much /or the ground to hold and it caused the basement to floods X told V\o m to tome downstairs ahd when she did, she was REALLY upset that a bunch of our stuff was ruined. But to be honest with you, there were Some things floating in the water that X didht MIND getting wrecked. Mon keeps a nenory box -for each of os kids, and nine was on the bot+on shelf; so it was mostly underwater. One of the things that was the bo* was my bed-wetting calendar fron when eight years old. was Let ne Just say Jh ny defense that there was a perfectly good reason why X was wetting the ted back then. Xn those days X drank a lot of water before X went to sleep at night, and then I d have these tra^y dreams that nade me need '"cor hose is ripped? HOW ARE WE GONNA POT CUT THE FIRE? H 3' X /frilly -fibred out what the issue was, but not before X got five frowny-face stickers Ih a row. Sow of the yearbooks from my elementary school days were Soaked, but X didn't mind that, either. My fifth-grade yearbook was In my memory W, and that 5 the one where we were allowed to choose whatever kind of background we wanted for our school picture. X was the only kid jVi the whole school who chose hiatural Setting. Haver ly Heath, Hejflcy, Henry, Jordan Olivia Gregory dated X knew X should Ve just ^one with a regular backgroun d, but Mom talked me Into it when the ■forms came home -from School* /pick this gnoN YOU h LL LOOK SO V RUGGED? y X dont really understand why Mom was so u^>set. Most of the stuff that got ruined was in the basement for a reason, and thats because we never USE it* One of the things Mom was really Sad about was a “syooh carousel Gammie gaYe os five or Six years ago. % think we were supposed to collect a spoon from 1 did fed pretty bad for Horn wHeh she found out one of the family photo albums got ruined. A few years ago Mom got into scrapbooking, and she spent a lot of time cutting out pictures and doing these really fancy photo pages. SPRUNG/ O ^ Bui there s ohe ^age ilr\ that album X di'dht like, because Rod rick always teases me about it. Xts the erne where X had a breakdowh he/ore a ^>ohy ride at the state -fair. Rod rick always says X was scared of the ipohy, but that's hot true at all- X was scared of the ejuy HANDLING the pony, but Horn cropped HIM out of the picture. Speaking of Rodrick, the flooding dijnt seem to bother him at cill. Xn fdt+^ XU bet if X h*dnt woken Kim up he would Ve kept sleeping even if his bed floated op the stairs and out of the house. "The res + of the day was pretty awfoL "The water in the baser^ent kept getting higher, so we had to make a Wket relay line with some of Mannys sand pails. Pad called from his hoteI room to cheek iVs oh uS, ahd Morn fold him what happened- Pad said he was really sorry he wasn't home to help, tut something tells me hes OK with the way thihgs worked out for him. X would LOVE to trade places with Pad right how, because hes got a tleah room and a kihg-siie ted all to himself. Mom told me ahd Rod rick that sihce the tasemeht was flooded t were gohlna have to share MY room. She Said it would te good for both of uS to get used to havihg a roommate, because it was practice for college. Me and Rodrick scared a room this summer for a weekend:. Vie had to spend a few days at Grammas while Mom and Pad took Manny to a kiddie amusement park. Gramma has a guest room. So X -figured ohe of os would sleep oh her couch and "l"he other would get the guest ted. but Gramma said the guest room was occupied; So we couldn't sleep there- She'd given the whole room to Sweetie, the dog we gave her, but youd hardly know hes the same dog, because Gramma -feeds him So much he looks like a tick thats about to pop. Gramma said me and Rod rick could sleep together on the pullout couch she has in the living room. Bui ikfli coock r£ covered in pUsiic kec<*use ske doeshi irusi uS kids hoi io Spill soneikihg oh ii* So r\t and Rod rick spehi a whole weekehd Srde by Side oh a ^ueeh-sfie pulloui couth X'd wake up ever^ ^orWhg in a pool oi swwi, ahd X af>yj Wt then X realized ft was my long-lost doll, Al/rendo- A’f+er all this tf me, Alfrendo wasn't looking too good- X think a mouse mustV gotten to him, and spending a day in the water didnt help, either. But in a weird way X was kind 0/ X was living with the guilt of losing Alfrendo /or all these years, and now X -found 00+ he was in the Wst all alohg. glad to See Kin, Xn -fact, X couldnt figure out how he wound up in the storage room. But X realised it HAD to be Pad, He was never really on board with the whole doll idea, and Xn sure he got rid of Alfrehdo when X wasn't looking. X figured X d confront Pad about kidnapping ry dol! when he got hone, but at the moment X had bigger things to worry about. Xhe first one was w hat X was gonna EAT* Over tHe past few days weVe beeh ruhhlhg low oh food; and if tfis Show doesnt melt ^uic k/ X t}oh'+ khow WWW were gohha do. Mom was supposed +o go grocery shopping +He doj -frhe blf^ard Hit, So we Have less food than usual to begiiTi witf. Sfe said were gohha HaVe to start rationing until sh* can go back oi rh "That could be a wHilt^ though, "The show is piled up three feet high against the front door, so were basically trapped inside. And Kodrick is spoiling ike -food we DO kave left. He drinks milk strai^kt from tke carton, so ikeres no way X m ^gonna touck tkat now. GLUG SLUG GLljG In actually kind of mad at Padj because if J+ wasnt for Him, wed kaVe all tke milk we wanted* A few years ago X won a contest at ike state fair wkere you kad to guess kow muck a baby goat weigked, and ike winner got io take ii kcme* X guessed ike weigkt rigktj but Pad wooldnt lei me kaVe ike goat. And if we kad ikat goat, X could kave a glass of milk wkenever X wanted. Mom fou^d some burfitos ift tKe back of tKe freezer last higKt ar,d made tKem for dihher, but tKey tasted fufthy, so X wouldn't eat then, Mon said I deeded t o eat SOMETHING f so X Kad ketcKup as my maih course. Mahhy drdhY seen to mihd tKe burntoS, tut Kell eat just about ANYTHING as lohg dS KeS got K too. Arid sure eriough* X could see peoples Christmas lights ori up arid dowri the street. Xheri Rowley asked me if X warited to make a Showmari. X slammed the door shut, hut orily after X helped myself to a few cookies* X told Kom what Rowley said about the electricity, arid she told me to go dowri to the basemerit to see if there was Somethirig wrorig with our fuse box. Vlheft X opehed ii up shd looked <*++he circvH breaker, heres whai X foi/hd - "The of\\y swiich ik*+ was ON was ike ohe -for Mahhys roop nt X rah upsiafrs, and when X opehed Mdhhys door X goi a blasi of Km+* t*Why was spE+ihg ikere wj+K a spate Heater, a pile of foodj dnj d buntk of OTHER rtvff, too. When things got bad, Manny mustYe figured it was every man for himself. X think he wouldve let the rest of os freeze to death as long as HE had enough to survive. Hon asked Manny why he cot off the ^>ower to the rest of the house k and he started blubbering that it was because ho ohe ever taught \\\n how to tie h^ shoes. While Mom dealt with Manny, X weht down to the basement and Switched oh the circuit breakers for the rest of the house. The electricity came back oh, ahd the furnace kicked in. A few minutes after that, Pad called. H e said the highways were clear and that he was coming home. X looked out tke window arid saw the plow coming up our Kill, Mom said it was a miracle that Pad was gonna be home -for Christmas tve, but to be honest with you, X had totally forgotten what da y i+ was until that moment* Pad picked up some food oh the way home, and the rest of us ate like a pack of wolves, And let me just say, XII never take food for granted again. Mom Said she was gonha go out with Pad to tr and find a place that was open that sold glasses* be/ore she left, Mom asked me to take a present down +o the polite station for the Toy Prive ahd pot it in the outdoor bin, because today was the But X wasnt too eager to show my face at the polke station, and X REALLY didn't need to spend Christmas in jail. X knew X'd let Some u down if X drdnt torn in our present, though j so X found a ski mask in our closet and headed out* Xt took forever to get to the police station, and X crawled the last twen-fy feet to the bin Just to play it safe. Gnce X knew the coast was clear, X stood u^> and tossed the present in the bin, Xhen X turned around and headed hor*e, But when X walked by the church, X re™er*ibered something* X had filled out a request for the Giving Xree, and X asked whoever got ny envelope to leave ™y cash under the recycling bin behind the church* The thvrch parkihg lot was covered -h show* X was pretty sure the recydihg bin was buried somewhere behind the church,, but X didht know the exact spot. Luckily there was a shoVel leaning up against the wall, Aft d X started digging to find the recycling bin. But it wasn’t in the place X thought it would bej and X ended up clearing out a WUGL area looking /or it. X wish the church had a hose attached to the back of the building, because that would ve made the job go a lot easier. X was pretty desperate to find that envelope f because X figured if X was gonna start my life on the fun, X could really use a big wad of cash to get me by for the first few weeks. Bui wkeh X finally /ouhd ik was ho ehvelope beheaik i+. e recycLhg Dihj ike re X was preiiy bummed oh ike walk tack kome, ahd X £>rgo+ all afeoui beihej careful hoi io fce seeh. So X was ioially dhprepared wkeh X goi io my ■frohi door ahd a polite tar polled ih ike driveway ngki bekihd me. X ikougki tkrS was it for me, So X rah ihside ahd locked ike door* Bui wkeh ike police khocked> Rod rick lei ikem i h. X thought y Prive as a way of flushing me out* But X finally worked up the courage to go to the front door, and X even brought a donation with me and tried to act casual* XHe police said they couldht accept 4 used toy 45 4 dohatfoh and that they were ohly takih-g hew items in the^r original packaging. X actually think they were Just a little -freaked out by Alfrehdo, because they seemed to leave in a hurry after that* Christmas VJKeh X woke up this morning j X couldnt Relieve it was Christmas ahd X was ih my house with electricity ahd heat and washt oh the ruh from the polite* X went downstairs to see if there was anything under the tree/ but X was totally shocked to find there weren't ahy g j-fVs at ALL* At first X thought it was all Santas Scout's fault and that he'd been running his nooth a tout the trout)! e Xve gotteh myself into I a tely« Rut Hon* cane downstairs a few nihutes later and told ne Sahta DID cone last night and that he left our gifts in the garage* Hon said the snowstorn really nessed up Santas schedule, so he rah out of tine to wrap presents and just put then in garbage tags instead- That didn't nafce a lot of sense to me, but at that point X was relieved to be getting any gifts at all. The rest of the family cane downstairs, and Hom said we could have fun reaching in the trash bags and guessing what our gi fts were. It wasn't really the sane. But X tHink Pad was pretty Happy He didn't Have any wrapping paper to clean up. After X was done witH tHe gifts in the trasH tag, t^on Handed Me a wrapped present tHat sHe Said was from HER, Xt was ny Xower of Pruids gra pHic novel, so X was a little co^fust^* fAom said sHe felt bad about forging Kenny Centazzos autograpH, so sHe found out wHere He was appearing a few weeks ago and got ny took Sighed for real tfii'S tine. She said she h*d +o wait ih line -for three hours but she was happy +o do it for me. /please WRlTE?\ "TO nr BIGGEST FAN, GRB&T j But based oh whats writteh ih my book how, I m ^juessihg Kehhy Cehtarro didn 't hear my ha me correctly. 7 ^ ih' ‘j^XIm/ruj CTtfet/^o- Hope/ully X tah find a rich ^uy. homed Crai Evk. 1 Li non* Lith^r lik.ici "Pur very own cdilu: in chic-L Lire^ Ikifky. ’'[ |tim WAfiled lodLrllw rifthL thin^" Mid T h'fflry when #4«id why k u rtcdwd Stti HEliO, A 2 Acknowledgments Thanks to all the teachers and librarians who have put my books in kids’ hands. Thanks to my wonderful extended family for all the laughter and love. We have a really special group, and I feel very fortunate to be a part of your lives. Thanks to everyone at Abrams for making my dream of becoming a cartoonist come true. Thanks to Charlie Kochman, my passionate and dedicated editor, and Michael Jacobs for taking Wimpy Kid to ever greater heights. Thanks to Jason Wells, Veronica Wasserman, Scott Auerbach, and Chad W. Beckerman. This has been a really fun ride, and it’s great to share it with you. Thanks to Jess Brallier and to the incredibly talented team at Poptropica for your patience and understanding during the craziest of times, and for your dedication to creating great content for kids. Thanks to Sylvie Rabineau, my terrific agent, for your support, encouragement, and guidance. Thanks to Carla, Elizabeth, and Nick at Fox, and thanks to Nina, Brad, and David for working with me to bring Greg Heffley to life on the big screen. About the Author Jeff Kinney is an online game developer and designer, and a #1 New York Times bestselling author. Jeff has been named one of Time magazine’s 100 most influential People in the World. Jeff is also the creator of Poptropica.com, which was named one of Time magazine’s 50 Best Websites. He spent his childhood in the Washington, D.C., area and moved to new England in 1995. Jeff lives in southern Massachusetts with his wife and their two sons. ^A gSp f * ijiwaa. READERS LOVE THE DIARY OF A W/MP Y KID SERIES- the USA Today f Publishers Weekly, Wail Street Journal r and ff 1 New York Hines bests®Hers Mf Kinney's Wimpy Kid i i the nfw wizard of the book big," Porodt magazine -The o/a | -DtoryofaWir publishing now. g -The Noilywood Reporter _ *One o i l he most successful children's sertes ever published." — The Washrnglan Pott Diary of a Wimpy Ktd is ben 1 on world dominate n. - -Trrne magazine m& w# k i i(nii-nrnt t>r«U4 *UlA.