Je-ff Klhhey 1 SC 1 * T |4pD PDF Demo. F 5 urchase from www.A-PDF.com to remove the watermark| k r SkJ Ml 1 ■ i iSnal OTHER BOOKS BY JEFF KINNEY Diary of a Wimpy Kid Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules Diary of a Wimpy Kid ? The Last Straw Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Ugly Truth Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Cabin Fever The Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book The Wimpy Kid Movie Diary COMING SOON More Diary of a Wimpy Kid *rn wn DIARY THE THIRD WHEEL ty Jeff Kihhe^ PUBLISHER'S NOTE; This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for and may be obtained from the Library of Congress. ISBN 973-1-4197-05^4-7 Wimpy Kid text and illustrations copyright ■£> 2012 Wimpy Kid, Inc. Dl AftY OF A WIMPV KID®, WIMPY KID™, and the Greg Heffley design™ are trademarks of Wimpy Kid, Inc. All rights reserved. Book design by Jeff Kinney Cover design by Chad W. Beckerman and Jeff Kinney Published in 2012 by Amulet Books, an imprint of ABRAMS. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher, Amulet Books and Amulet Paperbacks are registered trademarks of Harry N. Abrams, Inc. Amulet Books are available at special discounts when purchased in quantity for premiums and promotions as well as fundraising or educational use. Special editions can also be created to specification. For details, contact specialsales@abramsbooks. com or the address below. ABRAMS 115 West l3th Street New York. NY 10011 www.abramsbooks.com TO GRAM JANUARY Sund* ¥ I wish I d started keeping a Journal a lot earlier ohj because whoever ends up writing my biography is gonna have a lot o-f questions about my life in the years leading up to middle school. Luckily, I remember Just about everything thats happened to me sihce I was born. In -fact, I cah even remember stuff that happened to me BEFORE I was born. Back in -those days it was Just me swimming around in the dark, doing back-flips and taking naps whenever I wanted. XKen one day wKen X was in +Ke ni '(Idle a really ^ood hay, X 30+ woken u^> by +K iin^ Won +Ke ou+sicje. s+rah^' e hoises comiV of ese A+ +Ke +ine X didn + know wKa+ +Ke Keck X was Kearin^j bu+ la+er on X found ou+ 1+ was Mon X ^ueSS Mon +Koo 3 K+ if sKe flayed classical nuSic for ne every day before X was born, i+ would +urn ne in+o sone kind of genius. z "Those speakers cane wi+h a nierophohe, and wheh Hon wash + playing nusie, she was +ellihg ne every+hihg +ha+ was goihg oh ih her like. ...AND TMEN MOMMY WENT TO THE STORE. WHERE SHE BOUGHT YOU AN ADORABLE BLUE HAT WITH LITTLE DUCKLINGS ON IT! And when Pad cane hone kron work, Hon would have hin give ne a blow-by-tlow ok HIS day. ...SO THEN I TOLD BILL, "I DID SIGN THE BOTTOM OF THE 1044," AND I FLIPPED THE PAPER OVER SO HE COULD SEE FOR HIMSELF. 3 B>u+ +W wdSh + +he eftd o-f i+. E-Ver would redd r>e -for d hdl-f hour be-fore she weh+ +o bed. "MR. LIMBKINS, I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR! OLIVER TWIST MAS ASKED FOR MORE!’' IKe protlen is, ny sleep schedule did^ + lihe op wi+h Moms, So wneh she was sleeping, Id te wide awake. I ac+oa!ly wish I d paid rnore a++eh+ion wtan Mon was reading +o ne, +hoogh. 4 LasT week ih school we had a po^ <^uiz oh a book,, and X hadh + read J+ ye+. I was preTTy sure Mom read +ha+ ohe +o me before X was borh, bu+ X couldhX remember ahy of +he de+ails. 42. What does Oliver Twist ask for that gets him in trouble? X ^ ueS£ wee k Horn was readihg +ha+ book; X was busy doihcj some+hihg else* 1W crazy +hiV^ is j Mon didh + NEED +o use +he microphone for me +o hear her. 5 X mean, X was INSIDE, o-f her, so X could hear every word she said whe+her X wah+ed +o or ho+. I CRAVE PICKLES, BUT I CAN'T EAT THEM BECAUSE THEY MAKE ME GASSY! X could also hear jus+ abou+ EVERYTHING +ha+ was haf>f>ehih so X could be ready. THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM IS MINE* r—n 1m C8r5K~~"! 3 J ■—, ' Vihen ny little brother, Manny , cane aloh^, everybody thought he was so cute. But what they don't -tell you about babies Is that a/ter they’re born, they have this black stub oh their belly button where the unbilical cord was tied o-f-f. tveh+ually, +he s+ub dries up ahd 'falls o-ff, and +he baby has a re^ularMookih^ belly bu++oh. Xhe +^ih^ iSj hobody ever FOUND Mamys s+ub, Ahd +o +h s+ill parahoid i+s gohha show up somewhere. Vlheh X was a hewborh f Mon pu+ me ih Froh+ o{ +he TV -for ah hour a d^y +o wa+th eduea+iohal videos. IS \ X doh + khow T +Kose Videos ac+ually radicle me ahy scarier, tu+ a+ leas+ X was smar+ enough +o ■figure ou+ how +o ^0+ oh Some+hu+ when you re a baby, you can+ really ^e+ around a I0+, So -there was ohly one ^lace X could Hide +he ba++eries. _ WOW DID THESE GET IN WERE AGAIN? H iBsaMsl 3 S O mm 3- - — X +hink Mom should Ve le+ me crawl around on +he ■floor more when X was li++lej because X was WAY behind +he o+her kids in my play^rou^ when 1+ came +o +he physical s+u/f. While +he o+hers were srH'ing up and couch sur/ino|, X was s+lll working on lrf+ihO| my head of/ -the ofou nd. 16 "IK eh ohe day Mon ne this thihAby Adven+ures Action VUlkerj all ny liHHhle playgroup friends fel+ litp Bu+ +hen Mom read in some pareh+ihg magazine +ha+ i+ wash + a good idea +o use 1)4by walkers, because kids wouldh + develop +o walk oh +heir owh. So Mom re+urned +he A^+ioh Walker +o +he s+ore, and I was Wk +o square one. +he righ+ muscles X+ +ook a long +ime, to+ even+ually X DID leArn +o wAlk. And before X knew i+j X was in preschool. 18 X was hopih^ Xd have a head s+ar+ over +he o+her kids because of all +he work Mon had pu+ ih wi+h +he classical nusic ahd +he educa+iohal DVDs, bu+ +he o+her nonS nuS+Ve dohe +ha+ s+uff, +oo, because +he conpe+i+ioh ih preschool was pre++y s+iff. X neahj you h<*d kids ih +here who khew how +o use bu++oh5 ahd zippers, wheh X could barely ■figure ou+ how +o pull of/ ny ni++ehs wi+hou+ help fron a ^rowh-up* Ao Bb Cc Dd Ee Ff G A few of ny classna+es could wri+e +heir owh hanes, ahd ohe or +wo could touh+ all +he way +o fif+y* T kh ew X couldnf keep up, so X decided +o +ry ahd slow everyone else down by feeding -them bad ihforma+ioh* mm My plan kind o-f backfired/ +houghj and my preschool -heather -hold Mom X wasn + learning my colors and shapes like +he o+her kids, Birh Mom said X was smar+ and +ha+ maybe +he problem was X wasn + being CHALLENGED enough* So Mom at+ually +ook me ou+ of preschool and had me SKIP a grade/ +o kindergar+en, B>u+ +ha+ decision was a +o+al disas+er. 10 "Ike kids ih kihder^ar+eh seemed like GIANTS +o me, rthd +key knew kow +o do s+u-fT like cu+ wi+k scissors and color inside +ke lines. 3. Be respectful H. Use good manriers X didh*+ eVeh nake i+ a whole day ih kihder^ar+eh be-fore +he +eacher had +o call Mon +o cone £je+ ne. Xhe he*+ day Mon brou^h+ ne back +o preschool ahd asked +he -teacher if- X could have my cobby back. X jos+ ho^>e your academe record doesh'i ■follow you aroohdj because i+ mrgh+ be +ou^h for ne +o cje+ a ^ood job U+er oh i-f people -find oo+ X was a kihder^ar+eh dropou+. 21 Mohch X n pre-Hy sure Mon decided +ha+ wha+ever sHe +ned wi+h ne wKeh X was IrHle didh+ worjc ou+, because she's +akihg a +o+ally different abroach wi+h Mahhy. For s+ar+ers, Mon pre-Hy nuch leis Mahhy wa-kh wKa+eVer he wah+s oh TV, So he Jcee^s i+ oh +his show called Xhe Shurples +weh"ty--four hours a day. X "tried +o wa+th Xhe Shuffles a -few "fines, bu+ X had NO idea wha+ was ^oihg oh, Xhe Shurples have "their owh lahgua^e +ha"t‘ X ^ueSS ohly "three- year-olds cah uhders+ahd. 22 A’f+ei" Mahlry wa+ches +he show, he ^e+s -froS+ra-ted wheh ho ohe ih ovf /anily cah ohders+ahd hin. Bu+ +he other day Mon read dh article ih the hewspaper that said watchihg 'Ahe Shorties” actually sets kids back about a year with their ahd nesses op their social lah^ua^e deVelo^neht skills J too. 23 Vlellj +h<*+ explains a Io+. Mahiry doesn + have any real friends, and whenever Mom holds plu+ +he ■firs+ +ime Mom droned Manny o-f-f downs+airs, +here was only one o+her kid in +he ^>l<*y area, and he +old Manny he was a vampire. X -fel+ a li++le tad -for Manny tecause X had +o deal wi+h a scary kid wheh X was his acje, +oo. X was s+uck in preschool wi+h +his toy named Bradley who +erronzed me every chance he 30+. 25 X +old Mon atou+ Bradley every day wheh X cane hone, ahd said X didh + wah+ +o +o school ahynore. Bo+ +ha+ sunner Bradley ahd his -fanily noVed away. So +he protlen +ook care o-f i+sel-f. Af+er Bradley noVed, Mon wro+e a s+ory called 'Bad Bradley/' atou+ a kid who always nistehaves, Bradley was a tad kid ih real li-fe, to+ ih Mons version he was pre-Hy nuch +he devil. jl 1 " m Do not bite the teacher, U ** rY .y-J 1 r ot a a ley. Biting the M H I n C, U 1 V teacher is not allowed! - X +h«hk Mon was actually en., so you can see in there when you’re trying to eat. r Also j the service is TERRIBLE at Corny s , so we always just get the buffet and serve ourselves. The •food is in -these netal trays , and there s always stu-ff -from one tray nixed in with the others. FeEd YeR FACE A+ +he desser+ tar, +hey Have ah ice-cream dispenser where yoo can make your own sondae. X khow +ha+ souhds cjrea+, to+ +here’s a reasoh mos+ res+aurah+s don+ le+ cus+omers opera+e +he so-f-h-serve machines. Ohe o-f +he reasons Mom likes +o as+ +he "tra-f-fiic Jam and 30+ all +he way +0 +^e +op, I s+ar+ed crawling around ^ e maze o-f -tubes +0 try a Manny. Xtare was no ventilation up there, and it REEKED o-f dirty socks. nd 6nd 33 X realized X was +ke wrohg persoh +o ^o loojcih^ ■for Hahhy, +kougk* because Xve always teen bad a+ nazes* Xk>s -fall ne ahd Hon weh+ ih +kc com naze a+ Reyhold s karn ; ahd Hon was couh+iVvg oh ne +o fihd +k& way ou+* t>u+ X 30+ us so los+ +ka+ Hon kad +0 call ^11 ■for Soneohe +0 cone rescue us* 1k;s ~hne X Wh+ K«Ve Mons cell pKohe +o tail ne 00 +. Ahd wf eh sone kid +frew a+ ohe ehd of +^e ■f'cihhel , a 11 +f e o+her kids cane rusfihcj n' way +0 ^e+ -to +He slide. 3 *? t-Veh+uaiy j X fouhd Manny In one o-f -the +uhnels, bu+ by +Keh X was ready +o crack up. So one o-f +he wsi+ers had +o climb up ahd rescue Mahhy AND me. "the wors+ pari o-f +he whole experience was +ha+ X had +o +hrow ou+ my fdVonie pair of jeans because X couldh + rid of +he smell of fee+, even after washing -them wl+h bleach -three -times. $a-turd< * X woke up a-t 6:30 -this morning and couldn+ ge+ back -to sleep, which was pre-Hy fru s-tra-hng. Bu-t -tha+s been happening -to me ever since -the beginning of the year. Ho Oh Hew Years tSve, Hon wah+ed Hamny +o -feel wka+ i+s like +o be up a+ midhigk+ wr+hou+ ac+uall' le++ih oh weekends uh+il Pad li+erally drags me 00+ o-f bed , ESPECIALLY during +be win+er, when i+s told ou+Side and i+s nfce and warm under +he covers. X remember a +ime las+ wih+er when Pad woke me a+ 3:00 on a Saturday morning and +old me +0 go ou+side and shovel snow o-ff +he walkway. Xd been In +he middle o-f a really good dream, bo+ X was able +0 ge+ ou+ o-f bed, shoVel +he walkway, and ge+ righ+ back ih+o my dream wi+hou+ missing a bea+. Tvs roorhih^ af+er X woke up, X lay ih ted ■for ^ while +ryihg +o ^e+ tack +o sleep. fc-Veh+ually, X jus+ weh+ downs+d^irs ahd made myself some treakfas+. Xheres ho+hihg oh sellihg them, either. He unloaded one on Rod rick for three bucks , and X think Rodrick feels like he got a steal. 43 Mohday Lvihcj wi+h Uhcle Oary hash + teeh easy, Gh his firs+ few hi^h+s ih +he house; he slep+ oh ah air ma+tress ih Mahhys room, Bu+ Uhcle Gary has +hese hi^h+mares +ha+ wate him up ih +he mi dale of +he hi^h+j ahd Us+ Mohday he had a really tad ohe. So now Uncle Gary is family room, and Mannys ted is in the mi ddle of his room, away from the walls. sleeping on the touch fh the X+s really inconvenient with Uncle Gary sleeping on our couch* H'S tad dreams keep him up all night, and then he sleeps through most of the day. Xhat really stinks when you just want to relax after school and watch some TV. Xhe person whos teen affected the most ty Uncle Gary is RODRlCK, though. 50 Before Uncle G+ on ano+Ker par+ of +Ke coucK. 51 Pad has really been nagging Uncle Gary about finding a Job; but Uncle Gary says hes tried and no one is taring. Uncle Gary has never held down a job for more +han a few days. ^The Iasi one he had was over ihe summer, when he worked as a iesi subject for a company +hai made pepper spray. Th pre+iy sore he <^uii before lunch. Pad wanis Uncle Gary io get a job like ME has, where yoo work in an office and have 52 B>u+ X doh+ +hihk Uhcle Cary is co+ oo+ for ah office job, ahd Xrn ho+ so sore X o+ +he people a+ Pads work mus+Ve realized +heir jobs woold be borih-g +o +heir kids, so +hey broogh+ ih all sor+s of eh+er+aihmeh'h 53 for mo5+ of +he day, u$ kids s+ayed ih +h e tafe+eria while +he 2 row ^ -l, f s 30+ So| ^ e work done in +heir offices. Xoward +he end of +he day^ Pad brou^h^ r>e ih+o his office wfile he +ried +o finish up an impor+an+ project, so X sa+ +here nex+ +o hi^ and wai+ed. Bu+ X +hink i+ was hard -for Him -to c.ohceMra+e wHilc someone was looking over His sHoolJer. 54 Pad ^aVe me money +o buy Some+hing from +he Vending machine. He was probably Jus+ -trying to ge+ rid of me for a li++le while 3 so he wasn + +oo ha^y when X came tack a minu+e la+er wi+h a tax of jawbreakers. Pad +old me he really needed +o finish wha+ he was doing, so he asked me +o find somewhere else +o si+ while he wrapped things op, He mus+ve been really distracted that d<*y, though, because he went home and left me behind. X might Ve been stuck there all night if the Janitor hadnt found me. 55 Anyway, Pad Is pre++y annoyed +ha+ Uncle Gary doesn + have any money and has teen mooching off him. Mon has ac+ually s+ar+ed giving Uncle Gary an allowance even +hough he doesn + have +0 do any chores for i+, which feels wrong +0 me. X jus+ hope Uncle Gary uses some of his allowance +0 pay for his own tuttle ta+h. He used up all of mine on +he second day he was here, and i+s really no+ +he sane wKeh +he wa+er is trys+al clear. 56 Tuesday X really wish X didh-t have +o -throw my Jeahs ou+ a -few weeks ago, because -today a+ school X heeded +o look sharp. VJere s-tar+ihg a ballroom dahcihg uhi-t ih Phys £-d, ahd Mrs. More-Ha said each of us heeded -to -fihd a par-ther. So i+ wash-t a good day -to be wearihg corduro- pah+s -tha-t are -three inches -too short. Mrs. More+ia said we were gohha choose par-thers by wri+ihg dowh -the hame of +he persoh we wah+ed -to dahce wrth oh a li-t-tle slip of paper. Xheh she d go -through -the pieces of paper ahd pair us up -the bes-t she could. Xh<*+ was -the same system she used LAST year for -the square dahcihg uhi-t, -though, ahd X "to+ally go~t burhed. 57 X wro+e down +ke name o-f +ke pre++ies+ ^irl in my class. Bailee Atn+kony. BAYLEE ANTHONY Bu+ ske (iidn+ wri+e down MY name. Ske wro+e down Bryce Anderson, jus+ like every o+ker ^irl in +ke class. Bryce ended uj> picking McKenzie Follard, and Mrs. More++a assigned Baylee +o be my dance par+ner because Xd picked ker. A+ krs+ X was really e*ci+ed X 30+ Baylee as a par+her. Bu+ +ken X k<*d +° deal wi +k THIS kihd 0/ nonsense -for +kree weeks— 52 X (juess Bey lee didn't wah+ a repea+ o-f las-t year, erther, because -today she went around to all the ^uys who didn+ have a chance with her and let them know. DON'T ANY OF YOU NERDS WRITE MY NAME DOWN. To be honest with you, X dont really care who X get paired up with as long as it isnt Ruby Bird. As "far as X know. Ruby is the ohly ^irl who has ever been suspended -from our school, and that was ■for biting a -teacher. 5 <) Xn -fac+, +he reason Ruby only has one /ron+ +oo+b Is because +he o+Ker one ended up in Mr. Underwood s elbow. X "try +o be pre+-ty nice +o Ruby whenever X cone across her In +he hallway, because she +ern/ies ne. 60 Bu-t -today X go+ worried +ha-t maybe Xve been TOO nice and she migh+ -think X actually LIKE her. Xhe las-t -thing X need is for Ruby -to wri+e my name down on +ha+ li-Hle slip of paper, because X know if shes my dance partner, XU do SOMETHING +o make her mad and end op wth her o+her -too-th in MY arm. So X used my little slip of paper -to -try ahd make Sure +ha+ doesn't happen. please do no+ put me with Ruby Bird. Sincerely, Greg Heffley X even -threw in a half-ea+en candy bar X was saving for la+er on -to make sure Itrs. More-Ha comes -through for me. Viednesda Las+ nigh+ X prayed ex+ra hard +hai X wouldn't end op with Ruby as my dance partner. 61 Xken X s+ar+ed worrying +ka+ maybe you only ^e+ a cer+aih hunter of prayers answered in your life+ime 4 hd X m turhih^ +krougk mine +oo fas+. X d ka+e +o find ou+ la+er oh +ka+ X used up all my ehi+Sj because Xve teen ac+ihg like Xve ^o+ ah uhlimr+ed supply, X probably heed +o be more careful aboui +ka+. Fk bi/t X m no+ happy about the way thirds turned out. A+ the be^ihhlh^ of class, Mrs. Moretta called out hames for datace partners, ahd X held my to Kub- 63 Bu+ Ruby 2°^ u^> wi+K fre^ley, ahd i-f you ask we, +ba+s a ma+cb made ih HeaVeh. E-Veh+ually, Mrs. More++a read ou+ +he las+ 31'rls name, ahd +bere were S+ill a buhtb a-f boys lef+ over, ihcludihg me. XHere are a lo+ more boys ih my class +Ws year +han ^irls, so i+ made sense +ba+ ho+ everyohe B>u+ s+ill, X was a li++le disa^poih+ed +ba+ ho ohe wro+e my hame oh ohe o-f +hose li++le sli^s of paper. "Theh us ^tys realized we wereh + have +o do +he txallroon d<*hahu+ we celetra+ed a !i++le ^oo soon. Mrs. Morei+a said +Ka+ EVERYONE t>ad +o dance , and sKe s+ar+ed pairihg os toys i/p wi+k ONE ANOTHER. So +K« nex+ +king X knew, X was dancing a wal+z. wi+k Carlos E-scalera. 65 Monday 'Today a+ school, Phys E-d was canceled because we had a general assembly during fourth period. X have +o admi+ X was a li++le disa^oin+ed when X -found ou+, because believe i+ or no+, me and Carlos have ae+ually been o^'H'in^ +he hah^ of +he meren^ue. Mos+ people were ^>re+-ty exci+ed , though, because we haven’+ had a general assembly sihce HoVember. Xha+s when -this hy^no+isH- called +he Amazing Andrew came +o our school. Xn +he grand finale of his show, +he Amazing Andrew hyyno+ized a line of eighth-graders in+o +o 3 e 66 "Ttah ta told tta ^tys tad oh^lue ttar> wi+k a na^ic word, ahd wtah ta said it +key cane apart jost like ttat. (cucumber?) After sctaol Sone kids ^ot ihto ah arguneht over wketker tta kyphotist was for real or if tkose ei^ktk-^raders were ih oh tta act ahd Just fakih^ it. 67 "Two o-f +he kids who +hough+ +he Ar^iin^ Andrew was a -fake linked +heir arms, And +hen Martin Ford -tried +o hypno-tiz-e +^>em in+o "thinking "they were supergloed together. Believe it or hot, it WORKED. "The two kids cool d n’t separate their arms, and they totally panicked. Martin tried saying the magic word, but lie couldnt onstick them. CUCUMBER? , CUCUMBER? 63 "The kids weh+ tack +o +he school, e wka+ ripping a pkohe took kas +o do wi+k s+ayih^ o-f-f dru^Sj tu+ Tke kids a+ my sckool weh+ crazy -for +kis oyy. Xn f*t+, +ke litrariah kad To replace kalf Tke reference tooks oh our shelves affer $Troh^ Sieves visiT. Xke person X m re<*ll^/ koping ikey DON’T trin he should ruh -for one of +he Juicy spo+s like President or Vice President, bu+ he wan+ed +o run for "Social Chairperson.’’ X have no idea wha+ a Social Chairperson does, bu+ as loh<^ as Rowley ge+S +o Vo+e oh +he inpor+ah+ decisions, Xn fine wi+h i+. VJednesda 7 Yes+erday sorne of -the o+her candida+es were hanging pos+ers up in +he hallways and handing ou+ bu++ons and candy +0 ^e+ +henselves elected. So we were ALREADY behind. 30 X knew X was ryah doesn+ run for Presideh+ wKen Kes a ^rown-up, because if Ke does, his canpargn rallies are .gonna be RIDICULOUS. Xhe las+ cahd ida+e +o op was a kid harmed Cumene E-llis. E-ugene is +Ke only person running -for President who didn+ pu+ up pos+ers or hand ou+ lollipops or any+hihe go+, X doh + +hiV\k Sydney or Bryan has * prayer. Thursday Jus+ like X predic+edj £-ugene £.11 is won 5+uden+ A landslide. Rowley won, -too, ohly person who at+uall< op for Social Chairperson. X wish Xd known that, because X could Ve saved nyself a lot of hassle with those T-shirts. council President b^ because he was the Xhe student council had their first meeting today, and Mrs. Birch, the teacher who works with the council, told E-ugene the school couldnt afford to stock the bathrooms with quilted toilet paper, so he might as well forget about it. 36 Word around school fas+, and people were pre++y mad- The whole reason everyone Vo+ed for Evgene was tecaose of his campaign promise. Plus^ we do fundraisers for +he school every year, and you would "think they could take Some of the money we make and Spend it oh Some tjuality toilet paper. X thought the school would be rolling In dough after the LAST fundraiser we had a few weeks ago, when we sold candy tars. X have to give credit to whoever came up with the idea. The school sent each student home with fifty Chocolate Crunch candy bars, and we were supposed to 30 out and sell them +0 our neighbors. CPLU^fQX CKOCOkTtT CHOJTCK 37 Bu+ X doh+ know a single kid who didn + ea+ a+ leas+ -three or four candy tars before -they even go+ home. Xn fact, X a+e fif+een by -the "time Mon -footed ou+ and pu+ a s-to|> -to rt. So a lo+ of families like mine had +o wrrte a check -to -the school Jus+ +o cover -the cos+ of -the candy bars -their children a+e. X+s possible -tha+ nobody sold d single candy bdr during -that - fundraiser. $a-turd< ¥ Sneaking of money. Uncle Gary s^>en+ dll of his allowance -this week and asked me if he could torrow sone o-f MINE. VJhen Pad found ou+, he was pre-tty mad. 33 1 + +urhs ou+ Uncle Gary spen+ KiS no hey on scra+ch -Wcke+s a+ +he convenience s+ore. Pad +old Unde Gary hes 30+ a be++er chance of in a u mood for dhe resd of dhe da /• Ylhad Pod REALLY wands is for Unele Gary +o ^ed <* job So lie Mh noVe oud of our house. X m sdarding +o wish Uncle Gary would jed a jot , doo, because ladely lies been spending * lod of dine in ny room playing on dhe conpuder. Hes addic+ed do dhis Vir+ual-world ^ane where you can be anything you ward", like a policenan or a consdrucdion worker or a rock sdar. B>u+ in +he game, Unele Gary is Jus+ a guy who doesn+ have a Jot and buys a bunch oF sera+ch -hcke+s every day. FEBRUARY "flwrsday "There have been some pre-Hy big develop me n+s a+ school this week. X+ all siar+ed on Monday a+ +he las+ s+uden+ council mee+ing. Xhe mee+ings are held in +he teachers lounge } and aF+er +he "Treasurer , Javan HiHj wen+ +o use "the ba+hroomj he came out wi+h a roll oF Pillow - So Ft Ul+ra +oile+ paper. Ihat berths the teachers have beeh treating themselves to good toilet paper wKile us kids are stuck with the cheap stuff. Vihen £.ugene E-llis confronted Mrs. Birth, she knew the teachers were totally busted. Mrs. Birth said that even though the teachers use Pillow-Soft Ultra, theres not enough mone^/ in the budget to stock all the kids bathrooms with expensive toilet paper, but she could agree to a compromise. ft su said -\\\t school eoold allow kids +o brihg ih +lhei’r OWN rolls -from hone, A^d wheh +he ahhouhteneh+ cane over +he loudspeaker, i+ was a hu^e vic+ory -for £,Uis ahd +he res+ o-f +he s+uden+ coohciL 'Tuesday was +he -firs + day kids were allowed trihg ih +heir owh +oile+ paper, ahd X +hihk Sone people weh+ a Irrtle overboard. some kids broi/tjh+ ih so much +oile+ paper +ha+ +here wasn + enough room +o fr+ i+ in +heir lockers, so +hey carried +heir supply around wi+h +Hem. £very+hm^ probably wouldVe been Jus+ fine, bu+ a+ lunch someone +hrew c % roll o-f +oile+ paper a+ somebody else, and wi+Hin abou+ -fi-f+een seconds i+ was a +o+al madhouse* % La+er +Ha+ afterhaah +He ^rihcipal ^a+ ah the loudspeaker ahd said +K<*+ fran haw ah, were ahly allowed +o brih