OTHER BOOKS BY JETF KINNEY Diary of a Wimpy Kid Diary of a Wimpy Kid Roqfnct Pyles Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw Diary of a Wimpy Kid; Dog Days Diary of a Wimpy Kidr The Ugly Truth Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Cabin (-ever Diary of a Wimpy Kid; The Third Wheel Diary of a Wimpy Kid; Ward Lucie Diary of a Wimpy Kid The Long S-laul The Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book The Wimpy Kid Movie Diary COMING SOON DIARY PUBLISHER'S NOTE. This >s a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the authors imagination or used fictitiouily and my resemblance to actual persons, living or deod. business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Cataloging-in-Publication Data has boon appJied For m6 may be obtained from the Library of Coqgre&s. ISBN: 9?a-l-jT^7-:701-7 elSBNj 97B-l-fil3l-2B27-5 Wimpy Kid te*t and illustrations copyright £ JOIS Wimpy Kid, Inc. DIARY OF A WFMPY KID* WIMPY KID 1H , and the Greg Heffley design'* arc, 1 trade marks df Wi-mpy Kid, Inc, All rights reserved, Book design by Jeff Kinney Cover design by Chad W. Beckerman and Je#£ Kidney PubEi&bed an 2015 by Amulet Books, en imprint of ABRAMS. Alt fights reserved. No portion oF this book m^y be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, ar transmitted lt\ any form or by any means, mechaokal. electronic, photocopying, recording, o i otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. Amulet Books and Amulet Paperbacks are registered trad&mafJts, of Harry N. Abrams. Inc. Amulet Books are available at spacial discounts when purchased in quantity For premiums and promotions as well as fundraising or educational use. Special editions can also be created to specification. For details, contact s peciaIsalesifcabramsbooks.ccm or the address below. ABRAMS “1 AJIT Or dL‘U'3. il-Mti hfe-ei 115 West 10th Street New York, NY tool I MM iaAbra nwfecw.lss.wro TO DAD SEPTEMBER Saturd ay Growh-up$ art always ta clays and how things were so much better when TWEY were kids. kin^ about -+Ke ^ood old But I think they re Just Jealous because MY generation has all this fancy technology arid stuff they didnt have growing op. Believe me, Tm Sure when T have kids of ry own. In ^onna be the exact sane way my parents are NOW. Moms always saying +ha+ when SHE was younger 4 i+ was ^reai because everybody ih +own knew everybody else and H - was like one ^iah+ -family. Bu+ i"Kai doesn't sound so ■^reai -to ME. X like my privacy, a hi X really don+ heed everyone knowing my persona! business. MOWDYj NEIGHBOR.' Mom says -the problem with society these days is that everybody s 30+ their nose in a screen and nobody takes the time to cjet to know the people who live around them, X doht really see eye io eye with Mom on that issue t though- 2 Personally, X think a tittle separation is a GOOD thing. Lately, fAoms teen going around town with a petition to get people to stop using their phones and electronic gadgets Lor Lorty^eight hours. Let's UNPLUG 9)' to RECONNECT !*■ Electronics are cluttering our lives! Let’s put down pur devices for a weekend and get to know one another! Who's in? L 41. 2 . 42 . 3. 43, Mom heeds d kuhdred s^ha+ures Wore ske tab +dke +ke pe+i+ioh -to lowh ku+ $kes kavih^ trouble oje+tih^ people +o pu+ ~tke>r hame$ oh rh Xm jus+ kopihcj ske gives op oh +V>rS idea sooh, because i+s kihd 0/ exkaus+ihg -for +ke res+ o-f us +0 pre+ehd we doh + khow ker. X really doh + uhders+ahd wky Mom +kjhks we heed +0 30 BACKWARD, ahyway, From wka+ X cah fell, -+ke old days wereh + +k*+ muck koh. Xf you +k*hk abou+ i+, you hever see ahyome Jh ■+kose klack^ahd^wki+e pko+os SAILING. CjQUEAK 5QUEAK Xh +Ke oM days, people were jus+ a whole lo+ TOUGHER +hah +h^ are +oday. Bu+ hunah beih^S have EVOLVED j aind how we heed +hih^s like elet+nc +oo+htroshes ahd shoppihci nails ahd so£t-serve ice crean +o Survive. 5 X be+ our ahces-tors wouU be pref+y disappoih+eeih with hex+ +o nake our lives easier. Whatever pi is, though > X H be the. first - ih lihe to buy Hr* Bui if Mon had HER way, we d be living like people d(d before there were co neuters ahd cell ^hohes ahd baby wipes. Arid X really dohi ward 1 to ima^ihe livih^ ih a world without- baby wi^es. Sund ay Pad says +^a+ wheh ME was ^rowihg up, ih the summcr+ime kids played oudside all day, uh+il +hey ^o+ called home for dither a+ hi^h+- VieII, +ha+s pre*tty much +he OPPOSITE of +he way MY summer weh+ -this year. I speirvt July ahd August a+ Elm Camp, where all I did was wa-tth movies rh ah air-cohdiiiohed +hea+er for ei-^h+ hours a day* The maih reasoh X sighed up -for Film Camp was because X thought i+ was for people who are SERIOUS abou+ moV.es, like ME. B 0 + X fftfrid ou+ A was REALLY jos+ a ^>1 where pareh+s could dump +he«r ktds off ffr cheap babySrHiVvg. ace some Xhe dowhSiJe of spehdl^ +ha+ much -time In a dark -+hea+er Is +ha+ ai +he e^d o-f the Jay i+ -took a half hour -for my eyes +o ad ios+ +o +he 10 The other reason X sighed for Fflrn Camp was +o ^et oot of the MOUSE* Fver siinte we ^oi a ? j 3 , i+ haSh’t beeh a lot of fuh beihg home. Especially hot a-l 1 DINNER. For the record j X thihk its a TERRIBLE pdea lettihej the pi<^ eat at the table, because it ALREADY thlhks its a homah beihg, AhJ the Iasi thing we heed is for it +o think rts oh e^oal footing with the rest of os* Ricjht after we ^ot the pig, Morn thought it would be foh to teach it some tricks* So she would give the pig a cookie when it stood oh its hind legs* 11 But +he pig learned +o WALK like +ha+, and i+ Ij^ritsinHr been oh till fours ever since. "To make ma+ter$ WORSE, ry IHH-le bro+her, Manny, put a pair of his shor-ts oh -the pig, so how its like a PrShey character. were living in +he house wrth Mom used +o "take the pig ou+Side, tu+ after i+ s+arted walking upright t i+ decided rt was +oo good for i+s leash* Mom was worried +ha+ if +he pig rah off wed heVer find i+, so she go*t a collar wi+h one of ■those GPS -tracking chips >h i+. Bjc ^ivit^ +|ie +oo r™ivy privileges is o REALLY W id ed t Ohe day pi^s Will rule -the worlds ahd it LI be ry familys fault for startitv^ it dll. I wouldvft really have dm issue With the picj if it didftt interfere with MY life* But X was late ov> the first day of school because it was Ko^ih^ the bathroom. With the pi^ ih the KouSej X was actually lookih^ FORWARD +o school startih^, But ohce X ^ot there X realised it was j,us+ the same old thihg. Ahd be fiohes+ wi+lh X feel like X^c beeh lm riddle scKool FOREVER. X heeded +o mi* +K<’h-0S uo a, IrHle or X was ^ohha op craty, So ih ‘the firs+ week of school, X Voloh+eered for the t^onework Bod d res ^ro^nr^. SEA MIDDY! TEAM UP WITH AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KID TO LEND A HAND! 15 up was so skip iWd period, wKicK is Music class wi+h Mrs* Graziano* Bu+ e maVe in wit b OUR family. Pad wasnt so Hot on +He idea, even tHoo-cjH Grandpa is His own fatHer* But l^on says it will be just like +He old days, wHen tHree generations lived under tHe sane roof* X tHink l^om Has tHis rosy imacje of tHe way things used to be, but X Heave a TOTALLY different picture of wHat it mustve keen like back tHen, ZO X was ac+uaiy Ok us uVvKl X realized w i-t neahl -for ME, Mor^i le+ GrahdipA ahy tedroo™ ke wAhled* ahd of course ke ckose MINE. wi+k Grandpa moVihg ih wi+k Xkal meant X needed to find a new place to sleep, My first 1 tkougkt was to 30 to tke ^uest A^d tkeres ho WAY t n skarihij tke coock vvl+k a i>arn animal. iq stays, puliout room, tot X forgot tkats wkere ike 21 X ruled out RODRlCK S room ri^h+ away,, because he micjht actually be a step down -from the PIG, My only other choice was to room with NANNY, so X <^ot out the air bed and set it up on his floor, But sleeping iln Manny s room has its OWN problems* Mom reads Manny a bedtime story every ni^ht, and Sometimes they Ve really LONG* Xn -fact, lately X third; Manny s been picking out the thickest books he can find just to get on my nerves. IN A HOLE IN GROUND THERE LIVED A H0B81T 11 Thirds ^ dVe keen d k'+tk +e^$e ever ^' h ce Grandpa moved ^K+ wiH-^1 ho+tiih^ oh below -the waist. A^d eVeHvally he ducks behind the redder fh the family room. X doht +bnhk Pads a huge fah 0/ hio Pahts After Pthher, but X cair\ tell hes eveh MORE uncomfortable with Grandpa bein^ here +0 witness ;t. 1 +s pretty obvious haVihg Grandpa around h really stressing Pad out. A^d every time one 0/ os kids screws upj it just makes Pad even MORE tense. __. _ _ ( oops? ) m m 2 ^ VJhat seems to ahhoy Pad the MOST is wheh, ohe of u$ kids asks Mom to do Somethihg that we should t>e able to do OURSELVES. Yesterday X asked Mom to opeh a microwave burrito for me, because X always Have trouble with those plastic -packages. B>ut Pad jumped all oVer my case. H e Said if X was strahded oh a desert islahd with a thousahd microwaVe burntos, Xd STARVE to death because X couidht figure out how to opeh them oh my QWh. Z5 X toid Pad that the ch ances of me getting stranded on a desert isUhd with a thousand microwave burritos were pretty slim, but he said I was missing the point. He said if X doht leam how to do things by MYSELF, Xj^ not ^gonna be able to survive in the real world.” Another thihcj Pad hates is how l^om still helps me ^et ready For school ih the morning, She picks out my clothes the night before t and she has a chart hahging in the kitchen to help me stay on track. Soap Breakfast Teeth Shower ^:: -Til Hair / Underwear Socks Pants Shirt ‘v? < 3 &\ 0<& Shoes 26 X ^uess was pre*Hy embarrassed by the cKdr+j because +he o+her day he +ook i+ do win. Bert 1 wi+hov+ 'tha^ +Kih^ ~to ^uide me -through +he morhiYwjj X 30+ ihe order of +hi*\^s all wror^j ahd eroded op wearily socks over ny shoes. These days,, 1 +hiink Pads jvs+ WAITING for me +0 screw up. "This morhiin^ X for^o+ +0 put +he cap back ov> ihe +obe of 'too+hpas+e, aind Pad was ready +0 POUNCE. ll X didn't ihi^k i+ was d bi^ deah bu+ Pad ^dve me +his lo^g Speech aboi/t Kow li+tle -thi^S have trg kl toftse^uehtes. H[e said if X was a kid ^ r ^ Wj ^3 U1 p ^ frorrh’er Hrimes ahd r+ was rrjy job +o fi^h^el"* +he bo!+S oY\ +he wa^oh wheels but X FORGOT +o , -ihert +he wheels would fall off a^d our family would ^e+ ea+en by wolves. X +houcjh+ Pad was beitt^ kihd of dramatic, bo*t ,+ DlD make me feel a IrHle abooi +ha+ +oo+h , pa5‘l'e cap. I m ho+ the only one who s teen too. Whenever Rodritk needs gas for his van, he hits Mom up -for money, But a few nights ago he made the mistake of doing it in front of Grandpa, Pad said +ha+ from now on, Rod rick has to pay for his OWN gas. And when Rod rick asked how he was Supposed to do TWAT, Pad said it was time for him to aet a JOB, So Horn helped Rodrick ^o +Krou V\lah+ed Sec+ioh of +Ke hews^a^er +o find Kim a jot +Kd+ doesn't retire ahy skills or experience. Tkey finally found ah ad -for a res+aurah+ +Ka+s at>ou+ fif+eeh minuses -from our house. X went -to tKe Old-XTiey Xce Cream Parlour for Rowleys last' KirtKday party, and that experiehce may KaVe PERMANENTLY ruined ice cream -for me. 30 They have this ohe dessert oh the nehu tilled the Teedihg Trowjh/' which is FORTY stools of ice trean dll ih ohe lohg tray. Ahd wheh you nix different flavors of ice ere an together, it Just turns into ^ray slop. The 01 J-”T 7 mey Xte Crean Parlour is one of those plates where the whole staff tones to your table ■to sin^ for your birthday. That nates ne really uncomfortable, because its pretty obvious theyd rather be doinaj ANYTHING else. J ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY A? , AND WE'RE WERE TO SAY * i WE MOPE YOUR DAY IS DANDY n IN AN OLD-FASHIONED WAY J1 31 Rocinck had ah interview at the restaurant earlier in the week, and believe it or not, he got the job, Saturday was his first night of work, and Hon thought it would te a good idea for the rest of us to surprise Rodrick and cheer him oh. But when we got to the restaurant, we couldht fed him anywhere. Horn was pretty worried, tut eventually we found hi™ out back. Hon washt happy that Rod rick was on trash duty, and she gave the manager a piece of her m.nd. 32 Birt ike pumper said Rodntk was ah "Wiry level" enloyee ahj ikai eVeryohe wko works ai +ke resiaurard- ka$ io pay +heir dues. dll jusi 30 kone ahd leave kin alohe a-fier ikai, kui Hon warded +0 siick around- /\^d wkeh F.odritk wehi ov> kis fil+eeh-ninu+e kreakj we kuh^ oui wiik kin en^loyee Xn ^re*Hy sure Rodrick was kopiv^ wed Rodrick s^eivt ike resi of ike fti^ki iakih^ ike irask 'from ike kiickeri oui +0 ike Punp sier, and X d|Uess Hon wahied +0 see kin ohe more iine ke^ore we lefi, So ske iold our waiier ii was HdhVys fcirikday, dhd ike waiter called ike wkole sia£f +0 our iaile. 33 Bu+ X wi’sK Horn didin + tjo and Jo +ha+, because +heres some+hih^ abou+ +he srnell 0 / cjarbacje Juice 4ia+ really ruins vour ap'pe+i+e* ...AND IF YOU'RE FEELIN' WUNGRY\ YOU'RE AT TME PERFECT PLACE \ NOW JUST BLOW OUT TUAT CANDLE 1 SO YOU CAN STUFF YER FACE' Mond ay La+ely, Mor^s been +ryih^ +0 cje+ Grandma +0 ■Fell os kids abocT wha+ life was like when ME was ^rowln^ uy. Grandpa says +h*+ when he was yoorv^ +hey didn + have +eleVisiohs or anythin^ like +ha+, so kids S^evvt mo5+ of +heir -time ou+doors flaying ^ames like Kick i\\z Can, 3 T Growh-ups are ALWAYS +aljkUy all day in the woods. 35 OUR ima^ihatiohS ohce, but Rowleys dad ^ut ah ehd to it before we could eveh ^et djoih^. Vlellj me ahd Rowley tried using i ..r u.j^ jWvw X ROWLEY JEFFEPSOnT\ YOU PUT DOWN Y\> THAT STICK RIGHT j \ THIS instant; / | Pad said todays parents are over protective, and that when he was a kidj he ahd Giles roamed free and never even bothered to tell +Re;'r parehts where -they were goihg. But rAom said ft was a lot SAFER back In those days,, and how its too dangerous -for kids to be off oh their owh without adult supervision, Pad said that might be true, but kids like me ahd Rowley heed to learh how to PROTECT ourselves. 36 Pad said wheh he was ile ih+o 30 sKow Kin our su^ort. Xm ho+ sore if Id call Rodricks hew posl+ioh a PROMOTION, +K003K. TKeyve 30+ Kirn dressihg u^ cis Old-Iney lotias, +Ke res+aurah+s mastc+. +K& car +0 of course +oftujK+ A^areh+ly +he ^guy wKo Kad +he jot LAST 30+ fired for teihg Seen wi +Kou+ Ks h ead oh* And In ^uessih^ wKeh i+ cones +0 masco+s, +Ka+s a HUGE ho^ho. Oid-T^ey T^ias >s imposed +o walk aroohd the restaurant and 30 /ron tafcle ~\o table nakin^ little kids happy* But as -far as X tan tell, be has the OPPOSITE effect. Xh fact, kids seen to really MATE Old^X^ey "Tobias. Vlhein we got there tonight, "Rodrick was getting it fron every Side, Rod rick told fAo m that h'S naha^er warhed h'n if he was ever caught without his Tobias head oh, he'd be -fired oh the spot. Luckily, ohe of the eyes oh the cos tunes head cones out, which is the ohly way Rod rick was able +o stay hydrated- X n startfh^ to wohder if the ^,uy who had the job dressihg op as Old-X^ey Tobias got fired oh PURPOSE. Xf X had to bet oh how lohg Rodrick lasts, Xd give hin two weeks, tops. Friday AH iuw di school beeh aboo+ +His bi^ +o H hey+ moh+H' Vlbeh yoo cje+ +o my cjradej -the whole class cjoes oh a weeklohg +rip +o +his ^lace where you slee^> ih lo^ tabihS ahj learh abou+ haiore ahd hard work* XF sore (+s a blas+ if yoore ih+o +ba+ sort 0/ Hhbuh^, fco'V Xve already decided Xr» ^ohha be +he ohe kid who s+ays BACK wheh everybody else beads off oh +he +rip. Ahj wKi!e +He REST of my classma+es (ire swea+ihcj i+ oo+ rh +He woods, X H be iln +He school I it r ary ehjoyitvj dll +He tomfor+s of +He modern world- Moms beeh frying ^ei me +o cKdhge my mind tecdose sHe +l>rmts XU regret ho+ o,oih^. X really doobi iHaVs Heard Horror s+ories from kids wHo wen+ away io Hardscrabble Farms, and X remember +He le+fers Rodnck sen+ Home wHen WE wen+ +Here, ^onna Happen, +HougH- Xve % Xh fat+, Hoclrick seemed kihd of frayna-lYLed by +he whole ex^eriehte, Vlheh he 30+ back from -the +rjip he crawled i'h+o bed ahd s+ayed +here for ah eh+ire weekend- Xoday was -+he deadbhe for ^itkih^ who yoo wah+ed +o room with, ahd a+ luhch eVeryohe was scrambling +o ^e+ into a 300d cabin- X was 3 UI already decided X washi ^oih<^ because X really didn't wah+ +o deal wrth all +ha+ drama. X fel+ a li++le bad for Kowley because he was cooh+ih^ oh buhkih-ej wr+h ME, Wheh X +old him X wa$h+ ^oih^ oh fhe iri^, he weh+ aro^hd Seeing if anyone had ah o^ehih^ ih -their cabin. Bu+ by +he erid 0/ ■fke Linch period, -things werein+ looki^io good /or him* I cah+ really worry abou+ Rowley, +hoigh> because Xve go+ ry OWN problems -to deal with. Monday* Kom arid Pad 30+ a let+er /rom -the School saying they had +0 come in /or a special ^areht-teacher coh/ereince. XVe been worried sick all week because X ■thought X mustve forgotten +0 cross Trews name Mof one 0/ ry homework assignments and X was rh trouble. But that wasnt it at ALL. iw reasoh the school asked Mom arid pad to tome ih was +o tell them -that ry homework grades ■have improved so much, thyTe me Ih harder classes. pu-H-ihfj VJell, Xm sure Trew will appreciate haVih^ more challeh^rhcj homeworks but he caht be there to help me durih^ TESTS. So uhless X cah figure out a way to sheak him ihto school, Xm hever ^ohha pass. VJheh Mom arid Pad came home -from the pareht- teacher coh/e rerice, Mom said we heeded to celebrate the ^ood hews. Of course THAT mean+ 0oin0 +o +he Old'X^e Xce Cream Parlour, X was 0e++ih0 a lirHta sick of spend in0 every riP0^+ <*+ Rodricks work, and X +h« cop wasn't amused and ^aVe Rod rick a 'ticket ■for one hundred dollars. "Then he found all sorts of thm^s wron^ with the van, like a broken tail light and an expired inspection sticker. After that, the cop had Rodricks van towed and left h in stranded on the side of the road- So Rodrick was a HUGE target for all the kids who were stuck ih the traffic jam. 52 l^Wi +old Pad drive home so she throw Rojricks coS+ume ih +he wash'^ machihe, But wheh we 00+ +o oor street, there were coirs parked up arid dowh oh ko+h sides. There were even cars parked oh our LAWN, which was pretty s+r ah^e. VJe had +o park +he vah a+ +Ke to-Hom of +he Kill rth we opened +he frov>+ door, -there was a VJe had +0 push +hrou^h +he crowd +0 frhd Grandpa, who was ou+ tack ih our old ho+ +ut. A^d from -the look of "thirdsj he was having +he iime of KiS LIFE. 5 ^ P40 kicked everyone oo+ o-f +ke noose, wKcn took FOREVER, mostly because fto ohe was j'h, a bi^ Kvrry to teaVe. VJheft everyone was ^ofte^ PaJ I ft ihto Grahd^a /or having a ^arty. 55 Grahdpa said he didh+ PLAN oh h^ihcj a parly. He said he tried to ihviie ONE lady from his datiivj site over to watch a movie, but he mvstve accidehtally hit "sehd all." Ahd theh eYeryohe showed up at ohce. Pad was really mad^ hid- it mustVe been awkward -for him +o come up With a puhishmeht -for his owh father. X ^uess he cooldht thihk of ahythihg better, so he just put Grahdpa ih -fame-oid-. 56 X wish we h<*d doine a be+ter job of clearing ou+ +he ^ar+y cjues+s when we ^o+ ho^e* -though* because -there were a -few stragglers in Mannys room who dW+ ah' oh while hes work- fuinhy tushess ^oihg X don't khow where he PUT i+, exde+ly. Bu+ wha+ I DO kno W is that Ke S hot juS+ uSihij it +0 keep ah eye oh GRANDPA, 5 S Xi'*' <*11 {of +ecWlogy, i>y+ wVtein i+s used AGAINST me. 1 dott+ like having a tar-iera iin -the house, because nowadays -there are cameras everywhere you -turn. A^d j-f you ever do sopie+hift^ cpibarrassih^ in a public plate, trust- ne, i+s ^onna oolj, my ba+^ihg Surf fell do^h d Ji+tle dhwh Hall, The way she GOT them was \>y intercepting all the partygoers as they were leaving our house the other hrght. After tAom took the petition to ~towh Hall, the leaders had a Vote and made it official. So this Saturday, the whole town is going to Voluntarily unplug for the weekend* 62 made r+ her missioh +o ■the word oui' ■+o as maty people as possible. X*m trying -to keep d low profile uwtil -this whole +heeh makir^ «■+ easy. X +hi^k tirHmg ourselves off from the ou+side world is d bad idea. Xf +heres a romtie apocalypse or some+hiVuj bi<^ like that, were goriina he the LAST oi^es +o kftow. Friday As par+ of elec+rtfaks-free weekend, everyone’s supposed +o tone down io +f e +owh 'park +omorrow for a Voluh+ary deanop. bo*! 1 i+s cjohha +ake a lo+ more +hah oine af+erhooh +o make a dent in THAT mess* ’Tkese days, +ke park looks like some+fihg ou+ of a movie wkere +Heres teeh a nuclear war. 6 ^ The park used +o be NICE, bu+ ‘thihtjs weh+ downhill when +he +owh rah ou+ of mo hey. The main reason was because -they vo+ed +o build a one-way "cell phone only 1 ’ pa+h -through +he park, since half +he +ime people oh +he REGULAR paih weren+ wa+chiht^ where -they were o,olh0. t K ' h Av "w hs > jpFki^JMF M * ^ i**w M»w m * *k * ,i So all +he money +ha+ was supposed +o ^o +o regular cleanup weh+ +o +his hew pa+h for people who wan+ed +o use +heir elec+rohic devices while +hey walked. 65 But tke project ^ot too expensive, Ahd tkey k*d +o cancel iit before tkey finished tke -footbridge oVer tke creek. Xhe park ^ot really rub-down after tkat, and families stopped coning once teenagers took over. So if tk e people organizing tkis cleanup are Smart, tke first tking tkeyH do is find ah exterminator tkat specializes in teenagers. Saturday X Have no idea w kat ti me X woke up tkis momibg, because tke clock ob Mabbys dresser was unplugged. Xb fact, EVERYTHING in tke k ouse was unplugged, wkitk goes to skow tkat Mom was taking tkis electrobics-free +kib^ pretty literally. 66 The ‘thilrt^ X to+iced was -there were a LOT of peo So I ^u£SS eVeryohe had decided +o ifv+o the old~+ime s^in'+. pie ou+ walkih^ rh the hei^hhorhood. X was pUhhilrvg oh just reUwhg ahd readih^ comic hooks oh the couch dill day, hiH* Pad said should take advah+a^e of dll the foot traffic. X He said whelm ME was a kid# he Ahd Giles opened io huy them each a hew skateboard. 1 said X thought a lemohade S+ahd was a GREAT idea. lemohade stand Ahd earned enough money 67 Pad surprised me by biahdihg over fweh-ty dollars ih Seed mohey -fo help me ^e+ S+ar+ed* X khew X was ^ohha lneed a busihess parther. So X tailed Kowley and "fold him +o tome dowh* X -figured we d ^e+ ^oihg by lookihej up +he recipe for lemohade oh +he Xh+erhei, bu+ Mon had Kiddeh +Vie power cord +o +he tompu+er. X was a lH-fle embarrassed +0 ask Pad, 50 me ahd Rowle decided +0 wihg rh X khew wed heed lemohs for sure, so we rode our bikes dowh Hro ihe cohvehiehte s+ore ahd bou^h+ ou+ +keir whole supply. 6S VJheh we go+ back hone, we didn’t khow -the exact 1 hunker of lenohS +o pu+ ih -the prkher. So we weh-t oh +he high Side jui+ +0 be Safe, X was pre^Hy sure +he ohly o+Her ihgredleh+ for lenohade besides wa+er Is SUGAR, bu+ we eo^le could pay for wta+ -they drank. Bu+ -the second you se+ an honor sys+em, somebody s ^o++d le walking UP +Ke hill looked a lo+ ihirs^ier +hah +he people Wd IkiVi^j DOWN i ,j k So we pos+ed a hew pritihg policy +o -fake full advah+a^e. ^ &~T\ -% A cookie of ^eo^>le +hou«jh+ our jar was for TlPSj and +hey droned ih some loose change. Af+Cf -+h*+> we s+ar+ed ^ushih^ +hc +ip£, because ahy mohey we broi/c}h+ in fha^ 1 way was 100% ^rofi+* 75 el ^oo kid earned Cedric Cuhhiri^ham se+ u^> kis OWN lemonade $+ahd a -few kou$e$ down. Arid i+ was ^re++y ofevtoos ke Had kelp from kte pareh+s,, because 1 - 4 IS s+and made ours loot like a JOKE. See, -tkis is -the problem wker* ^ou kave ain ori^ihal fdea, Eve seconds la+er youVe 30+ a rullioh copyca+s. Xm a professional, +ko^gk; and X wasn+ cjonna take a li+tle compe+i+ion personally. So X offered Cedric 'htfo bocks +o +ake Kis lemonade s+ahd down, and ke agreed +o f+. 76 But a mihute later, he set up Vis stahd a^afh, this time directly across the street from u$* I was get+ihg pretty ahhoyed, because we were ruhhihc^ out of lemohade and X knew Pad washt more mohe Thats wKeh X realized if we Sold WATER instead of lemohade, we would save ourselves a lot of hassle. ejohhd i^'Ve trS dhy for ihle know i+ aeteally WORKED. So X had "Rowley do some jum^ng jacks and ^ush^^s in froni of our s+and* It Luckily a cjoy who was actually ih sh°ipe came op the ri^h+ after that, ahd X offered to pay him a -few bucks if he told everyone he 30+ that way by Jrihkih^ our NRG Tri'thess VJater, But X ^oess he had better thi^S to do, because he -fold us he wa$ht interested. 71 Uhforiuhaiely, a Qvy walkihg DOWN ike kill oVerkeard us, Wk Said k'ui ikis defihiie! did hoi kave ike look we were afier. So +o make \\im qq away, X paid k^ ikree kutk$ +o -tell people ke DIDNT drihk our siuff. Noi io be m£A)r\ of j X realised we were sifll tonpeiihg /or beverage dollars wiik ike kid across ike sireei ahd ikai if we were ^ohha Make airy REAL noh ty, we heeded io move our operaiioh +0 a wkole hew Marked. Ahd I khew JuS't ike place; ike iowh park. BQ e t ; 3 X figured there would be a TON of thirs Volunteers* So me and Rowley loaded up a wagon with as muck of our product as we could carry and Headed down the kill. cleanup Ojoino| on down there, Vfth th Halfway to the park, Rowley said he was dehydrated and needed a drink- X d'dn^t wanna stop; tut he looked like he was gonna pass out* So X let hi™ take a bottle and made a note to dock his pay later on. 81 VJhen we down +o -fhe park, <+ seemed like +he w We TOWN was -there. E-Veryohe was working really hard, and i+ was pretty hot out. As a BONUS, the water fountain was broken, which meant people didnt have any real options for So me and Rowley knew we were djonna make a KILLING selling our stuff. quenching their thirst. Unfortunately, Horn Spotted us right away and asked what we were up to. X told her we were gonna sell our fitness water to anyone who was willing to shell out a few tucks. 82 1 Bui Mon said Hr was * iacky io profii off a buheh of Voluhieers who were saenfitih^ iheir Saturday +o deah op the park. I told her everybody who drahk our water would be able +o Volunteer TWICE as hard, arid the whole deahup would 30 a lot quicker. Vlhrle rne ahd Mon were ar^ue title +0 have 'the sane kinds of precious moments wi+h THEIR kids. See, Hon knows EXACTLY how io ^ei +0 me, A^d +ha+s -the reason I found myself raking leaves for FREE instead of making a truckload of mone^* The rake Horn ^ave me was a piece of junk, -though, hut when I asked for a new one, sh 7 a me as l- pile of leaves, and then a hunch of little kids came tearing -through it and undid all my hard work. Xt took me a half hour +0 scrape together was doing their hest wi-th what th PoVvt ask me why people Iroo^hi ihefr li-Hle kids +o -the park deahop, ketaose -they were fro Kelp ai ALL. fach, -|Ley were CONSTANTLY qe++j>iq itvta irouble. A+ ohe poiVit a tuFich of +Kem were playirv^ in a pile of fertiliser, and someone had +0 chase them out of there. n wHole park cleahup effort was TOTALLY disor^aV’tiz.ed, Nobody was really iin chargej so it was jir$t complete CWAOS* Things 30+ eveh CRAZIER wKe^i a ius polled pinto the parkirwj lot aind a kuinch of teeha^ers iin orange jomp Sorts filed out- Apparently these ^uys were kused in to serve their punishment for commi-ttih^ trines like shoplifting and Vdh hoihih^ ■good would come of ,+. ESPECIALLY if +Here were power -tools ihvo i v ed¬ it^' If you pu+ a ^roup of tovs mv % tLvein dhey were a+ +he +owin park +o work, +he G'r! Stoids wereh’i ^ohha let ah opportunity +o do Some fundraising pass them by* "They set up a stand +0 sell cookies, and one of their first customers was MON. So X ^ues$ shed chafed bier mind about people sellihoj stuff +0 Volunteers, X was .glad the Girl Scoots were running the show, but they were working us HARD, After an hour of raking, X was worn 00+ and wanted +0 go hone. Bed it )kas clear they werent letting ANYONE go until the last leaf was bagged* Another person ih my group who seemed a little worm oid was my homework Buddy, Xrew, 13 OTHER people figured ou+ how smarY Frew is, Ahd a tn/hcK of cjrowh-t/^s sYarYed bucj^ih^ hlim for sYuff Ytayd usually cjeY from Yheir PMONES* ' FREW' HAVE ANY CATS DONE ANYTHING AMUSING TODAY? , FREW! WHATS THE WEATHER i FORECAST [ FOR THIS WEEKEND? FREW! HOW'S THE STOCK MARKET TRENDING? I hoY ted Y^aY every half hour, Yhe Girl ScouYs ro+A+ed from ^roup Yo ^roo^>. So during a chaneyn^ of Yhe •Gjuard., X saw my op'porYuniYy and TOOK iY. X knew EXACTLY where X was headed, too* the creek. VJhen X was on the swim -team in first ^rade/ Pad used +o drop me off at the town pool every day. But the MINUTE Ke drove away, X’4 run down to the creek and catch rvnnows until practice was over. always ma Pad came to pick me up , and Xd jump in at the last second so it looked Irke Xd teen swimming the whole time. ke sure X 301 tack to the pool before Bo+ ohce, Pad cane EARLY +o wa^ch me prac^ce, ahd X ejuess X 30+ carried away ca^chih^ mlhhows. So X ehded up ^e++ih^ +o +^£ pool AFTER PdJ, ahd X tus+eX X^da^j X /^ured X d jus+ +ake a <^uick brea+Ker dowh ty +^e creek ahd ^e+ fcack -to work* IVt ihiHy seconds after X go+ "there, X heard Somebody trashy -through +he bushes* X+ +urv\s ou+ Frew u seeh me +ake off -from -the playgrouhd, ahd he FOLLOWED me. % Frew sdfj he couldivt handle all +he ^es+erih^ Iron ’the fljrowft-u^s a second loh^er, ftind wheh he saw me ieftVe he +hot^h+ X had ’the figh’t deleft* VJhiile we were falkir^, we hear 1 coj^h^ our way, bu-t X was 'pre-Hy shocked -to see -thft"t rt was o^e ol+he compiuhj'Hy service ^uys. 17 Xh -fact, X KNEW +K-s asemev>+ wheft Rodricks tahd prac+iced* A rwm+h or so a^o, X heard Rod rick +elli^ ofte oh his -frtehds +h<*+ Billy cjo+ cau^h+ s+ealiK^ a pack 0/ sour ^umny worns at the cohVehi’erice s+ore. X really washh happy 'this tjuy had hollowed ne +0 r*iy hidih^ spo+, X +old Billy he should ejo tack +0 +he park te-fore he «jo+ us ALL ih +routle. n But Billy said he wus making a run /or it and was NEVER going back to community service. "Then Billy started blubbering about how when he was little h'S mom bought a ^atk o/ Sour gummy worms -for hi^ and his brother to share , but his brother wouldn't give h^ a Single worm and ate the whole sack. Billy said the only reason he stole from the convenience store was so he could finally have a ^>atk 0/ sour gummy worms all +a HIMSELF. X was £jettir^ really uhc^mfortable listehir^ to this goy 30 ot\ ahd oh, ahd X was hopihcj Frew would help me talk Some Seh$e into him. But theh Fr ew smarted with a speech of his OWN. Frew started talkih^ about how his parents make him ^et up at 5 : 00 ih the morhih^ six days a week +0 study for the ojeo^raphy bee,, ahd how hes heVer ^otteh to play laser ta<^ because his parehts say its a waste of time. This was all tje+tihg +0 be a little much for me, ahd X deeded I’d rather be rakihg leaves thah listeWh^ to these ^uys tell their sob stories. 100 So X s+ar+ed Keadiir^ Hack +0 iHe ^lay^rouhd* Bt/+ dll of a Suddeh +Ha+ Brpwhie a^eared out of me off ^uard* howHere ahj TOTALLY cdu^Ki My Ihs+lhc+s kicked >h a^d I RAN, Frew mi Billy saw me +ake 0 my Keels. Bo+ -tHe Brow hie was carrying a WHISTLE, ahd +Ke he*+ 4^ I khewj +He wHole Girl Scou+ -iroo^ was ih Ho+ ^ursui+. X S+ar+ed +0 ruh FASTER wHeh I realized me ahd Frew mi^H+ oje+ ih serious -trouble for Harborih^ a fu^iiive. 101 X didftt khOW if the Girl Scouts actually had the authority to ARREST avyohe, taut X washt cjohha stick arouhd to fihd out. TWEET jA4+v —o t ^ h spl Wl^^wllyMi f*j( M* jJdw For ill X khewj that was sonethihg they heeded +o do +0 earn ohe of their badges. Ghee the chase was oh, Billy took the lead, ahd me ahd Trew just followed WIM. X+ was pretty obvious hed had experiehce with this kihd of thrhg, because he seeded to khow what he was doihg. 102 After d while we were able to ^ut some distdftce betweeh ourselves dhd the Girl Scouts, dhd we could barely hear -the whistle- So we stored for a mihute to catch our breath. Billy said we were <^ofthd freed our cherry to stay dhedd of the Girl Scouts. 103 "iTieh \\t +ook ou+ d few rolls of "TWh TAiVvts +K*+ were +utked away ir> h‘s jumpsurt 1 ahd s^>l»Hh +he™ u^> te+weeh u$. Xm jus+ ^ohhd assume ^e PAID for +KoSe cookies, because ;{ Ke DIDN'T, X , Sftyih^ if we DID> we'd te harder to catch* But Xrew said we should stick TOGETHER* He said we could travel arouhd the country and h-aVe crazy adventures t fthd mayhe even join the circus somewhere aloh^ the way. 105 Billy seemed +0 like +ha+ idea; +00. Xhen +he iwo of +Kem s+ar+ed aro|uini dowh io ike kiitkeh, X realised I kad a BIGGER prof)! em. --^P- 1 ? II ! — 11 . * i—-— “ nO SW d » \ a \ I\V r> i»rv** i - ■ r ■■_ & ^ C- — X +otd Grahd^a wkere ike waier was comih^ from, bui ke didhi seem ioo cohcerhed. H € said ike ohly REAL damage would ke a waier siaih oh ike kiickeh ceilphej. Xm ^lad Grahdpa ikoutjki <+ was ho biej deal, bui Xm sure Pad would see ike siiuaiioh DIFFERENTLY. 115 legged ahd Ke -+o 1 di me would. Grandpa said there s a Special kind 0/ paint that covers up water stains, and he'd take me +0 the hardware store +0 djet it. Xhat sounded GREAT. H e .^rafefeed Pad s keys and we got i n the tar. But when we tacked out of the driveway, Grandpa dipped a trash can. Grandpa to help me out of this mesSj X wasnt too concerned; tut when we hit a neighbors MAILBOX, X started to get worried* X realized X couldn't remember the last time X was in a car with Grandpa at the wheel. And all of a sudden it hit me* Last year, Grandpa failed his drivers test, so they took away his LICENSE, 116 He hash+ been allowed +o drive since. X was really nervous, $o X +c?lct Grandpa maybe we should qo back home. BuHr now -+h«+ he was on ihe open road, +here was no +urnihg back. * By +he +ime we ^o+ ou+ o-f our nei^hborhoo and our near-dea+h experience really Suddenly a wa+er $+ain oh +he ki+chen ceiling didn't seem like Such a big deal anymore* He and Grandpa agreed we should jus+ go tack home and call r + a day. A+ teas - !' NOW we were headed in +he righ+ direc+ion* But - when Grandpa pu-t -the car i'n drive, i+ rolled a kew kee+, +heh conked ou+. A+ firs+ X +HoagH+ some+Hihcj nos+Ve Kdpp£lr\eci io +He car wHeh Grahdpa slamned oh iHe brakes t bu-f wHeh X locked a+ +He dasHboard/ X realized we were ou+ of GAS. Rod rick used -+He car last hrejH"! wHeh He weh+ +o work, ahd of COURSE He didht re/oel rh Grahdpa saw a sigh aHead +Ha+ said +Here was a service s+a+ioh a mile op +He road/ ahd He +old me He was ejohha walk +Here ahd brihg back a can of ^as so we could eje+ Hone. X wah-ted +o djo WITH Hir^ bo+ He Said X sHoold siay ih iHe tar $o i+ drdhf ^e+ -towed by +He Hi^Hvay depar+merrh X didh+ feel ^greai abou+ +He wHole idea/ but X fgured i+ was -+He ohly cHoice X Had* 120 Grahdpa headed off oh foot, ahd X waited -for what mustVe beeh ah HOUR. X was startihcj to ^et a little worried, ahd theh X looked up at the rearview mirror ahd saw somethlh^ed oh +he brake, Bert f+ locked o^>, ahd the car just kept ejorh^, I was afraid I was ejohha roll out »m+o traf/sc ahd ^et hit. Xheh X saw GRANDPA walkih^ toward ™e Im the treakdowh lame, ahd X PANICKED. X jerked +He s+eerih^ wkeel left ahd jus+ BARELY massed Grandpa. XHe problem was, +He tar rolled n'^H't rh+o a DITCW. A*>d ^HaVs wHere j+ s+ayed uh+il Horn tame +wo Hours la+er wi +Kc iowih-^ tom^ary. *•* * \lU 1J. Xf X Had "to do i+ all over a^aiin^ X would ve jusi left +Ha+ +oo+hpaS+e tap ih +He d^a^* Monday X BEGGED Mom hoHr +o +el1 Pad wHai - Happened +o +H« tar wHeh He ^o+ Home. Bu+ sHe said since +He fender was all tanked u^j He'd f.nd oui ANYWAY. X realized my only o^+ion was ^'o ^e+ ou+ of town. And X +Hou 3 H+ of +He PERFECT way +o do Hr. THe class irip +o Hardscrabble Farms siarts -today and cjoes for a wHole WEEK. X figure by +He +ime X ^e+ BACK, Pad will Have cooled down.; a+ leas* a IHH-Ie, So X "told Mom I cHan^ed my mind abooi +He iri^i and sHe was all exerted- SHe called +He scHool +o make sure X could S+ill ^Oj and luckily +Here were a Handful of spaces *n +He cabins. 126 X weh+ -through my book bag ahd -fouhd the packih^ lis+ they seht home las+ mohih to check what X deeded +o bring* H ardscrabblc Farms Supply List Bug spray I liking boots Raincoat Canteen Day pack Jeans Plastic bag Sunscreen Toiletries Wool socks NO electronic devices NO junk food It- was -too late to ^o out ahd shop -for all that stu-f-f. Luckily Mon ’fouhd Rodricks dtrf-fel ba^ ih the ^ara^e, which he had hever unpacked from wheh WE weht ot\ the trip a -few years a^o- Xvvside were some hikilrug bootsj a raincoat; a calmteehj bucj spray , ahd a buvxh of other thirds oh the lis+j which was ^reai. 127 Bo+ +he REEKED because +Here was a half- ea+en h*m sahdwich in -there, which Had some+hin^ ^r^iw.Vs^ rtj.f of l-f. X was a Ip'H'le worried abocd -the -food si+ua+ioh a+ camp, and X was +emp-ted +o -fry and sneak a few candy tars in. Bu+ X washi sore wha+ -the penally was if you 30+ CAUGHT, so X decided +0 Jus+ Hide +Kem in my sock drawer so nobody would ea+ +K em while X was ^one. X wasn^ willing +0 +ake any risks when i+ came +0 my COMFORT, ihouejh. X s+uffed +hree whole con+ainers of Freshes in+o Fodric ks u 3 , even -though +ha+ meani X couldn't fi+ -+Re ra P ncoa+, X buried ihe TresWes *+ ihe bof+on of +he bd^ betduse X didh+ want Mon -h> know X wds +dkihg ilhen, Mon says baby wipes are +00 expensive /or ar basis and they re everyone +0 use oh a re^ul reserved for [MANNY. See ; -+Kis is main reason X want +0 be rich when X'n otder. Vsl^eh X Have d +oh of nohey, X tan buy dS nahy baby wipes as X WANT. Bv+ yh+jl X Kave mohey o-f ry owy \, X H Kave +o keep raiding MahhyV Supply. VJKeh X was jus^ abou+ ready 4o leave -for +Ke +np, Grandpa gave me a boo k Ke said migK+ come Grandma sard ^Kc book beloved +o Kim as a ahd Ke gave i+ +o Pad w Kein ME was my age Ke wah+etj I^IE +o Kave rh 130 X+ looked a li++le ou+da+ed +o me, tu+ X didnd 1 want +o Hurt Grandpas -feelihcjs. So X fold Inin Vi "take if wifh me and read if fhe firsf thante X ^of* iWe was JUST ehoocjH roon fo fif if in ry fcacj, and X /inured +W more sfoff piled oh fop 0/ fhe Trestasj fhe feefter. VJ^tn Mom dropped me off af scKool +Kis morning, fhougH> X realized X was SERIOUSLY unprepared ■for +His f rip„ 131 Everybody else tad a TON 0/ -gear, and X /el+ like X tad uhderpacked* A'f+er dll our s+u// was loaded oh+o +ta buSj +ta bags 'took up af leas+ tall +ta space. Tta+ r'leavvt we tad +o double up on sea+s, wkith nade +ke fide +o Hardscrabble Tarns /eel a LOT longer -than rt stauldve. 132 Vjfien we fihilly -there Ahd drove +hrou<^h the nirh ehtrahccj X was pretty relieved. Bu+ the last stretch was BRUTAL because it was a dirt road* Vlheh we ^ot off the bus, a ^rou^> 0/ kids fron Ahother school was just leAVrhg. Ahd they looked like -they touldht be getting out of there sooh enough- 133 A kid in the back was holding a handwritten si^n that didn't make any sense 'to me* A couple of my classmates seeded pretty freaked out when they saw It. A toy standing next to fie said his older brother went to Hardscrabble Farms a few years back and told him all about Silas Scratch- Apparently this Silas Scratch ^uy was a farmer who lived at Hardscrabble Farms a long time ago,, but then the county came in and kicked him off his land. Bt Ario+her kid th^ed ih ahd sard ME. heard SjIas Sera'kh wein.+ +o live i^ the /ores+j where he Survived by ea+ihg slugs ahd terries* IXeh Melihda Hehsori said she heut our leftovers •into a ^>ot ihstead of trie trash cah* He said at Hardscrabble Tarns ho food ^oes to waste, ahd everything we didn't eat for THIS neal is put iirvto a stew for -the NEXT ohe. He said it was the sane way wheft he cone +0 -this canp os 0 kid, ahd they still used the e*aci sane pot. That* near* -there could fee leftovers fron thirty YEARS aejo ih that thihg. After luhch Hrs. Graz^aho ahd the fenale chaperohes took the girls to the other side of camp to go to their cabrhs. Ho Mor*! had ac+udlly waVv+ed +o Voluh+eer as a cha^eroirje las+-r*iihLi+e, she. wasft+ comfo r+at>le Manny wi kind of s+inks, +fiooon t tecaose Stie couldve fed inside inforna+ion fron +he o.iris side of can^. if Rodrick and Grandpa. "Tka'L THANKS MOM? f on his OWN, tot when X remembered the scene at the school this morning, X started +o wonder i-f his mom actually tricked him into it. Everybody started picking out their bunks, and thats when X found out why everyone had such b^g ba^s. f LUFF X had just assumed the bedding would be taken care of, tut 1 ^uess that was too much to hope /or at a plate like this* Xhe closest thirty X had to a pillow was r>y hoodie, which already Smelled like Rodricks ham sandwich* any weird stains on it. I picked a top tunk because X couldnt risk being underneath Julian in case he wet the ted* Xt was hard finding a mattress without Un-for+uha+elyj Mr. Jefferson slid fn+o +he spo+ rujh+ UNDERNEATH me, so now Rowleys dad was my bunkma+e. A-f+er we finished unpacking our s+uff, we wen+ down +0 +he ae+ivi+ies area +o do some Team¬ building exercises. The firsi -thing we did was a Trus-t fall," where one opy would -fall backward and everyone else was Supposed +o ta TcK h im. T guess ■the ^oin+ was +o show how our 'teamma-tes have our backs. But Jordan Lahkey d«d his -fall while the res+ oh us were still working ou+ where +o stand. 1 % Hr. Jeffersoh showed os how -form +w o lihes facrhg each other ahd +heh make a r het hy ^rafcbrh^ each other's wrists. So wheh Jeffrey Swahsoh +ke t>leedrh obs+atle course made of ro^>es« fru+ wheft r+ came te physical dt+iVj+jes, our ^roup was pre+ty hopeless. 151 A^+er the ropes course, we couldh+ oh+ie +He scarves because wed kho++ed -then too +i nyself CLEAN, Break-fas+ washi a whole lo+ better thah oof first two memlsj fcut at least they werevVt serVihr Jot was -+o noVe tales of hay -from one end of ita building +0 ■the oYher. X+ was SERIOUSLY hard, and X have a lo+ of res^>et+ for kids who had +o do +ha+ kind of work every day* V\!hen we were FINISHED, everybody fel+ a h^e sense of acconpli'sKr^en+. Afi we were leaving to move ov> to the hext station, Mr* hloxx/s ^rov^ tame ihto the fcarh* He told his team their jofc was to move the hay fc^ies to the other j which was where they were to BEGIN with. So doht eveh ask me why we weht to all that trouble. See, you shouldWt DO that ki^d of stuff to a kid. VJheh X was ir\ first ^rade, my teacher told me she was seindihg me oin a "secret missioh/ ahd she ^ave me a v>ote to deliver to another teacher dowh the hall. 161 A^d every day after that; my teacher hahded me ANOTHER hote +o delrVer. Well, or\e day X got eorious about what was IN those hotes, and X o^>ehed ofte u^?. But it was Blank inside. f It turins out Mom bad told my teacher she was worried about my selTesteem, aind the whole secret-mission thihg was just a way to make me fed IMPORTANT, So if ahyofte wants to know why X have a hard time taking work seriously, that's how it started. Our team 5f>eht the rest of the morning goihg er stations. We pai repaired a stone wall, and stacked firewood outside the main lodge. through "the oth Med a fence, 162 X II +ell you, wheh I n older X PI ^ohha toy 4 farpi of piy OWN ahd se+ up a capip oh +fe proper+y. because ^et+ih^ a fcuhth of kids +o work ■for -free ahd callih<^ j+ eduta+ioh is GENIUS. /\f+er luhth, wheh we were headihtj tack +o our caiih, Gareth -tripped over a rock s+ickihg out of ■the ^rouhd* Vlheh E-nilio saw r+j he 30+ really upset. Xhe rock had sone scrapes oh rt, ahd E-rnilio said the ohly persoh who could ve dohe THAT was Silas Scratch. 163 Jeffrey said +he rack was ■prefcatly Silas Scrafcks GRAVESTONE, ahd how we. were CURSED because we had disturbed tas re$+ih^ ^laee. X +r*ed +o +alk some sehse ih+o -these cjuys, X said +haT £rs+ o-f all, \-f Sri as Scratch was DEAD, +K^+ was ^ood hews -for everyohe. Ahd secohd o-f all, this COULDN'T be Silas Scratch s ^ravestohe because he would ve W +o bury HIMSELF. X heVer should've said that, because it Just u^set eVeryohe eveh NORE. V^ow all o-f a suddeh Silas Scratch was ah UNDEAD farner wko CO u Idht be killed* 16H At dihher, Silas Scratch^ ^rave was all avybod coo Id talk aboot. Somebody claimed they saw Silas Scratch ih the woods, A^d someohe ELSE said they saw fiin o'ry the other side of cam^> at the exact same time. "Theh Albert Sahdy was tellih^ eVeryohe that HE heard Silas Scratch had a hetwork of tuv^mels be heath the cabins, and that's how hes able to move aroohd so quickly. 165 So thabks +o Albert Sahdy, how kids are too scared to ust the bathrooms at camp. A few kids said theyre just cjobha WOLD it uhtil they cje+ home. That doesht soubd smart to ME, especially cohsiderib^ were ohly ob day TWO. VJedhesd ay Tod ay , after we finished our farm chores, we had free time to do whatever we wabted. X decided Xd jvst take a hap, but a few of my cabibmates had other p!ah$. Gareth , Jeffrey, abd Jordan said they were sick of eating STEW for dibber, so they were ejohha 30 dowb to the river abd catch a FISW, 166 X +houui ii ih ike TOILET. Tkeh Jorjah empiied kis carieeh inside ike bowl so ike -fisk kad some exira waier +0 flo^ around in. hd carried Gareik grabbed ike fisk 163 believe i+ or hoi, ikose -fools kad aciuaiy mhaejed io caick a fisk. Tkey scooped ohe riui ii ih ike TOILET. Tkeh Jorjah empiied kis cahieeh inside ike bowl so ike -fisk kad some exira waier +0 flo^ around in. hd carried Gareik grabbed ike fisk 163 The fish seeded OK -for -the tif^e bei^g, dhd X deeded +o ^o lay i+ COOL I6i My guess was that Mr. Jefferson wouldn't be too happy about a fish in the toilet, and X didnt wanna get sent +o bed early for the Second time on this trip. Mr. Jefferson asked me where everyone ELSE was, 41 said X thought they might be down by the river. He told me that if I saw anyone t X should tell them to come to the main lodge for mail calf Vfhen Mr. Jefferson left, we put the 1,id down on the toilet to make sure the fish didnt flop out onto the floor, then we headed down to the main lodge to join the rest of our class. Mrs. Gratiaho handed out mail to all the kids who got some a letter, and X IS admit X got a little choked up reading it. thing delivered from home. Mom sent me Q&jaX. LJi mtrttJ. C/fAlk, Au^it USrtfJlj^ouC/XJL HtfuJl hornJL* HO^UL^CKC Awtwj' a <*A4, 7 ^(jU^pQ. + AiMti-j PW'V X ^ot tii letter -from Kodlrick, too, fcut X din0 a+ ftll , and -they a$keJ Some of uS who DID ge-t le-Hers +o read +t\em oo+ loud. I MADE A BATCH OF YOUR FAVORITE COOKIES AND PUT THEM IN THE FRIDGE FOR WHEN YOU GET HOME! LOVE, MOM. A Aw kids go+ tare packages wi+h fresh tlo+hes and S+uff like +hft+* ^ wither in our Ber+rah, who 00+ a HUGE ton +h*+ was packed wr+h a +oh of sullies. 0 r 0 0 fV%+ Xd already ojiveh my las+ sFred of dicjni+y. £nrlio looked ou+ +Fe w<>idow and Saw Mr. Jefferson coming back +o +He cabin, So we Fid all of GraFamS S+off under a blanket. VJHen Mr. Jefferson entered tHe cabin, F rigFt by witHout even noticing. e wa L7t Uvvfor+uha+ely, we were so -focused on +he shacks we /orY with it* So tohi^ht, while the rest of the ^rou^ was haviirvj snores avxj sihcjih^ soh^s by the campfire with Mrs. GraziariOj X was stuck ih the cabih with ah ahgry cha^erohe. i WskUv Most k1/+ +hd+ in+o people: heads, because now kids are tryih^ +o ^e+ sick oh PURPOSE. real! lunch- X+ +urns 00+ she a+e three servings of s+ew +o make herself sick, which seeded a little strange a+ Melinda Henson was at+ih^ extreme +o ME. spe burses station wi+h indi^estionj Melinda was sent back +o rejoih her grou^. But after ndina a few hours down a+ +h« Julian +ook it one step FURTHER. Mr. Jefferson found him in +he cabin clutching his stomach next +o a half-eaten stick of deodorant. 177 So that was the elndi o-f the road -for Juliah, A -few hours later Julies mother arrived to him up. But by the time they drove away, h seemed to haVe made a full recovery. A lot o-f boys started talking about how Julian had the ri^ht idea, and the chaperones caught wind O-f rt. ITS 'Tta next we knew, the thaperohes *ere 301'hg around collecting everyones deodorant so ho one could follow in Julians -footsteps. 'Thats tad hews for OUR catrh, tecause With the wet towels and dirty clothes all over the ^lace, and kids showering with sweat water, our tahin ALREADY smells like a monkey house. 171 IV deodorant was probably the one thih^ keeping the Juries in our cabin fron reaching to*lc levels. And if we get sick i were ALL going hone early, X%at might be OK for everyone ELSE, but Its hot all right for ME, Because the sooner X 30 home, the sooner X have +0 face DAD, Saturd ay X> be honest wi th y ou, IW forgotten all about Rowley until he resumed to canp yesterday naming. But when he caught a whiff of our cabin, I'll te+ he wished he had just stayed hone. ISO X+ +urTns ou+ Rowley go+ ah ihfec+ioh -from Gare+hs +oo+h, ahd +ha+s why he was gohe ■for so lohg. Rowley trough +he +oo+h WITM hi™, |)o+ X n ho+ sore wha+ Gare+hs supposed +o Jo wi+h i+ a+ +his poih+. Rowley was eonihg tack a+ ah awkward +i™e, VleVe all beeh preparihg for +he Us+ high+ of +he +rip, which we have +o spehd OUTDOORS. X™ kihj of lookihg forward +o i+, because +ha+$ ONE high+ we woh+ have +o s+ay ih our s+ihky cabih, Bo+ X™ ho+ sore my group tain eveh SURVIVE sleepihg oo+ j'n +he eleneh+s. Vie re supposed +o build a shel+er ahd a fire +omorrow high+j ahd X have ho IDEA how were supposed +o pull TMAT off. Mr. Jefferson has been -trying teach os how to Jo some basic outjoors^ +hin how +0 Jo it. But his battery died when a tootle of my cabinmates our tampsi+e ahd asked +0 borrow £_mi!ioS glasses, ahd I focused a beam of Suhli^h+ -through a lehs oh+o a dry leaf, +he way i+ said +0 do ih +he b 00k, Sure ehough, the leaf s+ar+ed smokih^j and eveh+ually caught fire. w £.Veryohe was excised +ha+ we could make a /ire wt+Hocd +^e Help of ah adults bed we ut that STILL didn't do the trick. The WORST Snell seemed to he tomiirvj from US. A^d the oftly way to deal with TMAT problem was with deodorant. Jordan said maybe we should raid ohe of +he ojirls cabins and s+eal some of TMElR deodorah+, bu+ +ha+ -turned inio a bi^ deba+e abou+ whether* ^ because he has ah excellent sense of smell and cou id sniff out the cabins. Vie weren't Sure if he was bluffh^, So we ran him through a smell test where he had +o identify a enoughj he 30+ every single ohe. bunch of different things. Ahd sure I L So £,f»n'lio was ih. Vie aII started ^et+rhg read^, but rkjht wheh we were about to Head out, Hr, \iuzzt eAne +o check oh us. X ^uess it was pre+iy obvious to Hr, Nluxzi that we were up to ho ^ood, so he 'told us wed all be t h BIG trouble jX he caught ary o-f us Sheajcihej oid. Plus, he heard Si Us Scratch was oh the prowl iohi^ht so wed better stay ihdoors. Xheh Hr. hWzi le-ft, ahd a -few nihuteS later he cane hack with a bottle 0/ baby powder. ill \\z spn'hkled it in a bi*j circle around our cabin so that if we DID leave, our footprints would ^iVe us away. E-Very one started to panic because they thought we were trapped ih our cabin for the rest of the niejht. But then X remembered a chapter from my BOOK that could help us. (I HIDING YOUR NUMBERS Ancient ninjas had a devcr *vay of fool ing their enemies. When rravetirsg in a group, ninjas would walk in single file, careEUtly stepping into the same set of footprints, Then they'd ambush their pursuers, who would be shocked to discover were not following the of ONE person but many; Mr. Muzzi tad left KiS OWN footprints In the tat So cill we heeded to do was follow in his exact footsteps and tad never know we left. Ihe only p rotten was ttat Mr, MuZZiS footprints any of ours. But Mr. Jefferson tad left his hiking toots under the ted, and they looked like a perfect match. were a lot higher than powder when he was spreading it around. X weht first- It was a little tard staying ih Mr. Motifs tracks, tut X made it to the other side of the taty powder. i : i> 1 ■ Theft X tossed the boots back to the NEXT ^uy. We i eVeryofte out of the cabih that way. X,Veft tmilio, who hitched a ride with Jeffrey. Gftte we were all clear, we headed through the woods toward the girls' tabiftS. But before we kftew it, we were totally lost. Xt was kiftd of scary because ftobody eVeft kftew which way OUR cabih was. Tl >tt\ Jeffrey made everyth^ a huhdred times WORSE by brfhgtVuj up the subject of Silas Scratch. Jeffrey said Silas Scratch was probably watchiin. Luckily, Grandpas took had a chapter on how to tuild a waterproof lean-to, so we didnt NEED Pads help. ZOt A+ dihher some kids from aho+Her ^roup seemed really shaken up. THey said +Hfcy were s+ ih the woods* before we were supposed to spehd the hi^ht Af+tr dihher, Hrs* Gratidho 4 -old everyone to ^et whatever they deeded from their eabihs arid brihtj 4 +o their campsites. A bohch of kids were be^ihO} to sleep INSIDE, but Mrs. Graiiaino said this '£ how its always beeh oh the last hi^jht at Hardscrabble Farms, ahd its ilways ^ohha be* Vie had ^otteh the fire started earlier, ahd wheh we .got to our campsite it was still ^oihg. The fire was dyih^ dowh, though, so we heeded to X realize d this place wasnt a shack at ALL, X+ was Some Soft of maintenance shed with a tench of fools, and they drdnt even look that OLD. 101 I weh+ a IrHle farther ih. VJheh X walked dowh a h^lwdy, X fou^d some^hih^ +ha+ REALLY sKockcJ m£. x+ WAS d BATHROOM J W.+h A +0(le+ A'ryi A Sl>X a^d EVERYTHING. There were eveh a few rolls of ex+ra +oj'!e+ ipa^er, and i+ wash+ +He CHEAP s-ftifT ei+her* head was s^rinWh-g d*V +ha+ ^oiri+, X was ready io fu'n tack io our tampsi+e av>d -fell everyone wha+ Xd fcwhdj wHeh X heard So meihiirvj +ha+ seri+ shivers dowh my s^ihe. X^ was the soohd of WHISTLING , ahd <+ wdS comir^ from ngh+ BEHIND me. ZiO X +0 ruin, arid +ha+s wheh X rah snack Ih+o DAD. X was +o+diy speechless. X tooldhi ohders+ahd w ha+ he was doihg taking a shower ih a maih+ehahce shejj 1)0+ “thieri he s+ar+ed -talking. Pad said when HE went +0 Hardscrabble Xarns , the bathroom situation was even WORSE +Un ft is how. 211 "There was ohly ohe ou+house, which eVeryohe a+ +he ceurrp shared. "There was ho shower, ahd if you wah+ed +o ^e+ tleah, you had "to 30 dowh io -the river wi+h a bar of SO ap. "Theh one day wheh Pad was tollet+ih^ firewoods he found -+hi 5 maih+enahte shed that was used for keeping up the property during the off-season. Vlheh he realised there was a -tolled and a shower inside, he knew he had +0 keep it a secret or everyone: would fhd out. So He cane up wi+H +He s+ory of Silas Scra+ch +o ■throw +He o+Her kids off +He trail. Pad said when He 30+ Here yesterday, He was pre-Hy surprised the Silas Scratch +Hin^ was s+pII OjOihOj after all these years. But He floured Hed just tjo wi+H 1+ so He could keep +h ba+Hroor-i +0 Himself, e X was pretty r>ad a-t Pad for causing everyone all "this stress. But X Have +0 admit that coning up wi+H a crazy story +0 protect a secret bathroom is EXACTLY the kind of thinfj Xd do MYSELF. X realised Xd been away from the campsite for a while and my cabihma+es probably thought X got snatched up by Silas Scratch- Z13 So X asked Pad +o help me find my way tack to the campsite. It Had started to rain, and by the tine we ^ot back, -\\\e fire was completely OUT. X ^uess my c^roup ^ot desperate and threw in anything that would burn, because X found my BOOK in there. Or at least what was left of it. My cabinmates had picked apart our shelter for firewood, and thats where me and Pad found the m, all huddled together. X really didr\+ wflhna s^>ehd +ke ni^kt ou+ ih +ke nai'hj dhd +kahkfully Pad didri+, EITHER. X ^uess ke waSh + +Q0 toheerinied a|>Ou+ +ke camp rules t because ke s^uck us all tack in+o our cabih. X+ mi^k+ve s+uv^k +o ki^k keavein ih +kertj fcu+ r+ was +ke bes+ hi Xve kad ih my life. MohtUy Xk>s morhiin^ we packed all our s+uff ahd fcrou^k+ i+ +o +ke ^>arkiiruj lo+. Al^os+ everyohe ih my class looked like a WRECK from slee^ivuj ou+ ih +ke woods oVerhi^k+j W MY ^roup ac+oally looked REFRESHED. ns My tabilnma+es kep+ sayihtj How LUCKY we were +o Have survived +He week wi+H Silas Scra+tH prowlihg arouhd* Ahd i+ was all X could do +o bi+e my 'torque. Believe me, X was +emp+ed +o +ell every ohe +Ha+ Silas Stra+cH was a Hoa*. People mitjH+ve eVeh +reaied me like a WERQ for fihally po++ih^ ah ehd +o +He whole +Hihg, Bu+ X fpuffed X mi oft his offer. On the way out, there was a bus coming in with a whole hew croj> of kids- X quickly scribbled a message to warn them about what they were in for. X figured it was the LEAST X could do. 217 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Thanks to my amazing family for cheering me on and for bringing so much joy to my life. Thinks to Charlie Kochman fer your dogged commitment to making sure every Wimpy Kid book is all that it can be. Thanks to the team at Abrams, including Michael Jacobs, Jason Wells, Veronica Washerman, Susan Van Metre, Jen Graham, KeriLee Noran, Chad W, Beckerman, Alison Gervais, Elisa Garcia, Erica La Sala, arid Kim Ku. Thanks to Shaelyn Germain and Anna Cesary for helping to create an amazing building from the ground up in the midst of all of our commitments. Thanks to Deb Sundin and the staff at An Unlikely Story fer bringing a great independent bookstore into the wofI d- Thanks to Rich Carr and Andrea Lucey for your unbelievable support throughout the years. Thanks to Paul Sen nett and Ike Williams for your invaluable advice- Thanks to Jess Bralber for being a friend and mentor to me fer the past fifteen years. Thanks to everyone at Poptropica for your support and inspiration. Thanks to Sylvie Rabineau for your continued guidance and friendship. Thanks to Keith Fleer for all of your help. Thanks to everyOriE in Ffellywgod who is working to bring new Wimpy Kid stories to life, including !S!ing Jacobson. Brad Simpson, Elizabeth Gebler, Poland Poindexter, Ralph Milero. and Vanessa Morrison. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jeff Kinney is a fl l New York Trines bestselling author and a ffve-time Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award winner for Favorite Book. Jeff has been named one of Time magazine’s 10O Mott Influential People in the World. He is also the creator of Poptrop-ica. which was named one of TjVne magazine's gO Best Websites. He spent his childhood in the Washington, D.C.i area and moved to New England in IQP5- Jeff lives with his wife and two sons in Massachusetts, where they own a bookstore, An Unlikely Story. With tension building inside and outside the HefFley home Greg find 3 way to survive? Or is going "eld school ' 1 just too for a kid like Greg? Life was better in the ■ days. Or was it? That's the question Greg HeffEey is asking as his town voluntarily unplugs end goes electronics-free- But modern life has its conveniences and Greg isn't cut out for an old-fashioned world, READERS LOVE THE DIARY 0 FA WIMPY KID SERIES- the USA Today, Publishers WeeJcfy, Waff Street Journal and * l New VorJf Times bestseller • n the publishing wof.- ' Kinney is a rock star," -NPRs "Backseat Book Club" Kid is -Time mag***® 1 "One of the most successful childrens series ever published.' -Washtrillion Post "A big hit wuh reluctant readers and anyone looking For a funny book," -School library Journal S Amulet Books Aci imprint of ABRAMS 3^ W*ttT&41i5fer**L N^wVorkWTr VMll {fcihrunikidf www.wlmpykW.cwn awfcrnpy*id