^Te-f f Kihhey THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID SERIES 1 Diary of a Wimpy Kid 7 The Third Wheel 2 Rodrick Rules 8 Hard Luck 3 The Last Straw 9 The Long Haul 4 Dog Days io Old School 5 The Ugly Truth 11 Double Down 6 Cabin Fever 12 The Getaway MORE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID BOOKS The Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book The Wimpy Kid Movie Diary The Wimpy Kid Movie Diary: The Next Chapter DIARY PUBLISHER’S NOTE: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the authors imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for and may be obtained from the Library of Congress. ISBN: 978-1-4197-2545-6 elSBN: 978-1-68335-111-5 Wimpy Kid text and illustrations copyright © 2017 Wimpy Kid, Inc. DIARY OF A WIMPY KID®, WIMPY KID™, and the Greg Heffley design™ are trademarks of Wimpy Kid, Inc. All rights reserved. Book design by Jeff Kinney Cover design by Chad W. Beckerman and Jeff Kinney Published in 2017 by Amulet Books, an imprint of ABRAMS. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, eledronphotocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. Amulet Books and Amulet Paperbacks are registered trademarks of Harry N. Abrams, Inc. Amulet Books are available at special discounts when purchased in quantity for premiums and promotions as well as fundraising or educational use. Special editions can also be created to specification. For details, contact specialsales@abramsbooks.com or the address below. © ABRAMS The Art of Books 195 Broadway, New York, NY 10007 abrarmsbooks.com TO ANNIE DECEMBER Suhday Xhe wors+ ^ar+ o-f h«wih<^ someohe -fell you ahou+ ■their vacatioh is +ryih^ +o ^>retehd yourWAPPY •for -them. Because ho ohe wants to hear about all the -fuh -they DIDNT have. 'The ohly vacations X want to hear about are the ohes where -thirds wentWRONG. Xfv*t way, X doht-feel had -for missing out. Vlell, ry -family just ^ot back -from Vacatioh, dhd i>elieVe me, i-f X could Ve stayed home, X WOULD VE. But X didh thdVe d choice. A -few weeks ago, this Vacatioh wash t eVeh supposed +o HAPPEN. VJe were just havihg d hormal Pecember, dhd 1 wdS really looking forwdrd to Christmas. But Horn dhd Pdd were gettihg dll stressed out about everything we had to do to get ready (or the holidays. Vie wereWAY behihd oh decordtihg the house, dhd hothihg WdS goihg the way it WdS su^osed to. 2 Xm sure we coulcTve <^o++eh our ac+ -fo^e+her ih -time •for Chris+mas. Btr+ ohe hic^h+ ah ad came oiRV +ha+ TOTALLY -turhecl our Kolidtays upside dowh. The commercial was for -this ^lace called Xsla de Corales, which is where Horn ahd Pad weh+ -for +heir hoheymooh. A^d +he reasoh X khow +ha+ is because every -time ah ad for +ha+ ^>lace comes oh TV, +he -two of +hem ^e+ all kissy-faced. « c.rNOCXH * 3 X+ mdkes me uhcomfortdble -thihkihcj dhou+ Horn dhd Pdd Wore -they had us kids. Ahd X wouldh+ HAVE +o if Horn didh + hredk ou+ -their hoheymooh dlbum every year oh -their dhhiversdry. Xhe hi^h+ df+er -th<*+ dd Cdme oh, Horn dhd Pdd mdde dh dhhouhcemeht. Xhey Sdid •fha'tTHlS yedr, we were ^ohhdSKlP Chris+mds dhd dll op +o Xsld de Cordles ihs+edd. Vlheh I dsked how we were ^ohhd ^e+ our «yfts +o -the resort-^ Horn Sdid -the -tri^VASour ^if-h X +HoygH+ +Ha+ souhded like oTERRIBLE idea, ahd I was surprised Pad was oh Hoard wi+H it. H e usually doesht like to s^>ehd a lot of mohey, ahd X was sure +His resort was ^ohha cost- FORTUNE. But He said He was sick erf +He cold wea+Her, ahd He wah+ed to escape to someplace warm. Persohally, X doh+ Have a problem wi+H cold weatHer. Ih -fact, ^eherally s^eakihg, +He worse it is oertside, +He Hazier I am. 5 X -figured Mabry ahd Rodrick would hel^> me +alk some sehse ih+o Mom ahd Pad; ahd we d ^>u+ a s+o^> +o +his idea. B>u+ -those guys wereh+ahy Kel-p a+ALL. So X had +o accent +ha+ we wereh + gohha have a hormal Christmas a+ home. But wha+ REALLY didh + like was +ha+ we had tELY +o -this ^lace. I*d hever beeh oh (PLANE Wore; ahd I wash •+ crazy about - -the idea of lockihg myself ih a metal -tube. 6 Mobody ELSE seemed worried, though, ahd "two weeks later, oh a hight wheh we should Ve beeh hahgihg u^> our stockihgs ahd sittihg arouhd the •fire watchihg Christmas specials, we were p*ckihg our suitcases -for this islahd getaway. Mohday Vie left the house arouhd 3-00 oh the morhihg of Christmas C-Ve. Pad was pretty u-p-W^K-t because he warded to leave ah houEARLIER, but Mom said he was beihg ridiculous ahd we d get +o the airport ih ^lehty of time. Xt was ohly about twehty degrees outside, but Rodrick was already dressed for vacatioh. 7 It turhed out Pad was right, we shouldve left earlier. A^arehtly, Christmas £.ve is ohe of ■the busiest travel days of -the year, so the roads were CHOKED with families drivihg to see their relatives. A^d hobody really seemed to be ih the Christmas spirit, either. Vlhat made thirds a lot worse was wheh it started to SNOW. After that, thirds slowed to a crawl. Horn ahd Pad started ar^mVv^ over what time we shouldVe left, ahd Pad almost missed the exit for the airport. He had to cut across three lahes of traffic, which didh t look easy. VJheh we reached -the airport, -the maih ^>arkihg lo+ was -full. 1 ha+ meah+ we had -to ^>ark ih -the ecohony lot, which was ^re*Hy -far away. Pad said he'd dro^> -the rest of us off a+ -the curb wrth all -the lu^a^e ahd +heh cone mee-t us af-ter he parked. Vlheh we 30 + -to -the ^asseh^er dro^-off area, i*t was COMPLETE chaos. Vie -tried +o uhload our bac^s, bu+ -the co^>s wereh + le+tih^ ahyohe s+o^ ■for more -thah -thirty seconds. Ard -tha+jus-t s-tressed everyohe ou+ ahd nade -thihgs worse. IW +oge+ tack ih +he vah so I could hel^> Pad wi+h +he rest of +he tags. Ordiharily, +ha+ kihd of +hihg wouldVe taeh Rodneysjoh, hut sihee he was dressed -for eighty-degree wea+her, he go+ out of i+. He was lucky KeDlD, +oo. Vlheh we got +o +he ga+e -for +he ecohory lo+, Pad couldh+ reach +he ticke+ -from his wthdow. So he made me ge+ out of +he car +o grab it. Uhforti»ha+ely, X didn't ho+ice +ha+ -there was a giah+ slush puddle oh my side of the car uhtil i+ was +00 la+e. After we parked, we rolled our tags +o the hearest shu+tle s+o^>, which wasirvta lot of fuh. 10 'IKe si^h said +he shuttle bus +o +he maih +ermihal came every +eh mihirtes. But +Kere was ho room -for os ih +Ke tus shel+er, so we H*d +o wai+ oo+Si'de ih +Ke -freezih^ cold. "Iweh-ty miho+es weh+ by wi+Hoo+ a bos, ahd Pad s+ar+ed ^ettihg really ahxioos about the time. He said we were just ^ohha K^ve +WALK +0 the termihal, whicK was abocrt a mile away. 11 X would Ve -tried -to cohVihce Pad +o wart a li-fHe lohc^er, i>u+ ry sock was s+arHh0 -to -furr* -to ice, ahd X didh -f wahha op\ -f ros+bife. Sure ehou^K, ohce we 30+ about a hundred -fee-t ■from -the shelter, the shuttle bus gulled ihto -the ^>arkih0 lot. Vie -tried to ^et the driver to sto^>, but he just blew ricjht by us. So we RAN-to the shuffle sto^>, but we didh t make if hack ih -time. 12 Mow Pad was really worried ai>ou+ m'ssih^ our •fli^lvh X +old Kiri mayt>e nissih^ +Ke -fli^Kt wouldh + be 4 >eW 0 RST +Hihg +o ha^eh, i>v+ he didh+seen +o i>e ih +he mood +o hear wh<*+ X h<*d By the "time we 30+ to the termihal, we were both soakihg wet ahd miserable. So wheh a ^>icku^> ■truck almost hit us ih the crosswalk/ rt made Pad REALLY mad/ ahd he let the driver khow. Yhatjust made +KcDRlVERmad/ ahd he gulled his truck over ahd stewed out of his vehicle. Vie didhtstick droohd loh^ ehou^F to talk tFihcjs over witF tFis ^uy. Vie rah ih tFe o^osite directioh ahd Flehded ih witF some ^eo^le stahdihg oh tFe sidewalk uhtil tFe coast was clear. Pad told me X could learh a lessoh -from tFis, wFicF was to hever lose your temper ahd do sometFihcj stupid. But X took away DIFFERENT lessoh— wFeh Heffleys ^et ih trouble, HeffleyRUN. The rest of tFe family was waitih^ ihside tFe ehtrahce to tFe termihal. Horn wahted to khow wFat took us so lohc^ ahd Pad wahted to khow wFy sFe Fadh t ^otteh ih lihe witF Mahhy ahd Rodrick ahd Feld a ^>!ace for us. 15 Pt took twehty nihutes for us to ^et through the check-ih lihe. Bert wheh Pad ^>ut our big suitcase oh the scale, the ^>trsoY\ at the couhter said it was too heavy, ahd it was gohha cost extra mohey to check it. But Pad said the airlihe was ri^ihg us off ahd we wereh tgohha give then ah extrfevliCKEL. So we took some clothes out of the suitcase ahd stuffed then ihto our c barriers recohhected, we ehded u^> a-t thBACK of the lihe. A^d the -family with the kid who caused all the -trouble was a-t thFRONT. Mow Mom ahd Pad werREALLY stressed; because our flight was su^osed +o leave a-t ary mihu+e. Pad becked ohe of the security a^ehts to let- us op +o the froh+; bu+ he didn't- seem too sympathetic. X thought- we were ^oihg to miss our flight; so X didn't- really see the poihtofgoihg through security. Bx/t Pad said some-times they leave the gate opeh uhtil -the last- secohd, ahd we might still make rh 20 Vie fihally 30+ +0 +Ke -froYy t of +Ke lihe, ahd we ^>u+ our Ka^s oh a cohVe^or Kel+. "IKeh we -took off our coa+s ahd sKoes ahd ^u+ +Kem ihto some ^las+ic Kihs. Mahhy saw wW +Ke res+ of us were doihc^, ahd Ke s-tar+ed +akih0 off-llS clones, +00. Luckily Hon ho+iced ih +ime ahd s+o^ed Kiri Kef ore Ke could 30 ary fur+Ker. 21 Mahhy wash+ -fihished caosih^ problems, -fhoo^h. A^areh+ly, he +Koo^K+ +he cohVeyor j>el+ was some kihd ofRlDE, ahd he was really o^>se+ wheh he -foohd 00+ +ha+ rWASNT. 'The ^>eo^le kehihd os were ^e-ttihg -fros-tra-ted we wereh + moVih^, i>o+WE were t>eih0 held o^> hy +he ^oy ih -froh-t o-f os. He had +0 remove everythin he had oh +ha+ was me+al, ahd r+ was +akih0 him FOREVER. ii Rodrick +old me +hese mac^ihes cah see ihrou^K your CLOTHES, ahd +Keh someohe checks a screeh -fo moke sure you re ho+ -Iryihcj -fo sheak i>y wi+K ohy+Kih^ drth^erous. All X cah say is X would^+wrthhrtke-t^e^rsohwi+^THATjoL 1 + -forhs ou+ +Ke X-ray machine +W sees +Krou0^ your clo+hes is ohly for ^rowh-u^s, ahd kids op -through a me-fol de+ec-for ihs+ead. S+ill, X washX ^ohha -take ahy cKahces. Ohce we op\ -+Hrou<^ sturdy, we ^ratted our s+uff -from d\\t cohVe^or kel+ ahd +ook off. Our 3<*+e was dowh oh +he lower level; so we tv*d do ■fake +Ke escala+or. Vie couldh + eveh doTMAT wi+hou+ causih^ a major problem. Mabry s s+uffed ahimal d s+uck ih d\\t ko+tom of d\\t escala+or ; ahd \\t h<*d +o ^ress d\\t 'E-mer^ehcy S+o^> tattoh so Mom could ^ull r+ free. 24 Pad checked his watch ahd said we might still makeit, so we rah -for our gate. But -the gate was all -the way at the other ehd of +he termihal, ahd we khew we couldh t make it ih -time oh foot. Just theh, a cart for hahdica^ed ^assehgers came alohg, ahd Pad stored it ahd asked the driver if we could hitch a ride. "The rest of us got oh hoard before she could say ho. 25 After -tWh r+ was Smooth sailihg. The terrm'hdl was ^retey crowded; i>o+ ^eo^le moved out of oor way wheh -they heard os comihg. The driver droned os off a+ oor ^ate, W -the door was CLOSED. X +hoo^h+ +ha+ meah+ we had missed oor fligh+ Ahd we coold terh aroohd Ahd ehjoy a hice Chris+mas E-Ve a+ home. Bo+ i+ terhed oo+ -the fli^h+ waDELAYED, so all +ha+ stress was for ho+hihg. 26 Xhe reasoh tHe fli^Ht was delayed was because of tHe tad weaker, ahd ft was ^ohha l>e ahotHer HOUR tefore we lahe. Vie looked •for a ^>lace to sit dowh ih tHe toardih^ area, tut ^>eo^le were Hocjgihg tHe seats. Hon told ne tHat ohee we cyyt oh tHe ^>lahe, we'd te ih tHe air for atout six Hours, wHicH was hews -to ME. X asked Her for some mohey, ahd X touc^Ht a couple of na^azihes, some shacks, ahd Head^Hohes at a sHo^ hear our cjate. XHe ohly tHih0 1 heeded tHat tHe store didh tHave was SOCKS. Hy ri^Ht sock was still soakihg wet from ste^ihcj ih tHat puddle, so X weht ihto tHe tatHroon to wrih^ it out ih tHe sihk. 27 Yl^eh X was dohe, my sock was s-HBAtiP, ahd X really didh + wahha ^>o+ i+ tack oh my -foo+. ta+hroom had ohe o-f -those hi^h-^owered hahd dryers, ahd -th<*+3<*ve me ah idea. X cooldh + wart +0 ^e+ tack home ahd s+art makihg some MONEY oh -this idea. X -figured X could make aKILLlNGoh raihy days. 2 S 1t\e ohly problem wi+F +he tv*hd dryer ih +Ke Airport WHroom was tWt it was a IrttJTOO V\y sock s+Ar-teJSMOKlNG; Ahd tKeh it weht FLYING. I decided I d just ^et a hew pAir of socks At tHe resort, kecAose there was ho wa y X was ^ohhA weAr somethihg "£ h<*d do -fish out o/LRlNAL. Vlheh I cAme Wk -from the restroon, they were riAkih0 Ah Ahhouhcemeht At oof cy*te. I -figured -they were ready +o s+ar+ boardih^ -the ^>lahe, ix/t -they were just le-Hihj us khow -there was aho+her DELAY. Ahd r+ weh+ oh like -tha+ for -the res+ of -the day. A^<*reh-Hy ; -this s+orm was causihj problems everywhere, ahd +he ^>lahe we were su^osed +o ■fly ocrt oh was s+uck a+ somQTMERair^ort. X was s-tar+ih^ +o worry -tha+ my elec-trohic device was johha ruh ou+ of juice while X was oh -the f>lahe, so I looked for a ^lace +o charge i+. TW X juess t^tryoY\t else was +hihkihj -the same -thihj. 30 ”The ohly available outlet- was ih ah Awkward ^>lace. Bu+ wheh your battery is at 15 %, you cyrlta do what you cy>tta do. Our ^>lahe -fiVvally arrived at the ^ate, ahd all the ^asseh^ers who were oh it ^ot o-f-f. But i-f -flyih^ is su^osed +o beFUN, youd hever khow it -from -the way -these ^>eo^le looked. 31 XKe cyx\z op\ oh +he loudspeaker Ahd said we d ke koArdihg shortly. Xheh sHe sau'd our ■fli0^+ was "overlooked/’ Ahd -\hty heeded a -few Voluh+eers +o ^ive up +heir seA+s. S^e SAid +W whoever Voluh+eerecFlRST would ^e+ +Kree huhdred dolUrs Ahd a -free hicjtrh a+ +he Airport Ko+el. I didh ■t heed to KeAr AhotKer word. I ^ot +o +Ke desk Wore sKe'd eveh -fihished witH Ker Ahhouhcemeht Ahd SAid X was Her ^u^. Uh-for+uhA+el^ Mom wouldhtLET me Voluhteer, Ahd hokody ELSE stepped op, either. 32 So -the e she ehjoys s^ehdihg Af+er +ha+, +he ageh+ nadANOTHER ahhouhceneh-h She said +he -fli^h+ crew oh our ^>lahe had worked +oo mahy hours because of all +he delays, ahd we had +o wart for a REPLACEMENT crew +o cone ih before we could -take off. Mow eVeryohe a+ our ^a+e waMAD, because wha+ was su^osed +o be ah early fli^h+ was -tarhihg ih+o ah OVERNIGHT ohe. 33 Vl^eh +Ke hew crew -fihally arrived; +hey didh + look ha^y +o be +Here. 'TKa+s ^rokakly because +Hey were ex^ec-Hh^ to s^ehd C^ris+mas £-Ve a+ HOME; so I khewEXACTLY how +hey fel+. Af+er +Ke crew apt oh board; -they s+arted le+tih^ ^assehc^ers oh +he ^>lahe. My -family 30+ +o 30 ■first, because -they le+ ^eo^le wrth yooh^ kids board be-fore ahyohe else. Bert -the lahe ahyway. VJheh I got oh boards 1 was ^>re-Hy impressed. The sea+s were aLOT bigger -thah X exacted, ahd -they were covered ih real leather. X asked Mon what row we were ih; but she said we heeded to kee^> moVihg. She said this was the first- dass sec-tioh; ahd our sea+s were (ECONOMY. 35 Bu+ +he ecohory sec+ioh wash-HALF as hice as •first c lass. "The sea+s were packed -h^e+her, ahd t\\ty barely had ahy cushiohih0. Hon said our sea+s were toward +he middle of -the ^Uhe, so we headed +here. Bu+ Pad huhg back ih -the first-class sec-Hoh. \\t said he opt UPGRADED because of all his fre^ueht-flier miles ahd that he'd ca+ch u^> with us after we lahded. 36 Hon didh t seen Ka^y about tKis hews. SKe said it washt -fair -for Kin to be ih -first class wKile we were ih ecohon^, so sKe said we’d all takRJRNS si++ih0 ih Pad s seat dorih^ tKe fli^Kt. But Pad said tKe rest of us wereh t ex^eriehced travelers like Kin, ahd we wouldht eveh khow Kow to ACT ih -firsi class. Luckily, tKere were otKer ^asseh^ers tryih^ to Koard, so Hon ahd Pad cooldh t ^et ihto a foll- blowh arguneht ri^Kt tKere ih tKe aisle. Pad sat dowh ih Kis seat, ahd we weht to fihd ours. TKe rest of us were all ih tKe sane row. Hon, Kodrick, ahd Hahvy sat oh ohe side of tKe aisle, ahd I Kad tKe niddle seat oh tK(e)TWER side. 37 Rodrick -tried to ^etme to switch with Kim so he didn 't have +o sit hy Mahhy, but X was ha^y ri^ht where I was. 1 didhthave a whole lot of le^ room ; i>irt other thah that, it wash t so i>ad. All the other ^asseh^ers hoarded after us, ahd ^>eo^le seemed pretty stressed tryihg to ^et their stuff ihto the overhead hihs. So X was ^lad they -took MY bag a+ the c^ate. Xveryohe ^>ut away their ha^s ahd sat dowh ih their sea-ts. Xhe ^>ilot made ah ahhouhcemeht that the doors were closih^, ahd the sea-ts -to my left ahd right were still em^ty. 33 X couldh+Relieve ry luck. As sooh as we +ook of A I was ^ohha s-tre+ch ou+ across all -three sea+s ahd ^e+ nyself a ^ood bight's slee^>. X+ was eVehBETTER thah beihg ih first- class. I didh t thihk these ^eo^le would be ih my row, because there were ohlyTWO em^-ty seats. But the baby sat ih Kis motherkAP. See, if X were ih charge of the airlihe, the rule would be ohe ^>ersoh ^>er seat. Because if this couple had TWINS, it would've beeh completely out of hahd. I asked these parehts if ohe of them wahted to switch seats with me so -they could be hext to each other. But the mother said she liked the wihdow, ahd her husbahd said he liked to be oh the aisle. HO after tHat, tHe ^>ilo+ cane oh tHe ihtercon. He said tHat before we took off, tHere’d be a trief safety video +o sHow os what - to do ih case of ah ener^ehcy. X was already hervoos about fyih^ to be^ih witH, ahd X didht likeHearihcj tHere mi^Ht i)eah "ener^ehcy.” So wHeh tf>e safety Video flayed, 1 ? aid ATTENTION. But as far as X could tell, X was tHe ohly ^>ersoh wHo DID. E-Veryi>ody else con^letely tohed out. Xhe be^ihhihg of tHe Video was Just basic stuff, like How to fasteh a seatbelt. Hi Bu+ d-f+er +W, i+ 30-6ERIOUS. Xta video s hdrrd+or said +W rf +Here was d "loss ih cdtih pressure; ’ ox^eh mdsks would dro^> •from +Ke ceilih0. Well, X doh + khow wHd+ "cdi>ih pressure” is, W X didn't like hedrih^ +hd+ we migh+ LOSE i+. Xhe people ih +He video didh + look bo+Hered d+ ALL w^eh +Ke ox^geh mdsks droned dowh, ■fKou^R Xh -fact, +Hey looked kihd olflAPPY dl)OU+ rh XKeh +Ke video 30+ eVevWORSE. Xhe hdrrd+or Sdid +Kd+ ih cdse o-f d "wd+er Idhdihg,’’ we'd heed +0 eVdcud+e +he ^Idhe. ^2 Mow X wasREALLY -freaked out. X thought the whole ^oih+ o-f ah air^lahe was that"i*t was so^osed +o stay ih th AIR. The safety video said "there were emergehcy exi-ts oh -the ^>lahe ahd "the ^eo^>le srttihg ih -the exrt rows would heed to o^>eh -the doors so everybody could get out. The emergehey exit was ohe row behihd ne, ahd X realized "the ^eo^le sittihg -there wereht payihg attehtioh to -the Video aALL. So X 30+ then to ^>ut dowh -their magazihes ahd listeh u^>. i3 Xhe d++ehddh+s didh+seem bo+Hered +|v*+ ho ohe wds wd+chihg +Ke Sd-fe-ly video. X -figured ^roUbly h<*d +heirOWN exi+s, so i-f +here wds ahy +rool>le, X was ^ohha -followTl-lEM. Xhe Video showed +he pldhe ih +he wd+er wi+K ihfld+dble slides comih^ o-f-f +he emergehcy exi+s. A^d +Ke^ dc+udiy mdde i+ loolFUN. Xheh the video said our seat cushiohs doubled as "■flotatioh devices/’ ahd each ohe had a whistle attached to it. Uow X had ^uestiohs, so X pressed the i>u++oh above ny seat to get the ■flight a+tehdaht to cone over. Vlhat X wahted to khow was, i-f we lahded ih shark-ih-fested waters, would it really be such a good idea to blow -the whistle? Xt fe 1+ tolE like we’d basically be ihvitihg the sharks over -for a ■free luhch. The -flight a+tehdaht said 1 didh t heed to worryj because all the seat cushiohs were coated with shark re^elleht, so they wouldht eveh cone hear us. 45 I was pre-Hy Happy +o Hear +Ha+, W how I’m wohderih0 i-f He was pullihg my teg. X doh ■+ really ^e+ +He poi'h-t - of +He wHis-Hes, •fHoygH. X+s ho+ like ahykodys^ohha Hear -fHem if you re ih +He middle of -fHe oceah. A^d if you're lucky ehou^H +o Have a cruise sKi-p pass l>y, Relieve me ; TMOSE ^uys areh-t S+O^i^ih^ +0 pick you up. Af+er +Ke sa-Te-Jy video was over, I fel+ exKaus-ted, ahd we h<*dh+eveh -takevOFF ye+. But d few secohds U+er, +he ^Uhe s+ar+ed ro!liV>^ dowh -rt^e -tarmac, ahd +Ke hex+ +Fih0 I khew, we were ih +heAlR. Xm ho+^ohha lie—£ had my eyes shu+ dorih^ +Ke wKole -takeoff. Ahd X didn't eveh realize X was Koldihg my i>rea-tf\ oh+il X almos+ passed ou+. Ohce we leveled of A couple si+tih^ ih my row s+ar+ed feedihg +Keir baby. V X was ALREADY hauseous -from +Ke takeoff, ahd -the smell of musly ^>eas didh + hel^> tfwV^s. X +Kou^K+ X migH+ actually -throw u^, tat X did*vt khow wU+ +cDO. 'Theh X hoticed +his whrte ^>a^>er ta^ ih the seat- pocket- ih froh+ of me, ahd X figured out tWt s exactly wha+ rdsOR. Xhe flight A++ehdAh+ rtlreduiy seemed Ahhoyed wi+K me, +KoucjK, so X khew Ke wouldh + Ke -too Ka^>^ if X Krthded Kim A Kacj of Vomi+. SomeKow X mahA^ed +o ^e+ -tKrou^K +Ke feeding wi+Kocrt +Krowih0 u^>. Bu+ X wisK X could say +Ke same -tKihg -for +Kd3ABY. After +Ke Udy deAhed r+ u^>, sKe reAcKed ih+o Ker K*g Ahd gAVe +Ke taly a couple of -toys -to ^Ia^ wi+K. Ohe of the -toys was a plastic hammer. <*s Sooh as the baby opA +hd+ Aih0 ih i+S hahd, i+ started ^ouhdih^ oh AeWlNDOW. X Ve beard that i-f a wihdow oh a ^>lahe breaks, everythihg ihsi'de ^e+s sockedOUTSlDE. Ahd -that didh + really seem like a <^ood way to op. So wbeh the lady s bead was turhed, I swiped the hammer -from -the baby ahd -tucked ft uhder my seat. 50 Uhfor+uhd-tely, se+ -the bdky off. X+ turns otrt hobody likes a cryih^ l>d{>y oh lahe. ButTHEN I remembered that they were ih my carry-oh bag, which was stowed dowh below. I guess Horn must've beeh thihkihg about -food; +00. Because as sooh as the ^>ilot said we had reached our "cruisihg altitude" ahd we were free +0 move about the cabih, Mom uhbuckled her seatbelt ahd weht u^> to first class with Mahhy, just ih time for dihher. I felt something cold ahd clammy touch my left elbow, ahd theh somethiho^LSE touched my RIGHT ohe. The guy behihd me had takeh off his shoes ahd socks ahd slid his feet through the spaces betweeh the seats. 52 So X ofjtss -this c yjy decided i+ wds)K+o use m> ARMRESTS asks FOOTRESTS. I was s+arti'h^ +o -feel Wed ih, ahd +Heh +Ke ^ersoh ih -the sea+ ih -froh+ o-f me +il+ed Kis sea+ all +Ke wa^ Wk, so i+ was jus+ a Few ihcKes -from ny Face. X +ried +o -h'l-lMYsea+ back, tat X couldhT -fihd +Ke ta+toh +o do it. 53 So X called +he ■flight' a++ehdah+ ahd asked him where -the ku-Hoh was. Bt/+ he -fold me -the sea+s ih our row didh + -Hl+ hack because -they d block +he emergehcy row. Uow X was s+artihg -foSWEAT. X "though-t - Xd read a magazihe -fo -fake my mihd off feelihg •framed; bu+ -the ohly -thihg ih +he sea+ ^ockei was a ca+alog -for all -this s+u-T-T ho ohe heeds. Snooios When i i.si cant sn -vnnqh that- tKinnn mcelt-ijj, Snnan« RlaKscn nuiiw you ct& MiTle Hwahfi . rwi wticn bill! Pho-rw? Bvbfcu© P-Eted your phene m Mury days, wfl- Ihfe <^w plastic bLfcfits* Pizza Bliinkd t-i, £N ■ rre Saiialy- ttwri 'tf ih Ihc Ran a. Blanke; cd Mr- "nrtdnqsnri'pj ■v.irn^hDiDscy! ftTTKre-iii pepperem. BKJia cheese. and ar^htviM 54 Xhe ^eo^>le oh ei+Ker side of me were wa+chihcj a movie, so X -figured X d *h/rh my screeh oh ahd check i+ ou+. "The movie looked like a comedy, krt my h>edd^>^ohes were ih my i>d^, ahd r+ was hard +o uhders+ahd wha+ was ^oih0 oh wi+hocrt +hem. X charged +he chahhel +o see whaELSE+here was +o wa+cK. Ohe chahhel had a show -for li+He kids, ahd +he taky hex+ +o me 30+ ih+eres+ed ih wha+ was oh my screeh. Ahd wheh X charged i+ +o some+hihg else, +he kid s+arteJBAWLlNG. 55 Vl^eh X cHdh^ed +He chdhheBACK, +he M>y s+o^ed cryih^. X ^uess X would Ve keeirOKwi+h le+tih^ +he kid wa+cK -tk>e sHow, i>u+ +Ke screeh waWAY +oo close +o my -face. Ahd +he colors oh -the show were so l>righ+ +h<*+ eveh wheh X oh +he eye mask -fha+ was ih +he sea-+ ^>ocke+, X coulSTILL see eVery+U'h0 +|y*+ was Ka^ehihg. VJKeh +he show -fihdlly ehded, +he baby s+arted cryih^ a^aih. But -there was hWAY 1 was ^ohhd kee^> wa+chihg +he show oh re^ea+ -for +he rest of +he high+. So 1 decided r+ wdS -the perfect +ime +o +ake my shi-f+ u^> ih -firs+ class. 56 But Rodrick hoticed X was tryih^ to make a moVe^ Ahd He ih first cIass, I khew I*d Have to WAit a wHile kef ore I could swa^j ^Uces witH Him. VJHeh Mom Ahd MAhhy cAme kAck to tHeir seAts, X saw tHe door to tHe cockpit o^>eh keHihd tHem, Ahd tHe f>ilot stewed out. X +H0U3H+ tHere micjHt ke some kihd of Ah EMERGENCY^ so X pressed tHe kut+oh Ahd Asked tHe fli$Ht A+tehdAht wHa+ was ^oihg oh. He SAid tHe ^>ilotjust heeded +0 stretcH His le^s Ahd use tHe kAtHroom, Ahd tHe co-^ilot Had eVerytHihg uhder cohtrol. X didht like -the -fad- that we were dowh to ohe pilot, eveh i-f it was just -for a -few chutes. Persohally ; X doh t thihk "two pilots ENOUGH, eveh wheh theyVeBOTTI ih the cockpit. X guess the idea is that i-f ohe 0/ -them has a heart attack; theh the other ohe is supposed to -fly the plahe. But I asked the -flight attehdaht what happehs i-f the OTHER pilot -freaks out ahd has a heart "The -flight attehdaht told rne hot to worry, because these plahes are so high-tech they cah practically -flyTHEMSELVES. 58 VJell, Xve heard pilots make a Io+ of mohey, so if wW +he -fli^K+ a-ttehdah+ was sa^ihg is TRUE, +Keh +K.'s could he +he career forME. Ohce +he ^>ilo+ 30+ ou+ of +he ha+hroom, X •figured i+ would be a ^ood idea -for me +o 30, +oo. The ohl^ problem was, -the mah +o ny ri^h+ was asleep, ahd X couldhT ^e+ over +he ^uy wi+hoo+ wakihg hiri oy. So X wehdJNDER Kirn, ahd Relieve me, +h<*+ wash+a lo+of fuh. 51 I walked -toward -the froh+ of +he ^>lahe, i)u+ before X eveh 30+ -to +he firs+-class sec+i'oh ; -the ■fli0^+ a-Hehdah+ -told me +ha+ ecohony ^asseh^ers have -to use -the restroom ih -thBACK. 'The bathroom ih -the ecohory sectioh was really small; but beihg ih there was WUNDRED times better thah beihg stuck ih my seat. Xt was sort of like a -toy li++le a^artmeht X had all to myself. c mauhnT)^ \ vT J2 pUDi \ 60 Xh sciehce cIass, we leih^ +f»Awed he -fouhd out w|\a+ he had was +o+aII^ worthless. 61 Ohee X was settled ihto the bathroom, X -figured there was ho reasoh to 30 back to my seat. So wheheVer someohe ELSE care aloh^ to use it, X just made bathroom hoi'ses uhtil they weht away. Ohe ^ersoh must ve really heeded to op, because -they shook the door hahdle so hard that X thought it might actually brealOFF. Xheh they weht away. But a Few mihutes later, the whole BATHROOM shook. Vlhoever this was heeded to use the bathroom a lot more thah X did/ so X o^ehed the door. But ■there was ho oheTHERE. Xha-ts wheh I realized i+ wash-t just the bathroom shakih^/ it- was the whole PLANE. X thought- we mus+Ve lahded ih the water or lost" ah ehgihe or something. But theh the ^ilot came over the ihtercom. 63 "tha-t- didh + souhd righ+ -td^E. X ■figured wha+ REALLY hashed was +ha+ the ^>ilo+ -fell asleep ih his sea+ ahd kicked +he s+eerihg wheel or sone+hihg, ahd +heh he come u^> with this "bonify cnir” excuse. Because thahsEXACTLY what- Id do i-f X were ih -the sane si+ua+ioh. X guess the -flight" attehdaht could see that- X was ^re-Hy rat-tied. He said we were jus+goihg through a li-ttle hurbulehce/' which was perfectly hornal -for a -flight like -this. 64 Vlell; if -rtvs kihd of tKih^ FORMAL, theh there s ho chahce I*n ever Ijecomih^ a ^>ilot. Because if I were flyih^ the ^>lahe, I d Be out of +o ry seat ahd buckle uy. But wheh X 30+ hack t here, it was already occupied. X didht waht +0 move the haly, because X khew it would just wake u^ ahd start cryih^ a^aih. 65 So I weht u^> +o the froht of the ^>lahe to kick Rodrick out of first class ahd leWIMdeal with the W>y. But X couldh-GET to Kim. Ohe of the wheels oh the kevera^e cart had brokeh because of the turhulehce, ahd it was blockihg ry way. X was out of o^tiohs, so X weht i>ack to ry seat. Poh t ask mt how, kut X was actually ahle to ^et ah hour or two of slee^>. Ahd 1 was so tired /1 didht eveh wake u^> wheh we lahded. 66 Tuesday X was so worried about ^et+ih^ through the •flight that I hever thought about where we were actually GOING. But wheh I stewed of-f the ^>lahe, It was like walkihg ihto a whole hew world. X Ve ^otta admit; as sooh as X -felt that tropical air hit my skih ; X could uhderstahd why Pad was so ea^er to escape the cold back home. 67 Vie c^o+ our luc^a^e af-f +He cohVeyor l>el+ ih l)rt^0rt^e claim, +heh -followed +Ke sighs +o wKere a big sKtrhHe bus was wai-h'hg. E-Veh -though -the air ou+side fel-GREAT, -the air-cshdttohihg oh +he i>os fel+ eVe*BETTER. Ahd +he sea+s ih -this -thihg were hicer -thah -the ohes ih first class. 63 Ohce dill the ^asseh^ers boarded the bus, we headed +o +he resort. A video flayed oh the overhead nohitors, ahd it was about lahe. 'Ihe Video showed all the cool activities at -the resort^ ahd X wahted to do theALL. Ohe erf the activities was swimmihg with dol^hihs, ahd that s somethihg X VeALWAYS wahted to do. 61 Bu+ +Kere was a tohcK o-DTWERs+uff +H<*+ looked cool; +oo. X was Ho^ihg +hey micjH+ le+ os COMBINE ac+ivi+ies so X could do eVery+Wh0 Wore we h<*d +o 30 back home. X fel+ kihd of W for i>eihg so he^a+ive al>o u^> oh+il +Keh; ahd X +orhed arouhd +o +ell Hon ahd Pad 1 was sorry. But 1 wish I hadjus+ ke^>+ wa+chihg +he Video ihs+ead. Vlheh we stewed off the bus at the resort, the staff greeted us ahd hahded Mom ahd Pad frozeh drihks. Vie ^rtVe our ba^s to -these aid -for stuff was with these plastic cards that doubled as our room keys. Horn ahd Pad told the rece^tiohist they wahted +o stay ih the same buildihg theyd stayed ih -for ■their hoheymooh, but the lady said the resort hod CHANGED sihce theh. She said that how, the resort was sy lit ihto two halves, the "Wild Side" ahd the Mild Side. Wild Side, ahd kids areh t allowed over there. So she showed us where our tuildih^ was oh the ma^>. 72 73 X could -fell Pad was disa^oihted by the charges, but Hon said H" waBETTERthis way. She said this was aFAMILY try, ahd we didn't heed to i>e arouhd a buhch of youhg couples ^artyih^, X didht really careWMlCWside of the resort we were oh, because it looked to me like both sides Bad the sane basic stuff. VlHat X really cared about was theROOlH. Usually wheh ny fanily stays at a hotel, we all share a roon, ahd X have to slee^> oh a cot or a sofa bed. So X was pretty shocked to fihd out we were ih aSUlTE with PLENTY of s^ace. 7f share ohe Whroom, W me ahd Rodrick each had our owhBED, which was -the maih -thihg. All X cah say is, Hon ahd Pad nus+Ve droned laOT of mohey oh -this -+ri^>. There was aTV ih +he room I was sharih^ wi+h Rodrick, i>u+ eveh be-Her +hah +ha+, +here was a ROBE ih +he closed. 75 X called the rote right away, but Rodrick didn't eveh fight me -for it. Rodrick always makes fuh of me wheh X wear Hom s rote tack at home. But X thihk rotes are COOL, ahd there are a lot of guys out there who would agree with me oh that. Xhe slower ih the bathroom waWUGE, ahd all -the floors ahd sihks ahd everything were made of martle. There was aTV atoVe the bathtub, ahd there was eveh aPMONEhext to the toilet. X figured if X could get room service delivered to the bathroom, X d hove everything X heeded ih ohe ^>lace. 76 From the balcony ih Mom ahd Pod s room, X could see the ^>ool over oh -the Wild Side of the resort, ahd i+ was really big. 1+ wash-tjust some regular ^>ool, either. X+ looked kihd of like a river ahd had all these islahds ih the middle of it\ Mom said i+ was ohe of the biggest- "free-form” ^ools ih thdh/ORLD. I was pretty exerted about that, because X khew we had the same thihg oOURside of the resort. X wahted to op check it out, but -first X heeded to charge my clothes. X weht to o^eh the big suitcase, but it was LOCKED. X asked Pad -for the key, but he said our suitcase didhtWAVEa lock. Pad looked at the ta^ oh the suitcase, ahd it had someohe ELSES hame oh it. Xt turhs out we had aco'dehtally grabbed the wroh0 suitcase -from ba^ga^e claim at the airport. Before it was too late, Pad called the airlihe to see i-f they still hadDUR suitcase. IS But the ^>eo^le at the airlihe Scuid that sihee ho ohe had claimed our ha^, it was seht tack to the address oh the lu^a^e +<*3. Xt washt aTOTAL disaster, though- Vle’d moved some clothes -from the i>i0 suitcase +0 our carry-oh tags tack at the airport, so we had a -few thihgs. s r>. rJi.oO ft* ( X K«ad my tathihc suit, hut X di'dht have a lot of OTHER s+uff. My fli^-flo^s ahd subclasses were ih the hig tac> alohg with a tahch of other thirds I had packed. Pad said "they sell the stuff we were missive at the resort store, so we weht dowh to check it out. 7t But everythihg ih the store cost -five times as much as it would Ve back home, ahd Pad said he washt^ohha ^>ay those prices. Mom said we could wear the same clothes every day ahd wash "them ourselves. So -the ohly thihg we bought ih there was a bottle of suhscreeh ahd a toy Y>ail ahd shovel -for Mahhy to use at the teach. Horn said iVs really im^ortaht to wear suhscreeh at a place like this, because it s so close to the equator. But she didht have to cohVihcfeiE. XVe seeh what the suh cah do to your skih, ahd X doh t wahha look like a raisih wheh Xm older. SO 1 ha+s the reasoh I s^>ehd as much time thjoors as I cah. A^d later oh ih life, all my -fnehcls are ^ohha wish THEY had; "too. X +hough+ the fact- that - we came durih^ Christmas break meah+ we'd have the place to ourselves. Bu+1 ^uess a lot of people had the exact same idea. SI 1+ wdsvvt-jus+ +hePOOL-rtv*+ was crowded -though. "There were ^eo^leEVERYWWERE. I was rertll^ lookihg -forwdrd +o reldxihg ih -the hot -tub uh- hi X Sdw i+. VJe -fouhd d -few louhge chdirs ih -the shdde dhd ^u+ our s~hrf-f dowh. You could +ell i+ wds +he middle of wih-ter, becduse jus+ about everyohe looked out of sKd^e ; jus+ like me. E-Very ohce ih a while, X thihk akout exercising ahd ^ettih^ really buff. But ih the -future, Xll be+ everyohe will jus+ be able -to take a ^ill ahd ^et fr+ without h«*vih0 -to exercise, ahyway. Beihg ih ^rea-t sha^e will bNORMAL, ahd all the ^eo^le whcARENT -fit will he the ohes everyohes attracted -to. So i-f X just stick with ry curreht- exercise ^>lah, Xll he all se+. ~The ^>ool was +oo crowded +o 30 swimmih^, so X decided +o Jus+ ^>u+ a +owel over my head ahd ca+ch 0^ oh some slee^>. 'E-Veh -though i+ was Ko+ out, -there was a hice breeze, ahd I s+ar+ed +o drift off. Bert righ+ ih the middle of my ha^>, some oyy showed u^> ahd roihed the whole vibe. 'This ^uy called himself the "Pirec+or of "Fob,” ahd d^>areh-tly his job was +o ^e+ everybody MOVING. SH Uhfoduha-tely, +His ofjy was opo& a+ Kis job, ahd somehow He ro^edMEih+o ohe of +He arhVrties. 35 But X wished heWADNT, hecAuse -there was a lot more touching thah X was comfortable with* After the conja lire ended, -the Pirector of-Fun SAid the next Activity was -the "X'eASore Pive," And i-t was just -for kids. X wAsnt interested in doinj some stupid kiddie thinj, so X SAt tack down. But when he hauled out a jiAnt tucket of COINS, thdt jot my Attention. He told aII us kids to line u^> At the edje of the pool, And then he stArted tossinj j'Ant handfuls of cAsh into the wAter. A^d it WAsnt a hunch of PENNIES, either. 86 X+ was dines Ahd <^oAr+ers, Ahd Xn ^re-Hy sore X saw someSlLVER DOLLARS ih -there, too. By +Ke time the bucket" was em^ty, there mus+Ve beeh -four hohdred bucks sittihg a+ the bo+tom of the ^>ool. E-Veryohe wAt+ed Aloh^ the ed^e for -the Pirector of Euh -to blow his whistle. SI Vlheh he did, rt was a -hrtal -free-for-all. X mahoged +o ^e+ ahocrt -two dollars ih coihs oh my -firs-l- dive, ahd I -them a+ -the edge of -the f>ool hear my louhge chair. Birt some sheaky kid swooned ih ahd cleahed me otrt. He wash-t -theONLY chea+er, -though. Some kid ih +he ^>ool was actually wearih^ANTS, ahd he s+uffed his ^ocke-tsFULLof coihs. 88 eVeryoheEL_SE-the some ide<*, <*hd how kids were sWTihg coihs wherever +hejCOULD. Vlheh i+ w<*s rtll over, X +hihk X ehded o^> wi+h <*hoo+ -three hocks ih charge. Af+er +he kids cledired 00+ o-f -the f>ool, X -floored r+ was eHihd me, ahd all o-f a suddeh X was -face-to-face wi+H sometHihg tHa+ looked like i+ cane strai^H+ from Jurassic Park. X was out of tHere so -fast, X actual^KlPPED across tHe water. to I -fold tHe lifeguard tKere was some kihd of DINOSAUR dt t^e ed^e of the ^ool dhd Ke heeded to dear everyohe out of tKere Wore someohe ^otHURT. the 31'dht lizard was just dEGUANA, dhd they’re dll OVER the resort. Xheh he Sdid thdt sometimes the i^odhds eveh like to op -for d di^> ih the ^>ool. Vlellj thdt cU^edEVERYTWlNGfor me. My feelih^ oh 31'dht lizdrds is th*t they should he ih d ZOO; hot mihglihg with us humdh heihgs. X wds DONE with the ^ool ; so X dsked Mom if we could ^et some luhch. She thought that was a 0ood ideA, Ahd we fouhd a ^>lace heAidy that had ah outdoor ^>atio. But the outdoor thih0 ehded u^> beih0 a problem, first of all, -ifere wereh t just i^uahAS At this ^Uce. There were geckos, SAUmAhders, Ahd who- khows-WWAT-else ^>eekih0 out of the bushes. SLUGS, too, Ahd we had to kee^> flickih^ then off the tAble with our utehsils. The waiter poured us glasses of wAter from a pitcher, but Hon told us aII hot to drihk it. She SAid our stonAchs areh t used to the microbes ih the WAter dowh here, so we heeded to 0et BOTTLED WAter ihsteAd. °il But Pad said He'd bfTNE because He's -traveled all over tHe ^>lace ahd His stomacH could Handle ANYTHING. I wash't^ohha risk it, tHou^H. I ordered a cah of soda ahd poured rt ihto a ^lass, ahd X 30+ a burner ahd some {rits, +00. VJHeh our food came, a few birds lahded ih tHe -trees arouhd our -table. A+ first I wdQKwitH it, because wHeh tHe birds flew ih, tHe lizards rah back ihto tHe busHes. % IKeh a bird +W looked like i+ Bad ah injured le^ or sone+Whcj started Ho^ihc^ aroohd oh +Ke ^roohd hear our table. But i+ was all a bi^TRlCK. "TBe secohd we turhed our heads to look a+ the Bird oh the ^roohd; all theOTHER birds swooned ih ahd weh+ after our food. ft Vie chased the birds off, but- fto+ before they go+ away with half our food. "The oftly thiftg the birds DIDNT touch was our driftks. 1+ didftt- ma-tter, -though. Some slugs were hel^iftg •themselves +o my soda, but luckily X Noticed them before X took a siy. X thought this ^)lace wots su^osed to be PARADISE, but so far it- was aNIGHTMARE. All X waft+ed +o do was go back to the room aftd STAY there, but Horn said we were jus+ ge+tihg started ex^loriftg the resort. Theft Pad said he waftted to go back to the room, too. He said he wasft t feeliftg so hot- aftd we could all probably use some rest- after -that- flight - . % Vie headed hack to our buildiftg, but Pad had to make a ^>it sto^> at -the restroom ift -the lobby. "Theft he had to gcAGAlN ift -the bathroom ftext +o -the gym. So X guess Horn was right about the water. Xhe rest of the day wasftt much fuft feh +o +he oir+side; so +Ke secohd X +urhed oh +heTV, a kheh of mo+hs flew ih ahd swarmed +Ke screeh. T7 Vie had to turh off the teleVisioANDall the lam^s ih the suite so the moths would -fly hack outside. He ahd Rodrick ehded u^> s^ehdihg Kut as sooh as X got ihto hed; the music started u^> oh the VJild Side of the resort. Ahd those guys partied atMlGWT. Xhe crazy thihg is, uhtil that ^>oiht X had forgot+eh that it was actuallyCl^lSTTiAS. X didht khow where this vacatioh was headed; hut it seemed to me that there was howhere to go hidlP. % VledhesdroW>ly could’ve sle^>t for fourteeh l^oors, l>ut I was awake at the crack of dawh because of the racked a buhch of -tropical birds were nakihg n^K+ outside ry wihdow. VJheh I op\ out of bed, Hon was already awake. She said Pad s^eh+ all hight ih the bathroon ahd that we heeded to leave so he could catch u^> oh his slee^. I was defihitely ready for a fresh start, so I ^>ut oh ry bathihg suit ahd beaded for the door. But Hon said ne ahd Kodrick heeded to nake our beds ahd strai^hteh u^> the roon. "P remihded Hon we were oh VACA+ioh, Ahd +he nrtid service would Ivahdle +W -for us. Bu+ sKe said +Ha+ we wereh + gohhA live likANlMALS jus+ l>ecAose we were oh VACA*Hoh. X +old Hon -+Ka+ +he kes+ ^r+ of keih^ oh VACA+ioh was KrtVih^ soneohe else cleah uy A-fter you, i>u+ Hon SAid +Ka+ +Ws week we were ^ohhA deAh u^> A-f+erOURSELVES. 'Pheh she ^ut +f»e "Po Ho+ Pis+urk” si^h oh +Ke door so +he nAid wouldh + eVeh cone ihto -the roon. 100 X asked Hon how we were su^osed to ^et cleAh ■towels Ahd sheets, Ahd she SAid we'd wash then ih +he Whroom sihks, the some wAy we were wAshihg our clothes. So Hon WAShtjokihcj Arouhd About us doihc^ our owh Uuhdry. Xh fAct, HAhhy was ih the sihk scrubbihg a ^>Air of PAd s uhderweAr, Ahd I’n pretty sure he was usih^ "Rodrick s toothbrush to do it. Personally, I thihk the best thihcj About stAyih^ ih a hotel is ^ettihg cleAh towels Ahd sheets every dAy. But Hon SAid hotels 30 through a toh of Uuhdry detercjeht, Ahd if we reused our towels Ahd sheets, we d be SAVihg the ehvirohneht. 101 "That - s wheh X ho+tced there were cards all over the ka+hroom tha+ made you -feel guilty atotrf askih 0 -for deah stuff. Pkaw consider your impact on the environment before asking for freslt towels. Do you REALLY need your sheets washed? Hon said we should all head dowh to the teach; but X wahted to hahcj tack ahd take a shower. Xhe -truth is X wahted to take m^IIHE ih there, ahd 1 khew if she was ih the suite; she d hassle me about usih 0 too much hot water. 102 VJhat was crazy about the shower was thatit was completely opeh to the otr+doors. Xt took a mihute +o ^et USED to that, because X was worried someohe might peek over the wall. I guess -there are people who are comfortable beihg haked right out ih the opeh, but trust me, X m hot ohe of them. X doh t thihk it s right that you rBORN haked; because right away youVe pot ih ah embarrassihc^ situatioh. 103 Ohee X30+ used to this o^eh-cxir shower thih^, though; X wasADDlCTED. "The slower had all +hese drffereht settih^s, like "^ulse" <*hd Vxxssdi^e. ’ X "tried out every sihgle ohe, tut Y<*ihfdill" wcxs ^rotxxky ny favorite. Ylheh 1 wcxs dohe, X stewed out of -the shower ut oh ny rote. But wheh X "tried +0 ^>ut oh ny right slider; there was somethihg tlockihg my foot. I held +he slider u^> Ahd shook r+, Ahd a 31'Ah-i- SPIDER droned ou+. This was hoORDlNARY Slider, -though. 1h*+ +hih0 WAS AS I>i0 AS Poj^AND. Vlheh i+ -fell +o +he -floor, X clinked u^> oh -the sihk so X WASh + oh +he SAme level as rh 105 Xve hdd a thihg dbout sliders ever sihce X was seVeh ^edrs old. Ohe summer wheh X wds ih our ^drd^e ; X -fouhd somethihg ih the corher thdt looked like d cottoh bdll, dhd 1 ^oked ft with d broom hdhdle. Vlell, it WdSht d co+toh bdll. X+ WdS <£GG SAC, dhd it WdS -filled with thouSdhds of bdb^PlDERS. Vfceh X stdrted school ih the -fdll, the tedcher hdd us -fill out worksheets where ohe of the ^ues+iohs wds whdt we wdhted to be wheh we cjrew u^. Everybody wrote "dstrohdut" dhd "veterihdridh” dhd dhd stuff like thdt. But hotiE. 106 Whal's your favorite color? BLUE Wlial’s your favorite aiiiitsa]? DOG Whai do you want to he when you grow up? Exterminator Howada^s, wherever X see a slider, it takes me right hack to wheh X was seveh. X dohteVeh like READING ahoi/t sliders. 1*11 +ell you +K«s—i-f I were ohe of the characters ih "Charlottes Vleh," it woolJVe heeh a very short hook. 107 I -figured wi+hNY luck; +he giah+ slider oh -the Whroom -floor wasVENOMOUS. I’ve redd -tha+ some sliders kite their ^rey ; theh wra^> them u^> so the^ cdih eat them alive; which does NOT souhd like a whole lot of -fuh. For some reasoh; the slider wash t makihg a move. E-i+her it thought it wots camouflaged oh the markle ■floor ahd X couldhtSEEit; or it was tr^ihg to ■figure out what to do hext; just like X was. X thought about throwihg ry slider at it; but X was herVous X might miss ahd make ftlAD. Ahd eveh i-f XDXDhit i+; the slider ^robakly wouldht h«>Ve dohe avy damage to -this thihg. 108 X called out -for Pad to come help me, but all X got back was a weak ^roah -from Kis ijedroom. That s wheh I remembered thPHONE. I dialed Sii , but I just got some prerecorded message. "Ihe phohe had all these other tattohs, but hohe of the optiohs were a ^reat fit for the situatioh X was ih. So X pressed the ohe for "Room Service/’ because X figured that was close ehough. lot A lady ahswered, ahd X told her about the slider problem ahd how X heeded her to sehd someohe QUICK. But either X was talkihg too fast or there was some lah^ua^e coh-fosioh^ because all she ke^>t askihg for was m^REAKFAST order. E^ehtually, X ^ave u^> ahd just ordered scrambled e00S ahd a side erf bacoh. X hohestly didh tcare WWAT it took to ^et someohe to come, as lohg as they came FAST. Vlheh X ht»h0 u^> the ^>hohe, the hoise jolted the slider, which rah across -the -floor ahd stored right ih -froht of the sihk. How this thihg was eVerCLOSER, ahd X was too scared to move. 110 X stood -frozeh -for about -fi-fteeh rn'hutes, barely breathihg. But theh the ^>hohe ahd the souhd surprised roe so much X almost lost ny balahce. 1+ was the room service waiter. \\t said he had cone to our suite to deliver ny -food; hut there was a "Po Hot Pisturb" sigh oh -the door, so he turhed arouhd ahd weht hack to the kitcheh. X told Kim to comBACK+o the room ahd that - he had ^ermissioh to kick dowh the door i-f he wahted. Vlheh X huhg u^> the f>hohe, the slider started rohhih^ arouhd acy*ih, ahd X was worried i+ was ^ohha -figure out - where X was ahd come ^e+ me. 1 looked arouhd to see i-f -there was arythihg 1 could use toDEFEND rysel-f, tat -the ohly thihg within arm s reach was a <^lass oh the sihk. I realized tha+ i-f the slider came close ehough, X mi^h+ he able toTRAPrt. Sure ehough; rt rah right* taheath me. Ahd wheh it - did; X mahaged to dro^> the glass oh +o^> o-f i+. 112 Xhe slider wri^led arouhd ihside +He ^lass, W i+ couldrvt c^e+OUT. X op-\ dowh off f\\t sihk real slow ahd Wked out of -fKe i**+hroom, kee^ihg ohe eye oh +Ke slider. Bu+ wheh X +urhed +o leave, X smashed ri^K+ ihto -fKeWAlTER. All +Ke hoi'se 30+ +Ke slider moVih^ a^aih, ahd rt +ook +Ke glasWlTW rh A+ -first X wash-t worried, l>ecause rt was s+ill -framed ihside. Xheh rt crawled over -theDRAlN where +he -floor di^ed dowh a Irttle, ahd tha+ ^aVe rtjust ehoucjh s^>ace +0 wi^leOUT. 113 Xtv*+ s w^eh X -fouhd ou+ +Ke room service ^ i-t wi+h -the cover -for -the -food. Bert -the slider was zigzA^gihg ADVER+he ^lAce, Ahd i-t wASh + ttxsy. Fihally, I cao 3 H+ +He slider iy ^ihhih^ r+ a 3 aihs+ +he wall. X didh+ really khow wha+ +o dbJEXT, becaose +He secohd X li-f+ed +he -food cover, +Ka+ +hih 3 was 3 ohha i)e off ahd rohhih^ a^aih. 'iKeh X ho+iced +ha+ ohe of +he slider s le^s was s+ickihg halfway ou+ -from uhder +he lid. X +ried +o move +he lid +o cover +he whole slider, i)o+1 3 oess I pressed +oo hard, tacaose +he le 3 fell OFF. The slider droned oh+o +he -floor, ahd row i+ was 3 oh 5 NUTS. X was rohhihg aroohd oh ny +y+oes, +ryih 3 +o make sore X didh+ 3 eBlT. 115 'Theh +Ke s-picier made cMUGE mis+dke. X+ climted oh+o +he rim of +Ke +oile+, <*hd X knocked i+ ih +Ke bowl wi+h my slipper ahd slammed +he lid sHo+. +he room service ^uy fihis^ed i+ off. X ^o+tA say, +he *lwo of us made a ^re*Hy ^ood -team. A^d if 1 eVetDO start tHat ex+ermiha+or tusihesS; X might K<*Ve to look this guy up After ry ehcouhter with the slider, X was pretty eA^er te ^et out of the room. X ^rA^hed the mA^> of the resort to fihd ry wa y to the teAch, hut X ^ot lost Ahd ehded u^> At the waII t^At se^AfAtes the two sides. X ^uess X ohderstAhd why they’d WAhhA kee^> kids off the other side. But if you Ask me, it kihd of seemed like overkill. 117 I s+dr+ed +o wohder i-f +Ke room keys were dc+udlly -trdckihg devices. 1Ka+ wdy, i-f dhy kids shuck over, +Key could ^>u+ d s+o^> +o rh VJHeh X 30+ +0 +Ke kedch, i+ w<£ACKEDwrtk> families. X decided +he redl redsoh +He wdll wds t)uil+ wds +0 ^ro+ec+ +Ke couples oh - 40 TWER side -from seeihg w^d+ wds Kd^ehlh^ oOURside. Becduse i-f +hey khew wKd+ +Key were ih for, +Kere s ho CHANCE 4 »ey d KdVe kids of +heir owh. 113 Hon had rehted ohe of -those covered cabahas -for our -family +o share. X wash+ crazy about the idea of sharihg aBEDwith the rest of my family. But - X talked myself ih+oi-t, because a+ least X d be out - of the suh. X remembered the beach cabahas -from -the Video -they flayed oh -the sho+tle bos. "Ihey showed some couple K<*Vih0 a romahtic time watchihg the soh se+. Vlell, maybe that's howit was oh thQTWER side o-f the resor+ ; but o»OURS, rt was a whole di-f-fereht- story. 120 Hon -bid me ahd Rodrick she was -takihg Hahhy +o the bathroom ahd that" we heeded to stay ih the cabaha. Hon said she ^ot the last" ohe ahd if we ^ave i+o^>; somebody else would grab rh Ohe of the -families that" was wai+ihcj wcWAY overdressed -for the beach. 1 reco^hized the older kid -from the Treasure Pive the day before. I ^uess hobody told these ^>eo^le you re hot su^osed +o wear wihter clothes ih hihety-de^ree weather. "This -family looked like they could really use some shade ; ahd X felt" kihd of guilty. So X "tried hot +o make eye cohtact. 121 'Xvehtually, Mom ahd Mahhy came back, ahd Mahhy rah off +o collect seashells. Mom broke out the suhscreeh ahd started ^uttihg it oh me ahd Rodrick. X was ^lad Pad wash t there, because he always ^ets mad wheh Mom does thih^s -for us that he thihks we should he able to do-Tor OURSELVES. X actually thihk this is all ^art of Mom s ^>lah. X -figure she doesh t waht us to become too ihde^ehdeht, because theh we woh-NEED her later oh. X do thihk it coulBACKFlRE oh Mom, though. 122 Because if things kee^> ^oihg the way they re ^oihg how, -there s a ^ood chahce me ahd Rodrick will op off to college hot eVeh khowih^ how to cli-p our owh toehails. This is ohe of the ways ahimals are differeht -from ^►eo^le. Xh school X learhed that ohce a hear cub is about a year ahd a half old, its mother sehds it out ihto the wild to take care of itself. 123 Bu+ humah heihcjs live wi+h +heir ^arehts -for eigh+eeh YEARS Wore -theyre ready +o op o-f-f ihto -the world. Xf Xm ever a ^areh+, Xm ^ohha be like +he BEARS. Rrs+ o-f all, XVt hot gohha s^ehd a lo+ of -fire -teachihg my kids useless ih-forma+ioh, like -the ABCs ahd colors ahd shades. Xhe secohd ry kid is old ehou^h +o cross +he s+ree+ sa-fely ahd ^>lace ah order a+ a -fas+-food res+aurah+, hes ^ohha i>e ou+ o-f -the house. Af+er Mom la+hered Kodrick she -fold hirn he should op +o -the "leeh Zohe ahd "try +o cohhec+ with some kids his ih dis^uise^ ahd X didh + waht ah^PART ih -tha-t. VJheh Rodrick left X was ^lad, because +h«*+ meah+ more room ih -the cabaha -foHE. But a mihu+e la+er Pad showed u^> lookih^ really ^ale. 125 X -though+ he micjh+ still he dealihg with stomach issues, hut i+ wash + th<*+. \\t said wheh he weh+ to use -the toilet ih our room, -there was a c^iaht SPIDER uhderheath the seat. So X ^uess we didht^et nd of it after all. 1 asked Pad what h<*ppehecNEXX, ahd he said he whacked ■the spider with <* hathrohe that was oh -the floor. So -there ^oes airy chahce Xm ^ohha wear THAT thihg a^aih. I asked him if hdCELLEDthe spider, ahd he said he wash t sure. He said -the spideVANlSWED af-ter he hi+ it. 126 VJell; Pads s+ory ^>re-Hy much^uarah-teed “th*+1 wouldh + te usih 0 ourBATHROOTi acjaih, ei+her. Luckily "there was ah ou+door shower ty -the ^ool. Pad seemed f>re+-ty shakeh u^> ty wha-t ha^ehed wrth +he s^lder^ ahd Horn said he should lie dowh ahd -take a -few dee^> trea+hs. “Iha-t s wheh Mahhy came tack wrth his teach f>ail, ahd he showed Horn wh*+ he had collected. I -thihk Horn was ex^ec+ih^ -there -to te a tuhch of seashells ih -the tocke-t, tu+ i+ was filled “to -the trim wi-th hermi-t crats, shads, ahd all sorts of OTHER Iivih 0 “thih^s. 127 A^d how -these cred+ures were crawlihg dll over our MATTRESS. Mom scooped uy -the crrtters ih*to -the Wke-t dhd -told Mdhhy he couldn 't kee^> "these -thihgs ■for -the NEXT day, hut the guy told her it was sold out -for the whold/VEEK. That wash t the worst ^>art, either. Ail the really FUN srhrf-f, like jet skiihg ahd ^arasailihg, was ohly available oh the VJild Side. Ahd all tHeAME activities were oh the Mild Side. I—LI I M I II I I I I I * „ . __ __ __ _ __ * * _ * MILD SIDE ACTIVITIES DOLPHIN SWIM biro-watching WINDSURFING SNORKELJNG ! PADDLE BOARDING Tl IDTir 11A TT 1 II LI r* NATURE WALK BANANA BOAT *1 TURTLE HATCHING • M E 1 II 1 1 M 1 1 II But Mom didh t seem bothered. She sighed us u^> ■for TWO activities, the bahaha boat ahd the turtle hatchihg. Mom was ESPECIALLY excited about the bahaha boat. She said we could use the picture as our ■family Christmas card ahd sehd it out to tVtryoY^tt wheh we got back home. 130 X+ seemed like a ^re-Hy corhy idea W "£ ^uess ho+U'hg could be as bad as +Ke CKris+mas cord Rowleys -family seh+ +Kis year. Mom +old me X heeded +o 30 ^e+ Rodrick; so X used +Ke ma^) +o -fihd my way +o +Ke 'Teeh Zohe. 131 Bu+ X probably could Ve -fouhd (-WITHOUT a ma^>. Some of +Ke +eehs were ^layih^ Volleyball ih +he ^>ool, ahd Rodrick was ohe o-f +hem. Bu+ +b»e ^ame was paused because ohe of- +Ke ^irls 30+ her li^ rih^ s+uck ih +he he+, ahd Rodrick was hel^ih^ Ker ^e+ uh+ahcjled. I +old Rodrick we heeded +o op, buthe didh + seem +o l>e ih ahy hurry +o leave. X dihally opr\ Kir* +o come wrth me, bu+ X ^radically had d^RAG him away -from his Volleyball ^ame. Vie me+ everyohe else dowh by +he wa+er, where +hey were ^e+tihg -frHed -for life jacke+s. Mom ^ave her camera +o -the opy who was hel^ihg +hem ahd asked him +o sha^> a ^ic+ure wheh we passed by. Vie op\ ih +he wa+er ahd climbed aboard +he bahaha boa+, which was a+tached +o a s^>eedboa+ by a ro^e. Vie ^ave +he driver +he +hombs-u^> si^hal, ahd we +ook off. 133 Ohce we left +he shallow waier, we s+aried +o ^>ick u^> s^eej. 'The wa-ter was kihd of cho^y, so i+ was hard holdihcj oh. 'Theh we hi+ a big wave, ahd all ■three of os boys weht flyih^ off. 'The driver had +o circle aroohd so we could get back oh. Vslheh we ^ot nnoVihg acjaih, we weht through the area where they had a water -Iran^olihe, ahd kids s+ar+ed osihg oor bahaha boat as TARGET. 13H K\eh ohe kid lahded snack ih +he middle of our l)oa+ ahdPUNCTURED i+. 'The W»dhrt boa+ was losih^ air -fas+, ahd +he driver had +o +ow us Wk +o shore. 'The ^uy +ha+ Hon ^ave her canera +o +ook a ^ic+ure, hu+I kihd of douht we re ^ohha use i+ -for our Chris+mas card. fa** 74e *%€$&$& 135 After we dried of A Mom said we should ^et some lohch. Bert the couple from the ^>lahe had already takeh our cabaha, ahd eatih^ outdoors a^aih didh t seem like such a ^ood idea ahyway. 1 realized we hadht eateh a real meal for two DAYS, ahd 1 didh twahha eat ahywhere that 1 had +o worry about ahimals attackihg my food. Pad said we should op +o the ^olf clubhouse, because it was the ohly ihdoor restauraht oh the resort. ELveryohe seemed to like that idea, so thats where we weht. 136 Bu+ wheh we op-\ -fo +he clubhouse, +he maha^er said +\\ty couldh+serve us. \\t said +he clubhouse h*d a dress code ahd +h<*+ cyjys had -fo wear collared shirts ahd womeh h<*d +o wear dresses. Pad +old the maha^er we didh-HAVE those thirds, ahd +he maha^er said that we could purchase them at the . But Pad said collared shirts cost -fi-fty dollars each ahd there was ho WAY he was ^ohha buy -four of them just so we could have luhch. So we had +o -fihd ahother ^>lace to eat. Rodrick wah-fod to just have some hot do^s ih the jeeh Zohe, but Mom said she wahted to eat luhch as a FAMILY. 137 X was pretty sort they served burners ahd -frits at the swim-u^> tar at the ^>ool, so we weht there +o check it 00+. B>o+ X had secohd thoughts about ea+ihg at the ^>ool ohee we ordered. 1+ was like haVihg a meal ih a bathtub with a buhch of ^>eo^le you doh+khow. A^d i+ wash+justPEOPLE, either. There was actually a MONKEY si+tihg at the other ehd of the tar. 133 Pad asked the hartehder about -the mohkey, ahd she -told us the whole sad story. She said this mohkey used to live ih a big tree oh the resort with a buhch of OTHER mohkeyS; ahd he was kihd of like their leader. But theh thiVOUNGER mohkey came alohg ahd kicked him out. "The mohkey didhthave ahy ^lace to <50, so ohe day he came to the bar, ahd ^eo^le started huyih^ him drihks. Ahd hes beeh comihg hack every day sihce. I really didh t khowWHAT to thihk after hearihg a story like that. 13t All I khew -for sure was +h*+1 didh+-feel ^rea-f- al>ou+ ea-fthcj luheh while srHih^ ih mohkey wa+er. 'There was some sort of hi^ shorts ^ame oh -the TV, ahd everyohe a+ +he W seemed really ih+o rh Bert somehow Mahhy ehded u^> wi+h "the remo+e coh+rol, ahd he charged +he chahhel +o a show ■for li+tle kids. E-Veryohe wah+ed Mahhy +o charge +he chahhel BACK, W wheh Hahhy wah+s +o wa+ch ohe of his shows, +rus+ me, -fheres ho+hih^NYONE cah do about it. lTo The people ahd we op\ oat of there Wore X eVeh -fiWs^ed ry turner. Rodrick weht tack to the tfeeh Zohe, ahd Hon ahd Pad took Hahhy to the suite so he could take a ha^>. 1M1 I really didh+wah+ +o 30 Hack +o +He room ahd risk ruhhihg ih+o ^a+SPlDERa^aih; so X decided +o s^ehd +He rest of +He af+erhooh ih +He arcade. X Had +o make +He coihs X d collec+ed ih +He 'Treasure Pive las+ -two ahd a Half Hours. Bu+ +Here were some kids ih +He arcade wHo couldVe las+ed for DAYS ih +Here wi+Hou+ s^ehdih^ all of VJHeh i+ s+ar+ed +o ^e+ dark; I X should Head Hack +o +He room. Bu+ X rah ih+o Horn; Pad; ahd Mahhy oh +He foo+^a+H Halfway He-tweeh +He arcade ahd our Huildihg. 1M2 Hon Sdi'd we were rtll ^ohha op dowh -fo a toh-fire oh the l>eacH, ahd after tHat, we were ^ohha watcH the turtle hatchir^. B>ut -firs* we heeded tofhdRODRlCK. 'IKis time weALLweht ihto the *leeh Zohe to look -for Kim. By how it wens pretty dark, -though, so it w<*sht e<*sy +o s^>ot him. B>ut wheh vlffl), X doh t thihk he was too thrilled to see os. Oh the way to the beach, Mom -fold Kodrick this was a FAMILY Vacatioh, ahd ft washt the time or ^>lace -for "teehage romahee.” 113 Rodrick said +Kis wi+K -fKe 31'rl was SERIOUS ahd +Key ^>lahhed to s^>ehd as mucK ■time as +Key could -toge-tKer. X was kihd of surprised, because X +K003K+ Rodrick would be +urhed off by +Ke wKole idea of romahce af+er s^ehdih^ a few days a+ +Ke resor+. VJKo khows? Maybe ohe day Ke ll be back +0 +Kis ^lace wi+K WIS family. Vie 30+ dowh +0 +Ke beacK, wKere a buhcK of families Kad ^a+Kered arouhd a bohfire. bu+ +Ke ex^eriehce wash+fuh because of +KBUGS. A+ first i+ was +Ke ^ha+s, wKicK flew ih our eyes ahd mou+Ks. TKeh H - was +Ke sahd fleas, wh'cK i>r+ our ahkles. A^d +Keh i+ was +KliOSQUITOES, which were +Ke size of Kummih^tirds. Whoever come uy wi+h +Ke idea of callihg -this ^Uce "■paradise ’ mus+Ve H<*d <* ^ood sehse o-f humor. Back home, humah heihgs Aft a+ +he +o^> of +he food chaih. But a+ XsU de Corales, every-thihg ea+s PEOPLE. pf' X /e> & . ^ ^ T was de-fihitely ready to op tack to the room, because at least- THERE I ohly had to deal with ONE kg. But theh the hature ^uide came through ahd said ahyohe who sighed u^> to see the turtle hatchihej heeded to -follow her to the duhes. The hature cjuide ex^laihed what we were about to see. She said that a mother -fur-tie digs a Role ih the sahd duhes ahd theh lays eggs ih it, ahd a -few mohths later, the eggsHATCH. Theh the baby turtles head to the oceah. She showed os a little ^>ile of white eggs buried ih the dohes ahd said there werLOTSof ^ilesjust like this ohe. She said the problem was that we doht khow exactly WHEN the eggs will hatch. 1 % Xt - was DARK out, ahd X was afraid X was ^ohha accidehtally ste^> oh ah tag. So X +ook a •few s+e^s tack +o ^e+ 00+ o-f -the wa^, ahd wbeh X did; some+hihg crohcted ohder ry foot - . Luckily rt was jus+ a seasKell. But still, ry stomach was ihKNOTS. XVn hot- a -fah o-f reptiles ih ^eheral, but X decided X would make ah exce^tioh -for tur-Hes. LeTs -face rt** Xhe ohly reasoh we were out there +0 watch the baby -turtles hatch was because they’re CUTE. Tf 7 TruS+ rnt, i rf +KiS WdS cSNAKE hd+chihg, r+ would l>e <* +o+ally di-f-fereh+ Si+ua+ioh. Jus+ wheh I was ge-ttihg read^ +o -fell Hon we should give u^> ahd go Wk +0 our room, -the eggs s+arfed hrt-fehi^g ohe ly ohe. E-Verybody got- really exerted, but -the hature guid ■told us to stay <^ue+ ahd get out of the way. She said +he turtles fihd "their way +0 the oceah by seeihg -the moohlight reflecting oh the water. e But everyohe ghored the hature guide ahd turhed oh +heir cell ^>hohes, ahd the camera lights made the turtles go every which way. Horn was really enthusiastic, because she said we were withessihg the "miracle of life." She asked where Rodrick was, but ho ohe khew. Pad said ■the last- -time he saw Rodrick, he was ih the tall grass ih -the duhes. 1*H Ahd +Ws wKere we -fouhd Kin. 1 Ka+ S WOULD VEi>eeh +Ke ehd of +Ke hi^K+; i>u+ i+ wash+. VJKeh we opi back +o +Ke roon, we •fouhd out +Ka+ Mahhy Kad pocketed ohe of +Ke baby +ur+les wKile ho ohe was lookihg, so Pad Kad +o i)rih0 rt all +Ke way back +o -fKe beacK +o set it -free. 150 Xhorsday X ^guess Hon wash++oo ha^y wi+h +he way our •family vaca-ft'oh was ^oih^ so -far, because a-f+er break-fash she said she was^ohha -take a "sf>a day." Xhah souhded like aGREAT idea +o me, ahd X -hold Hon X was ^ohha +a^ aloh^. XVe always wah+ed +o ^e+ a nassa^e, ahd X -figured +his was ny bi0 chahee. Bu+ Hon said she heeded "time hWERSELF ahd +he rest of us were oh our owh. Xha+ neavWE had +o wa+ch Hahhy. 151 Ohee Hon Ieft, +Ke +Kree of os -Hied +o -figure oo+ wKd+ +o do. Hdhlry wds +oo nocK +o Kdhdle, so X soc^es+ed we jos+ dro^> Kin off d+ +Ke Toddlers Cdtahd dhd le+ +Ke ^eo^>le wKo worked +Kere dedl wi+K Kin. Pdd liked +Kd+ ided, kecdose Ke Sdid Ke wdh+ed +o ^e+ ih d workout d+ +Ke gym. He told ne dhd Rodrick we were res^ohsiKle -for cjet+ih^ Mdhry +o +Ke Toddlers* CdKdhd, dhd +Keh Ke left. TKe ^>d+K took os rigK+ ^>ds+ +Ke wdll +Kd+ se^drd+ed our Kdlf fron +Ke VJild Side. X ^oess sone kids were tryih^ +o ge\ d ^eek d+ wKd+ wds over +Kere, Ko+ +Ke Idhdscd^ers ^o+ d s+o^> +o i+. 152 X asked Kodrick wha+ he -thou^h-t was oh -the o+her side, ahd he said he alreadyKNEW. He said some of his friehds ih -the " 1 eeh Zohe -hold him +ha+ allSORTS of crazy s-tvff cjoes oh over -there ahd -there's eveh a beach where people Suhba+he wi+hotrt ahy clo-thes oh. He said +heres aWOLEih -the wall ahd if you look -through i+, you cah see -the other side. But I khew Rodrick wasjos-t -tryih^ -to -trick me, because he s -told me -this kihd of -thih^EFORE. 153 Ohe summer wheh we were at the towh ^>ool, he ■fold me that i-f I peeked over this cihderblock walk I could see ihto the ladies' locker room. Vlell, X BELIEVED him, ahd Xve beeh tryiirv^ to erase that ima^e -from my mihd ever sihce. Vie brought Mahhy to the 'toddlers' Cabaha, ahd the kids ihside were makihg puppets. I -fold -the ^ersoh ih charge we were dro^ihcj our little brother off for the day ahd we'd be back later. "The couhselor said the ohly re^uiremeht -for a <\ro^-crf 4 was that- the kid was ^otty-traihed, ahd X told him that Hahh^v/AS. 154 Bu+ Mahhy mus+ really ho+ H<*Ve wah-+ed +o make ^>o^e+s, because He 30+ Himsel-f ou+ o-f rh Rodrick said X Had +0 wa+cH Mabry b^lYSELF, because He was ^ohha 30 cHeck out +He ac+ivi+ies ih +He *leeh Zohe. Bu+ X khew He was Jus+ ^oih0 +Here +0 meet u^> wi+H +H<*+ 31’rl. X was ho+ Ha^^y +Ha +1 30+ s+uck wi+H Mahhy. 1 didh + wah+ +0 +ake Him +0 +He beacH, because He'djusi s+ar+ collec+ih^ pe+s a^aih. So X +ook Him +0 +He f ira+e Play^lace, wHicH was a s^lasH zohe -for Me kids. 155 Xt was actuallyPERFECT, because X could relax oh a louh^e chair ahd kee^> ah eye oh Mahhy while he flayed. X eveh ordered a grilled cheese sahdwich ahd some frehch -fries -from a waiter who came by. But X wash t able -to ehjoy my meal. Some kids oh -the mihia-ture pirate sKi-p -figured out -that- i-f -they blocked ohe 0/ the water c^Yso^s, they could make the other ohe shootTWlCEas -far. 156 So X had +0 move to a louhcje chair that was •farther away. Bot wheh X sat dowh; X realized 1 W lost -track ol^ANNY. X evehtvally shotted him ih the middle of the wadih^ ^>ool, all hy himsel-f. X khew X had to 30 ih there ahd ^et him ; hot X really didht WANT to. Vlrth the humher of little kids ih the ^>ool; X khevEXACTLY what was ih that water. Vlheh X was li+tle; X used +o ^ee ih the hahy ^ool all the TINE. Xh -fac+; theres a -framed fhoto of me ih the -family room osihg +he ^ool as a ^>otty. 157 Hon says rVs her -faVorrbe ^ic+ure of me, because I look soHAPPY. Bu+ 1 Ve hever fold he»WHY. Ohe Sommer, -\f\ty ^>u+ some chemical ih +he ^ool -th<*+ +urhed ^reeh i-f ahyohe ^eed. So -fh<*+ ^>u+ ah ehd +0TWAT. X heeded to -figure out a way to get to Mabry without touchihg the water ; so X -fouhd a raft ahd a ^>ool hoodie ahd paddled out +0 him. But X ohly made it halfway across wheh a kuhch of Me kids decided ft would ke -fuh +0 dink obto ny raft. X tried fightihg them off with the hoodle ; kut there were Just toJMANY of them. 151 "Iheh +hey +eamed +o flp H 0 VER. I 30+ Mdhhy ou+ of +he pool ahd +heh speh+ +wervty mihu+es scrui)i)ih0 every ihch of my tody ih +he ou+door shower. Bu+ five seconds af+er I fihished dryih^ off, X was WET a^dih. The kids ih +he pira+e sKi-p figured oo+ +W+ if +hey pluc^edTW0 cahhohs, +hey could ^e+ someSERlOUS rah^e. 160 Vlhile X was a, she seemed like a whole hew ^>ersoh. She said +ha+ while she was ^e-Hihg her massage, she came u^> with (GREAT idea -for how we could s^ehd -time as a ■family. She hooked a private cruise ■for all of us, ahd she said the boat was ^ohha he at the dock ih hal-f ah hour. 161 Xh<*t wash t a lot of -time, so we had to s^lit u^> +o -track dowh Pad ahd Rodrick. X told Hon tK<*t Pad was a-t tKe ^yn, so sKe weht tKere to ^et Un. X foohd Rodrick exactly wKere X expected to, ahd Relieve re, Ke outs me -for hot letfhcj Hon ^et to KinFlRST. Vie met Hon ahd Pad dowh at tKe dock. Pad washttoo K<*^y witK Hon, because a^arehtly tKis boat cost a lot of mohey to reht. But Hon said it wasWORTW it, because tRis cruise was ^ohha be tKe KigKligKt of our tri^. VJKeh I Kear tKe word "cruise," 1 tKihk of a yacKt or at least a sou^ed-u^ sailboat. 162 But the boat that Hon rehted didht look like ahythihg special. Xhe boat cane with its owh ca^taih, so X ^uess that was SOMETHING. VJheh we 30+ oh board, he Kahded os all life jackets, ahd after we ^>ut the n oh ; we polled away fron the dock. The first thihc^ X hot'ced was that the boat had a ^lass botton, which X was hot confortable with at ALL. 163 Xk's i)oc 3 i+ eFlRST red -fUg. But r+ 30+ a whole lo+WORSE. He SAid +Kere was a ^>re-Hy cjood c^Ahee we d see some s-Hh^rA^s ohderwA+er. \\t SAid rt wa0K+o iouch +Keir -fibs W we should kee^> our -thumbs aw rot>Aty wA-tch 00+ -forTWOSE, +00. 167 The ca^+dih wash+FlNlSl-ED, -though. \\t said +Kere were a tuhcK aOTHER+Kh0S we heeded +o look ou+ -for. Theh He showed us wHa+ eVery+Hihg looked like oh a kicj cHart. ^There was some scary sW-f oh +W -tHihg, W i+ washT +He BIGGEST crea-tures -+Ha+ -freaked me out, f+ was +KeSMALLEST ohe. Ahd +Ka+ was 4 »e BOX JELLYFISH. 168 X saw this show called VJorld s Most Vehonoos Creatures," ahd they had the box jelly-fish at the to^> of the list. Xf you ^et stuh^ by ohe, your heart cah sto^>, ahd theh you re pretty much fihished. WORLD’S MOST VENOMOUS *1 1 \S) BOX 1 JEUVnSH X "told Hon X didht thihk it was worth risking death just to see a goldfish ih the wild. X thirds she could tell X was worried; hut she wouldn't let me off the hook that easy. She said X just heeded to ^et ih the water Ioh0 ehou^h to take ohe family picture ahd theh X could ^et hack ih the boat. l6Ko+o for +he C|\ris+nAS cArd; Ahd X could +ell she wAShi 0ohhA -fake "ho’ •for Ah dshswer. X +old Hon Xd stay ih Jus+ Ioh0 ehou^h (or ONE ^>ic-h>re, Ahd rf soneohe BLINKED; +Ka+ was jus+ +000^ luck. She Agreed; Ahd +heh we op\ ih +he wA+er ohe by ohe. X was +he Ias+ ^ersoh ih. 170 "If\e cap+aih couldh +-figure ou+ How +o work Mom s camera, ahd He was -takihcj 7 OREVER. X really didh + like +He feelihg of- ho+ khowih^ wHa+ was swimmihg uhderrea+H me, so X +ook a peek uhderwa+er. X m ^lad X did; because i+ was ac+ually kihd of AMAZING. X could see wHy people liked Shorkelih^ ahd scuba divihg so mucH. A big school of bl ue ahd ^reeh fisH surroohded me, ahd +Ke fish were dartih^ all over the ^>lace, chah^ihg directiohs two times a secohd. A+ first - X thought r+ wa£XX)L, but +b>eh X realized that - this is how ahimals behave wheh they re tryih^ +o avoid (PREDATOR. I didht - see ary sharks uhderwater, so X started scahhihg the surface forflNS. The ca^taih fihally -figured ou+ Homs camera ahd was ready +o -take our picture, but X was already swimmihcj for the boat - . 172 Jus+ +heh, k X mi^h+Ve ac+ually DROWNED i-f +he ca^+aih h<*dr> + polled me u^> th+o -the i>od+. Ohce X was oh board, X couched u^> a lo+ of wa+er bu+ ho sea horses. Mom climbed aboard ho -fihd out wha+ was wroh^. She could see X wash + lookihcj so c^ood, ahd she -hold +he ca^+aih we should 30 back +0 +he resorh so X could ^e+ checked ou+ by a doctor. A-fher everybody else climbed ih, we headed back. The ride was really cho^y, ahd i-f 1 hadht ALREADY beeh sick, that would've dohe ih. VJe made ^ood time, ahd the ca^taih droned us off ah the dock. He W rtlredijy called A^eAd +o the resorts doctor, who was WArtihcj -for us. Vlheh X fold him wKa+ h<*d KA^ehed; X thought - -foSUREhe was cy>hh a sehd me to the heAres-t hos^itAl to ^et my stomAch X-rayed. Bert he checked me out Ahd SAid X seem^cPK. Xheh he told me i+ WASh+Very likely X swAllowed a seA horse Ahd Xd he perfectly -fihe. X reAlly didh + like how casoaI this o^uy was heihej A^otH- the whole thihg. Xh hAct-, he seemed a lot- more cohcerhed with Horn Ahd PAd tk>Ah he did with ME. 175 "The doctor +ook a look a+ -them ahd said i+ looked like -they were seasick. "Iheh he ^ave -them each a ^ill ahd said -they d -feel he-Her after +hey 30+ a li+He rest. AH I cah say is, if ahy+hihg ha^hs +o me la+er oh^ I hof>e this doctor khows he had a chahce +o DO sone+hih0 ahocrt rt, hut DlDNT. Mom ahd Pad -foohd a -few em^-ty looh^e chairs hy -the ^>ool, ahd we sa+ dowh +o res+. 176 Bu+ +Heh +He Pirec+or offuh came -tHrou^H wi+H a coh^a lihe, ahd He 'tried +o op\ us +ojoih. He couldh++ake a Hih+, +H0UC5H, ahd ke^>+ cirdih^ our area. Bu+ He s+o^ed cold wHeh He ho+iced some-tHih0 ih Mahhys ^ail. P+ looked +oME like a clear plastic ba^ -floa+ih^ ih +he wa+er. Bert +he Pirec+or of Foh lifted +Ke -pail +o -take a closer look. 1 + +urhed ou+ i+ wash+ a p>las+ic bag (ALL. 1 + was a JELLYFISH. Ahd ho+jus+ANY jelly-fisK; ei+Ker. X+ was eo^le get out of a px>l so FAST. 173 V\y decided it might be a good idea for us +o get out of -there, too. Oh our wrohd>y Shuck off to hahg out - with that girl, but wheh we weh+ to the leeh Zohe, he washt there. "Thats wheh we realized hotody had seeh Rodrick ih a WHILE. Xh -fact, X didh t remember him teihg oh the boat ride hack -from the ree-f. A^d heither did Horn or Pod. I7t 1Hd+ medh+ He wds s+ilDUT +Here. So we rdh tack +o +He Jock ds -fds+ ds we cool J. Our i>od+ wds dlred Jy out oh dho+Her -hi^, W Mom -fdlkej +o +He o^y wHo o^erd+ej +He tahdhd tad+ dhj -bold U'n wHd+ Hd^eheJ. Vie climtaj oh KodrJ +Ke speejtad+, dhj He +ook os +o +He ree-f. Sore ehoogta we -foohj Rojrick exdc-Hy wHere we left Him. He wd ALIVE, tat He wds ds re J ds ISO Vlheh we 30+ hack +o -the resort, -the doc-tor said Rodrick had suh ^olsohih^ ahd heeded "to drihk lo+s o-f wa-ter ahd ^e+ some res+. 'Theh he ^aVe Horn a ho+tle o-f aloe -to hel-p Kodrick wrth his hurh. Bu+ -the aloe didh+really seen -to hel^> Rodrick. Hon seht Pad +o -the s+ore -to -fihd some-thihg -tha+ would; ahd we s^eht -the res+ of -the hjglvt "takih^ -turhs ruhhihcj ^o^sicles oh Rodricks hack. Friday "The hext rorhih^; Pad weht out to ^e+ ahother box of ^o^sicles, ahd he came back with sore hews. \\t said they Kad draihed the whole ^>ool to ■fthd the jellyfish, ahd -they were just s+ar-tih^ to refill i-t. Bt/t it would be thre&AYS before i-t was ready to use. 1thought it would be smart for us to hide out ih the suite for the rest of the trip, because people would be lookihg forthe famly who ruihed everybody else s Vacatioh. But Horn said we wereht gohha s^ehd the rest of our time ihdoors. 132 S^e -bid Pad he should "take Mahhy to the Pirate Play^lace, ahd she fold me to see what activities were ^>lahhed ih the "Fweeh Zohe. X didn't really waht to op back out there, but X ^uess it was better thah riskih^ ahother ruh-ih with the s^der. X weht dowh to the 'Iweeh Zohe, ho^ih^ the activity mi^ht be a Video cjane com^etitioh or somethih^ like that. But the couhselor was rouhdihcj everyohe u^> to ^layTENNlS. At -first X thought about tvrhihg arouhd, because X washtih the mood to ^et all swea-ty. 183 'Theh X remembered Rowley ^>lays +ehhis a+ bis cooh-try dub, ahd X +Koo0^+ r+ migb+ be fuh ■for me +o learr* so +be -two of us could U+ some tails arouhd over -+be summer. dehhis cour+s. o^xxxxxxxx X "thouc^vt Rodrigo was goihg +o s+ay ahd -teach us how +o ^>lay. Birt -the secohct we were oil -through -the ga-te a+ -the -tehhis court; hEOCKEDi-t. Thrt+s wheh I realized -these "activrties" were jus+ a way +o ^e+ kids ocrt 0/ -their ^areh-ts* hair ■for a -few hours. "The -tehhis court was a giah-CAGE; ahd we were basically ih yrisoft -for -the hex+ hour ahd a hal-f. A^d we couldh *t eveh ^>lay -tehhis ahyway, because Rodrigo didh + leave us wi+h ah^ACKETS. 1*5 He did leave us wrdBALLS, though. sphere must have teeh -three huhdred of them ih a tasket ih the middle of the court. A+ -firs^ kids started ^Ia^ih0 catch, tut it didh t take Ioh0 -for it to turh ihto a ^iaht free-for-all. X took cover iy the fehce with some other kids who didh t wahha cjet hit ih the face with a tehhis tall. But all that did was make uFARGETS. So we started fi^htih^ACK. Sometody -figured out how to turh oh the tall machihe/ ahd we used it to defehd ourselves. 186 XVi hever oh +he wihhihcj side of -this kihd of -thihg, Ahd I 30+tA SAy, i+ was ActnAlly a lot (RUN. Ohe of -the kids who was ih -the coh^A lihe -the A&y before reco^hized re Ahd +old everyohe i+ wdfelY fAmily s fAol+ -they hrtd +o drAih -the ^>ool. 137 X ex^U'hed -to eVeryohe -tha+ rt was all a bi^ accideh+ ahd +ha+ my li+tle kro-therjus-t wah+ed a jellyfish as a ^>e-t. Bert 1 ^uess -these ^uys were mad about -the |»ool situatioh, ahd "they were ha^y to have someohe to blame. X had +o ^etOUT of -there, but -the cjate was locked. So -the ohly way -to 30 over it was -to CLIMB. Ih ^>hys ed a-t school, I cah teveh ^et up -the rock wall -they have ih -the c^ym. Bert how that my life was oh -the lihe, I scaled that fehce like I was SPIDER-MAN. 1 M Af+er I cleared +Ke -Tehee, I rah +o +he couhselors’ kddihg +o ^e+ Kel-p* Bu+ l^odri^o was -totally USELESS. X didht -feel sa-fe otrtdoors ahymore, so X rah back +o our Wldih^. Everybody ih ^ot there. / -family ^ the suite wheh I VJe were kihd of ih a tad s^>ot. X didh t wahha leave the room, ahd Kodrick couldhtbe out ih the suh ahyway. Horn said maybe we should call of-f the tri^> ahd head tack home a day early. Bert Pad said we ^aid a Io+ of mohey -for -this tri^ ahd he re-fused to leave the resor-t uhtil we had at leasONEdeceh-t meal. Hohe of us wahted to eat at ah outdoor restauraht because of the stupid birds. A^d we couldh t eat at the ^ol-f clubhouse, because we didh t have the clothes -for it. Just theh, there was a loud crash oh -the other side of the room. "Ihe hi0 suitcase that heloh^ed to somebody else was s^>lit o^>eh oh -the -floor. Ahd -there were clothes EVERYWHERE. VlhoeVer this suitcase belohged +o must've beeh a -family just- like us, because there were clothes ih all differeht sizes. But they wereh t just beach clothes. 'There were also the kihd of- clothes you'd wear to church or a hice restauraht. lti "P looked a+ Pad, ahd P could "fell he was -thihkihg wha+P was thihkihey "These clothes were our -ticket -to ^e+tih^ ihto the ^ol-f cluthouse. Hon said she didh'-t-feel ricjht' about wearih^ someohe else s clones. But Pad said that- after we were dohe usihg them, we'd ^>ack everythihg tack u^> ahd make sure the surtcase 30+ to the -family rt teloh^ed to. I thihk that- made Horn -feel better, so we started tryihcj thirds oh. 'The ohly ^ersoh who couldh + -fihd clothes that fit waRODRlCK. But Horn said he heeded do stay covered u^> -from -the suh ahyway, so she ^ave him a rote ahd a shirt do ^>ut oh over id. Vfl I 30+td say, wKeh we stewed cuA of our building we looked ^re+^SHARP. Kodricks out-fjt eVeh worked ih rts owh way. Vie walked toward the clubhouse, and I ke^+ my eye out -for any -tweens who micjht reco^hize me. But we made it to the restaurant without any run-ins. THIS -time, -they le+ us ih. A^d X hdd +he i>es+ medl IVe ed+eh ih my whole li-fe. Atfter we -fihished dessert, hohe of os redlly wdh+ed +o hedd Wk to the room. So we hdd d little -foh oh the ^uttih^ ^reeh -firsi. 1 ?+ The -tru+K is, my famil^NEVER Has a ^ood -time -to^e+Ker. So -for a secohd -there X could kihd of see how -this vaca+ioh -thihc^ is su^osed -to work. But wh<*t Xve learhed is -thd+ ho+hihc^ ^ood ever LASTS. A security ^uard drove u^> -to -the ^u+tihg ^reeh ih a cjolf cart, 30+ out, ahd said we heeded +0 cone wrth Kin. VlKeh Pad Asked himWMY, -the security ^uard said +W aho+her -family a+ +he res+aorah+ had reported us -for wearih^ +KeirCLOTMES. 115 For a secohj, we JiJh+ khow wHa+ +o Jo. 'Theh I rememberej wHa+ 1 leArhe J Lack a+ -the Airport— wheh Heffleys ^e+ ih -trouble, HeffleyRUN. X 30+ ih -the Jriver s seA+ 0/ the security ^uys 30F cArt, my -fAmily ^>ilej ih, AhJ we -took off, leAVih^ the secori-ty ^uArJ ih our Jus+. But i+ -turns out +Ka+ a 30th cArt mAkes a lousy ^e+AWAy ca r, es^edAlly i-f youre climtih^ WILL. The security ^uArJ cau^K+ u^> with us less thah a mihute later, AhJ I Joh + +Kihk he eVeh broke a swea-t. 1 % He made us 30 tack +0 our room ahd hahd +Ke su+case over +0 +he -family iT teloh^ed +0. Vie also had +0 re+urh +he clothes we were wearir^ ahd I 30-Ha say, it wash t our proudest momeht. IT/ Persohally, I thihk the embarrassmeht shouldve teeh ^uhishmeht ENOUGH. Bert -the security ^uard said that theft isht tolerated at the resort ahd we had to ^>ack our ha^s ahd leave the c^rouhds immediately. Pad tried to ex^laih wha-REALLY ha^ehed, but this ojjy wash t ih a listehihg mood. Ahd ohee we had all our stuff packed, he drove us to the airport HIMSELF. VJheh we ^ot to the airport, Pad weht to our airlihe s customer service desk ahd told them we heeded to fly home a day early. Bu+ -the cus+omer service lady said all +he ■flights for +he day were sold out, ahd we were jus+gohha have to wait - uhtil thNEXT evehihg +o -fly hone. 'That' was a problem, because we didh+ have ahywhere -to STAY -for the hight. Pad called the airport hotel, ahd they said there was ohly ohe roon available. So we s^eht the last hjght of our Vaca+ioh ih a +ihy room. Ahd T had +o share a bed with Rodrick, who was strcky from ^o^sicle juice. Saturday Vlheh we woke u^> ih the morhih^, X -figured we were ih -for a lohg day. Our flight washt uhtil 3-00 ^>.m., ahd there was hothihg to do at -the airport. But at breakfast, Mom ahd Pad surprised us. They said we ■for the day. gohha gBACKto the resort Mom ahd Pad had talked it over the hjght before, ahd heither ohe of them liked the way thihgs had ehded. They decided they wahted to have a "do over” ahd leave oh a high hote. Mom said the most im^ortaht thihg was that we get that -family picture. She said she khew the PERFECT s^>ot oh the beach, ahd as sooh as we got to the resort we were gohha head straight there. 200 I thought the whole thihg was a crazy idea, because I didhtsee how we were eveh gohha get past the -froht desk. But Pad said he had a plah, ahd he*d tell us what it was wheh we got there. Vie took the -free shuttle hack to the resort, ahd we watched that video agaih. I realized the reasoh everything looked scFUNwas because they hever showed ahy actuaFAf^ULIES. Vlheh we got off the bus, Pad told us his master plah to sheak ohto the property. A^d I gotta say, it wash t really that impressive. 201 But it dctallyWCRKED. Ohee we 30+ ^>as+ -the lobby, we weht +0 -the ^ool dred. "There wash-t dhyohe swimm'h^, becdose -they were still -fillihg rt. VJe quickly -foohd out where eVeryohELSEwdS-— dowh d+ -the bedch. But rt wds so crowded ho ohe looked like -they were hdVihg dh^UN. Mom wah+ed +o api +He -fam'ly ^ic+ure, W she le ih +he shot. So we weh+ +o +he sahd duhes, where hobod^ else would he ih +he hack^rouhd. Bu+ -tha+s where we rah ih+o Rodrick s ^irl-friehd. I /el+ kihd oBAD to Rodrick, ESPECIALLY d-f+er Mom asked +he 31'rl +0 -take our ^>ictere wdh her camera. 203 XVn hot sure we re ^ohhdt be Able +o use +Ke ^bto+o as our Chris+mAS card AirywAy, sihce Hon usually likes everyohe +o beSNILlNG ih +Kose. After +Ke fAm'y picture was out of +he wa^, we weh+ i>Ack dowh te +he beAch. Rodrick was sulkihcj, bu+ +Ke rest of us KaJUN. 204 Vie worked u^> ah a^etite, ahd we were ready +o eat. "The ^roklem was, the secunHy ^uard had takeh our room keys wheh he kicked us out of the resort. So we couldh t actuall^PAY for ahythihg. A family ih ohe of the cakahas h<*d some leftover ^iz-za ahd -fries . So we used what we learned from the birds dhd helped ourselves to some food. After that, Pad said we heeded to start headihg hack. Horn wahted to ^et a few more pictures at the sahd duhes kef ore we left; so we weht there. 205 ButI tWc we pushed our lock; because we rah ihto some, OTHER ^>eo^le we khew. 'The secohd that -family saw us, they rah off, ahd X khew they were gohha report us to security. So we left the scehe as -fast as we could. X doh t khow where thAEST of my family weht, but X headed toward thBEACI-l. X ■figured there were so mahy ^eo^le there, X could just blehd ih. But wheh X saw a security guard ruhhihg toward me., XPANICKED. 206 X rah iVy+o the water ahd swan to +He area wKere the wihdsur-fers were. X had ho idea how -USE ohe o-f those thirds, tat X thought it was ny ohly shot at esca^ih^. X ^ot oh the hoard, theh gulled the sail u^> out of the water. Ahd as sooh as the sail was upright, X s+artedMOVlNG. Sr* I -fouhd out the way to steer the thihg was hy ^>ullih0 oh the t>i0 Kahdle that rah across the sail. X -figured as Ioh0 as X was headeAWAY -froi n the heach, 1 was doih^DK. 207 Xheh a big gust of wihd caught the sail, ahd X didht have ehough strehgth to steer it the way X wahted it +o go. X was moVihgAST ahd ^>ickihg u^> s^eed. U^> ahead, there were some buoys that marked a rof>ed-off area of the water. X gulled tack oh -the hahdle with all my might, tut X couldh t avoid the rof>es. X guess there must Ve beeh a fih oh the bottom of the wihdsurfer, because something got caught oh a ro^>e. Ahd wheh it did, the whole thihg tilted over ahd splashed ihto the water. 208 I -hied -to s+ahd +He sad tack tu+ r+ was Hard +o do ft ih +He cHo^y wa+er. "THeh some-+Hih0 trosHed ly r^UEG ; ahd XFROZE- Two secohds la+er aFINa^eared, ahd +Heh aho+Her, ahd aho+Her. X was com^le+ely sorroohded; ahd X +H0U3H+ X was about +0 become lohcH -for a scHool of sHarks. ZO°l Xha+s wheh X realized X was ih +Hs>OLPWlN ehclosure. X was so \\ aloh^side me, rt t>roo3^+ me tack +0 reality. X 3«*ve oh wihdsor-fth^ ahd swam -for shore. Bu+ the teach was a lo+ les£ROWDED+hah X remembered rt teih^ a -few mihutes te-fore. 210 X -fouhd ou+WHY w^eh X 30+ +here. X d accideh+ally crossed over +0 +WWILD SIDE. A^d ■those ^uys didh+ look +00 ha^y +0 see a kid wi+h a camera oh their private heach. How security guards were comihg a+ me -from every direction ahd X hightailed i+ 00+ of there. X+ washt-jus+ the security guards who were a-f+er me, though* X+ was -f^eSUNBATVIERS; +00. 211 I s^rih-ted across +Ke sahd ih+o +Ke ^ool area, which looked a lot like +he ohe oOURside, ohly +he ^ool had WATER ih i+. I had a ^ack of ^eo^le righ+ behihd me. So I jumped over a s+ohe wall ahd +ook cover ih a clus+er of tosses. VJheh X pushed -through +o +he o+her side, X -thought X was ih +he clear. Bu+ +heh I came smack agaihst +heWALL. 212 sphere was a WOLE ih +Kis ^<*r+ of +He w«*IL <*hd yot/d hever Relieve who was oh +he o+her side of i+. X 30+ ry familys a-Heh-Hoh ahd +old +hem X heeded hel^>. 213 Xheh X ^>ut my -fibers ih the hole to -try to ^ull the board loose. Pad pushed -from the other side, ahd the wall actually o^ehed a crock. But it washt big ehough for me to squeeze through. k X could Hear the security guards oh their walkie- talkies right oh the other side of the bushes, ahd I khew it was just a matter (SECONDS before -they fouhd me. So X "tried climbihgUP -the wall, but X couldh t get a foothold. Xheh X saw RodricklsIEAD^o^ over the to^>. He reached out his hahd, ahd X jumped to grab it. H e started to haul me u^>, ahd X thought- X might actually make it. But theh a seVeh-leggedSPlDERcrawled out of Rodrick s bathrobe ahd dowh my arm, ahd X lost n ya ri ?* 2lt VlKeh X U'+ +Ke ^rouhci^ X X was dohe •for. But +Keh +Ke sec+ioh of +he wall I was ■+ryih0 +o ^e+ over cAme crAshihc^OWN. X was lucky I didh+ of?\ crushed iy +He s+An^ede ^ouriir>0 ih -from -the Mild Side. Vie -took ddvdhtd^e of dll the coh-fusioh dhd mdde our way +o the exit. 'There wds d secunHy stdtioh d+ the side of the resort, dhd the ohly redsoh we were able to sli^ ^>dst the ^udrds wds l>ecduse of dll -the crdzihess ^oihg oh over dt the Vlild Side ^ool. / _ , ~ \ Ohee we were off- the ^>rof>erty, we -fldc^ed dowh d cdb dhd dsked the driver to tdke us to the airport. Vie hit some turbulehce oh the -flight back, but d-fter everythih^ ELSE we'd beeh through; a littte rou^h dir didht eveh -faze me. 216 Suhday Its heeh a -few days sihce we made it hack home, ahd Homs already workihcj oh the photo album. Ahd ■ froi m the pictures, you'd thihk we had a great time. But ahy chahce of us ever goihj^ACK to the resort is completely gohe. I weht oh the website to show Rowley where I speht my Christmas Vacatioh, ahd there was a big picture of my -family oh the home page. I couldh t read the words that weht with it, hut I'm pretty sure I got the geheral idea. 217 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Thanks to everyone at Abrams, especially Charlie Kochman, whocares as much about book twelve as book one. Big thanks to MichaeJacobs, Andrew Smith, Chad W. Beckerman, Susan Van Metre, Liz Fithian, Carmen Alvarez, Melanie Chang, Amy Vreeland, Samantha Hoback, Alison Gervais, Elisa Garcia, and Josh Berlowitz. Thanks to Jason Wellsand Veronica Wassermarfioryour friendship. Thanks to Kim Ku for breakingnewground in Wimpy Kid design. Thanks to the whole Wimpy Kid team: ShaelySermain, Anna Cesary, and Vanessa Jedrej. Thanks to Deb Sundinand the staff at An Unlikely Story. Thanks to Rich Carr and Andrea Lucey for your support and friendship. Thanks to Paul Sennottforallyourhelp. ThankstoJessBrallierforyourmentorshipandforgettingmestartedasan author. Thankstoeveryonein Hollywood, includingSylvieRabineau, Keith Fleer, Nina Jacobson, Brad Simpson, Elizabeth Gabler, David Bowers,and GregMooradian. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jeff Kinney is a # l New York T/mesbestselling author and a six-time Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award winner for Favorite Book. Jeff has been named oneBfnemagazine’s lOO Most Influential People in the World. He is also thecreatorofPoptropica, which was named one ofT/me magazines 50 Best Websites. He spent his childhood in the Washington, D.C., area and moved to New England in 199 ^eff lives with his wife and two sons in Massachusetts, where they own a bookstore, An Unlikely Story.