THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID SERIES 1 Diary of a Wimpy Kid 8 Hard Luck 2 Rodrick Rules 9 The Long Haul 3 The Last Straw lO Old School 4 Dog Days 11 Double Down 5 The Ugly Truth 12 The Getaway 6 Cabin Fever 13 The Meltdown 7 The Third Wheel 14 Wrecking Ball MORE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID BOOKS The Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book The Wimpy Kid Movie Diary The Wimpy Kid Movie Diary: The Next Chapter Diary of an Awesome Friendly Kid: Rowley Jefferson’s Journal PUBLISHER’S NOTE: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for and may be obtained from the Library of Congress. ISBN: 978-1-4197-3903-3 elSBN: 978-1-68335-695-0 Wimpy Kid text and illustrations copyright © 2019 Wimpy Kid, Inc. DIARY OF A WIMPY KID®, WIMPY KID™, and the Greg Heffley design™ are trademarks of Wimpy Kid, Inc., and the design of this book's jacket is trade dress of Wimpy Kid, Inc. All rights reserved. Book design by Jeff Kinney Cover design by Chad W. Beckerman and Jeff Kinney Published in 2019 by Amulet Books, an imprint of ABRAMS. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. created to specification. For details, contact specialsales@abramsbooks.com or TO SCOOTER MARCH Suhday Xve read +K<*+ ih ahcieh+ +ir*ies +hey used +o bur kihcjs ahd ^Haraohs wl+K all iheir ^ossessiohs. Back +Heh X ^uess +Hey +Kou^K+ you could +ake your +K^S WITH you ih+o +Ke a-f+erli-fe. Viell^ i-f X ^e+ buried wi+H all MY juhk, X r , >iriht di^ih^ tkrou^k my close! ahd fouhd stuff ■from KINDERGARTEN, like a fisk X made ty tracihu+ heVer cjAVe Her. X+ was a ^A^er -flower wi+H a ^ic+ure of my ■face ih +He middle , cjl ued +o a ^o^sicle s+ick. VJHeh X mAde +He +Hih^, X ^u+ i+ ih a IrHle cl Ay ^o+ filled wi+H dir+. Bu+ X iri^ed oh +He froh+ s+e^> wHeh X 30+ Home from scHool +Ha+ dAy, Ahd +Ha+*s wHy X hever ^AVe i+ +0 Her. 7 X was GLAD wheh X •finally reached the back o-f ny closet, but to be hohest, X was a little DISAPPOINTED, -bo. Wheh X was youhger X read this book about these kids who could visit a whole di-f/ereht WORLD by goihg through their closet, ahd X always wohdered i-f X night be able to do the sane thihg with NINE. But X thought that whoever lived oh the other side night hot be too ha^y with ne -for tossihg all ny JUNK ih there over the years. 8 Wkeh X -fold Mom X was dohe en^ih^ my close+ "today, ske said X heeded "fo ^u+ eVery+kihg ih+o +kree files' ohe -fo kee^>, ohe -fo doha+e, ahd ohe +o -tkrow away. Bu+ X -figured i-f X kad +o le+ go o-f ahy o-f my juhk, X migk+ as well make some MONEY o-ff o-f it. So X decided to kaVe a YARD SALE. Horn tkougkt tkat was a GREAT idea. So ske gave me a magazihe tkat kad all sorts o-f ti^s -for kow +o do i+ Right. Family Frolic AN EPIC yard Sale/ 50 H#T TIPS + TRICKS All +He ideas in +He magazine were corny and old-fasHioned, +HoucjH. Xkere was one sec+ion on How +o crea+e a si^n +o ^e+ ^eo^le +o cone +o your yard sale, and all +He examples +Hey sHowed were really BORING. X knew +Ha+ if X wan+ed f>eof>le +o ac+ually sHow u^> a+ my yard sale, X needed +o do some+Hin^ a li++le more EYE-CATCHING. So X wHi^ed a sign X knew would do +He +rick. 10 $100 BILL found on sidewalk PLEASE COME TO 12 SURREY STREET TO CLAIM YOUR PROPERTY X made a few copies of ry sigh ahd Headed ou+ +o ^>os+ +Hem aroohd +He heigHborHood. Bir+ Mom s+o^ed me before X go+ oo+ +He frohi door. 11 Horn made we wake si^hs +ka+ were wore like +ke ohes ih +ke wacjazihe , ahd af+er X was -fihisked, X s+a^led +kew +o sowe fele^kohe ^oles oh our s+ree+. Xkeh X kauled eVer^ikih^ dowh frow w^ fcedroow ahd s+ar+ed se++ihcj i+ mil out oh sowe ylas-Hc iables. E-ack +akle kad i+s owh category, like "clo+kes" ahd "kooks" ahd +ka+ kihd o-f +kih^. B>u+ sowe s+u-f-f washT easy +o ca+eejorize , so X kad +o cje+ creative. X kad a kohck o-f cji-f+s -frow wy ^rahd^areh+s ahd older relatives tkat Xve hever eveh TOUCHED, so X ^>ut all +kose tkih^s to^etker oh ohe table. Great G'f+S FOR YOUR ^ _ || • a vl'Au G ra r*aki d$ MU t3 i; Mitr •MUm, 12 X also Kad a buhch of i>ir+hd«y c< ih ^>re++y cjood sha^>e. So X used +o cover my ha me ahd Se+ +Hem ards +ha+ were s+ill some wKi+e-ou+ out oh +Heir owh 4v«J>la X ^>u+ all ny brokeh +oys oh aho+Ker +at>le ahd Ho^ed some li++le kids who couldhX READ would come +o +He yard sale. X stoffed oil ny random items, like marbles and a few pencil stobs, into some -tube socks and tHombtacked tHem to a table. X also created a table foil of things for ^eo^le wKo Had mone^ to born. 1 I VAMPIRE [BAT SHIELD, t IlNV A :biltty\ f\ FRECKLE 1 i /MA J La : Oi ionH. Iremover V 1 CJ &are Jterns SERIOUS BUYERS ONLY t) MM* rojec+s oh +heir owh -table, jus+ ih case some kids heeded a yfi -for +heir ^>areh+s bu+ didh’i wah+ +o ^u+ ih +ke TIME. QUALITY ARTS $ M CRAFTS l - J While X was -fihishihcj u^>, Mon cane outside +o check out ny yard sale, ahd she seened pretty IMPRESSED. Bui she said X should hold oh to the ihih^s X nade n^sel-f, sihce that s+uFf is really SPECIAL. X told Mon that if she ih+ed Sone+hih^, she offered ne three dollars for that ^>a^>er -flower X nade ■for her ih preschool. could always buy it HERSELF. So she 15 Hon seemed ^re-Hy eacjer +o Have +Ha+ +Hihcj, ahd X could +ell J+ was wor+K more +Hah +Hree bucks +o Her. So X +old Hon i+ was all Hers for TEN. X ^uess X ^>usHed my luck, +Hou^H, because sHe weh+ back ihside wi+Hou+ buyih^ ANYTHING. VJHile X wai+ed for cus+omers +o sHow u^, X s+ar+ed ^e++ih^ a IrH-le NERVOUS. X realized all my s+u-f-f was jus+ lyih^ out ih +He o^>eh, ahd X Had ho way +o s+o^> ^>eo^>le -from STEALING rh So X called my bes+ -friehd, Rowley Jeffersoh, ahd asked Him +o cone dowh ahd be ny THeft PreVeh+ioh Officer. 16 Bir+ Rowley ScAid Ke was su^osed +o do some+Kih^ wi+K Kis dad +Kis afternoon, so Ke couldn’t Kel^> me wi+K +Ke yard sale. X +old Kin X’d ^ronoie Kim +o XKeft PreVeh+ion MANAGER, and Ke d even «je+ +o wear a BADGE. Luckily, +Ka+ did +Ke +rick. As soon as Rowley 30+ +o my Kouse, Ke s+ar+ed asking about +Ka+ BADGE. AH X could -find was my old fireficjK+er cos+ume, but +Ka+ seemed +o make Kim feel im^>or+an+. 17 Rowley asked wK«+ Ke was su^osed +o DO as +Ke "TKef+ PreVeh+ioh Maha^er, ahd X said mos+ly Ke heeded +o walk aroohd ahd crack Kis khuckles +o make sore hobody 30+ ahy -fuhhy ideas. But Rowley wash + ^ayihcj ahy ahy a-Heh+ioh +o 7 ihS+roc+iohS; because Ke was dis+rac+ed by a iable +Ka+ Kad a buhcK o-f bir+Kday ^i-f+s Ke’d ^o+teh me over +Ke years. I’m ^re++y sure Rowley’s MOM ^icks out my ^>reseh+s ; sihce +Key’re always +Kih^s +Ka+ Kel^> you LEARN. And +Key re all s+ill ih mih+ cohdi+iohj because X KaVeh’+ ac+ually OPENED ahy o-f +Kem. SCIEnCE LfiB 18 X doh i know wUi made Rowley madder, +Ke -fac+ +W X w as SELLING +Kis s-hrf-f or +Ke sicjh X ^>u+ oh +Ke +«t>le. Rowley said X couldhX sell +Kose +Kih^s because +Key were GIFTS. X +old Kim +Ke^ were MINE, so X could do wK<*+eVer X WANTED wi+K +Kem. Ahd +Keh we 30+ ih+o a t>i, but after a while a lot NORE cane. Ahd wheh they started checkih^ out my stuff, X weht ihto sales Ohe lady seemed ihterested ih a collectors coih X 30+ -from my uhcle, but she com^laihed that it was DENTED. So X thought fast ahd told her the REASON it was dehted was because it stored a bulled ih World War II. 20 SHe + of a yard sale +o +His tjuy, because all of a suddeh X Had ah eVeh BIGGER problem +o deal wi+H. X+ s+ar+ed +o RAIN, ahd eVeryohe was Headihg back +o +Heir cars. X was worried X mi^H+ heVer His umbrella over my mos+ Valuable i+ems wHile X rah eVery+Hihg else ih+o +He ^ara^e. Bu+ Rowley washY ahy Hel^> a+ all. 26 He said His sHift Hod jus+ ehded; ohd ii wos +iwe for Hiw +o qo Howe. So X was oh ry owh. X +ried corryih^ a Hox of comic Hooks ih+o +He ^ora^e , Hu+ ly how +He Hox was SOGGY; Ahd +He t>o++ow ^oVe out. 27 X+ iook me about a Huhdred tri^>s to ^et eVerytHihg ih+o tHe ^aracje. But X probably sHouldr/t Have eVeh BOTHERED, because most o-f my stuff was already RUINED. X -figured X could s+ill make ONE sale, tHoucjH- X fold Mom +Hat f>a^>er -flower was all Hers -for +Hree bucks. Uhfortuhately by +Heh sHe’d cHah^ed Her mihd. 28 Vledhesday X m actually kihd of GLAD hobody i)oo^K+ ahy+Hihcj ■from my yard sale +He o+Her day, because if X ever ^e+ FAMOUS, +ka+ s+uff is cjohha i>e wor+k a LOT more mohey +kah X was askihcj for i+. Xd feel ^re++y dumb if X sold ohe of my old Homework assicjhmeh+s for fifty ceh+s ahd +keh Someohe auc+iohed i+ off la+er oh for a few fHoosahd dollars. 2“? A^d i-f THAT ka^ehs, tkey re tjohha waht to kaVe all +ke au+keh+ic stuff X owhed ^rowih^ u^>. Xke reasoh X m hot ALREADY -famous is because wkeh you’re a kid, tkey kee^ you busy witk sckool ahd komework, so tkere’s hot a lot o-f time left over +o make a NAME -for yoursel-f. But ohe o-f tke ways a kid cah actually ^et -famous is by becoming a HERO. I^y ^areh+s watck tke hews every hicjkt, ahd tkere’s always a story about a kid saVihcj someohe -from ckokihej or Sometkih^ like tkat. 30 'TKe problem is, fkose kinds of o^oriuni+ies don’f come around fkaf OFTEN. And believe me, X ve fried +o ^>o+ ryself in +he ricjkf ^lace for +ka+ sorf of fkincj +o ka^en. 31 Bu+ X ve ^o+feh kind of fired of WAITING, so X decided +o fry and crea+e a si+ua+ioh wKere X was GUARANTEED +o t>e a Kero. X -figured if X saved someohe -from a do^ a+fack , +Key d make a s+a+ue of me and ^>u+ if in +Ke fowh ^>ark, wKicK would be ^>re-Hy cool. Rowley didnf seem so sure atouf my idea wKeh X explained if +o Kim. But wKeh X said Ke’d be a ^ar+ So X 30+ some bacon out of our refri£jera+or and Kad Rowley s+uff if in Kis ^ocke+s. XKeh we wen+ around +Ke neicjKborKood looking for some DOGS. 32 Vie DID a-ttrac+ some docjs, t>o+ +Key werehX +ke kind X was LOOKING -for. os +U+ Ke ATE +Ke uhcooked bacoh, wkick Xve keard cah i>e really BAD -for you. So X +old kis ^>areh+s wk<*+ ka^ehed, ahd +key +ook Kim +o a doc+or jos+ +o t>e sore. 33 X ^ uess 3- s<*Veci Rowley's life af+er all, which does sort of make me a hero, if you +hink abou+ i+. But X don'+ know if +ha+'s really +he kind of +hing +hey make in+o a s+a+ue. Haybe X'm ihinkin^ +oo SMALL wi+h +his s+a+ue idea, anyway. Xf X do some+hin^ REALLY bi^, +hey II make my t)ir+hday in+o a na+ional holiday. 'XK<*+ would he ^>re+-ty awesome, because +hen everyone will cje+ +he day off from school and work, and +hey'll have ME +o +hank for i+. 3+ 'The thing is, whenever there’s a d«y off -from school for a national holiday, X never even THINK about the person it s named after. X Just hope that on NY holiday, people will spend the whole day reflecting on my life. But with NY luck they II Just use it as an opportunity to sell furniture or something. IT’S THE GREG HEFFLEY WEEKEND HOLIDAY SALE! WITH PRICES SO LOW IT’S RAZY/ 35 APRIL Sunday All +He rain weVe been ^e+tin^ has been making every+hing grow like crazy. And +ha+ really s+inks, because i+‘s MY Job +o weed our garden. X don + khow why Mom gave me +his Job , because she knows X m BAD a+ i+. X can + -fell +he difference be+ween a weed and some+hing +ha+’s SUPPOSED +o be in +he garden , and X kee^ rising uy +Ke wrong s+uff by mis+ake. -nitw - Xm s+ill no+ convinced there actually IS a difference be+ween a weed and a ^lant. X bet there are places in the world where ^>eo^le think ASPARAGUS is a weed; and right now there's Some kid my age busting his Kum^) gulling it u^>. 36 X doh + uhders+ahd why GRASS ish + cohsiciereci i* weed, because i+ sore looks like ohe +o ME. Bu+ ^eo^le like my dad s^>ehd +heir eh+ire weekends iryih^ +o ^e+ -their lawh -to look jus+ ricjh-t so -they cah impress -their hei^hbors. X*ll -tell you -this-' Vlheh "£ ^e-t a ^lace of my OWN, Xn cjohha PAVE -the whole yard. "Thart- way X cah s^ehd my weekends ENJOYING myself. 37 X m cjohha save a TON of mohey t>y ^>aVihcj +He yard. My dad s^ehds a FORTUNE oh lawh fertilizer, ahd X doh’t +Hihk +K«+ stuff*s GOOD for you. Ahd +Ke yroo-f is my heicjHkor Tre^ley, who*s always out ih his yard ri^ht after they s^ray. XT ^>re-Hy sure all those lawh chemicals cah mess with your GENES. So if X ehd u^ with a third eye or somethih^, XT cjohha blame my PARENTS. _ H i cSCfVEANj/? * Iff i sij f[ Vy £> 38 VlHeh X have ry owh ^>lace, EVERYTHING’S ^ohha fee di-ffereh-h A^d X r*» ho+ jus+ +aljcih^ about +Ke LAWN, ei+Ker. X USED +o +hihk X wah+ed +o live ih a bi^ r'tahsioh wi+h a ^iah+ lan is +o toilet a really SHALL house +ha+ doesni a-Hrac+ a lo+ o-f a+ieh+ioh. A*d +hen all +Ke GOOD s+ufT will te Xn fac+j X jus+ -finished desi^nin^ +he -fifth -floor Iasi week, and i+s probably my FAVORITE. Ho p TRAMPOLINE PARK Id ■ ■ ■■ ■ ■ ■ BOWLING ALLEY V V ■ ARCADE ■ ■ ■ gl< 0 ARCHERY RANGE © XV> a li-Rle worried abou+ living UNDERGROUND, +houcjh, because ny hro+her Rodrick lives in our {>asemen+, ahd X m no+ sure +ha+*s HEALTHY. So Xn lace +o ^lace. Tha+S why X’m planning on having moving sidewalks everywhere. \Ay txj+K+ul) is ^ohhui i>e made o-f cjlass, <*hd 1+ II si+ ihside e SUPER hi^h iecK. Xve desi^bed all sor+s of tooty +ra^>s for abyobe who fries +o ^e+ ibside. Abd if so meobe ^e+s ^<*s+ +he -frobi door, Xll Jusf waif +hem ou+ ib my ^>abic room, which is gobba have s+eel walls +h<*+ ore fhree -feef fhick. 44 Every so of+eh X’H ^>roi>dt>ly We d ^set. Pad +old us Great Aunt Retd passed away in her slee^>. X hdVe d LOT of cjreat aunts, though, and at first X could n t remember which one she wds. Mom reminded me that Aunt Rebd wds the one who used +o send me ancjry le-Hers when X forgot +o write her thank-you notes for my birthday money. And then X knew EXACTLY which one she wds. X ^uess MANNY remembered Aunt Reba, becduse he seemed pretty u^>set she hdd died. So +ohiull ohe out every +ime X d KaVe +o deal wrtK some+Ki^3 NEW. 47 Vlheh X -fouhd +he books ih Homs closef, X read ■them all ih ohe dfterhooh. X ^robdbly should^ t KdVe dohe that, though; becduse those books fumed me ih+o d herVouS WRECK. ?ResToNPt $YPl)S N Goes to the V-Oentist Ohe of +He books was aboui How Pres+oh PU+^us was sad +Ha+ a +ree ih His ^ard died and Had +o be uA dowh. Vlell, wHeh ry ^>areh+s said +He^ heeded +o lake dowh a dead +ree ih OUR ^ard, X was a +o+al MESS. But +Heh a few weeks la+er +He +ree fell ih a wihds+orm ahd look ot/+ Half our deck. HI 'The. Preston Platypus books mil -follow tKe same basic -formula. A+ first, Preston's worried about SometKing, ahd tKeh Kis mom tells Kim tKingS are gonna be OK, and sKe turns out to be RIGHT. X guess tKe reason X kept reading tKose books was because X always Koped tKere would be a big TWIST at tKe end. A^d tKen X d be disappointed wKen tKere WASN'T. So X started coming up witK my OWN endings to tKe books. A^d wKen Mom saw wKat X drew in tKe back o-f "Preston Platypus Goes to tKe Zoo," sKe took me to see a counselor. 50 Saturday Xoday was Aunt Reba s -funeral. Hon said we had +o 30 because Avnt Reba didn't have much fanily, so we needed to show our su^>^)ort. She told us we all had to wear BLACK to the funeral, but when Rod rick cane out wearing the outfit he wore to his last rock concert, Hon nade hin go back inside and CHANGE. started, so we just stood in the back behind a crowd of ^>eo^>le. Xd never been in a cenetery for that LONG before, so X felt a little NERVOUS. 51 Xk«+s because Rod rick always says +ha+ wkeh you 3 ° 7 c ys says le+ery, you heed +o kold yoor brea+k so you dohi swallow a GHOST. Vlell, X Held my brea+k -for as loh^ as X COULD ioday, bu+ +kere was ho WAY X could make i+ ikrou^k +ke wkole fuheral. X jus+ ko^e X dldhT swallow ahy ^kos+s, because middle sckool Is kard ENOUGH w!+kou+ beih^ possessed by a ^>ersoh from +ke l600s. 52 Some of +Ke iombsiohes had c^uoies oh ihem, ahd ihai 30+ me ihihkih^ at)00+ whai X wahi wriiieh oh MINE. Ho^e-foiy Til say Some+Klh^ really WISE right before £ die, ahd they’ll carve my Iasi words ohto my tombstohe. Bui X*H ^rot)atly say somethihg really DUMB, ahd ih ey’ll use ii ah' tJsMlt 'Moui what ha^ehs io you after you die. For ohe thihg, F wahha khow how you LOOK ih the afterlife. T 53 Xf everyohe’s a^earahce is -froz-eh wHeh +Hey ^oss away, +Heh ^eaVeh probably looks a lo+ like Leisure "Towers. X wahha khow wHa+ you WEAR u^> ih HeaVeh, +oo. X-f you're s+uck ih +He clo+Hes you Had oh jus+ be-fore you died; X seriously Ho^e ho+Hih^ tad Ha^ehs +o me oh HALLOWEEN. X II tell you +K.S-- X wahha stay alive -for as lohcj as X cah. But X wouldht waht to live FOREVER. Whenever you see a movie about someohe who becomes IMMORTAL, there’s always a CATCH that totally ruihs it. Wheh a ^ersoh is immortal, they always have to HIDE it -from eVeryohe else. X ^uess l-f ^eo^le khow you cah’t die, they treat you like a MONSTER or someth^. 55 But if X was immortal , X wouldn’t - even TRY +o hide it - . Xn fact, X d mention it - every chance X COULD. Xn school we learned about the world s religions and how everyone believes di-f/erent things. Xn Some places, they believe that when you die, you get reborn as someone ELSE. Some ^eo^le think you can come back as a totally different- creature, like an animal or an insect - or something. And WHAT you come back as defends on if you were GOOD or BAD. Ylell, that actually makes me a little worried, because X ve done a few things in my life X m not that ^roud of. 56 Aft<4 if PLANTS have feelihgs, +heft X could REALLY be ih trouble. Hopefully +here*s s+ill ehou^h "time for me +o make ihift^s right". because X seriously doft + waht" +o come back as a duhg beetle ih my hex+ life. 51 Kom -hold os Auh+ Reba didh + have a lo+ o-f ■fami \y, i)o+ she did have lo+s o-f FRIENDS, which would ex^laih why +here were so mahy ^>eo^le a+ her -fuheral. Viell, X’d be-H-er s+ar+ addihcj some hew -friehds MYSELF, or X m ho+ ^ohha draw much o-f a crowd wheh i+s all over -for me. because X khow +ha+ Auh+ Reba had a couple o-f sis+ers who are s+ill alive. But X didhX see ANYBODY X khew, which was weird. 58 Mom seemed coh fused, too. Vlheh the crowd thihhed out, we made our way to the cjraVeSite. A^d that’s wheh we figured out we’d beeh at the WRONG FUNERAL By the -time we 30+ +0 Auht Reba’s ^raVe, the ceremohy was over ahd eVeryohe was already ^ohe. All X cah say is, X Ko^e Avht Reba was looking dowh -from HeaVeh ahd haVih^ a cjood lau^h about us missih^ her -fuheral. But -from what X remember about her, she wash’t really the ty^e o-f ^ersoh to have a cjood laugh about ANYTHING. Mohday Purihg dihher tohi^Ht, Mom said we heeded to Have o family meetih^. A^d ■family meetihcjS are heVer mucH FUN. Mom told us Auht Reba lived a really Humble life ih a small apartmeht, but tHat sHe Had beeh careful witH Her mohey ahd made some really Smart - ihVestmehts. Ylell, X Had NO idea wHy Mom was tellihcj us all tHis. But +Heh came tHe bicj hews. Mom said tHat Auht Reba left all Her mohey to Her FAMILY. A^d it took me a secohd to realize tHat ihcluded US. Apparehtly, wHeh you fihd out tHis sort of hews youre hot supposed to act HAPPY about it, because X ^uess tHats disrespectful to tHe persoh wHo passed away. But hobody told us KIDS tHat. 60 A-f+er Mom 30+ os +0 se++le dowh, sKe said we heeded +0 Have a serious discossioh abou+ wk<»+ +0 do wi+K oor INHERITANCE. T already khew EXACTLY Kow X was ^ohha s^ehd NY sK<*re. 61 Rodrick said ke wan+ed +o use HIS skare +o buy a +our bus for Kis band, and Pod wan+ed +o tty some really expensive fgurines for kis Civil Vfar diorama. Mat-try wan+ed +o use HIS money +o fill uy kis bedroom wi+k ckocola+e pudding for some reason. Bu+ Mom sko+ down everyone’s ideas. Ske said we were making +kis decision as a FAMILY, and wka+eVer we did wi+k +ke money was gonna kave +o tenefii EVERYBODY. "Tken ske +old us HER idea, wkick was +o use +ke money for HOME IMPROVEMENTS. 62 E-Veryohe else +houcjh+ +ha+ was a really BORING idea, t>u+ ho+ ME. X rah u^s+airs +o ^e+ +Ke t>loe^rih+s -for my dream house, ahd X weh+ •through +Kero ; -floor by -floor. wouldhX eVeh ^ay -for +he ice-ska+ihej rihk X designed -for -the secohd level. So X tried out some o-f my LESS ex^ehsiVe ideas, like the couch with a built-ih toilet. 63 Horn wash + crazy about THOSE ideas, either. She said she was thlhkih^ about usih^ the mohey -for ah ADDITION. Vlell, that souhded like a GREAT idea +o ME. X floored i-f we added two more stories +o the to^> o-f our house, theh everyohe ih the -family could have their owh FLOOR. Rodrick wah+ed +o make +he addi+ioh ih+o a recordihej s+udio^ ahd Pad wah+ed +o make i+ all ^lass so he could show o-f-f Ki's Civil War diorama +o Mahh^ 1 had Kis OWN id ea -for wha+ +o ^>u+ ih +he addi+ioh, bu+ X +hihk i+ was mos+ly jus+ +he chocola+e ^uddihcj +hihcj acjaih. O-f course Mom didh + like a Y\y o-f OUR ideas, ahd she said she had a +o+ally DIFFERENT ^lah -for wha+ +he addi+ioh should be. 65 Mon said she’s always wahted a bigger KITCHEN, ahd she was really exerted to use the nohey for THAT. Mohe of us really liked that idea, though; othd we ke^>t hraihstornihg OTHER things we could ^ut ih there. But how Mon was MAD. She said she was the ohly ^>ersoh ih the fanily who ever seht Auht Reha a thahk-you hote for ahythihg, so SHE was gohha decide how to use the nohey. Ahd for sone reasoh, thoit was the ehd of the cohVersatioh. 66 See, +Kis is wky leaVih^ your rela+iVes mohey is a bad idea. All i+ does is make eVeryohe MISERABLE. X’m ho+ ^lahhih^ oh leaVihg ANY mohey kekihd wKeh X 30. Xm ^ohha s^ehd every las+ ceh+ so +keres ho+kih^ lef+ -for ^eo^le +o FIGHT over. I THEATER Ml X cah GUARANTEE +ka+ me ahd my i>ro+kers are a^er. A^d wko KNOWS wka+ kinds of ikin^s ^e+ our ^aren+s’ kouse and all +keirNONEY i +oo. But X don + +kink i+ works like +ka+ anymore. 68 Xf hes RIGHT, though; theh XV> ^lad XV> the SECOND ih line ahd hot the THIRD, because Hahry s ^ot NO chahce at cjettih^ afy nohey with two older brothers ih -froht o-f him. A^d that*s the reasoh X always watch ry back arouhd that kid. 6 “? MAY Saturday "The ^reat thihcj about this addition is that it chives me somethin^ to bra so Ke doesh + eVeh NEED all +Ka+ room. Back wKeh Rowley -firsi moved ih, X iold Kim we sKould irade Kouses +o make +kihcjs more FAIR. Rowley +K0U3K+ +Ka+ was a ace. But X ^uess +KeyVe cjo++a do a buhcK of ^a^erwork before +Ke^ cah ^e+ s+ar+ed for real. 71 Pad wahts to fix a few thihgs arouhd the house before cohstructioh begins ahyway, ahd he wahts me ahd Rodrick to HELP him. Pad says ohce me ahd Rodrick ^et our OWN places, weVe cjohha have to khow how to do repairs OURSELVES. X kee^> tellihcj Pad that by the time we re HIS acje, we woht HAVE to fix thih^s ourselves. But he heVer seems to waht to hear it. Whenever Pad tries to teach me how to do someth^ hew, X always have trouble followihcj alohcj. A couple of weeks acjo he showed me ahd Rodrick how to change a tire, but X ^uess X lost ihterest wheh he started talkihayihcj a-Heh+ioh, ahd he asked me wha+ Xm ^ohha do l-f X ever . 73 X 5 uess +Hai was +He wroncj answer , +Houcjk , because since +Heh Pad s been on my case -to learn How +o do +Hin^s for MYSELF. 'Today Pad said He was c^onna teacH me How +o "snake a drain/' wHicH didn't sound like ■fun +o ME. And wHen X found out rt was a PLUMBING +Hin 3 , X 30+ SCARED. X ve Had a fear o-f ^lumbincj ever since X was a li+tle kid. X+s all because X oVerHeard Mom talking +0 Pad outside my bedroom jus+ after we moved in. WW X didh + (chow THEN was +H<*+ groui is +He qrvHy siisf-f t>e+weeh +He t>a+Hroom files. Bu+ wHeh Sihce X d hever SEEN +He Grouij X figured if musf Hide ih +He ^es wHeheVer X walked ih+o +He t>a+Hroom. So +U+ made me hervoos arouhd -faucets ahd draihs. X was scared +ha+ one day +he Groui was gonna grab one o-f my ankles when X was in +he shower Ahd ^oll me dowh +he drain. And X didnX -feel safe in Mom and Pad s ba+hroom, ei+her, because X -figured +he Grou+ could jus+ sli+her -through the ^i^es and get me in TMERE if i+ wanted +o. X thought maybe X could at least sto^> the Grout -from getting out of the faucets by BLOCKING them. So one day X went around the house ^u++ing balloons over all o-f the nozzles, which turned out to be a pretty dumb move now that X think about it. O ... Z I P 76 X khew X heeded <* w out o-f tKe tmtKroom <*hd ^et me ih BEDROOM. 77 And a few -times X was sore it was actually ricjht there in the room WITH me. But when X woke u^> in the morhih^j the Grout was GONE. Tonally, X told Horn X was too scared to slee^> alone because X was afraid of the Grout. 78 Mom thougkt the whole thihg was HILARIOUS ahd showed me wh<*t cjrout REALLY was. 'Theft she told me that a moftster is only real if you BELIEVE ift it j aftd if X stored thiftkiftg the Grout was real, 1+ would DISAPPEAR. X realized that was EXACTLY what the Groui would WANT me to thiftk , aftd X woftdered i-f the Grout was actually ^reteftdift^ to be NON. So -from that ^oiht oft, X ke^t ry bedroom door LOCKED j just ift case. 'Eventually X cjuess X DID sto^> believing in the Gro ut. Ylell, at least until TODAY, when Pad unclosed the drain and gulled out a cjlob o-f HAIR. And for ME, that's all the f>roof X NEEDED. X s^>ent the rest of the day locked in my room. And that was where X planned on STAYING, at least until Pad took ry door off the hinges with a screwdriver. X didn’t even know you could DO that. So Pad should he ha^y, because he actually taught me somethin^ NEW today. 30 Suhday "Tkis worhih^, Pad woke we ahd Rod rick u^> early ahd iold us we kad io 30 wiik kiw io +ke kowe iw^roVewehi siore. He said ke kad a day o-f ckores lihed u^> -for uSj ahd we heeded io ejei some Sollies. Xis i>eeh a wkile sihee we wehi io ike kowe iw^roVewehi siore , ahd ike Iasi iiwe we were ikere, we ^oi kicked oui. 'Tkai’s because f^ahhy used +ke ioilei oh ike display -floor. Pad wehi oflf io -fihd siuflf io fix ike waskih^ wackihe^ ahd ke sehi we ahd Rod rick io ejei so we oiker ikih^s, like wood siaih ahd ^aihikruskes. 31 ril +ell you +Kis: Xf iHere’s ever a zombie iY\Vt\sioY\ or Some+HiVuj like +Ha+, X m Headih^ STRAIGHT ■for +He Horne im^roVemeh+ s+ore. Because +Heres S+irff ih +Here +Ha+ cah do Some SERIOUS damage. Rodrick we were cjohha s+alh +He deck. He said we d Have +o ^aih+ arouhd +He Ho+ +ui> sihce i+ was +oo HeaV^ +o move. Hohes+I^ XwisH we heVer GOT +He Ho+ +ui>, because +Ha+ +Hi^ Has beeh ho+Hih^ bu+ TROUBLE. 32 This wih+er, +he ho+ +ub almosi KILLED me, ho+ ONCE, bu+ TWICE. Ohe hi(jh+ we had a bi^ s+orm, ahd +he s+ra^> holdih^ dowh +he ho+ +ub cover came uhdohe. So Pad +old me X had +o cje+ oc/+ +here ahd FIX i+. After X 30+ oh all ry wih+er ^ear, X weh+ ou+side +0 deal with this +hih^. The cover was •fla^ihcj aroohd like CRAZY, ahd i+ wash + easy +ryih^ +0 wres+le i+ back dowh. Ahd jos+ wheh X thought X WAD i+, a bi'3 30S+ of wihd came ahd blew the cover clear off the deck. 83 Bui X was siiil holdihg oh io ihe cover, so X wehi -flyi'h^ WITH ii. ihe cjrouhd, ihai would’ve beeh IT -for me. After X checked io make sure X didh’i have ahy brokeh bohes, X draped ihe cover ihrou^h ihe show ahd u^> ihe siairs. Ahd by ihe iime X ^oi io ihe TOP, X was com^leiely EXHAUSTED. 84 Bui ihai s hoi ihe ehd of ihe siory. The hose Pad used io FILL ihe hoi iub was rohhih^ dowh ihe siairs, ahd ri was -frozen SOLID. So wheh X STEPPED oh ihe hose, X slid all ihe way back dowh io ihe BOTTOM ahd almosi broke my heck oh ihe lahdihcj. used ii all wihier, bui had a bad habli of fallihg ASLEEP ih ii. So Mom would always have io make sure he wash’i siill ouiside wheh she wehi io bed for ihe highi. 85 But ohe -time Mom -forgoi +o check oh Rod rick before she weh+ +o slee^>, Ahd didh’-t rertlize he was out +here uh+il +he MORNING. X+ +ook some+hihg like -two WEEKS for Rodricks skih +o Snoo+h ou+ so he could s+o^ lookihg like a PRUNE. Ahd durihg fhai +ime, his high school had +heir ^eArbook ^>ho+os +Akeh. 36 7 } r~^ J'n) — % Rodrick Heffley A few rwh+Hs back; Pad draihed +He Ko+ +ub, ahd +Kere hash + beeh ary waier ih i+ SINCE. just ho^>ih+ed +o use my s+ih^er every DAY. Bui if T weftt through ry whole life without ever usihcj ry stift^er, Tw sure Td eftd u^> REGRETTING ii. Hus rtfierhooh, Pad waftied io kftow why we aftd Rodrick werefti siill outside siaiftift^ the tack deck. Rod rick told hiw about the WASPS, but left out the ^>ari about s^rayift^ their ftesi with the hose. Theft P«*d said he had aftother job for us ift the FRONT yard. He said the gutters were closed aftd fteeded cleaftift^, so we had to op ^et the ladder out of the ^ara^e. % Qeanin the ladder. Pad won’t do it anymore because the LAST time he did; he had a run-in with a SQUIRREL. So now RODRlCK won t qo u y on the ladder; either. He says the person who’s the LIGHTEST has +o do it; because -they won’t cjet hurt as bad i-f they FALL. % Rodrick eVeh drew a digram +o show me +he sciehce behind i+. A^d l-f +h<*+ was su^osed +o make me -feel BETTER , i+ DIDN’T. 1 \J\e i ' ou i U 1 2 ff\ B\ H \ \ H H '■ H • 1 1 > / ,—i ® (ow.wi i Vie cjo+ +he Udder ou+ o-f +ke cjara. VlHeh X 30+ +0 +He +o^>, X s+ar+ed scoo^ih^ +He muddy slo^> -from +He ^ut+ers ih+o +He +rasH ba^ X was Holdihg ih my o+Her Hahd. THa+ meahi X couldhY really Hold oh +0 +He ladder, ahd rt was Hard +0 kee^> my balahce. After X cleared out +H<*+ sec+ioh, X climbed back dowh ahd we moved +He ladder +0 aho+Her s^o-f. But oh my -four+H +ri^ uy, X ho+iced +He ladder •fel+ a li++le more WOBBLY +Hah usual. X yelled dowh +0 Rodrick +0 Hold +He ladder STEADY, but X didh + ^e+ ahy res^ohse. Ahd wHeh X looked +0 see if He was oh His ^>Hohe or some+Hihg, He wash + eVeh THERE. lace +o 30 was UP. X climbed +o +He +o^> of +He ladder and grabbed +Ke ed^e of +He roof wi+H bo+H Hahds, +Heh gulled myself uy oh+o i+. X did i+ jus+ ih +ime, +oo, because +He secohd X s+e^ed off +He ladder, i+ weh+ crasKih^ +o +He ^rouhd. So how X was stuck oh the roof with ho way to ahd look u^>. So X scooped u^> some sludge ahd mimed for a Sf>oi ih Mr. Larocca’s ^a+k- Bui X ^uess X miscalculated a little, because X hailed ike mower wiik a direct HIT. Ahd believe me, X couldh i make ikai skoi a^aih if X kad a HUNDRED more iries. % Mr. Larocca stored Kis mower ahd tried to -figure out wKere tKe ambusK CAME -from. X decided maybe it washY so bad to be stuck oh tKe roof AFTER all ; ahd X scrambled to tKe otKer side wKere Ke wouldht be able to see me. X Kid beKihd +Ke cKimhey; wKicK was tKe ohly sKady f>lace oh tKe roof. Ahd eVeh tKere ; it was ? re-Hy WOT. X khew X could be ih for a loh^ wait; ahd after a wKile X started worryiho about oettiha DEHYDRATED. T7 So X look o-f-f mos+ o-f ny clo+hes, because X didh i w<»h+ +o SWEAT +00 much. X +hou^h+ +h<*+ i-f X 50+ really des^era+e, X mie able +0 wrihcj some mols+ure ou+ o-f ny SOCKS. But X was really ho^ihg 1+ wouldhT come +0 +hai. X khew +ha+ i-f X didh’+ do some+hi^3 +0 save rysel -f, +he^ d eVeh+uaiy -find me ih ohe o-f +hose Sdi+elli+e ^ho+os. % X+ was +oo -far +o jur*>^ DOWN, so +ha+ was ou+ of +Ke cjues+ioh. Ahd eVeh if X lahded oh +Ke back deck wi+Kou+ killihg rysel-f, +Hose was^s would ^robaby -fihish we off. "tKeh X remembered +here was a wihdow oh +Ke side of +Ke house above +he ^ara^e. So X lowered rysel-f dowh -from +he roof ahd oh+o +he led^e, which was BARELY wi+Kih reach. Luckily +he wihdow wash’+ LOCKED. X o^ehed i+jus+ wide ehou^h for me +o fi+ ihside, ahd X squeezed ihrou^h. •ft *TKe window led +o Mom and Pad s ba+hroom, and +he led^e was ricjh+ above +heir TOILET. X ^>u+ one foo+ down on +o^> o-f +he ioilei +ank, and +hen X iried +o ^>u+ my OTHER foo+ down on +o^> o-f +he LID. Bu+ X didn’i ho+ice +he sea+ was UP un+il i+ was +oo LATE. p'JI B TJ So now ry ankle was STUCK, and X cooldn + ^>ull ry foo+ out, no ma++er how hard X +ried. X ^uess X was making a lo+ o-f noise iryin^ +o ^e+ myself -free, because +ha+ was when X -found out where MOM had been all +his +ime. 100 A^d i+ really wash’+ -fuh ex^lainihcj +Ke si+ua+ioh +o Pad when WE came ih+o +Ke ba+hroom. ^u+ters cleaned ty PROFESSIONALS. 101 Tuesday T+ turns out T m ho+ +Ke ONLY ohe wKo 30+ replaced by someohe who actually khows wKa+ +KeyVe doihg. X+ Ka^ehed +o DAD, too. Pad took +Ke wasKi^ macKihe a^art birt could>V+ ^>u+ i+ tack +ocje+Ker. So Mom made Kim Kire a TVs beeh really ihcohVehieh+ livihcj wi+Kot/+ a wasKi>\g macKihe. YleVe Kad +o wasK our clo+Kes by Kahd ih +Ke ki+cKeh sink, wKicK is a bi^ paih. But Rod rick came uy wi+K a SHORTCUT last hicjK+, ahd ^>u+ Kis dirty clo+Kes in +Ke DISHWASHER. Vlellj +Ke disKwasKer did a ^ood jot) WASHING +Ke clo+Kes j bu+ ho+ DRYING +Kem. 102 Ahd wKeh Rodrick left +he house -to 30 io school -this norhihg ; his clo+hes were s+ill WET. So he used his Vah -to AIR-DRY his clo+hes oh -the way +0 school. 103 Uhfor+uha+ely for Rodrick, +ha+ cjo+ +he a-H-en+ion of +he POLICE, who polled over. XOPED DlPERy 2 XhaVs why Mon nade Pad call soneone +o fix +he washi^3 machine. Bu+ X didn + know +he plumber was in +he house uh+il X walked ^as+ +he laundry roon. Xhe ^uy mus+’ve known wha+ he was DOING, because he cjo+ +he washing nachine u^> and running. But +Kihgs ehded kihd of awkwardly wHeh t^ahhy fried to ^ay tHe plumber usih^ lion’s credit cord. Vledhesda\ VJHeh X cane Home -from scHool tHis a-fterhooh, tHere were a HuhcH o-f workers ahd Heavy macHihery ih our yard. X was suyer EXCITED, because +Fa+ nneah+ +Fis addi+ioh was -fihally Ka^ehlh^ -for REAL. A 3 3 was. He ahd Rowley fried +0 di’3 a Foie +0 CFiha ohce, ahd we <^ui+ a-f+er a -few Fours, but l-f we could Ve 30-H-eh our Fahds oh ohe o-f THESE fFiV^s, we mi^F+ Ve ac+ually gulled if off. 106 XV> wohderihg if +he crew would le+ me iake ihe hackhoe out -for a SPIN. Because X could use i+ +o pull +he moS+ epic prahk EVER a+ my School. .. C* UNC * Xi was pre-Hy ho+ +oday, ahd X +hihk Horn fel+ had for +he ^uys who were workih^ hard. So she made some cold drihks ahd t>rou^h+ +hem ou+side. Xt kind of backfired, tkou^k, because after tkat, tke workers started coning inside to use tke BATHROOM. A^d wkeh a line formed for tke DOWNSTAIRS batkroom, tke bicj^est guy on tke construction crew keaded UPSTAIRS to find anotker toilet. 103 +H<*+ was cArryih +here +0 30 Humber Ohe. 10“? "TKe workers all 30+ 00+ o-f our kouse ^re-Hy QUICK, ku+ +ke^ wereh’+ +ke ONLY ohes wko +kou^k+ +kere was ah ac+ual emer^ehc^. NANNY +kou^k+ so, +00. A^d wkeh +ke smoke de+ec+or weh+ o-f-f, ke +krew all kis sW-fed ahimals 00+ kis bedroom wihdow, +keh ko^ed oh+o +ke ^ile. 110 Mom ahd Pad wereh + ka^y wi+k me for +ke smoke de+ec+or ikih^, i>o+ X doh + +kihk +key were craz^ at>ou+ +ke workers usih^ our t>a+k rooms, EITHER. So +kis eVehlhcj, Mom ordered ohe of +kose ^or+lah, +K0U3K. Hosi of +Kose cohs+ruc+ioh workers look like +Key’ve 30+ really rou3K Kahds -from workih3 wi+K all +Ha+ KeaVy e^ui^r»ieh+. But X use all sor+s of lo+iohs ahd creams +0 make my Kahds hice ahd SOFT. 112 But +Ha+ was EXACTLY +Ke wrohcj +KiV>3 +o -Veil my dad; because 1+ earned mt a ohe-way +icke+ ou+slde. 113 X doh + khow wty Pad seh+ ME ou+ +Kere ahd ho+ Rodrick. Mahty ac+uaiy wah+ed +o ui Pad +old Kim Ke was +oo YOUNG +o Kel^>. A^d Mahiy didhY +ake i+ +ka+ well. ckar^e ahd see Kow X could ^i+ck ih. So X asked arouhd , ahd someohe ih+roduced me +o +ke FOREMAN; wko was ih Kis irailer. X 3 uess +he foreman was +00 busy io deal wi+h some middle school kid j so he +old me +o 30 find a y +ellin3 +hem who X WAS. But +hey weren+ as impressed as X THOUGHT +hey should t>e. X +old +hese <^uys X was out +here +o HELP +p»em. So buddy +old me he had a REALLY im^or+ah+ jot); which was +o hold a wall +he^ had jus+ -framed. Ahd X DID -feel ^re-Hy im^or+ah+ for a while , a+ leasi uh+il X realized +he wall was holdih^ ITSELF u^> oh i+s owh. Ohce X ohders+ood i+ was a PRANK, X figured +his is jus+ +he way cohs+roc+ioh workers joke arouhd wi+h ohe aho+her. So X picked u^> a hammer ahd asked buddy if X could hail some hoards +ocje+her or some+hihcj. 116 Buddy +old me +ha+ would te GREAT, t>u+ X was koldihg a LEFT-hahded hammer, ahd X heeded +o 30 -fihd 1* RlGHT-Kahded ohe. lohcj +ime +0 realize THAT was a joke, +00. =n x+ K.+ me +Ka+ sihce X was +he youhcjes+ cjuy out Here, +he o+her workers didhT RESPECT me. 117 X -figured ikey wahied me io QUIT, but X didh i wahi +o ^iVe ikem ikai SATISFACTION. X decided X was ^ohha PROVE myself by workih^ kard, ahd move u^> ike rahks. Ahd maybe wiikih a week or iwo X d kave ^uys like Buddy re^oriih^ io ME. So X wehi arouhd ike cohsiruciioh siie fihdihcj ikihgs X could do +o kelf> oui. X -filled some buckeis wiik waier for ike workers wko were mixih^ cohcreie , and X moved a ^ile of gravel oui of ike way wkeh a iruck heeded io ^ei ikrou^k. By tKe +ime we broke for luncK; X was feeling pretty GOOD about myself. But X didn t want +o kick back and relax , because +Kelrv tKese giys would tKink X was LAZY. So wKen luncK 30+ delivered, X went around tKe job site Kahding out everyone’s orders. And tKat wade r^e REALLY ^o^ular. One giy named LutKer was in tKe middle of mixing a batcK of concrete, so X Had to wait before X could Kand Kim Kis meatball sub. And +0 be extra Kel^ful, X uhwra^ed it for Kim so Ke’d be able to Kave it as soon as Ke was finisKed. lit But X wash’t beih^ CAREFUL, fthd the meatballs slid out of the sul) ahd ihto ft bucket of wet cohcrete. Luther didht look like the kihd of 31 rj who’d t>e rttotrh ft meatball sub with ho MEATBALLS ih it. So T tossed the REST of the sub ihto the bucket fthd backed aw3 his meatball sub, thirds durih^ the day. So Mom's beeh askih^ the workers to try ahd kee^ it dowh, but that’s hot easy to do wheh you're dealih^ with HAMMERS. Our other hext-door hei^hbor, Mrs. "Tuttle, ish't ha^y about the additioh, EITHER. 122 A^areh+ly ohe of +he workers rolled a wheelbarrow oh+o her ^>ro^erty ahd trampled some of her flowers, ahd how she wah+s os +o REPLACE -them. Ahd i+s ho+Jos+ oor NEXT-DOOR heicjhbors, either. Hrs. Rotkowski lives dia^ohally across the street, ahd X ^oess ohe of her cats ^ot ihto oor yard ahd stewed oh a hail. So she told Pad he h<*d +o ^>ay the VET till. All +his com^laihihg is JOS+ slowing +hihgS dowh ahd making +he ^>rojec+ -fake LONGER. So +He ohly person who's ac+ually making any PROGRESS around here is MANNY. He found a -toy +oolbox in +he basemeni, ahd he +ook some scra^> wood out of +he dum^s+er. X« ho+ exac+ly sore wha+ he's building in +he backward; but i+ looks ^re+-ty IMPRESSIVE. "The dom^s+er is defini+ely +he bes+ +hing abooi +his ^>rojec+. Whenever +he irash can in my bedroom ge+s -full j X jos+ em^+y i+ in+o +he dom^s+er, which is righ+ oo+side my window. 124 VJho+s eveh be++er +h<»h THAT is how easy i+ is how wheh X have +o ^>u+ +he +rash out oh Sohdrt^ hi^h+- X+s py job +o f>u+ irash s+ickers oh oil +he bacjs, +heh +ake eVer^+hihcj dowh +o +he curb. Ahd +ha+s a ^ioh+ ^>aih, es^eciaiy wheh i+ RAINS. But wi+K tKe dumpster, X doh t eVeh kaVe to deal witk tke STICKERS. X cah just ckuck tke ba^s Tohighi X made a ^>re-tty stupid mistake, tkou^k. X didbT feel like takiVi^ eack trask ka^ out of tke ^arldcje cah, so X tried to em^-ty it ihto tke dumpster all at ohce. 126 Uhfor+uha+ely X didh + realize how HEAVY +he -trash cah was, ahd X couldh + cje+ i+ all +he way over +he +of> of +he dossier. So +he whole ^arha^e cah -h'^ed backward , ahd +he -trash em^+ied out of +he ba^s. So how +Kere was ^arbatje EVERYWHERE; ahd X had +o scoo^> all +he -trash hack ih+o +he ha^s. ABC n r=Ti j jj (t,, i ^T' ul fl 127 To make ma++ers WORSE , r+ was a wihdy hlcjk+, so +he +rask was blowihg EVERYWHERE. A^d i+ wash’+ a lo+ o-f -fun iryih^ +o ckase all +k<*+ sW-f down ih +Ke dark. buskes. Bo+ X skouldve remembered +ka+ ke works +ke hi^k+ ski-fi ahd leaves a+ +ka+ +ime. • y—7 1 Mohday X 30+ +0 ted suytr la+e ^es+erday, because X Kad +0 +ry ahd cohVihce Mr. Larocca +Ka+ X wash’i +oile+-^a^erih^ Kis busKes. X REALLY wisK X Kad ^o++eh a cjood hi^K+’s slee^ +K003K , because we Kad a bi of that, they mi^ht have to cut some programs, like Art ahd Music. X wish KIDS had a say ih what to cut, because i-f X was the ohe makihcj the calls, Phys E-d would Ve beeh oh the cho^ih0 block a loh^ TIME a^o. 130 "TKe leathers have beeh really s+ressed out aboul +his lesl, ahd +he Iasi -few weeks haveh'l beeh a lo+ o-f FUN. All +his pressure has beeh ^e++ih^ us KIDS s+ressed oui, loo, so Iasi week +he school brou^hi a S+ress Pu^y ih+o +he library +o help everyohe relax. B>u+ kids 30+ +00 ^rabby wi+h +he ^u^y, ahd +heh +he PUPPY 30+ all s+ressed 00+. Xke ^>u^>^y s+ar+ed ruhhihg ih circles ahd ^eeih^ dll over +ke ^Uce. So +Ke school +ook i+ awa^e ahd replaced i+ wi+k a S+ress Lizard, ahd hobody wah+ed +o TOUCH +ka+ +kih0. S^eakih^ of s+ress, X really wash’+ lookih^ forward +o cjoihcj Lome +kis af+emooh, because X khew +ke^ were ^ohha cut a kole ih +ke wall +o cohhec+ i+ wi+K +Ke addi+ioh. X was worried +key mi^K+ accideh+ally KaVe +o cu+ +Krou^K +Ke PLUMBING, ahd X didh’+ wahha be arouhd wKeh THAT ka^ehed. 132 Rodrick +koucjk+ +key were cjohha use a WRECKING BALL +o smask +kroucjk +ke waII, rthci Kis wKole ^>lah was +o make a music Video wi+k kis fcahd wkch +kev DID. So Rod rick ahd His t>ahdma+es were ^>re-Hy dis«*^^oih+ed wHeh +Hey 30+ iKere ahd +He workers Had already o^ehed +He wall wi+H a ^>ower saw. X didhT see u+ wHa+ +He workers foohd ihside +He walls was jus+ as BAD. THe wood uhderhea+H +He sidihg was ROTTEN , because of a leak caused iy +He closed ^u+ters. Ahd a^areh+ly +Here was +oxic mold ih +He walls, so we Ve beeh livih^ wi+H THAT all +His +ime, +oo. 134 Plus, +here were rodeh+s’ hes+s ih ihe walls, which meahs we Ve beeh sh<*rihehed u^> +Ha+ wall ^ weVe i>eeh fihdihc^ mouse dro^ihcjs oh our ki+cHeh couh+ers. So +W neahs +he nice are liVihcj out ih +he OPEN how. Hon says we cah + leave ary -food lyih^ arouhd, because +Keh +Ke nice will «je+ u^> oh +Ke surfaces where we EAT. So we Ve beeh iryihcj +o kee^ eVer^+Kih^ really CLEAN, ahd X’ve i>eeh ^vHihg our shacks ih places where +he nice cah*+ eeh lookihg uy w ays +o ^e+ rid of nice +ha+ wohT HURT +hen. But Rodrick has his OWN ideas for wha+ +o do. He wah+s +o \>uy a SNAKE, ahd le+ ha+ure +ake i+s course. VJKeh Mom asked Rodrick wKa+ we d do ohce +Ke shake a+e +Ke MICE, Ke said we’d t>uy a MONGOOSE +o ca+cK +Ke Shake. So remihd me ho+ +o Visi+ RODRICK’S Koose wKeh X ^e+ older. Ike mice areh’i our ONLY ^rot)lem ; +K0U3K. Vie Ve 30+ WASPS ih +Ke Koose how, +00. Mom -foohd ohe crawly oh +Ke mah+el above +Ke -fireplace las+ hi^K+j ahd +Kere was aho+Ker ohe aroohd +Ke ki+cKeh +Kis morhih3 dorih3 BREAKFAST. 137 Vie cah*+ -figure oo+ how +heyre ^e++ih^ INSIDE, because we Ve beeh kee^ih^ +he wihdows shu+ ahd we doh’i o^eh +he froh+ door uhless we HAVE +o. Mom +Kihks +he^ mi^K+ be comihg ih -from uhderhea+H +he +ar^> +ha+s coVerih^ +he side o-f +Ke house, so she seh+ Pod ou+ +here +ohire-Hy COOL, but X khow iha+ if i+ ka^^ehed +o ME, everyohe would jus+ use me as a charging s+a+ioh. 131 Rodrick had a theory <*boo+ how the was^>s were ^et+ihcj ih, t u+ i+ soohded kihd of CRAZY. He ex^Lihed there are nil different TYPES of v/txs^s, like ^«^>er was^s <*hd mod was^s. He said we've probably ace wr+k ry wkole family souhds like a TERRIBLE idea. ”Fi'rs+ o-f all, +ke Shacks would be ^ohe by +ke secohd day. Ahd i-f we ohly kad ohe ba+kroom dowh +kere, we'd kave MAJOR problems. ^erisco^e 30+ BLOCKED, we nl^k+ heVer khow i+ was OK +o 30 back UP. 142 like <* TORNADO or some+HiV^- VJell, +Kis morhih^ X +Houcjh+ we were ex^eriehcihcj <*h EARTHQUAKE, ahd +he LAST ^>Lce X wah+ed +o be was underground. 143 But +ke reasoh +ke ^rouhd was skakivuj was because +ke workers were ou+sije JACKHAMMERlNG. BRTATflTftT "Tkey were breaking oy our OLD driveway so +key could ^>our a NEW ohe, ahd X was pretty sure +ke heie, so you couldhT reAlly USE ii -for AhyiKih^. Ahd mAyta itais wKaVs taeh Koldih^ me Wlc from tacomihg a ^rofessiohAl AiKleie aII iKis iime. cAme io ^>our iKe fresK cohcreie, X siAried io 3 ei NERVOUS. A loi of iKe kids ih my hei^KtarKood Are JERKS, Ahd if iKey see wei cohcreie, iKey’ll wriie siu^id siuff ih ii. 145 Oh +o^> of +K<*+j Mrs. Ro+kowskis CATS Have beeh ih our ^<*rd a lo+ ld+ely Kuh+ih^ for MICE, dhd I di'dhT wdh+ a buhcH of ^aw ^rih+s ih +Ke freshly poured cohcre+e. X wdS wd+chihg +Ke STREET bt/t i+ iorhS out X sKoold ve beeh wd+cKih^ +he GARAGE. 146 X heard +he door o^>eh, ahd Rodrick started ^>ullihcj his VAN out. X "tried "to STOP hi™, hut he was ^>layihg his music too loud to hear. n * XOOED —^uORSH X couldh’t BELIEVE ho ohe ihside the house fold Rodrick ahout -the driveway. But it -turhs out -they had a really ^ood excuse, because -they were dealihg with a more SERIOUS problem. SMOKE was ^ourih^ out o-f the wihdows oh -the Tirs-t floor, ahd X heard SIRENS ih -the dis+ahce. _ 147 Horn came rohhih^ ocrt +he froh+ door, ahd Pad was ri^K+ behind Ker. "Teh seconds la+er, a FIRE TRUCK polled u^> aloh^ +Ke cort>, ahd a cookie of firef^K+ers 30+ oirh reeeeeeeeeeeeeeee "Tkey rah across +ke lawh ahd oh+o +ke -frohi walkway wKicK +ke workers kad jos+ Whisked ^ounh^. "TKa+s wkeh eVeryohe realized +k<*+ MANNY was s+ill ihside. Bu+ +kahk-fully ke’d already kad PRACTICE -for ikis sor+ o-f +kih0. "Tke GOOD hews is, +Kere wash + ac+uaiy a FIRE, +Kere was jus+ a lo+ of SMOKE. But +Ke bad hews is, i+ was MY -faul+. Las+ week, wKeh we were ^u+tih^ our -food ih places wKere +Ke mice couldhV cje+ i+, X Kid some Shacks ih +Ke OVEN. So wKeh Mom ^>reKea+ed +Ke oVeh +o ^>u+ ih a ba+cK o-f bacoh +Kis morhihtj, a ^las+ic ba^ MELTED. TVs kihd of UNFORTUNATE, because +Ka+ was a was+e of some ^er-fec+l^ o+a+o cKi^s. 150 Ahd this was defihitely ohe of those times wheh X could've used that escape hatch ih the buck o-f ry closet. VJedhesdy Believe it or hot, Mom ahd Pod have already moved ^>ast the whole potato chi^ bacj ihcideht. Ahd that s ^ood hews for ME. But the REASON theyVe foraick u^> ike driveway ahd -frohi walk, ikey sei u^> ikeir cemehi mixer oh our lawh. Bui X ^uess ike^ -forcjoi we were oh a HILL, because ike mixer ii^ed over ahd poured -fresk cohcreie ri^ki ihio Mrs. X'+ile’s GARDEN. ^ermissioh io kee^> our addiiioh wkere ii WAS, ske wash’i lookihcj io do ikem ahy -faVors. Mrs. "Tu-H-le wouldhi BUDGE; fthd +he +owh iold Mom fthd Pftd +he whole s+ruc+ure was cjohhft hftVe +o come DOWN. +hft+s e/ac+ly whft+ hft^ehed +Kis ft-f+erhooh. So how EVERYONE S uhhft^y; exce^>+ -for NANNY. He -fihisKed work oh HIS ^Uce TODAY; fthd he hftd ft house wftrmihg ^ftr+y +o 15H JUNE Xhursday Mom s been in a real funk ever since the addition was torn down. X -figured we'd just start over and build it the RIGHT way tHis tiMe. But Mom said we burned through Most of Aunt Reba s inheritance during construction, and we were gonna need to s^end the REST patching u^> the side of the house. So Mom was ALREADY in a bad Mood when My test results caMe in the Mail , and they didn t cheer her u^> any. Xt wasn't only MY scores that were bad; though- Xhe whole GRADE did poorly; and X can tell you the reason WHY. 155 Purihg +he middle o-f +he +es+, some kid le+ +he S+ress Lizard ou+ o-f i+s case, and i+s really hard +0 CONCENTRATE wheh +here's a REPTILE oh +he loose. So X ^uess +his meahs +he school is ^ohha lose i+s •fuhdihg, ahd Mom’s ho+ HAPPY ai)ou+ i+. Xh fac+j she’s so o^sei she’s sayih^ we should MOVE so we cah live ih a i>e++er school dis+ric+. Bu+ hofcody ELSE is crazy ai>ou+ moVihcj +o aho+her +owh. Pad ^rew u^> here, ahd he says he doesh + see ahy REASON +o move. 156 A^d RODRlCK doeshT wahha leave , ei+Ker. He s&ys Kis band is FAMOUS ih our +owh, ahd He doesh + wahha s+ar+ over somewHere else. Bu+ X dotV+ khow How -famous you cah really BE i-f your Iasi cohcer+ was a+ a bowlihg alle^. Rodrick says He*s NEVER movih^, ahd eveh if +He REST of us moved oui, He d jus+ kee^> livih^ ih +He tasemehi. A^d +o 4 >e Kohesi wi+H you, X doh*+ +Hihk Rod rick 157 X doh'i +hihk MANNY'S 30^3 ary where, ei+her. He jus+ ^>u+ ih a s^rihkler sys+em, ahd his yard is really comihej ih nice. Xru+h-fully, X didh'i khow how X fel+ about moVih^. X 3uess Xh OK wi+h where we live how, but maybe i+ wouldh't be such a bad idea +0 start -fresh somewhere ELSE. Xhe 3rea+ thihg about moVih^ is that wheh you op to a hew ^>lace, you cah decide who you wahha BE. Maybe X could come u^> wi+h a hew LOOK, ahd ^>eo^>le would +hihk X was a "bad boy." 158 X could eVeh become a whole hew PERSON , ahd -tell everyohe Xm a ^ro-fessiohal showboarder or some+hih^. Bu+ maybe X could "take 1+ eVeh -fur+her +hah THAT. X could ^>re+ehd X'm -from aho+her COUNTRY where -they doh + s^eak C-h^lish. Ahd +heh ry teachers would be impressed wheh X picked uy some hew phrases. Xt’s actually kihd of FUN ima^ihih^ a whole hew life for nyself ih a differeht ^Uce. Back ih elemeh+ary school, we used to ^lay this ^ame called M.A.S.W., which s+ahds for Mahsioh, A^artmeht, Shack, House. Xd write dowh all the possibilities for ry future, ahd theh roll a die over ahd over ahd scratch thihcjs off uhtil X ohly had ohe item left ih each category. X actually -fouhd some o-f m y old M.A.S.H. sheets •from the fifth ^rade ih ry closet a few weeks back. 160 VJKeheVer X flayed, X <*lw4-er- f Pnrl' rik^- # of kiols LocaTion . 0 — Houui qii"> CD -g*±*- 0 —H— (Tceberq) i N <__Li_ J 1 O - X’ n ppr r L - 1 1 (Jl VI) i One of +Ke reasons X liked M.A.S.H. so muck was because it was a cjood ckance to k<*^ out wi+k +ke 31'rls at recess. And +ke 31'rl X liked +ke MOST back +keh was Becky An+on. Q? L W il S' So Sometimes X d ckeat a little wken X was fillihcj out my M.A.S.H. categories +0 3uarahtee X 30+ a 3ood result. 0 V/i-Te Q^ecky) oecky becr^y- Xkese days, Becky kardly knows wko X AM, even tkoucjk we’re lab partners in Biolo3y. X kee^> +kinkin3 X skould bnn3 u^> tke fact tkat weVe su^osed +0 3e+ MARRIED one day, but tke timing never seems ri^kt. 163 Th«+s ANOTHER 3 ood reasoh +o move. X could SERIOUSLY improve my DATING si+ua+ioh. Because if +here’s ohe +hih 3 3 irls loVe, i+s +he NEW 3 uy. Kelsoh Garrrty was +he hew 3 uy a+ -the be^ihhih^ o-f +his school year. Ahd wheh he showed u^>, +he 3 irls weh+ CRAZY for him. Yielh ■'+ look a -few weeks More. eVeryohe realized Kelsoh was kihd o-f WElRD ; ahd how +he 3 irls wohT 3 o NEAR him. Bu+ he had a 3 ood ruh for a while -there. 16H So -tHere are probably a LOT of ^ood reasohs +o wove. IT fac+, +Ke ohly DOWNSIDE is +H«+ Xd heed +o fihd a hew BEST FRIEND. Ahd X doh + khow if +Ha+ would be WORTH i+. X*Ve ihVes+ed a lo+ o-f +ime ahd eher^y ih+o Rowley, ahd X cah+ really see myself s+ar+ih^ over wiiK Someohe NEW. / DID YOU KNOW IF / YOUR HAND IS BIGGER ' THAN YOUR FACE IT'S I A SIGN OF “LOW V INTELLIGENCE”? 165 Bu+ i-f we DO ehd u^> moving, Xve 30+ a whole lis+ o-f REQUIREMENTS -for a -fu+ure t>es+ -friend. Murder ONE, +hey Ve 30+ +o like +o WATCH somebody ^layihcj video cjames wore +hah +hey like ^layihg games +hemselves. Mumher TWO, i+ would be nice i-f +hey could ac+ually DRAW. Because Tm really ih+o crea+ihg comics and s+isf-f. s^r 166 Ahd hunter THREE , +Key've 30+^0 kaVe juhk cereal in +keir kouse. T doh + khow if T cah be -friends wi+k aho+ker kid wkose pareh+s are keal+k hu+s. But mos+ im^>or+ah+, +key Ve 30-Ha kaVe a 3ood sense o-f HUMOR. Because i-f +kere s one +kih3 you skould know about me, its tkat T*m kind o-f a practical joker. 167 Saturday So it turns out Mom is actually SERIOUS about +Kis moVihlaht. Ahd tHere was ahotHer ohe tHat was brahd hew, but tHe House only Had ohe batHroom. Me ahd Mom were ready +0 31've u^> lookihg, but +Heh we fouhd a ^lace tHat looked PERFECT. Yoafi Onmtn Uotm ”TKe house is jus+ a few years old, ahd i+ looks like i+s ih a hice heighborhood. But wha+ go+ MOM mos+ exci+ed was the big KITCHEN. Hon looked u^> the school system, ahd the test scores were pretty good. "Teh she called the realtor +o fihd out wheh we could go SEE the ^>lace. 'Tie real+or said there was ah of>eh house this weekehd, ahd we should dro^> by if we could. So this morhihg, Hom +old eVeryohe +o ge+ ih +he Vah +o check the ^lace ou+. Hobody else was HAPPY abou+ +ha+, because like X said before, the res+ of my family doeshY wah+ +o MOVE. Bu+ when we polled in+o +he neighborhood , everyone s+ar+ed +o change +heir +une. The real+or le+ our -family in and showed us around +he house, which was WAY nicer +han ours. A^d +he ki+cheh was even bigger +hah i+ looked in +he PICTURES. Bir+ wha+ really cjo+ my a+ieh+ioh was +Ke SWimiNG POOL ih +Ke backyard. Rodrick ahd Mahhy mus+Ve s^>o++ed i+ before X did, because bo+h of -them were already out -there by the time X 30+ dowh the back s+airs. 171 We Ve beeh +ryih<^ +o cje+ Mom ahd Pad +o ^t/+ a ^>ool ih our backyard FOREVER. Xkey always +ell us +ka+ +ke Ko+ fob is jus+ as GOOD as a ^ool, but believe me, ii s ho+ +ke same. Ahd +Kis was ah IN-GROUND ^ool. Vie ac+oally Kad ah aboVeool wKeh X was youftgtr, bv+ i+ didh+ eveh las+ a WEEK. 'TKe real+or showed os a few more fea+i/res of +Ke House, t)o+ sKe didh + NEED +o because we were already SOLD. Oh our way Home, eVeryohe was SUPER exciied. Rodrick said He's ^ohha use +He ^>ool +o do summer CONCERTS; ahd r+'ll be a +o+ally zr<\zy scehe every Friday hi^K+. 173 X decided X*m cjohha CHARGE ^eo^le +o come use our ^oolj i)u+ +ha+ Xll make exce^+iohs -for CERTAIN ? eo ? le. Bo+ f^dhry was +ke mos+ exci+ed of ALL. He’s 30+ t)i^ ^l«hs -for +ke ^>ool, -too, ahd oil X cah say is, i+ s ^ohha +<»ke a lo+ o-f chocola+e PUDDING. Mohday VJe had aho+her -family mee+ihg las+ high+, ahd +his was a BIG ohe. E-Veryohe s oh board wi+h moVihg +o +he hew house, so +ha+s grea+. Mom +old us ho+ +o TELL ahyohe ye+, because we s+ill KaVe +o sell OUR house so we cah afford +o bu^ +he NEW ohe. X+ was a li++le hard ■for me +o kee^ +ha+ ihforma+ioh +o MYSELF, -though, ahd X figured +here wouldhT be avy harm ih fellihg jus+ ONE ^ersoh. But ma^be X should Ve +old someohe besides ROWLEY, because he didh + -take +he hews +oo well. 175 X cjuess X could Ve eased Rowley ih+o i+ ihs+ead of Ki+tih^ Kin wi+K +Ke ihforma+ioh all a+ ohce. X tried +o make Kin feel better by sayihcj we’d stay FRIENDS ahd +Ka+ Ke could cone use ny ^>ool oh days wKeh it wash + too CROWDED. But +Ka+ didh’i seem to cKeer Kin u^> at ALL. Hopefully Rowley will cone arouhd, tKoucjK , because X’n hot sure X cah deal wi+K +Kis kihd of drama every day. Af+er dihher tohi^K+j Mom asked Ker friehd wKo’s a real+or +o come over ahd Kel^> us sell OUR Kouse. So we weh+ from room +o room, ahd Mrs. La^Kari fold us wKa+ we were ^ohha KaVe +o CHANGE before we could ^>u+ i+ oh +Ke market. 176 SKe said we were ^ohha heed +o replace our car^e+s, 31'Ve eVery+hihg a fresh coa+ of ^>aih+, ahd ^u+ hew +ile ih +he ki+cheh ahd ba+hroons. Ahd +ha+ was jus+ -for STARTERS. Mrs. La^Kari said +ha+ we’d have +0 +ake dowh our family ^Ko+oSj because buyers like +0 ima^ihe THEMSELVES livihcj ih +he house. Vlell, +Ka+ was fihe wi+h ME, because +Here are SOME ^iciures +ha+ should’ve cone dowh a loh^ TIME a^o. "TKeh Mrs. La^kari -fold os +ka+ wkeh we kaVe ah o^>eh Kousej we skoold lock +ke kasenehi door so ho ohe sees wka+’s dowh +kere. ”Tke Iasi ikih^ Mrs. La^kari -fold os is ikai nosi of oor forhiiure is "ooidaied /" ahd we skoold ^rot>rtt>y jos+ cover ii oy wiik skeeis for ike oytY\ koose. X ikihk ikai kori Mon’s feelih^s, ahd ske said ^>eo^le woold LOVE ker iasie ih forhiiore. 173 But Mrs. La^hari said that i-f we didh t do all -the things she reconnehded, she'd have a hard tine selling our house. So Mon said ih THAT case we'd sell the house OURSELVES, ahd she showed Mrs. La^hari to the door. X cjuess this meahs Mon ahd Mrs. La^hari areht FRIENDS eht the whole WEEK gettih^ ready For it. 171 X+ was MY job +o wri+e +He descn^+ioh -to ^os+ ohlihe. A^d X 30+ a lrt+le crea-tiVe -to -try ahd wake i+ s+ahd out. Four-bedroom house with three bathrooms in nice neighborhood. Home of former bank robber. Possible gold/rare coins buried under floorboards. Vie -took ^Ho+os o-f every room ahd posted -tHose, -too. 'THe House was a MESS wHeh we -took +He ^ic+ureSj +H0U3H, so we Had +0 move some siu-f-f arouhd +0 make rt LOOK cleah. 180 The o^>eh house s+ar+ed a+ hooh, ahd we really had +o scramble +o ^e+ every+hih^ hice ahd hea+. Vie did +he bes+ we could ahd 30+ out of +here jus+ before ^eo^le s+ar+ed +0 arrive. But i+ was kihd of hard si-Hih^ +here doih^ NOTMING while +o+al STRANGERS were 30V3 ih+o our house. Mom said hohe of -the ^eo^le a+ our o^>eh house ac+ually khew we were +he OWNERS, so WE could ^>re+ehd +0 be checkih^ +he ^lace ou+, TOO. Ahd +ha+ way we could lis+eh ih oh wha+ eVeryohe was sayih^. 181 Viell, X +K0U3K+ +Ha+ soohcieci kihd of FUN, so X weh+ ihside wi+H Mom. But eVeryohe ELSE ih +Ke -family +H0U3H+ i+ was a dumb idea ahd s+ayed tack ih +He Vah. X+ +orhs 00+ +ke s^yih^ idea was a MISTAKE , +H0U3H. Mos+ o-f +he ^eo^le didhT Have ahy+K^3 NICE +0 say atoui our House, ahd i+ was kihd of +003K Ke<»nV»3 all +Ke criticism. Bu+ X +Kihk Mom was +akih3 i+ a li-Hle Harder +Hah X was. Because wHeheVer someohe Had some+Hi’^3 NEGATIVE +0 say, sHe d s^>eak u^. 182 Horn 30+ so u^>se+ +U+ she weh+ tack 00+ +0 +he VAN. Bu+ X s+ayeokih^ arouhci our -things. 133 But ho+ everyone was ex^>lorihg +he house. There were a buhch of meh ih +he family room wa+chihg a foo+ball ^ame, rthd from +he look of thirds, +he^ had helped -themselves to our SNACKS. +he^ were basically usih^ -the o^eh house for free BABYSITTING. 18 H Since these dads weren’t watching their KIDS, it was u^> to ME to make sore they didnt BREAK anythin^. But X couldn’t he everywhere at ONCE, and X was upstairs chasing kids out of our bathroom when there was a loud noise DOWNSTAIRS. Xt sounded like a kid ti^ed over the FRIDGE or somethin^, so X ran down to make sure nobody was HURT. But it wasn’t a KID who made the noise, it was one of the DADS. 135 Ohe of +Ke cjiys weh+ ih+o +he lauhdry room looking for more SNACKS, bu+ +h«+’s where we were kee^ih^ all ihe s+off we couldh ■+ hide arywhere ELSE. X ^uess +he hoise freaked ou+ +he o+her dads, because +hey scooped uy +heir kids ahd lef+ ih a HURRY. So +W was -the of -the o^>en house, And we didn + ^e+ a SINGLE offer. A+ dinner +ohi^K+j everyone was kind of bummed ocrt. But while we were doin^ -the dishes, -there was a knock on -the fron-t door. X+ was a couple from oirt of -town, And -they SAid -they couldn’-t mAke rt -to +he o^>en house in +ime. So Mom invi+ed -them in +o show -them Around.They seemed ^re+-ty IMPRESSED, And -the Ldy SAid EXACTLY whA+ Mom WAh+ed +o heAr. And believe rt or no+, -they mAde An offer ri^h+ on -the s^o+. 137 Saturday X khew X was gohha kaVe to tell Rowley we were sellihg our kouse, but X didn't waht a repeat of wkat ka^ehed tke LAST time we talked about it. X cane u^> witk ah idea for kow to kahdle it THIS tine arouhd. Xkere s a Prestoh Platypus book oh tkis EXACT subject, ahd X -figured it was tke PERFECT way to get Rowley used to tke idea o-f ne moVihg. So X brougkt tke book witk ne to kis kouse tkis afterhooh. | VResToM PiaWs Says Farewell to a Friend X+ fel+ a li++le AWKWARD reading a s+ory +o Rowley. Bu+ X +hink he's USED +o having books read +o hiw; so he wade himself comfor+able. X doh’+ really +hink +he message o-f +he book was ge-Hih^ THROUGH +o Rowley, +houcjh. And +he s+ory kind o-f made me MAD, anyway. X+ was abou+ how Pres+on Pla+ypus has a bes+ friend named Pelican Pe+e, and +hey do EVERYTHING +o^e+her. Bu+ +hen one day pelican Pe+e says he's MOVING; and Pres+on Pla+y-pos is sad. A^d X was FINE wi+h +he s+ory +o +ha+ ^>oin+. 13 “? "TKeh Pres+oh S room +ells Kim Ke II make NEW friehds after Pe+e moves, and eVer^+Kihg will work ou+ -for +ke t>es+. Sore ehou^K, ly +Ke ehd of +Ke Kook, +U+'s EXACTLY wka+ ka^ehs. So basically Pres+oh Pla-fy^os forcje+s abou+ Pelicah Pe+e, ahd all +Keir years of friehdski^ doh’+ meah a THING. A^d we heVer fihd oo+ wKa+ Ka^ehS +o Pelicah Pe+e or if kes ka^y ih HIS hew hei^KKorKood. no X +Hough+ aboui wri+ih 3 ah ahcjry le++er +o wHoeVer WROTE +His ^arba^e. Bu+ o-f course Rowley LIKED +He s-tory, ahd He wah+ed me +o read Him ANOTHER ohe. X decided +o jus+ s+o^> dahcih^ arouhd +He issue ahd +ell Rowley wHa+ was REALLY 3 oih 3 oh. Ahd +He secohd X did; X REGRETTED i+. X +old Rowley +o +ry ho+ +o 3 e+ +oo worked u^> because i+ wash + a dohe deal ye+. But ho+Hih^ X said made ahy differehce. X Had +o +ell Rowley +Ha+ l-f He was 3 ohha be so DRAMATIC, X was 3 oih 3 HOME. So +Keh Rowley promised Ke’d kee^> Ki'msel-T +o^e+Ker, ahd Ke DID, bu+ jus+ BARELY. Ma^d>e i+ was a mis+ake +elliheo^le wKo are btyihcj OUR ^lace did a Kome ihs^>ec+ioh over +Ke weekehd, ahd +Key fouhd a ■few +Kih^s we’re ^ohha K*Ve +o fix before +Key 1 l bu^ +Ke Kouse. XKe most SERIOUS issue was a problem wi+K +Ke ceilihg uhderhea+K Mom ahd Pad’s sKower. 112 A^areh+ly +ha+ closed draih was a bicker ^roble^i +hah we THOUGHT. The -floorboards uhder +he ba+hroom +lle were +o+ally ro++ed ou+, so how weVe ^ohha have +o REPLACE -them. VleVe lucky ho+hih^ TERRIBLE ever ha^ehed. Because X cah thihk o-f thih^s eVeh worse thah the GROUT. Xhe other thihg the buyers waht us to do is ^et rid of the HOT TUB , because they have youh^ kids ahd they’re worried about SAFETY. Ahd XT 100% with them oh THAT ohe. How that X khow for SURE weVe moVih^, X have a TOTALLY differeht attitude about school. Sihce it's almost summer, X asked Mom if X could SKIP classes for the rest of the year. But she said if X doh't 30 to school, they could throw her ahd Pad ih JAIL. X thought about whether or hot that would be WORTH it, but X decided X could just suck it u^> for a little while lohcjer. m X realized that hext year X woh t be ut "BEST FRIENDS" uhderheath. Xt made me a little uhcom-fortable writing ih something so PERMANENT though , especially sihce X didn't khow wharty was TONIGHT. Vle’d seht out ihVitatiohs +o just about eVeryohe oh our street, ahd we set eVerytKihj u^> ih our yard. Rodrick was excited, because Mon ahd Pad were lettihg Kis bahd ^>lay, ahd tKey were eveh PAYING Kin. Vie were still busy settihcj u^> wKeh tKe -first quests started to arrive. X wash t sure i-f X sKould eVeh INVITE Rowley to tKe ^>arty, because X was afraid Ke nijKt KaVe ahotKer breakdowh. But X was actually really Ka^y to see Kin. 200 His ^areh+s seemed Ha^y, TOO, ahd X almosi cjo+ iKe -feelihg +Hey were GLAD X was moVih^. Rowley said He Had a GIFT -for me, wHicH was a cjiahi collate wi+H a HuhcH o-f ^ic+ures of os over +He years. A^d X*m ho+ ^ohha lie, i+ 30+ me a li'H'le cHoked o^>. SCST FRlCHOS o r .°..° *1 /r^'' N • / pSUy n *r ~~LL~o~~n~ " 7 StiLJ<0 201 X was kind of RELIEVED +ha+ s all Rowley s cji-fi was. Because +he way he's beeh ac+ihej la+ely, X wouldoX te surprised if Ke ^aVe me ohe of Kis FINGERS or someihiVi^. Rowley said X could Kah^ +he collate ih my NEW tearoom +o remthd me of all +He Fuh s+off we did fo^e+Ker. A^d X doh’+ khow if +kere was a lo+ of Roller* ih +Ke air +ohi^K+ or WHAT, t>u+ ricjk+ +keh X +KiVik X 30+ some+KiV>3 i>\ my eye. s+ar+ed +0 arrive a+ +he ^ar+y. 202 £+ picked u^> really FAST From +Here. Rodricks fcdhd s+ar+ed ^>ldyih3 ou+ oh +he tuck deck, ahd +Ke music d-Rrdc+ed some +eeho^ers who were d+ <* K13K school ^radud+ioh ^ar-fy a Few doors dowh. Theh 1+ seemed like eVeryohe oh our s+ree+ was d+ our ^ar+y dll d+ ONCE, dhd i+ 30+ CRAZY. Our ^>arty was pretty WILD, Hut 1+ was NOTHING compared +0 MANNY'S. And His ^>arty was still tjoin^ strong wHen X turned ih for tHe ni^Ht. 1 n 1 %} n j n J Sunday X Have +o admit j last hi^Ht was a lot of FUN. But X'm kind of SAD, because just wHen tHin^S are getting GOOD around Here, we're LEAVING. X was tHe first one in tHe House awake today, and wHen X looked out tHe window, X knew we were in for a lohcj day of cleanup. 204 X wished we s+ill h«d +ha+ DUMPSTER, because +ha+ wouldve made +hi>\ejs a whole lo+ EASIER. While X was looking over +he froh+ lawh, +wo bicj moVih^ trucks polled oy aloh^ +he curt). X was kihd of CONFUSED, because our move was s+ill a week awa^. A -few guys 30+ ou+ of +he irucks, ahd ohe of +hem came +o our -frohi door. So X weh+ out +o MEET him. 205 "TKe mah +old me His +eam was ready +o s+ar+ ^ut+ih^ our s+vff ih+o +He -trucks, ahd +Hey heeded +o come ihside +He House. By how, Mom Had come dowhs+airs ahd was a+ +He froh+ door. SHe fold +He ofjy He was a week EARLY, ahd +Ha+ +He move wash + uh+il NEXT Suhday. But He gulled out a coh+rac+ +Ha+ sHowed TODAY S da+e as +He moVih^ day, ahd i+ Had Moms signature oh +He to++om. <0> a Mom iold +He ^uy +Ha+ Her +He de^osi+ was "hohre-fuhdable," ahd +Ha+ if we didhT move TODAY, we’d lose +He mohey we already y>aid. 206 How Mon was ih a PANIC. She woke eVeryohe ahd +old us +o ^e+ PACKING. "The movers said we W a +wo-Kour wihdow +o ^e+ eVery+Hih^ oh+o +Ke trucks, so we really Had +o HUSTLE. U^> +o +His ^>oih+ we’d t>eeh really care-fol ^ackihej so ho+Hihg 30+ DAMAGED. Bir+ how +Here was ho TIME -for +Ha+. 207 "TKe movers REALLY didhY care i-f our siu-f-f 30+ brokeh. Ahd +H«*Vs wHy rt was probably a tad idea +0 le+ +Hem ^ack u^> our DISHES. Mom asked +He movers +0 jus+ -focus oh +He FURNITURE ihs+ead , ahd +Hey weh+ dowh +0 +He basemeh+ +0 s+ar+ +Here. "IHeh someohe rah^ +He doorbell. X+ was +Ke 3 we Hired +0 lake +He HOT TUB away, ahd His crahe was parked ih our froh-f- yard. VJi+H eVery+Hih3 ELSE 30^3 oh a+ +He House , +His was ^re++y -terrible TIMING. 208 "THe crahe operator explained tH<*t He couldht cjet His VeHicle ihto our backyard witHout ruhhihu+ some s+rn^s arouhd i+. Theh he a++ached +he s+ra^s +o a ^iah+ WOOK ahd li-f+ed +he ho+ +ub off +he deck. y y But wheh he +ried +o back his Vehicle u^>, he COULDN'T, because +he movers had ^iled a buhch of FURNITURE ih our yard. So how +he ho+ +ub was dah^lih^ above our ROOF. 210 As i-f +he whole srtwrh'oh wash + s+ressful ehoucjh ALREADY, «H o-f a suddeh ROWLEY showed ih my -frohi ^ard. s ® - 211 But X didh + have TIME +o deal wi+h Rowley because how X had a NEW problem. Xh«+ opy -front Vlhirley S+ree+ had gulled u^> ih -frohi o-f our house, ahd he was -takihcj +he FURNITURE +Ha+ +he movers had le-f+ by +he curb. A^d +ha+’s wheh X remembered i+ was SUNDAY, which is -the day we leave our TRASH out. X tried to wave the ^uy o-f-f to make him op away. Bui +he crahe operator ihou^hi X was ^ivihg him a sighal ihat it was OK +0 back u^> his Vehicle, which is what he DID. 212 Aftd +Ha+ was +Ke ehd o-f our livihu+ +Ke Ko+ +ub DIDN’T. X+ s+ar+ed swih^ihcj ih crazy circles above +he House, ahd +He^ i+ slammed ih+o our CHIMNEY. 213 The tricks slid off +he roof and jus+ missed my PARENTS, who had come ou+side +o see wha+ all +he COMMOTION was. vM* Af+er +ha+, X +hou 3 h+ i+ was OVER, because X couldhY imagine ahy+hih 3 ELSE ha^ehih^. Bu+ Some+hihg DID. Some was^s had buili a hes+ ih our CHIMNEY, which ex^laihs how ihey were 3 e++ih 3 ih+o +he house all +his +ime. Ahd how -they were LOOSE, lookih 3 for REVENGE. We all rah for cover ihside +he house, bu+ +he crahe o^era+or washX c^uick ehou^h +o 3 e+ away. 214 Tke was^s -flew ih +he cabih of his Vehicle, which made Kim kick +he lever +ha+ released +he HOT TUB, which fell +Krou 3 K +ke ROOF. A*d a+ +ha+ ^oih+, +o +ell +he irir+h, X was kihd of RELIEVED. Because how X khew for SURE +Ha+ +hihlace like Home” or +Ha+ sori of +Hihcj. Bu+ +Ha+’s +He kihd of corhy s+uff +Hey ^>u+ ih books for li++le kids. So Here’s +He lessoh I’M iakih^ away from all +His-‘ Poh’+ be la+e for ah old lady’s foheral. Because believe me, sHe’ll make you PAY. 217 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Thanks to my wife, Julie, for your love and support, especially during my deadlines. Thanks to my family for cheering me on all these years. Thanks to Charlie Kochman for caring about every period, comma, and semicolon in these books. Thanks to everyone at Abrams, including Michael Jacobs, Andrew Smith, Hallie Patterson, Melanie Chang, Kim Lauber, Mary O’Mara, Alison Gervais, and Elisa Gonzalez. Thanks also to Susan Van Metre and Steve Roman. Thanks to my awesome, friendly Wimpy Kid team: Shaelyn Germain, Anna Cesary, and Vanessa Jedrej. Thanks to Deb Sundin, Kym Havens, and the incredible staff at An Unlikely Story. Special thanks to Chad W. Beckerman for your outstanding design skills and for your friendship over these many years. Thanks to Liz Fithian for all the great memories on our travels. Thanks to Rich Carr and Andrea Lucey for your outstanding support. Thanks to Paul Sennott for all your help. Thanks to Sylvie Rabineau and Keith Fleer for everything you do for me. As always, thanks to Jess Brallier for your continued support. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jeff Kinney is a # 1 New York Times bestselling author and a six¬ time Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award winner for Favorite Book. Jeff has been named one of Time magazine’s lOO Most Influential People in the World. He is also the creator of Poptropica, which was named one of Time’s 50 Best Websites. He spent his childhood in the Washington, D.C., area and moved to New England in 1995. Jeff lives with his wife and two sons in Massachusetts, where they own a bookstore, An Unlikely Story. An unexpected inheritance gives Greg Heffley’s family a chance to make big changes to. their hopse. But they soon find that home improvement isn’t all it f s cracked up to be. Once the walls come down, all sorts of problems start to crop up. Rotten wood, toxic ( mold, unwelcome critters, and something even more sinister all make Greg and his family wonder if the renovations ( are Worth the trouble. When the dust finally settles, will the Heffleys be able t< stay . or will they need to get out of town?