1
00:00:11,452 --> 00:00:14,520
Tonight: James wears a stripey jumper.

2
00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:21,552
Richard drives a stripey Lamborghini,
and we name the greatest car maker in the world!!

3
00:00:29,452 --> 00:00:35,624
Thank you so much, everybody. Amazing.

4
00:00:36,924 --> 00:00:42,060
Now, as we know, as we know,
you can never get rid of a baddie, OK?

5
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:46,800
No matter how much you kill them.
Remember Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction?

6
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:52,684
She was stabbed, she was drowned,
half an hour later, reared up out of the bath.

7
00:00:52,784 --> 00:00:57,024
Then you got the Daleks, Blofeld,, Peter Mandelson! (LAUGHTER)

8
00:00:57,224 --> 00:01:02,936
They just keep coming back.
Then there's Top Gear's perennial baddie.

9
00:01:06,136 --> 00:01:11,660
Yes, it's the caravan.
Now as regular viewers of Dave will know

10
00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:16,060
we have, over the last 24  hours,
done our very best to rid the world

11
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:24,428
of the caravan menace. 
I think there's one more actualy.

12
00:01:27,028 --> 00:01:33,028
That is, I think you'll agree, sterling work in our battle 
to free the road of these mobile traffic jams.

13
00:01:33,328 --> 00:01:39,300
Sadly, it's a battle we're losing.
There are now almost half a million caravans

14
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:44,764
on UK roads, and the British are the most
prolific caravanning nation in Europe.

15
00:01:44,964 --> 00:01:49,020
A title we've held for almost four years,
according to the Caravan Council.

16
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,964
In short, they're building them
faster than we can destroy them.

17
00:01:53,464 --> 00:01:57,904
So we need a scientific Approach to getting them 
off the roads, and I may have found that!!

18
00:03:04,732 --> 00:03:06,096
It Worked!!

19
00:03:19,096 --> 00:03:24,452
What you're witnessing here, viewers, is the maiden 
voyage of the world's first caravan air ship.

20
00:03:25,052 --> 00:03:28,204
I believe this is the solution to all our problems.

21
00:03:28,304 --> 00:03:33,076
There are only two ways to go caravanning: 
you can have your two litre diesel

22
00:03:33,176 --> 00:03:36,940
Toe your caravan, obscure the view
 of all the people you're annoying

23
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:42,220
or you can bring it up. Here. 
Everybody wins. Driving is more fun

24
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:46,908
and caravanning is more exciting. However

25
00:03:47,008 --> 00:03:51,156
As with all all cutting edge engineering 
projects, there are teething problems.

26
00:03:51,256 --> 00:03:55,424
Normally, you drive along with your caravan
 and your car and when you get to a caravan site,

27
00:03:55,524 --> 00:03:58,268
you have a car to use. 
I don't of course, so I need

28
00:03:58,368 --> 00:04:03,556
somebody to take the car
 to the caravan site for me.

29
00:04:03,756 --> 00:04:08,088
And for that, I'm calling on my old 
caravan-destroying mate, Mr. Richard Hammond.

30
00:04:09,288 --> 00:04:11,924
Yes, And because it doesn't 
have to log the caravan around

31
00:04:12,024 --> 00:04:18,628
it can be a nice car.

32
00:04:18,728 --> 00:04:21,296
This car will never, ever 
hitch itself to a swift Rapide.

33
00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:26,860
It's a Lamborghini, probably the least 
caravanish car company ever, and this

34
00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:36,036
is their new Gallardo Balboni, it's a tribute to 
Valentino Balboni. Lamborghini most famous test driver

35
00:04:37,636 --> 00:04:43,700
Although he wore a cardigan to work, he was 
a mentalist. And as a tribute to his mentalness,

36
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:50,160
this particularly Gallardo is the most mental Lambo 
there's been for a while. But more of that later.

37
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:55,044
Because first, I shall ring James and offer
 him some encouragement.

38
00:04:56,744 --> 00:05:01,092
Hammond? May.
That thing is going to crash, and burn

39
00:05:01,792 --> 00:05:05,860
and explode and you'll be scattered in a 
million pieces across the English countryside.

40
00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:09,060
Don't be so defeatist. Anyway,
 I've got an address for you.

41
00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:14,924
It's Hunter's Moon Caravan Club, which is
 just outside wear ham in Dorset.

42
00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:18,576
I've made the booking. They are expecting an air ship, 
and i'll take for lunch by the river.

43
00:05:18,976 --> 00:05:23,444
Right. See you in a bit. 
Caravanning in a Lamborghini.

44
00:05:24,244 --> 00:05:26,436
I think he might actually 
be on to something here.

45
00:05:33,036 --> 00:05:35,400
Let me tell you a bit about the caravan air ship 

46
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:40,500
It's 125 feet long, 110,000 cubic
feet of hot air holding it up

47
00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:45,476
and it's a very very ingenious solution, because 
all the caravan attachments are still here.

48
00:05:45,576 --> 00:05:49,944
Instruments flip up out the table, 
the gas burners go where the cooker would be,

49
00:05:50,044 --> 00:05:54,816
and can be used for cooking, the beds fit 
where I'm sitting here. It is still a caravan,

50
00:05:54,916 --> 00:06:03,048
it's just a flying caravan.
It floats with the infinite blue. It's superb.

51
00:06:04,648 --> 00:06:08,620
Meanwhile, on the ground, 
this was turning into the best drive

52
00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:12,096
to a caravan site ever. 
According to Top Gear research,

53
00:06:12,296 --> 00:06:17,068
37% of caravaners enjoy wife swapping. 
Well Think what's gonna

54
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:23,428
happen when the keys for this 
baby come out the pot! Oh yeah!

55
00:06:23,528 --> 00:06:26,976
As I was saying, because this is a
 tribute to their looniest test driver,

56
00:06:27,076 --> 00:06:31,068
Lambo ditched the usual four-wheel 
drive for Gallardo and gone back to

57
00:06:31,468 --> 00:06:38,488
the hairy-chested rear wheel drive, 
that makes it 120kg lighter

58
00:06:38,588 --> 00:06:43,208
all new steel brakes, instead of carbon ceramic
 fancy ones. It's Lamborghini's punk album.

59
00:06:43,308 --> 00:06:48,816
Hammond, it's May! Oh Hello!! Your Alive!! 
How are you? I'm Very well. How's it going?

60
00:06:48,916 --> 00:06:54,304
Pretty good. Slight issue on the horizon, though.

61
00:06:54,404 --> 00:07:01,304
It's not the fastest aircraft in the world. 
How not quick is it? Well, top speed is about 17.

62
00:07:01,404 --> 00:07:08,412
70 miles an hour isn't bad,, in a straight line. 
No, 17 miles an hour.

63
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:12,884
I think Dorset might be a bit far. I've got a new 
address for you. Another address? Dale Acres caravan

64
00:07:12,984 --> 00:07:16,944
club site in Kent. Probably not my  first choice of caravanning

65
00:07:17,044 --> 00:07:28,480
defendant naigts. I'll buy you an  ice cream. See you there.

66
00:07:28,580 --> 00:07:32,336
Right, campsite number two.  It's now time for a spot of

67
00:07:32,436 --> 00:07:38,648
airborne lunch.  This is unquestionably the most

68
00:07:38,748 --> 00:07:49,120
powerful cooker ever fitted to a  caravan. Very well cooked on one

69
00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:55,412
side.  It's all part of the adventure of

70
00:07:55,512 --> 00:07:59,072
caravanning. Back to the Balboni.  The thing is, the basicness makes

71
00:07:59,172 --> 00:08:03,336
it better to drive. The steering  feels so much quicker because

72
00:08:03,436 --> 00:08:09,256
there's no four-wheel drive in the  way and the gear change, the manual

73
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:16,400
box feels like it's shaking hands  with an old friend.

74
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:21,884
Everything that isn't basic is  price, because weirdly, this

75
00:08:21,984 --> 00:08:25,336
stripped out strictly functional  costing £163,000, which is 18 grand

76
00:08:25,436 --> 00:08:30,792
dearer than the ordinary four-wheel  drive one, so maybe less really is

77
00:08:30,892 --> 00:08:36,824
more.  The Balboni propelled me towards

78
00:08:36,924 --> 00:08:41,288
our campsite in Kent.  And then James rang again. Hello?

79
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:44,948
Hello. Are you ringing from the  grave? No, not at all. It's going

80
00:08:45,048 --> 00:08:47,996
marvellously up here, mate. You'd  love it. There is one slight hitch,

81
00:08:48,096 --> 00:08:54,492
thoxt What is up now?  performance is slightly marginal.

82
00:08:54,592 --> 00:08:58,760
If I get ahead wind of more than 30  knots, I start to go backwards.

83
00:08:58,860 --> 00:09:02,480
can't go into a wind of more than  30 knots? No. What is the wind

84
00:09:02,580 --> 00:09:06,280
speed now? It was 12. You're  telling me you're being blown

85
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:08,920
around Britain? It takes too long  to get down to Kent so I will turn

86
00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:14,400
round and go the other way up to  Suffolk.

87
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:21,776
Right. Anyway, I've got an address  for you. Why not book us into every

88
00:09:21,876 --> 00:09:26,856
caravan site in Britain before we  left. Stop nit-picking, will you?

89
00:09:26,956 --> 00:09:32,340
What a norbert. If this air ship  caravan skex his catches on, what

90
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:37,668
we'll have is the skies full of air  ships crashing into each other when

91
00:09:37,768 --> 00:09:47,088
the wind gets up and the roads  crashing crashing we'll have cars

92
00:09:47,188 --> 00:09:56,136
crashing into each other pause they  With the wind behind me, I headed

93
00:09:56,236 --> 00:10:02,264
for our new destination. Frblg  morning, caravan club. Any pitches

94
00:10:02,364 --> 00:10:06,932
available at the White House beach  club? What is your surname? Do you

95
00:10:07,032 --> 00:10:20,420
have facilities for people arrive  by air ship? OK, are you actually a

96
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:26,236
Here I am in the village of - here,  this village! And it's somewhere I

97
00:10:26,336 --> 00:10:31,184
would never have seen.  It's a really, really big tower

98
00:10:31,284 --> 00:10:37,280
over there. That's - well, that's  clearly just a danger to caravaners.

99
00:10:37,380 --> 00:10:42,596
Look at it. Must remember to tell  James about that. As As it turned

100
00:10:42,696 --> 00:10:49,484
out, at that moment, James had more  than a tower to worry about.

101
00:10:49,584 --> 00:10:54,360
May Day, May Day. Norwich golf pap  pa golf, I'm about to enter your

102
00:10:54,460 --> 00:10:57,808
air space.  You're entering an area of intense

103
00:10:57,908 --> 00:11:03,264
aerial activity at the moment t is  imperative that you remain clear -

104
00:11:03,364 --> 00:11:10,392
well clear.  Sorry, cannot comply, have no

105
00:11:10,492 --> 00:11:14,656
control over air ship owing to wind  conditions. Remain well clear.

106
00:11:14,756 --> 00:11:21,236
Norwich cannot comply. You have  traffic left, 11 o'clock range of

107
00:11:21,336 --> 00:11:34,452
half a mile, fast moving. Have  visual. Further traffic in your

108
00:11:34,552 --> 00:11:38,920
That's the news report and no news  of a massive fireball burning over

109
00:11:39,020 --> 00:11:42,576
Northamptonshire or of people in  the streets being hit by pieces of

110
00:11:42,676 --> 00:11:52,768
long burning hair and bad jumper.  Anyway, I'm probably being

111
00:11:52,868 --> 00:12:06,080
pessimistic.  It sure is going very well.

112
00:12:06,180 --> 00:12:09,736
Stay where you are, man!  heading close to the City Hopper.

113
00:12:09,836 --> 00:12:18,812
Police helicopter not necessary. I  will attempt to clear your zone at

114
00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:30,656
this altitude. Please don't call  the police.

115
00:12:30,756 --> 00:12:33,096
Police helicopter to Golf Tango.  We're not aware of your intention,

116
00:12:33,196 --> 00:12:48,080
but you've strayed into the  controlled air space of Norwich

117
00:12:48,180 --> 00:12:55,408
airport. I may be about to get a  Suffolk, a popular holiday

118
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:59,472
destination. Just a few miles away  now. James will have landed, set

119
00:12:59,572 --> 00:13:09,600
the van up, organised our little  home from home, probably got the

120
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:14,680
kettle on.  Finally, I reached a caravan site.

121
00:13:14,780 --> 00:13:19,144
I didn't know if it was the one I  had booked into, but it would do.

122
00:13:19,244 --> 00:13:31,036
Here we go. The landing you won't  even notice. This is a lovely

123
00:13:31,136 --> 00:13:37,736
approach over the trees. This is a  matter of a resting descent.

124
00:13:37,836 --> 00:13:51,304
People who envisaged the elegance  of the majesty of lighter-than-air

125
00:13:51,404 --> 00:14:08,116
flight, zeppelin, Barnes Wallace,  Drifting. This is difficult. Gas!

126
00:14:08,216 --> 00:14:17,020
Gas! It's going down.  May Day, May Day!

127
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:39,456
Bloody hell, stop! Stop!  Stop!

128
00:14:39,556 --> 00:14:43,600
Papa Charlie echo, whiskey, echo,  what? I think it has a lot of

129
00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:48,196
promise. Airships have never  worked? Jew can't land being full

130
00:14:48,296 --> 00:14:52,976
of hot air. I have been in a hot  air balloon once, it landed

131
00:14:53,076 --> 00:14:56,772
dragging itself through sideways  through a hedge in a field, I ended

132
00:14:56,872 --> 00:15:02,632
up jammed on the lady Mayoress in a  field. I want to talk about lighter

133
00:15:02,732 --> 00:15:07,664
than air transport. I want to talk  about the Lambourghini? It is

134
00:15:07,764 --> 00:15:10,960
heroically daft, by going down from  four-wheel to rear-wheel drive, it

135
00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:17,256
is bonkers, it is like free  climbing rather than all the ropes

136
00:15:17,356 --> 00:15:23,760
and harnesss. Compared to, we must  compare it, rear-wheel drive, to a

137
00:15:23,860 --> 00:15:27,352
Ferrari 430? It is not as good, it  is better. It is the white stripe.

138
00:15:27,452 --> 00:15:30,432
Super car. You have to drive it a  lot more than you thought, because

139
00:15:30,532 --> 00:15:38,960
of the freak weather conditions  that blighted James, the light

140
00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:44,148
breezes.  It was more like a Hurricane. It

141
00:15:44,248 --> 00:15:46,976
was puffy clouds. Let's do the news.  The Danes have made Anne noupsment,

142
00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:53,480
they are going to start -- an  announcement, they are going to

143
00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:57,852
start making a supercar. It has a  V8, supercharged and turbochargeed,

144
00:15:57,952 --> 00:16:04,916
they say all of the components,  where possible, will be made and

145
00:16:05,016 --> 00:16:13,760
sourced by companies in Denmark.  Yes? Will it be made of bacon.

146
00:16:13,860 --> 00:16:18,180
it be lubricated with Lurpak?  know Bang & Olufsen, and inside it

147
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:22,368
is all, as far as I'm aware,  Philips electronics? It doesn't

148
00:16:22,468 --> 00:16:30,368
stop you buying pretty much  everything they make. I am a bit of

149
00:16:30,468 --> 00:16:35,200
a sucker for Bang & Olufsen. The  new Audreys have their speakers

150
00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:41,884
rising up out of the dashboard.  bet you're rising up with them.

151
00:16:41,984 --> 00:16:50,280
am. It works like kit nip on him,  if you give him a bang and Olaf sen

152
00:16:50,380 --> 00:16:55,572
he grips it and hugs it to his  chest. What is cat rip? You give it

153
00:16:55,672 --> 00:17:00,640
to cats and they hug it. The only  thing I want to give a cat is its

154
00:17:00,740 --> 00:17:05,056
name and address to my dogs. He  said when I said I would set my dog

155
00:17:05,156 --> 00:17:11,120
on his cat that he wouldn't be able  to do it? Uuraguay dog comes around

156
00:17:11,220 --> 00:17:21,560
to see my cat, it would get its  bloody head kicked in. Bang and

157
00:17:21,660 --> 00:17:27,168
Olaf sen brings me bang and Olafson  brings me back to that car.

158
00:17:27,268 --> 00:17:35,028
A woman had a baby, while she was  on her way to hospital in a Kia,

159
00:17:35,128 --> 00:17:39,592
they have called the baby Kia.  It could have been worse, it could

160
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:44,572
have been Proton. Because these  people called their baby, Kia, Kia,

161
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:49,856
the people who made the cars have  given them a Kia car. We have got a

162
00:17:49,956 --> 00:17:54,056
picture of the handover. This  brings us on to a very important

163
00:17:54,156 --> 00:18:00,496
Top Gear, top tip, if you are on  your way to hospital in Labour, and

164
00:18:00,596 --> 00:18:06,120
you're in a Kia, for God's sake get  out. Let the child be Christened

165
00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:10,764
skip, bus stop, phone box, anything,  just get out. I Christen this child,

166
00:18:10,864 --> 00:18:15,360
doorway of Currys, because at least  that way you get a free microwave

167
00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:22,876
and not a hidious car like that.  reckon this whole story and baby

168
00:18:22,976 --> 00:18:27,012
Kia here, it could spark a whole  load of copy cats, a whole load of

169
00:18:27,112 --> 00:18:36,312
dads waiting until the due dates  and driving a Lambourghini and

170
00:18:36,412 --> 00:18:40,856
driving really slowly to hospital.  Why are you called Zonda with the

171
00:18:40,956 --> 00:18:44,360
brake package. Last weekend the  three of us were in Middlesborough,

172
00:18:44,460 --> 00:18:48,060
on Saturday night we had to drive  back to England, it meant going

173
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:51,640
down the M1. The truth of the  matter is all three of us had been

174
00:18:51,740 --> 00:18:55,372
away from home for six weeks,  looking forward to seeing our

175
00:18:55,472 --> 00:19:00,560
families. Belting down the M1, you  arrive in Leicestershire, and there

176
00:19:00,660 --> 00:19:04,372
is a 20-mile set of road works  there. They have average speed

177
00:19:04,472 --> 00:19:09,720
cameras set at 50 miles an hour,  for the entire length. Traffic is

178
00:19:09,820 --> 00:19:12,360
light, there is no rain, it is  three lanes, but you're forced to

179
00:19:12,460 --> 00:19:16,124
do 50. I don't know who the  Minister of Transport is, I want

180
00:19:16,224 --> 00:19:19,704
him to find the man who came up  with that idea, go round to his

181
00:19:19,804 --> 00:19:23,108
office on Monday morning, and punch  him really hard on the side of his

182
00:19:23,208 --> 00:19:28,080
head. Because if he doesn't, I'm  going to find the man and attach

183
00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:31,936
him to a milling machine, and see  if it is possible to turn a man's

184
00:19:32,036 --> 00:19:35,296
head into a perfect cube. Do you  know why they have the 50 mile an

185
00:19:35,396 --> 00:19:41,704
hour speed limit, to protect the  work force, who weren't there. They

186
00:19:41,804 --> 00:19:45,484
were in bed, where I wanted to be.  I agree with you entirely. But the

187
00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:51,732
answer is not cubing people's heads,  the answer is when the work force

188
00:19:51,832 --> 00:19:58,172
aren't there is do 70. You will get  nicked? Who here would just do 70

189
00:19:58,272 --> 00:20:03,676
through a set of road works with  speed cameras. If you go charging

190
00:20:03,776 --> 00:20:07,596
through you get booked. Do 70 you  take it to court in front of a jury,

191
00:20:07,696 --> 00:20:10,768
you argue correctly that it is  wrong to apply the 50 mile an hour

192
00:20:10,868 --> 00:20:14,752
speed limit when there is nobody  there to protect. You are saying it

193
00:20:14,852 --> 00:20:19,640
is logic? It is logic. It is logic  to kill Peter Mandelson. But you

194
00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:23,688
can't do it. Killing Peter  Mandelson is a grey area, but doing

195
00:20:23,788 --> 00:20:29,752
70 miles an hour on the motorway is  an absolute. How many people went

196
00:20:29,852 --> 00:20:35,048
on the anti-war march, a million,  we went to war. How many people

197
00:20:35,148 --> 00:20:37,440
went on the countryside march,  400,000, and fox-hunting was banned.

198
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:42,452
The Government is not interested in  the will of the people.

199
00:20:42,552 --> 00:20:46,240
Particularly if it is not some  long-haired old Queen arguing about

200
00:20:46,340 --> 00:20:50,036
speed limits. Speed limits are a  pain, there are two solutions

201
00:20:50,136 --> 00:20:55,656
outlined, revolution or cubing  people's heads, or alternatively

202
00:20:55,756 --> 00:20:59,172
you could just leave a bit earlier.  No, cube their heads. Leave five

203
00:20:59,272 --> 00:21:04,440
minutes earlier. It is not five  minutes any way. It is five minutes

204
00:21:04,540 --> 00:21:08,892
a day. Any here from Leicestershire.  How did you get here, Jesus.

205
00:21:08,992 --> 00:21:12,644
He's from Leicestershire. He's  Jesus, come here, Jesus, come and

206
00:21:12,744 --> 00:21:18,004
talk to me.  Congratulations. It's slightly

207
00:21:18,104 --> 00:21:21,348
bigger news than the M1 but  nevertheless let's gloss over the

208
00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:26,800
second coming, do you commute on  the road? I go the back way.

209
00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:33,864
Because of that. How much does it  add to your transport every day?

210
00:21:33,964 --> 00:21:37,708
Ten minutes, quarter of an hour.  day? Each way. It is an hour and 40

211
00:21:37,808 --> 00:21:46,584
minutes a week the Government is  stealing from Jesus.

212
00:21:46,684 --> 00:21:50,048
This is a sore point. Gordon Brown  is stealing an hour and 40 minutes

213
00:21:50,148 --> 00:21:54,944
from Jesus.  Any way, time to move on. Because

214
00:21:55,044 --> 00:22:00,048
last week we asked you to nominate  the car-maker that you thought over

215
00:22:00,148 --> 00:22:05,408
the years has made the largest  number of great cars. There have

216
00:22:05,508 --> 00:22:11,320
been a couple of quite interesting  nominations, one was Matchbox,

217
00:22:11,420 --> 00:22:18,176
clever, I thought, the other was  James May, he tied with Chrysler.

218
00:22:18,276 --> 00:22:22,444
It was weird he's only ever made  one great car, James, the Eagle

219
00:22:22,544 --> 00:22:26,928
Hamthrust. This is the top ten, as  you can see we have Ferrari,

220
00:22:27,028 --> 00:22:32,556
Lambourghini, coming up now we have  the top three, here they are.

221
00:22:32,656 --> 00:22:37,960
Automatic board. Cost a lot of  money. In third place, according to

222
00:22:38,060 --> 00:22:47,380
you, the voters. BMW. In second  place, even though they made the

223
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:55,008
worst car in the history of the  world ever, the Beatle, it is VW.

224
00:22:55,108 --> 00:23:00,176
You can applaud this if you like,  the winner is Ford.

225
00:23:00,276 --> 00:23:04,412
That is it, the thing is, though,  you're wrong.

226
00:23:04,512 --> 00:23:08,568
Ford hasn't won this at all, we  reckoned Ford has made four great

227
00:23:08,668 --> 00:23:13,632
cars over the years. But the car  company we think is at the top of

228
00:23:13,732 --> 00:23:17,412
this list has made seven. The car  company we have in mind, there were

229
00:23:17,512 --> 00:23:21,992
350 million people watching last  week's show when we asked you to

230
00:23:22,092 --> 00:23:27,928
vote. The number of people who  voted for, what we think is the

231
00:23:28,028 --> 00:23:33,412
greatest car company in the world  was nine. Not nine million. Just

232
00:23:33,512 --> 00:23:37,240
nine. No ideas? Made some of the  prettiest cars ever. Let me put it

233
00:23:37,340 --> 00:23:42,208
this way, Mitsubishi has won the  World Rally Championship once, did

234
00:23:42,308 --> 00:23:50,320
you brew three times, Ford three  times, the company we have in mind

235
00:23:50,420 --> 00:23:58,744
won it ten times. No, silence. OK  then, watch this.

236
00:23:58,844 --> 00:24:06,616
This is a collection of art, of  madness, of brilliance. This is a

237
00:24:06,716 --> 00:24:12,320
collection of pornography, this is  a clocks of Lancias. But this,

238
00:24:12,420 --> 00:24:17,320
annoyingly is the Lancia people  remember best of all, The Beatles.

239
00:24:17,420 --> 00:24:21,492
It was made from steel so thin that  on a windy day it would actually

240
00:24:21,592 --> 00:24:24,464
change shape. And it wasn't much  cop in the rain either. This was

241
00:24:24,564 --> 00:24:32,840
fine yesterday, but then this  morning we had a bit of a shower

242
00:24:32,940 --> 00:24:36,568
and now look at it.  The fact is though, that all

243
00:24:36,668 --> 00:24:50,088
Lancias had problems. The Gamma,  for instance, exploded every time

244
00:24:50,188 --> 00:24:59,024
you turned the steering wheel. And  then, there was the Fulvia.

245
00:24:59,124 --> 00:25:05,336
It is a fantastic little car this.  It's like driving a wroughty sorbet.

246
00:25:05,436 --> 00:25:08,356
With its clever V4 engine, it was  the first Lancia to win the World

247
00:25:08,456 --> 00:25:14,512
Rally Championship. The thing is,  though, when all is said and done,

248
00:25:14,612 --> 00:25:21,920
it was a very small, 1.3 litre,  front-wheel drive, two-door saloon

249
00:25:22,020 --> 00:25:27,932
car. It cost when it was new, more  than an E Type Jaguar.

250
00:25:28,032 --> 00:25:33,496
We forgave the Fulvia the silly  price tag, because what made it

251
00:25:33,596 --> 00:25:42,980
great, the same thing that made all  Lancia's great, the way it looked.

252
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:48,168
It really is as pretty as the  sunseting over Charlize Theron. In

253
00:25:48,268 --> 00:25:54,796
its day, this was too. The  streamlined aPrince Williamia, the

254
00:25:54,896 --> 00:25:58,280
first -- Aprillia, the first car to  be designed in a wind tunnel.

255
00:25:58,380 --> 00:26:02,668
Inevitably there were problems. The  doors opened like this, it was

256
00:26:02,768 --> 00:26:06,360
lovely, it meant getting in and out  was very easy. When they were

257
00:26:06,460 --> 00:26:10,120
closed they didn't quite meet, so  quite a lot of weather could get

258
00:26:10,220 --> 00:26:14,028
inside as you drove along. It was  only made with right-hand drive,

259
00:26:14,128 --> 00:26:17,652
fine in Britain and Sweden, which  drove on the left at the time, but

260
00:26:17,752 --> 00:26:26,796
it was quite annoying everywhere  else.

261
00:26:26,896 --> 00:26:30,168
And then there was the Monte Carlo.  This was a wonderful car, a mid-

262
00:26:30,268 --> 00:26:35,372
engineed mini-Ferrari. Because it  was actually a Lancia, the things

263
00:26:35,472 --> 00:26:39,652
that were right were balanced out  by the things that were wrong. If

264
00:26:39,752 --> 00:26:44,136
you so much as looked at the middle  pedal, the brakes would lock up and

265
00:26:44,236 --> 00:26:48,060
you would crash into a tree. Lancia  took the thing very seriously, so

266
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:55,420
much so they stopped production for  two years whilst they looked for a

267
00:26:55,520 --> 00:27:06,060
solution. They found one. What they  did was remove the brake servo, so

268
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:09,904
then it had no brakes at all. And...  The Monte Carlo then was quite

269
00:27:10,004 --> 00:27:21,888
dangerous. But in that Lancia way,  it was so pretty I wanted one more

270
00:27:21,988 --> 00:27:26,064
than I wanted my next breath.  Sometimes, though, Lancia's lunacy

271
00:27:26,164 --> 00:27:32,516
did produce results.  Did you know Lancia was the first

272
00:27:32,616 --> 00:27:37,904
car company ever to sell a car with  a monocop. They were the first to

273
00:27:38,004 --> 00:27:42,500
offer a five-speed gear box.  first to sell a car with

274
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:49,608
supercharging and turbochargeing on  the same engine. First to sell a

275
00:27:49,708 --> 00:27:54,160
car with a V6 engine. First with an  electric boot spoiler. They did all

276
00:27:54,260 --> 00:28:00,500
these mechanical firsts, if you say  to anyone a Lancia, they snigger

277
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:05,484
and say they fall apart. It is  ridiculous. Holy moly, does the

278
00:28:05,584 --> 00:28:11,484
bumper come off? I believe it has.  You need to define greatness, that

279
00:28:11,584 --> 00:28:15,408
is the important thing. Just  because something is unreliable. Oh,

280
00:28:15,508 --> 00:28:21,144
it doesn't mean it isn't great.  Stephen Hawkins, great bloke, even

281
00:28:21,244 --> 00:28:28,248
though a lot of him doesn't work.  Yeah. I wouldn't break it to him

282
00:28:28,348 --> 00:28:32,688
like that. But the principal stands.  The principle stands. Meryl Streep,

283
00:28:32,788 --> 00:28:38,924
everybody says she's a great  actress, and then she appears in

284
00:28:39,024 --> 00:28:43,940
Mama Mia, the worst film ever made.  She's still a great actress. Have

285
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:50,720
you seen Mama Mia? Yes I have.  big girl. To prove even the

286
00:28:50,820 --> 00:28:55,800
tattyist Lancia is tougher than you  might think, we have bought this

287
00:28:55,900 --> 00:29:03,720
1982HPE. I shall now drive it non-  stop through the night on a rough

288
00:29:03,820 --> 00:29:08,240
rally stage.  I shall be racing, not racing, been

289
00:29:08,340 --> 00:29:14,208
told about that, dangerous, driving  at the same time, on the same track

290
00:29:14,308 --> 00:29:23,488
in a similar vintage car. This  Morris Marina. Hammond, winner,

291
00:29:23,588 --> 00:29:35,320
last one still running. Fair enough.  Let's do it.

292
00:29:35,420 --> 00:29:45,800
This is not a promising start,  dispelling the myth that Lancias

293
00:29:45,900 --> 00:30:02,972
were not very good. Yes! Never  doubted it. Obviously, the Marina

294
00:30:03,072 --> 00:30:11,536
Now, you might be saying, it's a  Morris Marina, a pan piano is going

295
00:30:11,636 --> 00:30:14,988
to fall on it. I bought a Marina  which already are a piano since we

296
00:30:15,088 --> 00:30:20,784
were doing serious research, we  agreed there would be no childish

297
00:30:20,884 --> 00:30:29,584
racing.  I've hit Hammond! That's OK, OK!

298
00:30:29,684 --> 00:30:32,836
Proving what a fine and strong  breed of car the Lancia always was.

299
00:30:32,936 --> 00:30:37,504
8 hit Jeremy as he goes round this  really difficult corner. He's got

300
00:30:37,604 --> 00:30:47,912
the outside there. He'll never get  by, and he hasn't.

301
00:30:48,012 --> 00:30:53,024
We're not racing, we're not racing.  It's through. I got my sun sun

302
00:30:53,124 --> 00:31:00,380
visor out of the way. For hour  after hour, we continued continued

303
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:08,164
to not race around the rally stage.  It's pretty close to dark, still

304
00:31:08,264 --> 00:31:15,788
literally no faults to report.  Eventually, after not racing some

305
00:31:15,888 --> 00:31:20,664
more, the Marina began to pull  ahead.

306
00:31:20,764 --> 00:31:25,368
It's of course a well-known fact  that a piano on the roof aids

307
00:31:25,468 --> 00:31:30,040
traction and gives you more speed  on a rally-special stage. Then,

308
00:31:30,140 --> 00:31:33,488
predictably, it broke down. So I  went to get some tools to try and

309
00:31:33,588 --> 00:31:49,412
fix it.  There he is! It's Hammond! He's

310
00:31:49,512 --> 00:31:55,336
The Lancia soldiered on alone, but  then I got a warning light.

311
00:31:55,436 --> 00:32:01,540
Literally.  Orbg no!

312
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:05,884
I can't see through through the  flames! I've got to blow this out.

313
00:32:05,984 --> 00:32:09,540
Maybe if I sped up like in Memphis  Belle.

314
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:14,208
No, that's not working. I can't see  anything.

315
00:32:14,308 --> 00:32:34,384
No matter, though, because here's  proof that Lancias are tough and

316
00:32:34,484 --> 00:32:41,464
strong, and dependable.  This is a Stratot. It had a 2.4

317
00:32:41,564 --> 00:32:45,680
litre Ferrari V 6 mounted in the  middle. It was Italian, styled by

318
00:32:45,780 --> 00:32:49,948
Bertone and completely  impracticalable. It therefore

319
00:32:50,048 --> 00:32:54,008
ticked all the supercar boxes.  Unlike any other supercar before or

320
00:32:54,108 --> 00:33:01,964
since, it wasn't designed to be  parked in Monte Carlo.

321
00:33:02,064 --> 00:33:07,228
It was designed to get there like  this.

322
00:33:07,328 --> 00:33:10,684
It's ab- its absurdly short wheel  base meant it was agile and Ferrari

323
00:33:10,784 --> 00:33:19,168
power meant it was so fast, it won  the world rally championship three

324
00:33:19,268 --> 00:33:37,920
times.  And joy of joys, they made 500

325
00:33:38,020 --> 00:33:41,368
What a fantastic car!  Of course, there were a few

326
00:33:41,468 --> 00:33:47,448
problems with it.  Chief among which was a lack of

327
00:33:47,548 --> 00:33:55,156
space inside.  A gynaecologist would get in here

328
00:33:55,256 --> 00:34:02,952
and go, "I'm at work!" It's like  climbing into somebody else's giant

329
00:34:03,052 --> 00:34:08,028
red posing pouch. James May's!  touching my knee. You try changing

330
00:34:08,128 --> 00:34:12,292
gear. I'm going to change gear now.  This will involve man touching. The

331
00:34:12,392 --> 00:34:16,360
list of faults doesn't end with the  tiny cockpit.

332
00:34:16,460 --> 00:34:20,416
Why did it give the passenger the  pedals and the driver the wheels.

333
00:34:20,516 --> 00:34:27,184
They're definitely over to the  right-hand side. You're sort of

334
00:34:27,284 --> 00:34:31,044
sitting a bit sideways. These  window winders are not very good.

335
00:34:31,144 --> 00:34:34,700
The other thing I really like as  well is, you know a Porsche puts

336
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:40,200
the rev counter right in front of  you, Lancia in this put the oil

337
00:34:40,300 --> 00:34:52,796
pressure right in front of you.  He What does that tell you! So, not

338
00:34:52,896 --> 00:35:01,156
But then you look at it and there's  the thing, because it just sort of

339
00:35:01,256 --> 00:35:04,404
This is one of the best cars ever  made. I would go with that. On the

340
00:35:04,504 --> 00:35:10,048
grounds of its achievement, but  also that slightly more subjective

341
00:35:10,148 --> 00:35:20,544
thing of how gorgeous it looks.  Just move your leg. That was a

342
00:35:20,644 --> 00:35:25,876
stroke! Move it!  After the Stratos came the 037,

343
00:35:25,976 --> 00:35:36,500
last two-wheel drive car to win the  world rally championship.

344
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:53,640
And the only two-wheel drive car to  beat the mighty Audi Quattro.

345
00:35:53,740 --> 00:36:00,344
The thing is, though, no-one really  Then there's the Fima - the Thema

346
00:36:00,444 --> 00:36:04,000
8.3: no-one remembers this, either,  even though it had a fully fledged

347
00:36:04,100 --> 00:36:07,048
Ferrari V8 under the bonnet.  Without really remembering - we

348
00:36:07,148 --> 00:36:17,296
don't really remember any of  Lancia's seven great cars, and all

349
00:36:17,396 --> 00:36:20,956
Lance weigh was forced by pressure  from the media to spend a fortune

350
00:36:21,056 --> 00:36:29,624
buying back rusty beaters,  scrapping them and giving their

351
00:36:29,724 --> 00:36:33,688
owners brand new cars.  It was a PR disaster.

352
00:36:33,788 --> 00:36:48,736
-- Betas. In Britain, Lancia's  reputation was ruined. And in 1994,

353
00:36:48,836 --> 00:36:53,408
they pulled out of the market  However, before the most cars

354
00:36:53,508 --> 00:37:06,580
matbreak car maker of them all  finally went, they left us with one

355
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:15,552
final reminder of what they can do  when they try.

356
00:37:15,652 --> 00:37:24,864
This is a Delta Integrale. It  picked up where the Stratos and the

357
00:37:24,964 --> 00:37:32,800
This thing won the world rally  championship six times on the trot

358
00:37:32,900 --> 00:37:44,680
- six times!  You can feel that DNA in here.

359
00:37:44,780 --> 00:37:48,128
The steering is so neat, precise.  It settles into a turn and just

360
00:37:48,228 --> 00:38:14,128
gripped and pulled twelve back into  a corner.

361
00:38:14,228 --> 00:38:19,800
Having learned their lesson with  the Aprilia, Lancia weren't going

362
00:38:19,900 --> 00:38:29,160
to ohm make these in a right-hand  drive, so they made them left-hand

363
00:38:29,260 --> 00:38:34,428
drive - only.  Only lance ia.

364
00:38:34,528 --> 00:38:40,648
Despite this, a good one of these  today is worth £25,000.

365
00:38:40,748 --> 00:38:46,332
And I'm not surprised.  Because this is a very unusual

366
00:38:46,432 --> 00:39:04,400
Lancia.  It wasn't very pretty, but God, it

367
00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:10,304
APPLAUSE  I'm standing here thinking "I want

368
00:39:10,404 --> 00:39:14,368
that." But what I love about Lancia  is that they never once just said,

369
00:39:14,468 --> 00:39:17,600
"Let's make a medium car." They  were always doing experiments. Some

370
00:39:17,700 --> 00:39:21,276
of the experiments worked but some  some didn't. That was the nraij of

371
00:39:21,376 --> 00:39:26,896
it. They thought let's make an  engine with seven-and-a-half

372
00:39:26,996 --> 00:39:31,352
cylinders. Or make the windows go  up and down with magic. No, it

373
00:39:31,452 --> 00:39:34,600
hasn't worked. But sell it anyway.  And that's what made them so

374
00:39:34,700 --> 00:39:38,480
magnificent. They are still going  today but now they are just a

375
00:39:38,580 --> 00:39:44,636
division of Fiat making things like  this, which is neither pretty nor

376
00:39:44,736 --> 00:39:48,288
they good. What it is in essence is  a Fiat Bravo with Rio Ferdinand's

377
00:39:48,388 --> 00:39:51,336
face stuck on the front. If you  still hanker over the glory days,

378
00:39:51,436 --> 00:39:56,104
then later on in the show, we have  something to warm the cockles of

379
00:39:56,204 --> 00:40:00,460
your heart. But now it's time to  put a star in our reasonably priced

380
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:05,760
car. My guest tonight is a  broadcasting legend. He also has an

381
00:40:05,860 --> 00:40:07,568
astonishing collection of cars - I  list for you here: Ferrari 599,

382
00:40:07,668 --> 00:40:24,916
Ferrari F40, Ferrari California,  Ferrari Enzo, Ferrari 288 GTO,

383
00:40:25,016 --> 00:40:30,336
Ferrari 308 GTS, Ferrari 246 Dino,  Ferrari 275 GTB.

384
00:40:30,436 --> 00:40:36,976
8 So, let's find out if there is  any particular type of car he likes.

385
00:40:37,076 --> 00:40:43,604
Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Evans.  APPLAUSE

386
00:40:43,704 --> 00:40:49,276
How are you? Very well. How are  you? Have a seat, mate. Have a seat.

387
00:40:49,376 --> 00:40:52,928
Prul, you disagree with our  greatest car verdict, then? Quelle

388
00:40:53,028 --> 00:40:57,008
surprise. You don't believe  presumably, judging by your

389
00:40:57,108 --> 00:41:02,280
collection that Lancia aren't a  brilliant maker of motor cars.

390
00:41:02,380 --> 00:41:08,588
car falling to bits the best mark  in the world! Lancia's only came in

391
00:41:08,688 --> 00:41:14,716
black and rust! I I still stand by  - There's more - the number of

392
00:41:14,816 --> 00:41:20,572
FerrarisI would like to own now is  one. What about the A6 0 mopbzia,

393
00:41:20,672 --> 00:41:24,416
the PF 250, the four-cam. A lot of  people write and complain this

394
00:41:24,516 --> 00:41:28,088
isn't a car show anymore. It is  now!

395
00:41:28,188 --> 00:41:32,136
I love this enthusiasm. Why have  you painted all yours white?

396
00:41:32,236 --> 00:41:36,212
Because I wanted them to match. I  wanted them to be a work of art.

397
00:41:36,312 --> 00:41:42,744
I've got a white garage or "car  house" as they're sometimes nofpblt

398
00:41:42,844 --> 00:41:50,980
it's got a white piano in it,  right? That plays itself, and there

399
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:55,232
are these eight beautiful white  Farrarrys. It's no -- Ferraris.

400
00:41:55,332 --> 00:41:58,076
Which led you to the auction. This  is terribly vulgar. How much did

401
00:41:58,176 --> 00:42:03,760
you pay for that? The most  expensive car sold at auction in

402
00:42:03,860 --> 00:42:07,212
the world. When I bought it. Last  year? A lot of millions? Yes, $12

403
00:42:07,312 --> 00:42:19,448
million. How drunk were you?  wasn't drunk at all. The point is,

404
00:42:19,548 --> 00:42:24,808
I didn't go to buy the car. I went  to buy a poster.

405
00:42:24,908 --> 00:42:28,060
The 250 Spider came up on the stand,  my second favourite car in the

406
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:34,560
world because it was in my Top  Trumps collection. I thought I

407
00:42:34,660 --> 00:42:38,624
would go for it. That was the best  one in the world, James Coburn

408
00:42:38,724 --> 00:42:41,876
owned it for 23 years. Talking  about this makes the hairs on the

409
00:42:41,976 --> 00:42:45,328
back of my neck stand up. It's all  documented, I've got the history

410
00:42:45,428 --> 00:42:49,388
and that baby is back in the garage  at home. I show it to as many

411
00:42:49,488 --> 00:42:52,856
people as I can. Unbelievable. I  was listening to you every day

412
00:42:52,956 --> 00:42:58,440
whilst stuck in a traffic am  gentleman, and you've auctioned

413
00:42:58,540 --> 00:43:03,936
your entire collection of Ferraris  for Children In Need. Yes. So how

414
00:43:04,036 --> 00:43:09,576
does that work? People ring in and  they were bidding? Yes. And drive

415
00:43:09,676 --> 00:43:14,248
whichever one they want? We take  the seven highest bids on the day

416
00:43:14,348 --> 00:43:19,140
and they spend a four-day tour and  during the four days, each person

417
00:43:19,240 --> 00:43:22,780
who's bid the amount of money gets  to drive every single car. Isn't

418
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:27,856
That terrifying from your point of  swru sh It's only tin and rubber.

419
00:43:27,956 --> 00:43:30,704
If anybody comes round to my house  if they're fitting a carpet, a

420
00:43:30,804 --> 00:43:34,160
carpet, burgling, before you take  that, come and have a look at the

421
00:43:34,260 --> 00:43:38,828
cars. I think it's really important  to share these cars with people.

422
00:43:38,928 --> 00:43:43,108
But you don't know who's bid. You  know their names. You could have

423
00:43:43,208 --> 00:43:48,484
any sort of ape turning up. Well,  if you bid...

424
00:43:48,584 --> 00:43:53,344
LAUGHTER  You've got a book out. It's not

425
00:43:53,444 --> 00:43:57,812
what you think - It's Not What You  Think, which is what it's called.

426
00:43:57,912 --> 00:44:02,280
Yes. And there's a list of top tens  at the beginning of each chapter.

427
00:44:02,380 --> 00:44:07,812
Yes. But this car business, it does  seem to me that cars, you sometimes

428
00:44:07,912 --> 00:44:11,624
claim you're not a Carman, but you  bloody well r I'm definitely a

429
00:44:11,724 --> 00:44:16,500
Carman. Behind my family, my job,  maybe you're not not going to like

430
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:20,160
this, maybe golf, then I am a  Carman. Sometimes, if I'm away from

431
00:44:20,260 --> 00:44:25,092
home, the first thing I do, I get  back home and I have to go to the

432
00:44:25,192 --> 00:44:30,376
garage just to have a smell. I love  it. The smell of petrol and leather,

433
00:44:30,476 --> 00:44:35,092
I love it to death. It's better  than stuff I've never tried.

434
00:44:35,192 --> 00:44:38,956
LAUGHTER  When I first met you about a

435
00:44:39,056 --> 00:44:45,452
million years ago, you were  definitely a Porsche man. You are

436
00:44:45,552 --> 00:44:54,720
having a laugh! You've lost your  mind. You need to go to Venice -

437
00:44:54,820 --> 00:45:02,268
Did you have a 968? No. You did,  convertible, Big Breakfast.

438
00:45:02,368 --> 00:45:12,580
Mine was mabl. So it was a 944?  was a 944 drop top, 19 grand, a

439
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:20,848
great car but it was dull and  Obviously the big news is that

440
00:45:20,948 --> 00:45:28,736
Chris he have vabs, enfant terrible  of the -- Evans, enfant terrible of

441
00:45:28,836 --> 00:45:36,240
the air waves is about to take over  from the Terry Master. Has he given

442
00:45:36,340 --> 00:45:45,940
you any tips? He gets up at 7.30  that's not a breakfast show. When

443
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:52,660
do you start? 7.00am. You will have  to pretend you are older than you

444
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:58,192
are? People request Van Halen, that  is the music. It is all fine.

445
00:45:58,292 --> 00:46:02,284
are all going to be, my generation  are going to be in our old people's

446
00:46:02,384 --> 00:46:07,784
home with Anarchy In The UK in our  wheelchairs. We won't have

447
00:46:07,884 --> 00:46:12,912
wheelchairs but we will still do  that. Give me a wheelchair. I don't

448
00:46:13,012 --> 00:46:17,520
want any more Gracie Fields, just  this. How did it go for you, out

449
00:46:17,620 --> 00:46:21,944
there today on our lap? I did my  best, probably the worst weather

450
00:46:22,044 --> 00:46:25,724
there has ever been out there. The  Stig, what a lovely man, he

451
00:46:25,824 --> 00:46:29,848
couldn't have been nicer, what I  have decided to do, I have had a

452
00:46:29,948 --> 00:46:36,144
great time. I thought if I'm going  to die, let me die today on this

453
00:46:36,244 --> 00:46:41,288
track. He did actually say, Chris  has no sense of self-preservation.

454
00:46:41,388 --> 00:46:46,256
Would anybody like to see some of  Chris's practices.

455
00:46:46,356 --> 00:46:51,896
Let's have a look at some of these  practices. At the 50 mark, turning,

456
00:46:51,996 --> 00:46:55,788
off the brakes again, brake hard  now, into in to second. This is the

457
00:46:55,888 --> 00:47:02,272
hammerhead. You feel like you're  going out of control, go out of

458
00:47:02,372 --> 00:47:11,332
control. Nobody has ever spun there  before. That's good. Watch this.

459
00:47:11,432 --> 00:47:16,288
This is the last corner. Sideways.  Everybody goes here, second to last

460
00:47:16,388 --> 00:47:20,304
corner, I'm impressed. You never  even made it to the corner.

461
00:47:20,404 --> 00:47:30,896
thought I would just go straight on  here.

462
00:47:30,996 --> 00:47:37,508
That is good bravery. But then, the  lap happened for real. Who wants to

463
00:47:37,608 --> 00:47:43,040
see it.  So you haven't learned your lesson,

464
00:47:43,140 --> 00:47:49,744
still going for brute force. Come  on, hello family. Concentrate, man.

465
00:47:49,844 --> 00:47:54,180
Concentrate on the job in hand,  that is wet. Good, it's Joe 90 mind

466
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:58,240
the wheel. That is slippery.  You're looking quite good. You have

467
00:47:58,340 --> 00:48:01,916
never been good at anything like  this in your life, try and have a

468
00:48:02,016 --> 00:48:07,256
go at this. Have you never been  good at anything? Not like this.

469
00:48:07,356 --> 00:48:12,648
I'm with you, all sports are  impossible. Not bad. You have to

470
00:48:12,748 --> 00:48:18,400
nail hammerhead. You have to do  this, even though your chin does

471
00:48:18,500 --> 00:48:23,792
look like a bum! Hammerhead, we  have put cones out so Jonathan Ross

472
00:48:23,892 --> 00:48:28,960
doesn't get lost if he comes back,  you're in the white lines, that

473
00:48:29,060 --> 00:48:35,008
looks slow but important for a  quick time. Aim for the cameraman.

474
00:48:35,108 --> 00:48:42,276
I missed the gear aiming for the  cameraman. Is he getting tired now,

475
00:48:42,376 --> 00:48:45,772
that's looking good. The smell of  the clutch. Mmmm. But does it smell

476
00:48:45,872 --> 00:48:52,276
of victory. I'm being a bit of a  with us into the final bend. Come

477
00:48:52,376 --> 00:48:58,152
on now. Cut the corner, just a bit.  That's the trick. That's good.

478
00:48:58,252 --> 00:49:01,616
That's quite a lot. This one, cut  it a lot.

479
00:49:01,716 --> 00:49:07,416
So an entirely new way across the  line.

480
00:49:07,516 --> 00:49:12,744
Here we are.  There's the board. There is the

481
00:49:12,844 --> 00:49:17,996
board. Where do you think.  Obviously we will give you a wet

482
00:49:18,096 --> 00:49:24,512
lap. We will butt Chris Evans "wet"  on it. Where do you think you have

483
00:49:24,612 --> 00:49:30,544
come? I don't think it is  impressive, I try my best, I will

484
00:49:30,644 --> 00:49:36,640
not lean forward, I will try to be  cool. My heart is racing. You did

485
00:49:36,740 --> 00:49:41,920
it in one minute, quicker than  Terry Wogan was. You are already

486
00:49:42,020 --> 00:49:52,888
the new fastest Radio Two breakfast  show host we have ever had. In the

487
00:49:52,988 --> 00:50:00,696
last 40 years. You did it in one  minute, 40. That's good. 1.48.1.

488
00:50:00,796 --> 00:50:05,652
For a wet lap that's the third-  fastest wet lap we have ever had.

489
00:50:05,752 --> 00:50:12,856
There's your ex. I'm just above her,  not on top of her, just above her.

490
00:50:12,956 --> 00:50:16,700
She's my ex. We were accused of  favouritism by her by David Tenant,

491
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:23,464
that we only allowed that because  she was wearing a see-through top,

492
00:50:23,564 --> 00:50:32,060
but you cut corners as well. Next  time I will wear a see-through top.

493
00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:40,044
Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Evans.  Best of luck.

494
00:50:40,144 --> 00:50:43,684
Be proud of that time Earlier on in  the show, we explained that Lancia,

495
00:50:43,784 --> 00:50:47,560
the greatest car company in the  world, and just because of a few

496
00:50:47,660 --> 00:50:52,720
problems with rust 30 years ago,  they are not available in the UK

497
00:50:52,820 --> 00:51:03,672
any more. The thing is though, as  Jeremy as been finding out, you can

498
00:51:03,772 --> 00:51:10,720
still get one, sort of.  This is a Lancia Stratos, except

499
00:51:10,820 --> 00:51:16,000
for one small thing, it isn't. It  wasn't made in the 1970s in Italy,

500
00:51:16,100 --> 00:51:21,888
in fact, I don't know where it was  made, in a shed in Nuneaton,

501
00:51:21,988 --> 00:51:29,652
probably. This, you see, is a kit  car. Either you can pay someone to

502
00:51:29,752 --> 00:51:33,000
build it for you, or you can make  it at home yourself, with a hammer.

503
00:51:33,100 --> 00:51:37,800
Apparently, if you're fairly  competent it would take about 300

504
00:51:37,900 --> 00:51:47,780
showers, obviously it would take me  about 300 years, which is a very

505
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:55,312
long time. But, there is an upside,  an original Stratos would cost

506
00:51:55,412 --> 00:52:03,140
£100,000, maybe more, that is  £13,000.

507
00:52:03,240 --> 00:52:11,016
In theory that makes this the Hawk  HF, the bargain of the century.

508
00:52:11,116 --> 00:52:14,160
The body is absolutely identical to  the original, all the panels are

509
00:52:14,260 --> 00:52:20,860
completely interchangable. The  interior too would be familiar to

510
00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:27,188
Lancia fans. The pedals are nowhere  near where the bottom of my legs

511
00:52:27,288 --> 00:52:32,080
are. The steering wheel is  perilously close to where my testes

512
00:52:32,180 --> 00:52:38,596
used to be, before the seatbelt  jammed them up to my lungs. The

513
00:52:38,696 --> 00:52:43,036
gear lever is like Bugs Bunny's  ears, and one of the buttons on the

514
00:52:43,136 --> 00:52:48,128
dash operates the fire extinguisher,  but I don't know which one it is,

515
00:52:48,228 --> 00:52:53,092
so I dare not touch any of them.  The wiper has gone upside down, it

516
00:52:53,192 --> 00:52:58,880
wouldn't clear the rain from the  window. Then there was a big noise.

517
00:52:58,980 --> 00:53:04,172
Wait a minute, what the hell? What  was that? The front left brake had

518
00:53:04,272 --> 00:53:09,520
jammed on. I have to get this in to  a workshop. Come on, come on. I

519
00:53:09,620 --> 00:53:17,720
took the car to Nigel, the resident  mechanic at our track, and greeted

520
00:53:17,820 --> 00:53:25,784
him in the usual fashion. Have you  got a hammer? That is scalding hot,

521
00:53:25,884 --> 00:53:31,376
as we can see on the thermal-images  camera. (phone rings) He has just

522
00:53:31,476 --> 00:53:34,784
gone to answer the phone now. While  we wait, I suppose I should explain

523
00:53:34,884 --> 00:53:41,832
the £13,000 doesn't include the  cost of an engine, you have to get

524
00:53:41,932 --> 00:53:46,800
one yourself. You have a choice of  two, you can either get Fiat's

525
00:53:46,900 --> 00:53:54,628
twin-camthat you can buy usedor 5p,  for £600 you can get the engine I

526
00:53:54,728 --> 00:54:02,584
have in this. This handle is  disguised as a spoiler, there you

527
00:54:02,684 --> 00:54:06,224
have it, Alpha's V6. This provides  more power than the engine the

528
00:54:06,324 --> 00:54:14,552
Lancia used, with it the Hawk is  faster, when it is working, which

529
00:54:14,652 --> 00:54:20,332
it will be, eventually.  It is mended. Now I'm going to get

530
00:54:20,432 --> 00:54:25,600
back in. Which is a surprisingly  elegant process if you're a mouse.

531
00:54:25,700 --> 00:54:30,068
That's not good. You sort of get  over this roll bar, like this. Then

532
00:54:30,168 --> 00:54:39,004
you get your head in, it's probably  easier to detatch your head first,

533
00:54:39,104 --> 00:54:45,116
and put it back on in the car.  There we are. Whenever there, and

534
00:54:45,216 --> 00:54:49,632
then you might want to cut the  camera for this bit.

535
00:54:49,732 --> 00:55:00,944
I had intended at this point to  check out the performance, after

536
00:55:01,044 --> 00:55:08,024
the brake problem I had rather lost  my nerve. 0-60 takes less than five

537
00:55:08,124 --> 00:55:11,520
seconds, and what I'm not going to  do now is see where that

538
00:55:11,620 --> 00:55:18,972
acceleration stops. I really don't  want to travel at 150 miles an hour

539
00:55:19,072 --> 00:55:24,100
in a car built in a shed by a man I  have never met. This is 90 perhaps

540
00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:28,052
that's, the wiper has gone.  That is an important consideration,

541
00:55:28,152 --> 00:55:33,304
you have to bear in mind if you are  thinking of buying a used kit car.

542
00:55:33,404 --> 00:55:39,816
You have to ask, was it built  fastidiously by James May over a

543
00:55:39,916 --> 00:55:50,052
period of many hundreds of years,  or was it built by a spanner, with

544
00:55:50,152 --> 00:55:55,868
a hammer? I mean, would you buy a  kit car that I had built? Having

545
00:55:55,968 --> 00:56:01,584
chickened on the max speed run, I  decided not find out what it is

546
00:56:01,684 --> 00:56:10,664
like flat out through the corners.  Here we go, I'm going in, and here

547
00:56:10,764 --> 00:56:16,052
I am cornering not at all flat out.  60, that's fine. Brakes, three and

548
00:56:16,152 --> 00:56:21,320
three quarters of them are very  squirrelly. The steering is heavy,

549
00:56:21,420 --> 00:56:26,944
a lot of body roll. I think that's  probably enough cornering now, we

550
00:56:27,044 --> 00:56:31,400
have done that, tick.  Certainly then, the Hawk is only as

551
00:56:31,500 --> 00:56:40,288
good as the block who put it  together. You will spend more time

552
00:56:40,388 --> 00:56:45,024
under it than in it, for example.  I'm not going to pretend it is as

553
00:56:45,124 --> 00:56:51,664
good as an original Stratos, for  the same reason that a postcard of

554
00:56:51,764 --> 00:56:55,568
the Mona Lisa is not as good as  Leonardo's. But one day your car

555
00:56:55,668 --> 00:57:01,772
will be working and you will see a  reflection of yourself in a shop

556
00:57:01,872 --> 00:57:08,604
window as you go by, and trust me  on this, that's gonna feel good.

557
00:57:08,704 --> 00:57:30,976
Because critically this looks like  a Stratos. If we're honest, that's

558
00:57:31,076 --> 00:57:35,976
I would like to build a kit car  like that, I think it would be very

559
00:57:36,076 --> 00:57:41,572
therapeutic. It would be. You know  what I mean. It is more satisfying

560
00:57:41,672 --> 00:57:45,136
to have something you have made  yourself? I don't even like to eat

561
00:57:45,236 --> 00:57:50,464
a sandwich I have made myself,  because it always has blood in it

562
00:57:50,564 --> 00:57:54,920
and bits of my fingers. We have to  find out how fast this cargoes

563
00:57:55,020 --> 00:58:00,088
round our track, that means handing  it over to our tame racing driver.

564
00:58:00,188 --> 00:58:04,388
Some say his new Christmas range of  fragrances, includes the great

565
00:58:04,488 --> 00:58:11,308
smell of Wednesday, and that he was  turned down for the job of EU

566
00:58:11,408 --> 00:58:16,120
President, because his face is just  too recoginsable. All we know is

567
00:58:16,220 --> 00:58:22,136
he's call The Stig.  He's off, there he goes. I say

568
00:58:22,236 --> 00:58:28,264
listen to that noise. The Alpha V6  sounds, if anything, even better

569
00:58:28,364 --> 00:58:35,404
than the Ferrari V6. That's  fantastic sound. What's happening

570
00:58:35,504 --> 00:58:42,464
here. Is he looking for the stereo,  no, what's gone wrong? He's broken

571
00:58:42,564 --> 00:58:49,480
down. How authentic is that? This  is a scene familiar to any Lancia

572
00:58:49,580 --> 00:58:54,436
owner, look at him walking off,  completing his journey on foot. Not

573
00:58:54,536 --> 00:59:01,080
across the line. There is no way we  were going to allow our first-ever

574
00:59:01,180 --> 00:59:06,856
DNF, on the board, to be a Lancia,  no way. So we, mended the car, in a

575
00:59:06,956 --> 00:59:11,576
shed, OK, brought it back, it was  here, this morning for The Stig to

576
00:59:11,676 --> 00:59:16,136
try again.  Unfortunately it was raining this

577
00:59:16,236 --> 00:59:22,732
time. But the car has set off well,  still making a fabulous noise, look

578
00:59:22,832 --> 00:59:28,732
at the rooster tails, stip dipping  badly underbraking as the tiing

579
00:59:28,832 --> 00:59:33,856
turns in. That is a -- The Stig  turns in. Where are you going, he

580
00:59:33,956 --> 00:59:38,372
has got it back. He comes up to  Chicago, locked up the front, back

581
00:59:38,472 --> 00:59:42,888
stepped out, this is wide he's gone.  The Stig has spun. That's not going

582
00:59:42,988 --> 00:59:47,828
to stop him, he's still going on,  look at that for determination.

583
00:59:47,928 --> 00:59:53,296
He's obviously a fan as he comes up  to the hammerhead, he has got it to

584
00:59:53,396 --> 00:59:56,936
turn in nicely, better than Chris  Evans there. Nice through with the

585
00:59:57,036 --> 01:00:02,000
whole beautifully-held slide. It's  gone wrong, he's headed for the

586
01:00:02,100 --> 01:00:06,140
camera crew. I bet they were  frightened. Is he breaking down

587
01:00:06,240 --> 01:00:10,956
again, that is not at all like a  Lancia as he comes to the follow-

588
01:00:11,056 --> 01:00:15,640
through. He's backed off of that, I  can't say I blame him, as he heads

589
01:00:15,740 --> 01:00:20,860
towards the tyres, building up  speed, not too much. He's coming

590
01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:25,064
down, crikey this is out of control  now, he has done it, he's round the

591
01:00:25,164 --> 01:00:31,264
second to last corner, he's gone  again. That's what I call driving,

592
01:00:31,364 --> 01:00:35,248
as he comes round, this time across  the line.

593
01:00:35,348 --> 01:00:42,828
That is the best-looking lap we  have ever seen. I have to say one

594
01:00:42,928 --> 01:00:50,092
of the most exciting. Spectacular.  Car control is phenomenal. The time

595
01:00:50,192 --> 01:00:55,308
was, 1.48.2, which means it's also  the slowest slap we have ever had