1 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:14,084 Tonight, a sausage gets burnt, 2 00:00:14,119 --> 00:00:17,965 a sheep falls over, 3 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,040 and our track is all wet. 4 00:00:27,024 --> 00:00:29,053 CROWD CHEERS AND APPLAUDS 5 00:00:29,088 --> 00:00:33,072 Hello! Hello, everybody. Hello. 6 00:00:33,107 --> 00:00:37,021 Thank you. Thank you so much. 7 00:00:37,056 --> 00:00:40,570 Now, you may remember, a couple of years ago, we were contacted 8 00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:44,049 by a German car programme, asking us to boost their ratings. 9 00:00:44,084 --> 00:00:47,092 You mean "take us on in a series of motoring-related challenges". 10 00:00:47,127 --> 00:00:51,013 Yes, that. Anyway, we did what he just said, 11 00:00:51,048 --> 00:00:57,036 and we didn't just beat them - with a little bit of cheating, we humiliated them. 12 00:00:57,071 --> 00:00:59,977 Yeah, but despite the futility of taking us on, 13 00:01:00,012 --> 00:01:04,013 we've now had a letter from the people who make Top Gear in Australia. 14 00:01:04,048 --> 00:01:08,060 It's basically the same programmeas ours but with silly accents. Yeah. I've got the letter here. 15 00:01:08,095 --> 00:01:13,016 It says, "Dear Top Gear UK, we're coming... " Why am I doing this in a French accent? 16 00:01:13,051 --> 00:01:18,057 "Dear Top Gear UK, we're coming over to your stupid country soon, 17 00:01:18,092 --> 00:01:23,064 "and we want to take you on in a car-based Ashes, you Pommie bas... " 18 00:01:24,056 --> 00:01:29,070 Ahem! Obviously, we picked up their gauntlet, so welcome, everybody, 19 00:01:29,105 --> 00:01:34,084 to Top Gear versus Australia Motoring Jeux Sans Frontieres - Ashes. 20 00:01:34,119 --> 00:01:38,969 "Land of Hope and Glory" 21 00:01:39,004 --> 00:01:42,004 These are the cars we can call on - 22 00:01:43,060 --> 00:01:49,000 the Aston Martin DBS, the Jaguar XKR, 23 00:01:49,035 --> 00:01:51,072 the Caterham Superlight, 24 00:01:51,107 --> 00:01:53,041 the Aerial Atom, 25 00:01:53,076 --> 00:01:57,072 the Bentley Continental, the Range Rooney. 26 00:01:57,107 --> 00:02:00,093 The list goes on and on. 27 00:02:00,128 --> 00:02:03,045 "Waltzing Matilda" 28 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:08,028 And these are the cars they can field - 29 00:02:08,063 --> 00:02:09,989 the Holden Maloo pickup, 30 00:02:10,024 --> 00:02:12,076 the Holden Commodore saloon... 31 00:02:12,111 --> 00:02:14,028 And that's it. 32 00:02:19,024 --> 00:02:23,020 So, we've got the cars, we've got the place. Where are they? 33 00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:26,016 Should have landed over three hours ago. 34 00:02:30,004 --> 00:02:33,020 You did book them a taxi, didn't you? 35 00:02:33,055 --> 00:02:35,004 Sort of. 36 00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:51,004 I just thought it would be nice for them to arrive back in the country the way their ancestors left. 37 00:02:51,039 --> 00:02:53,008 There's a pleasing circularity to it. Exactly. That is thoughtful. 38 00:02:53,043 --> 00:02:54,064 That is very thoughtful. 39 00:02:54,099 --> 00:02:56,021 No, it is. 40 00:02:56,056 --> 00:03:00,036 So, let's meet the men we'd be up against. 41 00:03:00,071 --> 00:03:04,016 Guys! Ewen Page, who does not have a beard... 42 00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:07,069 .. Steve Pizzati, who does... 43 00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:10,053 .. and Shane Jacobson, who is fat. 44 00:03:10,088 --> 00:03:16,016 Strangely, none of them was very happy about the prison lorry. 45 00:03:16,051 --> 00:03:17,989 That gag was not funny in 1938. 46 00:03:18,024 --> 00:03:23,076 It is here. You've had about 200years to come up with a better gag,and that's it. It's funny! 47 00:03:23,111 --> 00:03:26,981 I want to apologise for cubicle one. You ran out of paper. 48 00:03:27,016 --> 00:03:32,016 To try and stop them whingeing, we let them choose the first event. 49 00:03:32,051 --> 00:03:34,545 OK, working man's one-kilometre drag race. 50 00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:37,005 We'll pit a typical Aussie commercial vehicle 51 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:42,076 against a typical Pommie commercialvehicle to see which is the fastest. Drag race, eh? 52 00:03:42,111 --> 00:03:45,981 Yeah, what do you say? OK, 53 00:03:46,016 --> 00:03:50,037 it's "a working man's one-kilometre drag race". 54 00:03:50,072 --> 00:03:54,056 This was a cunning move by the Aussies, because it meant 55 00:03:54,091 --> 00:03:58,040 they could go straight in to bat with the Maloo pickup. 56 00:03:58,075 --> 00:03:59,977 See that there? 57 00:04:00,012 --> 00:04:03,045 A six-litre V8. 380 horsepower. 58 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:08,048 In America, they use the engine out of this in the Corvette. Ah, yeah. 59 00:04:08,083 --> 00:04:13,048 Sadly, we hadn't thought to bring a commercial vehicle. 60 00:04:15,072 --> 00:04:18,009 The bloke who just came and painted my house did have a Jag. 61 00:04:18,044 --> 00:04:21,981 Is that any good? It doesn't make it a commercial vehicle. Not really, no. 62 00:04:22,016 --> 00:04:26,064 I don't think we can really get away with any of these as... They're justgoing to say that we're cheating. 63 00:04:28,020 --> 00:04:32,546 Luckily, Jeremy then remembered he had a mate with a Transit, 64 00:04:32,581 --> 00:04:37,072 so it was brought over, and a pessimistic Hammond climbed aboard. 65 00:04:37,107 --> 00:04:40,589 This is not a good start for us. 66 00:04:40,624 --> 00:04:43,346 This exhaust is blowing badly. 67 00:04:43,381 --> 00:04:46,033 That really suits you, that. 68 00:04:46,068 --> 00:04:48,061 I can't imagine you in anything else, Bruce. 69 00:04:48,096 --> 00:04:52,080 It is just Bruce in a Brucemobile. And look at Nigel over there. 70 00:04:52,115 --> 00:04:56,064 Can we just stand back? Because this is, I'm afraid, going to be... 71 00:04:56,099 --> 00:05:00,051 .. a bloodbath. It is. A bloodbath. Exactly. 72 00:05:00,086 --> 00:05:04,004 Are you still sureyou want to do this? Yes! Yes! 73 00:05:07,024 --> 00:05:08,977 Why do I have to do the first event? 74 00:05:09,012 --> 00:05:10,985 And why does it have to be in an old van? 75 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:15,072 All I've got to do is watch that little green light and then win. 76 00:05:15,076 --> 00:05:19,000 ENGINES REV 77 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,096 Whoa! 78 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,084 What the hell is in that van? 79 00:05:40,084 --> 00:05:42,072 What is this thing? It's insane! 80 00:05:53,072 --> 00:05:55,092 He's in the weeds! He's blown away! 81 00:05:58,060 --> 00:06:01,074 Yes! Yes, a clear win for the Nigels. 82 00:06:01,109 --> 00:06:04,088 I'm sorry, Bruce, we take that one. 83 00:06:04,123 --> 00:06:07,045 First blood to Nigel. 84 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:10,560 Sorry, Bruce. Yeah, we forgot about the traditional gesture. 85 00:06:10,595 --> 00:06:14,005 That's not a van. It is a van! It doesn't seem like a van. 86 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:18,052 It is a van. Did you see the look on Nigel's face when it took off? 87 00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:20,057 They don't believe it's a van! 88 00:06:20,092 --> 00:06:24,024 Pretty impressive. I like your van. And they're all like that. That's standard. 89 00:06:24,059 --> 00:06:28,539 Look, I will prove to you thatit is a van. Behold. What is that? 90 00:06:28,574 --> 00:06:33,020 It even managed to beat you while carrying an engine in the back. 91 00:06:33,055 --> 00:06:34,571 Ready? Hang on. 92 00:06:34,606 --> 00:06:36,053 It says "Jaguar"! 93 00:06:36,088 --> 00:06:38,566 All right, this might be a bit... 94 00:06:38,601 --> 00:06:41,009 Yes. And it's turbocharged, too! 95 00:06:41,044 --> 00:06:47,060 It is slightly turbocharged. Actually, what it is, if I'm honest, it's a Jaguar XJ220. 96 00:06:47,095 --> 00:06:51,032 Ohhh! Did you say we weren't allowed to bring a Jaguar-propelled van? 97 00:06:51,067 --> 00:06:54,545 Well, no. Is it a van? Is a van a commercial vehicle? 98 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:58,024 You could have warned me. I got the shock of my life! 99 00:06:58,059 --> 00:07:01,016 Honest to God! 100 00:07:04,016 --> 00:07:08,060 After our first-innings victory, Jeremy decided that for the second challenge, 101 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:13,008 we should re-run a race we'd first tried against the Germans. 102 00:07:13,043 --> 00:07:15,061 OK, guys, it is really straightforward, OK? 103 00:07:15,096 --> 00:07:20,001 The car on the bottom has the accelerator, the gears and brake, 104 00:07:20,036 --> 00:07:25,088 but no steering wheel, because the steering is done by the car on the top. 105 00:07:25,123 --> 00:07:27,021 You got that? 106 00:07:27,056 --> 00:07:29,068 Right. You got it, then, Bruce? 107 00:07:29,103 --> 00:07:31,085 Which one's ours, Nigel? 108 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,068 These are both ours. OK? 109 00:07:33,103 --> 00:07:35,051 We have both these. 110 00:07:35,086 --> 00:07:36,965 Yours are over here. 111 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,977 But... But what? It's upside down! 112 00:07:39,012 --> 00:07:44,068 Yes, but it won't be when you get home and you watch it on TV there. It'll all be the right way up. 113 00:07:44,103 --> 00:07:48,021 We are racing against the Flat Earth Society. 114 00:07:48,056 --> 00:07:51,005 Do you feel kind of light-headed now, being the right way up? 115 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:55,052 A lot of blood in your feet. I feel cheated. I feellike someone's going to vomit. 116 00:07:55,087 --> 00:07:58,060 You always think that they're happy-go-lucky, the Australians. 117 00:07:58,095 --> 00:08:01,009 It's just solid whingeing. We were until we got here. 118 00:08:01,044 --> 00:08:05,536 Sensitive, flighty, "Oh, no, I don't want to go upside down in a racing car. 119 00:08:05,571 --> 00:08:10,028 "I'll die with sick in my helmet. " What's your problem? You've one here, 120 00:08:10,063 --> 00:08:12,057 and you've got the other two Toyotas over there. 121 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:16,064 Well, hang on, that's four seats. There's only three of us. 122 00:08:16,099 --> 00:08:18,973 Yes. We are in the same boat. 123 00:08:19,008 --> 00:08:21,013 Obviously, we need four people, so we've got... 124 00:08:21,048 --> 00:08:24,032 Well, there's no other way of putting this. We've got Jodie Kidd. 125 00:08:27,024 --> 00:08:31,020 Yeah. Good for you. So, who've wegot? Elle MacPherson. No. Kylie. No. 126 00:08:31,055 --> 00:08:34,044 Dannii. No. You've got Darren Lyons. 127 00:08:37,092 --> 00:08:39,033 Right. What's his name again? 128 00:08:39,068 --> 00:08:44,080 Darren Lyons. He's the ultimate paparazzi photographer. 129 00:08:44,115 --> 00:08:47,087 So he's famous here? Very. 130 00:08:47,122 --> 00:08:50,060 And look at his hair. We are. 131 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:56,068 It was time to saddle up. We should talk tactics. 132 00:08:56,103 --> 00:09:00,056 What are the tactics? Well, beat the Australians. OK. 133 00:09:00,091 --> 00:09:03,569 What are you talking about down there? Tactics. 134 00:09:03,604 --> 00:09:07,013 Tactics! You're going to have to really shout. 135 00:09:07,048 --> 00:09:10,076 I can't hear you. It's all right, he doesn't mind shouting. 136 00:09:10,111 --> 00:09:13,021 Hammond? Yes? 137 00:09:13,056 --> 00:09:14,985 One bang for faster, two for slower. 138 00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:19,004 Well, what if you bang for faster twice? That's like slower. 139 00:09:19,039 --> 00:09:21,041 I'll leave a pause. 140 00:09:21,076 --> 00:09:24,004 Hey, look, they're being lowered in, everybody. 141 00:09:31,008 --> 00:09:33,037 I hope he doesn't vomit. 142 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:35,021 If he vomits, I'm going to vomit. 143 00:09:35,056 --> 00:09:41,092 With the Aussies the right way up, we were ready to begin. 144 00:09:41,127 --> 00:09:43,969 What's the start? The klaxon thing? 145 00:09:44,004 --> 00:09:47,048 KLAXON BLARES Oh, we're off! Go, go, go! 146 00:09:49,084 --> 00:09:52,032 Go on, Jez! Jesus! 147 00:09:54,024 --> 00:09:57,008 Yes! Oh, see the power! 148 00:09:57,043 --> 00:09:59,005 BLEEP!Go! 149 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,017 Already! Oh... 150 00:10:01,052 --> 00:10:03,060 Oh, God, we're going to die. 151 00:10:06,036 --> 00:10:08,981 Yee-ha! Jodie, you're a star! 152 00:10:09,016 --> 00:10:15,068 At the back, Hammond and May werehaving communication problems. Get them on the inside, Hammond. Inside! 153 00:10:15,103 --> 00:10:19,052 Going round the outside. Keep going, steady away! Keeping my foot down... 154 00:10:21,024 --> 00:10:23,973 Come on! Get out of the way! 155 00:10:24,008 --> 00:10:27,040 Quite quickly, my colleagues overtook the Aussies... 156 00:10:27,075 --> 00:10:29,053 Here we go, here we go. 157 00:10:29,088 --> 00:10:33,080 .. mainly because they were still whingeing. Oh, God! 158 00:10:33,115 --> 00:10:35,057 Where are we? I can't see! 159 00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:40,056 I have no reference! And the pap was plainly a bit nervous. 160 00:10:40,091 --> 00:10:43,060 It's unbelievable! I've got no hands! 161 00:10:47,088 --> 00:10:50,037 Tell him to shut up and drive! 162 00:10:50,072 --> 00:10:55,096 BLEEP! At this stage, it looked like it was going to be a Brit one-two. 163 00:10:55,131 --> 00:10:57,049 But then... 164 00:10:57,084 --> 00:11:01,061 Hammond! Yes! Yes! 165 00:11:01,096 --> 00:11:08,016 Ha! Whoa! This is civil war breakingout, right here, right now. Get in! 166 00:11:11,032 --> 00:11:13,045 That's a disaster. 167 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:17,061 While we were bickering... Go! You've broken my window! 168 00:11:17,096 --> 00:11:24,036 .. the Aussies caught up and engaged us in a good-natured four-way duel. 169 00:11:24,071 --> 00:11:26,008 Catch that Pommie bastard! 170 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:32,068 We've got them, we've got them, we've got them, we've got them, we've got them! Oh, no! 171 00:11:36,004 --> 00:11:40,064 Even Darren got the bit between histeeth. Come on, move! Out of my way! 172 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:47,057 This is Aussie driving! Darren, slow down! 173 00:11:47,092 --> 00:11:52,000 You're not a racing driver, you'rea photographer! This is great! 174 00:11:52,035 --> 00:11:54,044 No! An Australian's come through! 175 00:11:54,079 --> 00:11:57,024 We're in the lead! 176 00:11:57,059 --> 00:11:58,049 No! 177 00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:01,969 That's a big one. 178 00:12:02,004 --> 00:12:05,072 'By working together, we eventually pulled out a lead. 179 00:12:05,107 --> 00:12:09,044 'But soon, Jeremy got bored. ' 180 00:12:09,079 --> 00:12:11,068 Jodie, get his back wing. 181 00:12:16,004 --> 00:12:21,000 No, we've stalled! Sorry, James, I might have done that on purpose. 182 00:12:21,035 --> 00:12:22,989 Come on, go, go, go! Go! 183 00:12:23,024 --> 00:12:28,012 This made James and Richard very angry, and so, on the last lap, 184 00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:30,571 they exacted their revenge. 185 00:12:30,606 --> 00:12:33,096 Oh, no! Oh, you stupid fool! 186 00:12:33,131 --> 00:12:35,061 Good work, Hammond! 187 00:12:35,096 --> 00:12:37,552 Right, we're in the lead! 188 00:12:37,587 --> 00:12:39,793 We are so in the lead now! 189 00:12:39,828 --> 00:12:42,000 This is ours for the winning! 190 00:12:44,084 --> 00:12:46,033 Oh, they've won. 191 00:12:46,068 --> 00:12:49,072 They've won, they've won. Not good, not good. 192 00:12:49,107 --> 00:12:52,041 With another victory in the bag, 193 00:12:52,076 --> 00:12:56,012 things were looking good for Top Gear UK. 194 00:13:06,020 --> 00:13:11,045 You know what? It was turning out to be like the real Ashes - complete whitewash. 195 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:15,985 For a sporting nation, they're quitebad at sport, aren't they? It was quite embarrassing. 196 00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:21,052 It's like having a competition to see which country's best at invading Poland, and Germany coming last. 197 00:13:21,087 --> 00:13:25,008 Anyway, we'll pick that up later on, because first of all, let's do the news. 198 00:13:25,043 --> 00:13:26,981 Yes, and first of all, last week, 199 00:13:27,016 --> 00:13:33,024 we featured a motorcycle - a BMW, if I'm not mistaken - a BMW, in your Aerial Atom film, 200 00:13:33,059 --> 00:13:39,032 and we've had a number of complaints that we didn't give enough information about it. 201 00:13:39,067 --> 00:13:41,001 So, James, would you like to address that? 202 00:13:41,036 --> 00:13:45,056 Yes, indeed, bikers, it has a cable-operated anti-hopping clutch. 203 00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:48,017 Lovely. Thank you very much. 204 00:13:48,052 --> 00:13:51,044 There's a new Mini out, OK? There's a picture of it here. 205 00:13:51,079 --> 00:13:54,024 It's called the Countryman. 206 00:13:54,059 --> 00:13:57,001 It's not a funny name! 207 00:13:57,036 --> 00:14:02,016 This is the biggest car in the world, OK? You might think this is a stubble field. It isn't. 208 00:14:02,051 --> 00:14:05,049 It's the Brazilian rainforest. These are trees, in fact, here. 209 00:14:05,084 --> 00:14:08,013 So that's a Mini in the same way that you are a midget. Exactly. 210 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:13,526 You might think, "Well, I fancy a Mini. I like the idea of a Mini. But I want more space!" 211 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:18,969 But the ridiculous thing is... Well, the one I drove the other day only had four seats. 212 00:14:19,004 --> 00:14:24,032 You're right - you'd think there'd be a middle one in the back, but there's a sort of "styling feature". 213 00:14:24,067 --> 00:14:27,080 We've got a picture of it. There's just two bars that run... Look. 214 00:14:27,115 --> 00:14:31,041 What's the point of that? It is a civic sculpture. 215 00:14:31,076 --> 00:14:34,021 It's like trading up from a three- to a four-bedroom house 216 00:14:34,056 --> 00:14:38,036 and filling the fourth bedroom with a waterfall. Why would you do that? 217 00:14:38,071 --> 00:14:40,096 It's just stupid. It's the stupidest car I've ever seen. 218 00:14:40,131 --> 00:14:43,068 And it gave me crabs. 219 00:14:43,103 --> 00:14:45,017 What? Crabs? 220 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:48,013 I meant cramp. Why did I say crabs? 221 00:14:48,048 --> 00:14:51,552 How can a car give you crabs? I don't know! Tell us! 222 00:14:51,587 --> 00:14:55,056 Oh, I know what I want to talk about. Really big news. 223 00:14:55,091 --> 00:14:56,989 The new car from Pagani's out. 224 00:14:57,024 --> 00:14:59,005 The Zonda's gone. This is the new replacement for it from Pagani. 225 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:06,030 Look at that! It's an astonishing 730 brake horsepower, six-litre AMG V12 specially designed for the car. 226 00:15:06,065 --> 00:15:13,020 It's got a carbotanium body, so that is carbon fibre, but titanium woven in with carbon fibre in it. 227 00:15:13,055 --> 00:15:14,981 Yes, but can I interrupt? 228 00:15:15,016 --> 00:15:20,036 What worries me, we liked the Zonda because it was completely bonkers, yes? 229 00:15:20,071 --> 00:15:21,965 Doesn't that look a bit sensible, 230 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:28,012 like Lady GaGa going, "No, no, no. I'm a musician now, I want to start writing opera. " A bit serious? Yes. 231 00:15:28,047 --> 00:15:30,005 A bit grown-up? Yes. OK. 232 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:32,045 Here's the interior, look at that! 233 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,052 That's clearly not all sensible and boring, is it? 234 00:15:35,087 --> 00:15:37,009 I like the colour, actually. 235 00:15:37,044 --> 00:15:41,076 Well if you want that colour, James, just have a baby, get it eight times a day! 236 00:15:41,111 --> 00:15:45,084 What's it called? It's called the Hur-rurgh... It is! 237 00:15:45,119 --> 00:15:48,040 It's spelled H-U-A-Y-R-A. 238 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,096 The... The Hur-rurgh? Exactly! 239 00:15:54,048 --> 00:16:01,040 It's written here, in case you forget. It's the noise you make when you're sick in the passenger seat. 240 00:16:01,075 --> 00:16:08,064 If you're just going to mock, you won't mind if I test it, will you? No, knock yourself out! 241 00:16:08,099 --> 00:16:10,985 OK. No, don't actually, 242 00:16:11,020 --> 00:16:13,076 if you're driving fast... I got that. 243 00:16:14,012 --> 00:16:16,993 Oh, day in, day out, we meet people who say to us 244 00:16:17,028 --> 00:16:20,009 they don't like cars very much, but they do watch Top Gear. 245 00:16:20,044 --> 00:16:25,028 Well, if you're not interested in cars, ta-da! A new Ford Focus. 246 00:16:25,063 --> 00:16:28,981 Wow! There it is. You're not saying it's bad, are you? 247 00:16:29,016 --> 00:16:33,044 No. No. That is some car. I tell you something about Ford Focus, right, 248 00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,025 doing the figures this week on it, 249 00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:41,012 275 people a day in Britain alone buy a Ford Focus. 250 00:16:41,047 --> 00:16:43,021 That is, what, about 12 an hour? 251 00:16:43,056 --> 00:16:48,076 So who's waking up at 3am thinking, "I'm going to get a Focus. 252 00:16:48,111 --> 00:16:50,061 "I'm going to go out now. " Who are they? 253 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:53,025 No! That's the most mangled bit of statistics I've ever heard. 254 00:16:53,060 --> 00:16:56,004 It doesn't mean that somebody has to do it, on the hour, every hour. 255 00:16:56,039 --> 00:17:02,024 Yes, but it's still 275 people a day. How can we work it out? 256 00:17:02,059 --> 00:17:04,997 We know Saabs are driven by architects, yes? 257 00:17:05,032 --> 00:17:09,025 We know Audis are driven by people who play golf. 258 00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:13,025 We know Land Rover Discoveries are driven by murderers. 259 00:17:13,060 --> 00:17:19,016 What? I'm going to have to pull you up on that, as I think you'll find murderers drive a Renault Espace. 260 00:17:19,051 --> 00:17:23,547 Well, Kenneth Noye was a murderer, he had a Land Rover Discovery. 261 00:17:23,582 --> 00:17:28,009 So he may have done, but Harold Shipman drove a Renault Espace, 262 00:17:28,044 --> 00:17:33,088 Fred West drove a Renault Espace, Peter Sutcliffe drove a Renault 16. 263 00:17:33,123 --> 00:17:37,016 That's only because the Espace hadn't been invented. Exactly. 264 00:17:37,051 --> 00:17:39,977 This is a Top Gear top tip. 265 00:17:40,012 --> 00:17:44,016 If you're a policeman and there's been a murder in your area, 266 00:17:44,051 --> 00:17:47,053 simply arrest anyone who has a practical Renault. 267 00:17:47,088 --> 00:17:50,021 That's fascinating. I think that's very interesting. 268 00:17:50,056 --> 00:17:56,012 Anyway, we got a bit off-topic, but there you are, the new Ford Focus - ideal if you just want some car. 269 00:17:56,047 --> 00:18:01,012 Chaps, listen, have you ever wanteda Mexican sports car? Yes, I have! 270 00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:06,004 Well, it's good news, because there is one, and here it is, 271 00:18:06,039 --> 00:18:07,977 and it's called the Tortilla. 272 00:18:08,012 --> 00:18:11,993 It is not, it is not called the Tortilla! What is it called? 273 00:18:12,028 --> 00:18:16,048 I can't remember, it's somethinga bit... You just made up the name? 274 00:18:16,083 --> 00:18:19,993 Yes, I've forgotten. Why would you want a Mexican car? 275 00:18:20,028 --> 00:18:25,000 Cars reflect national characteristics, so German cars are very well built, efficient. 276 00:18:25,035 --> 00:18:29,032 Italian cars are a bit flamboyant and quick, a Mexican car is just going 277 00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:32,012 to be lazy, feckless, flatulent, over-stuffed, 278 00:18:32,047 --> 00:18:33,057 leaning against a fence asleep, 279 00:18:33,092 --> 00:18:39,977 looking at a cactus, with a blanket with a hole in the middle on, as a coat! 280 00:18:40,012 --> 00:18:46,028 It is interesting, they can't do food, the Mexicans, can they? It's all like sick with cheese on it. 281 00:18:46,063 --> 00:18:49,035 Refried sick! Yeah, refried sick. 282 00:18:49,070 --> 00:18:51,973 How much is this Mexican sports car? 283 00:18:52,008 --> 00:18:57,020 The refried Mexican sports car is L33,000. 284 00:18:57,055 --> 00:18:59,017 That isn't enough. 285 00:18:59,052 --> 00:19:04,048 It isn't enough. Somebody's paid for that to be developed, it's got to be shipped over. 286 00:19:04,083 --> 00:19:07,033 That's 800 quid's worth of carthere. You say that though, 287 00:19:07,068 --> 00:19:10,088 but they do say, in their blurb, it's got rack and pinion steering. 288 00:19:10,123 --> 00:19:12,041 Wow, it's got steering. 289 00:19:12,076 --> 00:19:16,004 I'm sorry, but just imagine waking up 290 00:19:16,039 --> 00:19:18,013 and remembering you're Mexican! 291 00:19:18,048 --> 00:19:23,056 It would be brilliant. It'd be brilliant because you could just go straight back to sleep again. 292 00:19:23,091 --> 00:19:25,977 Oh, I'm a Mexican. That's all I'm going to do all day. 293 00:19:26,012 --> 00:19:29,506 That's why we won't get complaints about this - at the Mexican Embassy, 294 00:19:29,541 --> 00:19:33,000 the ambassador will be sitting there with the remote control, like this. 295 00:19:33,035 --> 00:19:34,017 They won't complain, it's fine. 296 00:19:34,052 --> 00:19:41,024 I tell you want, there's a radio station in Germany, offered L20,000 worth of a Mini Cooper as a prize, 297 00:19:41,059 --> 00:19:45,551 to any listener who would do the zaniest, craziest thing, OK? 298 00:19:45,586 --> 00:19:50,044 The chap who won it, won it because he had the word "Mini" 299 00:19:50,079 --> 00:19:52,559 tattooed on his... Face? 300 00:19:52,594 --> 00:19:55,005 No. Arse? Elbow? No. Ears? 301 00:19:55,040 --> 00:20:00,989 No. Toes? No, on his gentleman's sausage... Mini! 302 00:20:01,024 --> 00:20:05,056 If you think about it, Mini isn't really the first word you would think to have tattooed on you're... 303 00:20:07,068 --> 00:20:12,032 I'd rather have the word enormous, but in tiny letters so the scale... it must be! 304 00:20:12,067 --> 00:20:15,051 If it's going to be cars, though, I would have Alfa Romeo... 305 00:20:15,086 --> 00:20:18,001 No, I wouldn't have Alfa Romeo, I'd only get Alf on mine. 306 00:20:18,036 --> 00:20:20,989 I think, actually, having Alfa Romeo tattooed on your old chap 307 00:20:21,024 --> 00:20:27,068 is a bit of a leap of faith,given our experience with Alfas. Oh, it's not working again. 308 00:20:27,103 --> 00:20:31,060 It's never happened before. It's an Alfa Romeo - it has! 309 00:20:31,095 --> 00:20:33,049 That's the end of the news. Moving on now. 310 00:20:33,084 --> 00:20:40,024 In Britain, we find it really rather revolting to talk about how much money somebody earns, but I couldn't 311 00:20:40,059 --> 00:20:46,028 help but noticing the other day that a DJ, I won't say which one, Radio 2, in the morning, ginger, 312 00:20:46,063 --> 00:20:52,052 spent L12 million on a car. You might think that's ridiculous, but it isn't. 313 00:20:52,087 --> 00:20:58,084 Because the car in question is a 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO. 314 00:21:04,004 --> 00:21:06,044 'The GTO Ferrari... ' 315 00:21:08,076 --> 00:21:16,033 In the eyes of many, the 250 GTO is the greatest car Ferrari ever produced. 316 00:21:16,068 --> 00:21:23,056 Certainly, it's the greatest road racer from the ultimate decade of road racing. 317 00:21:23,091 --> 00:21:28,044 And it is extremely rare just 36 were made. 318 00:21:33,016 --> 00:21:38,044 And because the aluminium body panels were hand-beaten over pieces of wood, 319 00:21:38,079 --> 00:21:40,033 none of them were quite the same. 320 00:21:40,068 --> 00:21:44,088 On this particular example, for instance, the driver's door 321 00:21:44,123 --> 00:21:49,080 is a centimetre longer than the passenger door. 322 00:21:51,036 --> 00:21:55,088 The 3-litre V12 engines were all different as well. 323 00:21:59,096 --> 00:22:03,072 They were supposed to produce 295 horsepower. 324 00:22:03,107 --> 00:22:07,048 Some came up with less than that, some more. 325 00:22:09,072 --> 00:22:14,072 But all of these cars would do 175 miles an hour, 326 00:22:14,107 --> 00:22:19,072 at a time when your dishwasher had a name... and ears. 327 00:22:23,052 --> 00:22:29,036 I wish almost more than anything I could get into this now and take it for a drive, 328 00:22:29,071 --> 00:22:32,969 but even though Top Gear is made by one of the world's largest 329 00:22:33,004 --> 00:22:38,052 and richest broadcasting organisations, we simply cannot afford the insurance. 330 00:22:43,060 --> 00:22:46,080 I can, however, drive this... 331 00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:48,088 the 288 GTO. 332 00:22:51,096 --> 00:22:58,033 The mid-engine twin turbo-charged flame thrower was also built to be a road racer, 333 00:22:58,068 --> 00:23:05,016 but, sadly, the road-racing series it was built to enter folded before it ever got the chance. 334 00:23:10,068 --> 00:23:15,000 And, because it has no competition pedigree, it's now a bargain. 335 00:23:15,035 --> 00:23:20,072 You can buy one for as little as L400,000. 336 00:23:25,032 --> 00:23:30,025 When the final 288 rolled off the limited-run production line in 1987, 337 00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:37,032 we all thought that, because road racing was a thing of the past, we'd never see the GTO name again, 338 00:23:37,067 --> 00:23:40,024 but we were wrong. 339 00:23:40,059 --> 00:23:42,004 It's back. 340 00:23:52,064 --> 00:23:56,092 This is the 599 GTO and it's not a racer - 341 00:23:56,127 --> 00:24:01,092 it's a L300,000 road car. 342 00:24:03,068 --> 00:24:08,057 So they've used the GTO name on a road car. 343 00:24:08,092 --> 00:24:12,985 That's brave. That's like calling your infant son Jesus. 344 00:24:13,020 --> 00:24:17,036 You need to be fairly sure he's going to grow up to be something special. 345 00:24:17,071 --> 00:24:19,004 Not a burglar. 346 00:24:19,020 --> 00:24:23,045 So, how has this turned out, then? 347 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:26,969 Well, it's pouring with rain, and, as usual, when we're... 348 00:24:27,004 --> 00:24:31,040 BEEPING .. down at the track, I've turnedthe traction control off. 349 00:24:31,075 --> 00:24:33,032 So, here we go. 350 00:24:37,020 --> 00:24:39,068 Oh... argh... 351 00:24:39,103 --> 00:24:41,021 Nearly. 352 00:24:41,056 --> 00:24:45,012 Have I got it? No. 353 00:24:48,072 --> 00:24:49,096 No! 354 00:24:51,072 --> 00:24:53,012 Come on! 355 00:24:54,096 --> 00:24:59,080 It squirrels under braking, it understeers when you go into a corner... Ah! 356 00:24:59,115 --> 00:25:03,024 Oh... BLEEP! Bloody hell! 357 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:09,981 This is not a car - it's a wild animal. 358 00:25:10,016 --> 00:25:14,068 Oh, actually, it's not evena wild animal, just a BLEEP! 359 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,048 BLEEP! 360 00:25:22,028 --> 00:25:28,008 Actually, what it is is the most powerful road car Ferrari has ever built. 361 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:36,057 Its 6-litre V12 produces 661 horsepower. 362 00:25:36,092 --> 00:25:39,033 And to make sure none of those horse powers are wasted 363 00:25:39,068 --> 00:25:45,064 lugging around unnecessary weight, the glass in the windows is thin. 364 00:25:45,099 --> 00:25:47,985 The body work is carbon fibre. 365 00:25:48,020 --> 00:25:53,048 The floor is aluminium. There are no carpets. 366 00:25:53,083 --> 00:25:56,056 It doesn't even have a radio. 367 00:25:58,016 --> 00:26:05,052 The result, when you understand all that and you respect it and you leave the traction control on, 368 00:26:05,087 --> 00:26:07,020 is rather different. 369 00:26:10,016 --> 00:26:11,032 The speed! 370 00:26:12,052 --> 00:26:14,028 Speed! 371 00:26:15,064 --> 00:26:18,068 And the noise of the speed! 372 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:22,068 0-60, 3.3 seconds. 373 00:26:22,103 --> 00:26:25,056 Top speed, 208. 374 00:26:30,012 --> 00:26:32,542 And then there's the braking. OK, ready? 375 00:26:32,577 --> 00:26:35,037 Now, I just hold this left-hand paddle down, 376 00:26:35,072 --> 00:26:41,044 and the down changes are done automatically at precisely the right moment. 377 00:26:42,044 --> 00:26:44,084 It's a laptop! 378 00:26:48,028 --> 00:26:53,060 These days, automotive electronics are used to make a car more economical, 379 00:26:53,095 --> 00:26:58,024 more environmentally friendly, more safe. 380 00:27:00,056 --> 00:27:02,029 Not in this. 381 00:27:02,064 --> 00:27:06,028 In this, the electronics make you faster. 382 00:27:09,024 --> 00:27:13,080 The car is learning all the time how fast I can go round this corner. 383 00:27:15,004 --> 00:27:18,068 It's taking constant readings of tyre temperature, 384 00:27:18,103 --> 00:27:21,965 engine temperature, gear box temperature 385 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:26,036 to make sure that when I put my foot down at the end of the corner, 386 00:27:26,071 --> 00:27:31,000 the maximum amount of power is sent to the rear wheels. 387 00:27:31,035 --> 00:27:35,004 I'll put my foot down now. No, it's not ready. 388 00:27:35,039 --> 00:27:37,088 It's not ready! NOW it's ready. 389 00:27:40,060 --> 00:27:46,080 It is all fantastically clever, but, I'm afraid, there is a but. 390 00:27:52,036 --> 00:27:56,566 Modern jet fighters are kept in the air, not by the pilot, 391 00:27:56,601 --> 00:28:01,096 but by several million gigabytes of hardcore software. 392 00:28:03,096 --> 00:28:07,000 And this is just the same. It's an F-22 393 00:28:07,035 --> 00:28:09,064 with a tax disc. 394 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,029 And that's the problem, because... 395 00:28:12,064 --> 00:28:15,036 I don't feel like I'm driving this car - 396 00:28:15,071 --> 00:28:18,053 I just feel like a big lump of meat 397 00:28:18,088 --> 00:28:21,001 that's come along for the ride. 398 00:28:21,036 --> 00:28:26,965 Of course, I can't turn the computers off - well, I can, but I'm not going to, 399 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:32,000 because that would be like sitting on the front of a roller coaster and trying to steer it. 400 00:28:34,044 --> 00:28:36,092 It's not my sort of car, this. 401 00:28:38,044 --> 00:28:40,088 And then there's the problem with its name. 402 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,076 If they'd called it Matthew or Mark 403 00:28:47,111 --> 00:28:51,009 or Typhoon or Herod, even, 404 00:28:51,044 --> 00:28:56,052 that would have been fine, but they didn't, they called it a GTO. 405 00:28:57,072 --> 00:29:03,001 But it was not designed for racing, so it's not a GTO. 406 00:29:03,036 --> 00:29:09,092 It's just a limited-edition tweaked version of the car Gordon Ramsay drives. 407 00:29:15,064 --> 00:29:17,064 APPLAUSE 408 00:29:19,036 --> 00:29:22,025 So, it's not the Messiah. 409 00:29:22,060 --> 00:29:25,993 It's just a very naughty boy! That's what it is. 410 00:29:26,028 --> 00:29:31,064 You know what, when you were driving with the traction control off, it looked pretty much undriveable. 411 00:29:31,099 --> 00:29:35,020 It was. The thing is, though, after I made that film, I went to Italy with it. 412 00:29:35,055 --> 00:29:39,543 I drove it in the dry, and it was a lot better, but, all the time, 413 00:29:39,578 --> 00:29:44,032 you can sense it's plotting on new and exciting ways of killing you. 414 00:29:44,067 --> 00:29:47,985 You know Cato? What, from the Pink Panther? Yeah. 415 00:29:48,020 --> 00:29:51,029 That's my favourite comic character,pretty much. It's like that. You go around the corner. 416 00:29:51,064 --> 00:29:55,064 You think "Yes, I've got this, I'm holding this well. " Suddenly, it goes into a massive tail slide. 417 00:29:55,099 --> 00:30:00,063 Not now, Cato. It is. You go back to a hotel room at night thinking, "Is it in the mini bar? 418 00:30:00,098 --> 00:30:04,993 "Is it on top of the wardrobe?" You know it's going to leap out and attack you at any moment. 419 00:30:05,028 --> 00:30:09,076 Maybe they shouldn't have called it the Ferrari GTO, maybe they should have called it the Ferrari Cato. 420 00:30:09,111 --> 00:30:11,037 That would have been quite a good name for it, the Cato. 421 00:30:11,072 --> 00:30:17,068 But, anyway, we must now find out how fast this Chinese psychopath goes round our track. 422 00:30:17,103 --> 00:30:21,024 That, of course, means handing it over to our tame racing driver. 423 00:30:21,059 --> 00:30:26,000 Some say that he doesn't understand the word "envelope". 424 00:30:28,028 --> 00:30:31,057 And that he is the only woman in Britain 425 00:30:31,092 --> 00:30:36,056 not to have slept with Alan Johnson's policeman. 426 00:30:36,091 --> 00:30:39,036 All we know is, he's called the Stig. 427 00:30:39,071 --> 00:30:41,997 And he's off. 428 00:30:42,032 --> 00:30:45,068 And just listen to the noise of that V12. 429 00:30:45,103 --> 00:30:48,052 Actually, let's just listen. 430 00:30:48,087 --> 00:30:49,033 SILENCE 431 00:30:49,068 --> 00:30:54,024 Nope, can't hear it there. So, first corner, coming in wide. 432 00:30:54,059 --> 00:30:55,013 Is it going to bite? 433 00:30:55,048 --> 00:31:00,032 Ooh, a little bit, but he's through. 434 00:31:03,008 --> 00:31:07,049 No stereo in this car, of course,i t's just got 12 cylinders. CAR REVS 435 00:31:07,084 --> 00:31:13,037 God, that noise is amazing. Now, Hammerhead, I should say the braking system on this car is phenomenal. 436 00:31:13,072 --> 00:31:20,072 Carbon ceramic, second generation, so the Stig can brake very hard and very late, but he's not braking now. 437 00:31:20,107 --> 00:31:21,993 ENGINE PURRS 438 00:31:22,028 --> 00:31:28,004 Oh, that noise is simply sensational. It is spine-tingling! 439 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:35,989 It's like God treading on a Lego brick! 440 00:31:36,024 --> 00:31:39,548 Here he comes, second to last corner. Into Gambon. 441 00:31:39,583 --> 00:31:43,072 Is Cato going to attack? No, he's across the line! 442 00:31:43,107 --> 00:31:45,080 APPLAUSE 443 00:31:47,020 --> 00:31:49,068 He did well. 444 00:31:49,103 --> 00:31:51,021 OK. 445 00:31:51,056 --> 00:31:55,000 It did it... it did it in... 446 00:31:55,035 --> 00:31:56,037 1.19.8. 447 00:31:56,072 --> 00:31:59,049 Which is there. 448 00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:01,090 Look at this, it's 0.7 449 00:32:01,125 --> 00:32:03,106 of a second slower 450 00:32:03,141 --> 00:32:05,053 than the Ferrari 458. 451 00:32:05,088 --> 00:32:07,973 Which costs about half as much. Yes. 452 00:32:08,008 --> 00:32:10,096 And you might be thinking how well the Stig did on that lap, OK? 453 00:32:10,131 --> 00:32:14,056 In one of his practice laps, I should say, this happened. 454 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:19,060 There he is, going onto the straight. Completely straight line. 455 00:32:19,095 --> 00:32:21,036 No! Not now, Cato! 456 00:32:21,071 --> 00:32:22,973 LAUGHTER 457 00:32:23,008 --> 00:32:25,005 What a car! What an animal! Anyway... 458 00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:29,058 it is time now to put a star in our reasonably priced car. 459 00:32:29,093 --> 00:32:33,041 Now, my guest tonight is quit literally a tennis player. 460 00:32:33,076 --> 00:32:40,020 He was able to win Wimbledon three times, partly because of his immense strength, 461 00:32:40,055 --> 00:32:41,973 partly because of his agility, 462 00:32:42,008 --> 00:32:45,000 but mostly, I suspect, because he isn't English. 463 00:32:45,035 --> 00:32:47,044 Ladies and gentlemen, Boris Becker! 464 00:32:47,079 --> 00:32:49,579 APPLAUSE AND WHISTLING 465 00:32:49,614 --> 00:32:52,045 Hello. How are you? 466 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:55,040 Hello. Hello. Take a seat. 467 00:32:55,075 --> 00:32:56,965 Thank you. 468 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,012 You're enormous. 469 00:33:01,008 --> 00:33:03,037 As tall as you? You're bigger than I thought. 470 00:33:03,072 --> 00:33:09,088 A lot bigger than I thought you'd be. Now, how does it feel to be the most popular German in Britain? 471 00:33:12,028 --> 00:33:14,985 I guess the list isn't very long. 472 00:33:15,020 --> 00:33:17,046 No, you're right, actually, it isn't very long. 473 00:33:17,081 --> 00:33:19,037 But it is, you are a very popular chap here. 474 00:33:19,072 --> 00:33:23,981 Thank you very much. I think it has a lot to do with Wimbledon, I guess. 475 00:33:24,016 --> 00:33:30,052 Yeah. First, for the younger members of the audience, you were the first German to win it, 476 00:33:30,087 --> 00:33:32,021 the first unseeded player to win it 477 00:33:32,056 --> 00:33:36,064 and you're stillthe youngest to this day to winthe men's single final. Yeah. 478 00:33:36,099 --> 00:33:37,973 You were what - two? 479 00:33:38,008 --> 00:33:42,044 I was a little older, but I was still a teenager - I was 17 years old. 480 00:33:42,079 --> 00:33:44,547 17! We've got a picture of you here, actually. 481 00:33:44,582 --> 00:33:47,016 And I do have a big question - these shorts... 482 00:33:49,052 --> 00:33:51,029 .. did they restrict movement? 483 00:33:51,064 --> 00:33:53,037 Well, at the time, we're talking '80s, at the time, 484 00:33:53,072 --> 00:33:59,024 that was fashionable. I remember George Michael had a pair similar to that in one of his videos. 485 00:33:59,059 --> 00:34:02,555 I think they were stretch - able to stretch a little bit - 486 00:34:02,590 --> 00:34:06,052 but, obviously, when you stretch too far on an angle volley, 487 00:34:06,087 --> 00:34:09,057 you might lose... something! 488 00:34:09,092 --> 00:34:13,020 Now, of course, you've stopped playing tennis, you are now a commentator. 489 00:34:13,055 --> 00:34:16,060 You're going to be commentatingagain at Wimbledon this year? Yes. 490 00:34:16,095 --> 00:34:19,017 A small word of advice, if I may - 491 00:34:19,052 --> 00:34:23,046 have no opinions about the looksof the lineswomen. OK. 492 00:34:23,081 --> 00:34:27,040 It is just a little tipI can give you. Yeah, thank you. 493 00:34:27,075 --> 00:34:28,973 Otherwise, you'll find yourself sacked. 494 00:34:29,008 --> 00:34:33,028 I was reading the papers the last couple of days, I find it a bit harsh. 495 00:34:33,063 --> 00:34:36,088 It is a bit weird. You're not even on television and you get... 496 00:34:36,123 --> 00:34:39,053 I mean, I'd be very sacked. I mean, the guy... 497 00:34:39,088 --> 00:34:45,072 Andy, you know, he shouldn't have said it, it was dumb, it was stupid, you don't say that. 498 00:34:45,107 --> 00:34:51,056 But then he wasn't really on air. It should have been a penalty, give some money to charity, 499 00:34:51,091 --> 00:34:55,557 but for him to be fired and lose his job, I think it's a bit harsh. 500 00:34:55,592 --> 00:35:00,024 No, I couldn't agree more. Now, I want to get it on to cars, if I may. 501 00:35:00,059 --> 00:35:02,551 Please. You are a car man. 502 00:35:02,586 --> 00:35:05,009 I am crazy about cars, yeah. 503 00:35:05,044 --> 00:35:11,068 We have to declare an interest fromthe off, you actually have threeMercedes dealerships. Correct, yes. 504 00:35:11,103 --> 00:35:15,965 So what's the car you drive? Let me think about it, it's a Mercedes. 505 00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:22,016 Oh, really, that's a surprise!No, my favourite car,when I'm alone, is the SLS. 506 00:35:22,051 --> 00:35:26,004 You see. Yes, it's my favourite car. You see. It's a fantastic car. 507 00:35:26,039 --> 00:35:28,049 We proved - the other two agreed with me, they're not here, 508 00:35:28,084 --> 00:35:33,012 sadly, to back me up - but that is the best car in the world, the SLS. 509 00:35:33,047 --> 00:35:34,977 Did I see yours parkedoutside today? Exactly. 510 00:35:35,012 --> 00:35:38,977 I thought I'd come with my best weapon to impress you. 511 00:35:39,012 --> 00:35:43,024 Now, your first car that you bought as a teenager was a...? 512 00:35:43,059 --> 00:35:44,057 You're talking about the Porsche 959. 513 00:35:44,092 --> 00:35:48,041 Yeah? True. That, it really was. I thought it can't be true. 514 00:35:48,076 --> 00:35:52,989 No teenager goes, "Right, it's time to buy my first car, I'll make it a 959." 515 00:35:53,024 --> 00:36:00,044 Cos the 959, let's be clear, it was built for Group B rallying? Yeah. A ferociously fast thing. 516 00:36:00,079 --> 00:36:04,044 It wasn't a street car. A very sophisticatedfour-wheel drive system on it. 517 00:36:04,079 --> 00:36:06,025 Very sophisticated and two turbos. Yeah. 518 00:36:06,060 --> 00:36:09,053 You had the first one kick in at a certain speed and the second one kick in, 519 00:36:09,088 --> 00:36:15,004 and you were already flying all over the place, and only 200 were sold or made for the public. 520 00:36:15,039 --> 00:36:16,049 How old were you when you got it? 521 00:36:16,084 --> 00:36:20,005 19. Did you drive it like a 19-year-old? 522 00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:25,032 I drove it rather fast and I - you know, knock on wood - I didn't have 523 00:36:25,067 --> 00:36:30,024 an accident, but I wanted to show that I'm a man, I'm not a teenager. 524 00:36:30,059 --> 00:36:31,049 And I had to drive top speed. 525 00:36:31,084 --> 00:36:36,044 So my best friend at the time, Patrick, said, "Listen, let's together drive from Frankfurt 526 00:36:36,079 --> 00:36:37,009 "to Monte Carlo, 527 00:36:37,044 --> 00:36:42,045 "and there's this highway from Milan down to Geneva, three lanes, where we maybe give it a go. " 528 00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:49,056 That's exactly what happened. So I went 326 on a highway - three times the speed limit allowed in Italy. 529 00:36:49,091 --> 00:36:51,083 That's 200 miles an hour. Yeah. 530 00:36:51,118 --> 00:36:53,041 That is 200 miles an hour in Italy. 531 00:36:53,076 --> 00:36:57,021 Yeah. And you just said that on television! 532 00:36:57,056 --> 00:37:01,013 But the Italian cars at the time, they were too slow. 533 00:37:01,048 --> 00:37:07,048 So by the time I went over and passed them, they, you know, they let me go. 534 00:37:07,083 --> 00:37:08,585 There is another reason the Italian police, 535 00:37:08,620 --> 00:37:10,053 who you must have encountered over the years, 536 00:37:10,088 --> 00:37:15,040 if you do 200 miles an hour, theytend to just go... They like it! 537 00:37:15,075 --> 00:37:16,989 They like it. Good point. 538 00:37:17,024 --> 00:37:21,004 The other thing, of course, the Germans are the best racing drivers as well. 539 00:37:21,039 --> 00:37:22,037 You had Schumacher for years. 540 00:37:22,072 --> 00:37:25,000 Do you know Schumacher? Yeah, very well. A good mate? 541 00:37:25,035 --> 00:37:27,981 Good mate. He's come good nowadays. 542 00:37:28,016 --> 00:37:32,096 He in private is very different than on camera, but when he's relaxed and comfortable, 543 00:37:32,131 --> 00:37:34,977 he's a cool guy and has lots of humour, 544 00:37:35,012 --> 00:37:38,053 but, obviously, when he speaks on camera, it doesn't really show. 545 00:37:38,088 --> 00:37:43,973 Have you met Vettel?Yeah. Sebastian, yeah. He needs to address his hair. 546 00:37:44,008 --> 00:37:49,029 Well... he's young, that's the look. Those 21-year-olds wear it that way now. 547 00:37:49,064 --> 00:37:54,044 I think he looks stupid. I mean, you were wise, you addressed your hair, you realised, 548 00:37:54,079 --> 00:37:59,088 "Hell, I'm ginger, I need to do something about it. " Now you're not. 549 00:37:59,123 --> 00:38:01,041 He needs to do the same thing! 550 00:38:01,076 --> 00:38:04,558 But he doesn't worry. He's got the helmet on when he works. 551 00:38:04,593 --> 00:38:08,040 That's true. When he's working, he does have his helmet on. 552 00:38:08,075 --> 00:38:10,997 Now, your lap. Yeah, please. 553 00:38:11,032 --> 00:38:18,008 It's raining, predictably today!It was raining... heavy. I had to... I was really struggling and...! 554 00:38:18,043 --> 00:38:20,065 You're a competitive man? Of course! 555 00:38:20,100 --> 00:38:22,053 I was seriously worried that I'm going 556 00:38:22,088 --> 00:38:28,008 to be embarrassed by everybody, because the steering wheel is on the right. 557 00:38:28,043 --> 00:38:29,989 Yes, the right side of the car. 558 00:38:30,024 --> 00:38:33,045 I'm driving on the left. The wrong side of the car. 559 00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:39,020 Yeah? So, when I first went into the car, I couldn't find the clutch, I broke down the engine. 560 00:38:39,055 --> 00:38:43,076 I ruptured the first car also, because I was braking wrong all of the time. 561 00:38:43,111 --> 00:38:47,048 Thank God, the last couple of laps... and because of Schtick. 562 00:38:47,083 --> 00:38:51,029 Schtick told me the whole secret about... 563 00:38:51,064 --> 00:38:55,032 This is the worst racing driver excuses I've...! 564 00:38:55,067 --> 00:38:57,020 No, no, no. Schtick was good. 565 00:38:57,055 --> 00:38:58,973 Schtick?! Schtick! 566 00:38:59,008 --> 00:39:05,017 Schtick! When you said Shtick,I was thinking Michael Stich?No... 567 00:39:05,052 --> 00:39:10,040 Now I'm with you. Stig. Stig. You are the first German ever to try it. 568 00:39:10,075 --> 00:39:13,033 OK. Cos Michael Schumacher didn't. He just did it in his Ferrari. 569 00:39:13,068 --> 00:39:17,052 You're the first personto do it... you haven'tmentioned your broken foot. Well... 570 00:39:17,087 --> 00:39:21,021 You don't like to make a fuss. No. When did you break it? 571 00:39:21,056 --> 00:39:28,064 Five weeks ago I had surgery. So, it's not fully healed? No. So many things that went wrong. 572 00:39:28,099 --> 00:39:33,005 Yeah, but thank God, I didn't have to use my right leg this time, more my left. 573 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:37,056 You know the pedals are the same whether it's the left-hand drive... No, it's on the wrong side. What?! 574 00:39:37,091 --> 00:39:43,547 Is the accelerator pedal on the leftin Germany? No, it's on the right. It's the same for us! No! 575 00:39:43,582 --> 00:39:49,303 It was confusing for me. Now, all of this confusion did cause a few problems in your practice... 576 00:39:49,338 --> 00:39:55,024 Yeah... in that every time I looked out of the window, you were facing backwards on the grass. 577 00:39:55,059 --> 00:39:57,567 Would anyone like to see that? AUDIENCE: Yeah! 578 00:39:57,602 --> 00:40:00,076 It's a quite a high s peed one,this one. OK. 579 00:40:03,048 --> 00:40:08,004 And because you didn't know where the brake was, it just kept going, really. 580 00:40:08,039 --> 00:40:10,969 Anyway, who would like to see Boris's lap? 581 00:40:11,004 --> 00:40:14,060 Please! Please. AUDIENCE: Yeah! Come on, let's have a look. 582 00:40:14,095 --> 00:40:17,053 ENGINE ROARS, TYRES SQUEAL 583 00:40:17,088 --> 00:40:19,977 That is an aggressive start. 584 00:40:20,012 --> 00:40:23,004 That's a gear change. Come on, baby. 585 00:40:23,039 --> 00:40:24,076 Light my fire. Come on! 586 00:40:25,076 --> 00:40:30,044 There we go. Ooh, several attempts at getting into the first corner. 587 00:40:31,072 --> 00:40:35,064 Almost got the back wheel up there, which wasn't bad. 588 00:40:35,099 --> 00:40:37,551 Good. Good. Good. Come on! 589 00:40:37,586 --> 00:40:40,004 It's a good one. Looking good. 590 00:40:40,039 --> 00:40:42,061 That's smooth. 591 00:40:42,096 --> 00:40:45,088 That is, yes, very impressive. Now, coming up to the Hammerhead. 592 00:40:45,123 --> 00:40:49,004 HE SPEAKS IN GERMAN I'm speaking German and English. 593 00:40:49,039 --> 00:40:52,052 It's funny. Hey, hey! It's English. 594 00:40:52,087 --> 00:40:54,064 Here we go. Come on. Come on. 595 00:40:54,099 --> 00:40:55,981 Right. 596 00:40:56,016 --> 00:40:58,005 Hard on the brakes. 597 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:02,096 That was quite slow but if it looks slow it's normally fast. 598 00:41:02,131 --> 00:41:04,977 That's what he told me. 599 00:41:05,012 --> 00:41:08,076 It's true, the slower you look, the faster you're going. 600 00:41:08,111 --> 00:41:11,060 But you do need to change gear better than that! 601 00:41:11,095 --> 00:41:13,579 I show them. I'm not only a tennis player, 602 00:41:13,614 --> 00:41:16,064 I'm actually a hidden Formula One driver! 603 00:41:19,076 --> 00:41:23,080 Looking Formula One-ish through there, apart from the car. Did you like the Kia? 604 00:41:23,115 --> 00:41:26,032 Yeah, it's good fun to drive. It isn't bad, actually. 605 00:41:26,067 --> 00:41:27,989 Not bad at all. 606 00:41:28,024 --> 00:41:30,017 So much faster driving than it actually looks. 607 00:41:30,052 --> 00:41:34,076 It's really not bad, that. It is brown, but it's very nice. 608 00:41:34,111 --> 00:41:36,017 There we go, Gambon. 609 00:41:36,052 --> 00:41:39,020 Nicely controlled, and there we are, across the line. 610 00:41:39,055 --> 00:41:40,064 APPLAUSE 611 00:41:43,024 --> 00:41:47,072 So... I should explain... 612 00:41:50,028 --> 00:41:52,037 These are the wet times. 613 00:41:52,072 --> 00:41:58,004 Realistically, you're not going to be at the top of the board as it was pouring with rain. A lot. 614 00:41:58,039 --> 00:42:01,012 Pouring with rain... Stormy, windy. 615 00:42:01,047 --> 00:42:03,049 Windy. Wrong side. Wrong side. 616 00:42:03,084 --> 00:42:06,037 Pedals were somehow the wrong way round, as well. 617 00:42:06,072 --> 00:42:09,044 Only car in the world. I can't think of anything else. Anyway, 618 00:42:09,079 --> 00:42:12,016 these are the wet times, so where do you think you've come there? 619 00:42:12,051 --> 00:42:15,028 As long as I'm faster than Angelina Jolie. 620 00:42:15,063 --> 00:42:17,036 It wasn't actually Angelina, 621 00:42:17,071 --> 00:42:20,045 it was Bill Bailey. 622 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,985 OK. He fooled US! 623 00:42:23,020 --> 00:42:27,020 Anyway, I have the time. You did it, Boris Becker... 624 00:42:27,055 --> 00:42:31,012 What's the fastest wet? 1.49.9. 625 00:42:31,047 --> 00:42:32,068 .. One... 626 00:42:34,020 --> 00:42:35,997 forty-... OK. 627 00:42:36,032 --> 00:42:38,013 He's leaning forward. 628 00:42:38,048 --> 00:42:41,032 .. five! There you go. Wow! 629 00:42:45,076 --> 00:42:48,058 I love it! 630 00:42:48,093 --> 00:42:51,005 That's great. 631 00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:54,024 Thank you. Impressive. Thank you. 632 00:42:54,059 --> 00:42:56,017 Impressive. 633 00:42:56,052 --> 00:42:59,076 APPLAUSE AND CHEERS OK. Thank you. 634 00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:04,973 This new Stig must bea very good teacher. Yeah. 635 00:43:05,008 --> 00:43:08,045 Because the first couple of laps I was way over 150, I'm sure. 636 00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:15,036 I made all of the mistakes in the book. Sliding out, I didn't know how to accelerate on the wrong side. 637 00:43:15,071 --> 00:43:18,025 Only the last couple of laps, I started to do better. 638 00:43:18,060 --> 00:43:21,024 That is a very quick time. So, it turns out you're not only 639 00:43:21,059 --> 00:43:24,067 a brilliant tennis player, a brilliant commentator, 640 00:43:24,102 --> 00:43:27,041 but also a brilliant driver, and an excellent guest. 641 00:43:27,076 --> 00:43:31,036 Ladies and gentlemen - Boris Becker! Thank you very much. Thank you. 642 00:43:31,071 --> 00:43:33,084 APPLAUSE AND CHEERS 643 00:43:39,032 --> 00:43:46,016 Tonight we are engaged in a car-based sporting challenge against our colleagues from Top Gear Australia. 644 00:43:46,051 --> 00:43:49,000 Yes, it's like the Ashes for people who don't like cricket. 645 00:43:49,035 --> 00:43:51,041 Which is us, really. Yes, it is. 646 00:43:51,076 --> 00:43:53,013 Anyway, here are the scores so far. 647 00:43:53,048 --> 00:43:57,070 We won the drag race, giving us ten points and them nothing. 648 00:43:57,105 --> 00:44:01,092 We also scored a remarkable one-two in the double-decker racing, 649 00:44:01,127 --> 00:44:03,997 giving us 30 and them 5. 650 00:44:04,032 --> 00:44:09,021 So the totals so far are 40 to us and a dismal 5 to them. 651 00:44:09,056 --> 00:44:14,080 Coming up now, though, is a challenge to see which nation is best at synchronised drifting. 652 00:44:17,024 --> 00:44:21,072 Our new Stig said he'd use the Aston Vantage for this one, 653 00:44:21,107 --> 00:44:24,084 while Jeremy plumped for a Jaguar XKR. 654 00:44:26,076 --> 00:44:29,032 TYRES SQUEAL 655 00:44:34,020 --> 00:44:35,985 Look at that! 656 00:44:36,020 --> 00:44:41,041 Side by side in perfect slithering harmony. 657 00:44:41,076 --> 00:44:46,096 The Aussies could only spectate because we'd explained to them that due to health and safety rules, 658 00:44:46,131 --> 00:44:51,008 the judging had to be done by residents of the UK. 659 00:44:53,092 --> 00:44:56,072 It's Torvill and Dean, really, here. 660 00:44:56,107 --> 00:44:58,997 Nothing else to say. 661 00:44:59,032 --> 00:45:01,981 'Our routine was going well. ' 662 00:45:02,016 --> 00:45:05,017 I think this is looking very good now. 663 00:45:05,052 --> 00:45:09,072 'But then, thanks to me, it sort of went wrong. ' 664 00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:15,045 Oh, he's gone! That's got to be points off for that. 665 00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:20,084 The judges, however, who had a much clearer view of the action, disagreed. 666 00:45:23,016 --> 00:45:25,084 I'm assuming they're still there? 667 00:45:25,119 --> 00:45:27,099 You're kidding! 668 00:45:27,134 --> 00:45:29,080 They are very good. 669 00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:34,096 What are you watching? Where have you been looking? 670 00:45:41,032 --> 00:45:44,000 Beat that, Bruce! 671 00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,578 It was now the Aussies' turn. 672 00:45:47,613 --> 00:45:50,041 So they unpacked their Stig 673 00:45:50,076 --> 00:45:54,080 and then I introduced them to the cars they would be driving. 674 00:45:58,096 --> 00:46:00,021 What NOW? 675 00:46:00,056 --> 00:46:02,044 What happened to the Holdens we had? 676 00:46:02,079 --> 00:46:04,032 They ARE Holdens? No, they're not! 677 00:46:04,067 --> 00:46:05,053 They are, nearly! 678 00:46:05,088 --> 00:46:07,568 No, they're not, it's a Vauxhall. 679 00:46:07,603 --> 00:46:10,013 Exactly. Vauxhalls, they are... 680 00:46:10,048 --> 00:46:13,049 like Ferraris. That's how we think of them. 681 00:46:13,084 --> 00:46:17,096 They are four-door... They're photocopier salesmen's cars. 682 00:46:17,131 --> 00:46:20,029 Exactly, this is a V6. 683 00:46:20,064 --> 00:46:24,080 This is a 2 litre. Yes, I couldn't get two. I couldn't get two. 684 00:46:24,115 --> 00:46:26,005 You couldn't get two? No, but it will be fine. 685 00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:30,036 Now get your Stig out, turn him the right way up and let's get cracking. 686 00:46:35,060 --> 00:46:41,064 Despite the excellence of the mini cabs we provided, the Aussies were, really rather disappointing. 687 00:46:44,024 --> 00:46:45,009 Get up there! 688 00:46:45,044 --> 00:46:48,040 And then they crashed. 689 00:46:48,075 --> 00:46:49,068 It should be... 690 00:46:50,060 --> 00:46:53,058 Oh! You... boxhead! 691 00:46:53,093 --> 00:46:56,056 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 692 00:46:57,064 --> 00:46:58,989 He hit the Stig. The Stig. 693 00:46:59,024 --> 00:47:02,016 Very, very poor. I don't know about you, but... I'm not impressed. 694 00:47:02,051 --> 00:47:04,045 Same here. 695 00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:06,041 Dismal, to be honest. 696 00:47:06,076 --> 00:47:10,000 You've put 11 up, you idiot! 697 00:47:12,032 --> 00:47:13,969 Hammond! 698 00:47:14,004 --> 00:47:15,057 You gave them 11! 699 00:47:15,092 --> 00:47:18,052 I thought it had a point on it. 700 00:47:18,087 --> 00:47:21,029 I thought it said 1.1! 701 00:47:21,064 --> 00:47:24,064 Does it count now I've voted? 702 00:47:27,096 --> 00:47:33,004 It did. But our guests were still losing badly. So, to cheer them up, 703 00:47:33,039 --> 00:47:37,032 we decided to cook them a typical Aussie lunch. 704 00:47:37,067 --> 00:47:40,551 Ready, steady, check it out! 705 00:47:40,586 --> 00:47:44,036 I think we've got enough there. 706 00:47:44,071 --> 00:47:45,057 Hmm! 707 00:47:45,092 --> 00:47:49,041 My grandfather was burnt less than that when they cremated him. 708 00:47:49,076 --> 00:47:54,020 Did you know that barbecue is an ancient Aboriginal word for diarrhoea. 709 00:47:54,055 --> 00:47:56,009 Well, it will be after we eat this! 710 00:47:56,044 --> 00:47:59,540 Why do you eat outside? Honestly, why do you eat outside? 711 00:47:59,575 --> 00:48:03,036 The weather's conducive to it. Do you have air-conditioning? 712 00:48:03,071 --> 00:48:06,024 Yes, we do. Why don't you sit in air-conditioning? 713 00:48:06,059 --> 00:48:08,092 Because their houses are disgusting! 714 00:48:08,127 --> 00:48:11,013 THEY ALL LAUGH 715 00:48:11,048 --> 00:48:16,020 'At this stage our good-natured bantering was interrupted 716 00:48:16,055 --> 00:48:19,052 'by an alarming update from the producers. ' 717 00:48:21,096 --> 00:48:23,088 We've been accused of cheating. 718 00:48:23,123 --> 00:48:25,973 By who? The Australians. 719 00:48:26,008 --> 00:48:27,029 Their production team. What?! 720 00:48:27,064 --> 00:48:32,044 In the upside-down double-deckerracing you remember we did... Hmm. 721 00:48:32,079 --> 00:48:33,965 Who won it? We did. 722 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:37,044 But you were stationary for an entire lap. 723 00:48:37,079 --> 00:48:39,539 You therefore finished a lap down. 724 00:48:39,574 --> 00:48:41,965 It's ridiculous, we weren't last. 725 00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:45,040 We lapped you. You stayed still forone entire lap. It's really simple. 726 00:48:45,075 --> 00:48:47,049 You spun and were stationary. 727 00:48:47,084 --> 00:48:52,052 I did not labour long and hard over cooking that to be told by you... 728 00:48:52,087 --> 00:48:54,084 Just pass them out the food. This is what a fair man I am. 729 00:48:54,119 --> 00:48:58,009 Have a celebratory sausage that you didn't come last. 730 00:48:58,044 --> 00:49:02,060 They did, they've let themselves down, they've let the BBC down, 731 00:49:02,095 --> 00:49:04,989 they've let England down. 732 00:49:05,024 --> 00:49:07,540 Happily, the updated score board 733 00:49:07,575 --> 00:49:10,021 revealed they were still far behind, 734 00:49:10,056 --> 00:49:14,020 but the next challenge was right up their street. 735 00:49:14,055 --> 00:49:16,965 Motorised sheep-herding. 736 00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:21,032 OK. Guys, we've got you your bikes ,they are Australian. They're not. 737 00:49:21,067 --> 00:49:23,553 Well, what are they, then? Austrian. 738 00:49:23,588 --> 00:49:26,005 Austrian, Australian, same thing! 739 00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:32,056 We'll let the sheep out of the pen, you ride around a bit and then herd them back in again. OK? 740 00:49:32,091 --> 00:49:33,985 No problem. 741 00:49:34,020 --> 00:49:37,024 You do realise that we're not upset that these are Austrian dirt bikes? 742 00:49:37,059 --> 00:49:40,056 Why? Well, you made a mistake, they're terrific. 743 00:49:40,091 --> 00:49:42,045 These are the best bikes. Really? 744 00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:47,012 What? So we've accidentally got them good bikes. You idiots! 745 00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:53,036 Right, if you're ready, I shall release... 746 00:49:53,071 --> 00:49:56,009 the sheep! Go on! 747 00:49:56,044 --> 00:49:58,008 They're not scared of me! 748 00:49:58,043 --> 00:50:00,049 Go. Go. Go. 749 00:50:00,084 --> 00:50:04,088 'To be honest, it wouldn't have made a difference if we'd given them unicycles. ' 750 00:50:06,052 --> 00:50:08,096 Come on. Come on. Come on. They're very good, this lot. 751 00:50:08,131 --> 00:50:10,045 Shane, take them round. 752 00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:15,092 He was popping a wheelie to scare them off to the right. 753 00:50:15,127 --> 00:50:17,017 See the way he's now 754 00:50:17,052 --> 00:50:20,074 anticipating where that sheep will go. 755 00:50:20,109 --> 00:50:23,096 On the inside. OK, get 'em, get 'em. 756 00:50:23,131 --> 00:50:26,033 That's it. Let's get 'em. 757 00:50:26,068 --> 00:50:30,005 I know, they've got them all together. 758 00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:33,530 Send him that way. Go together. Come with me. Come with me. 759 00:50:33,565 --> 00:50:37,020 I think when you're Australian, you're born to do this. 760 00:50:37,055 --> 00:50:39,029 It's instinctive. 761 00:50:39,064 --> 00:50:42,088 Must eat, must breathe in and out, must herd sheep. 762 00:50:43,088 --> 00:50:46,029 How good are you at riding off-road? 763 00:50:46,064 --> 00:50:50,088 Me? I've no idea, never tried it. Right. Have you ever ridden off-road? 764 00:50:50,123 --> 00:50:53,981 Not really. I've never ridden off-road. 765 00:50:54,016 --> 00:50:59,008 'In less than two minutes the Aussies had all the sheep back in the pen. ' 766 00:50:59,043 --> 00:51:05,012 Hey! Together, together. You guys get 'em. 767 00:51:12,096 --> 00:51:16,016 Well done. Mate, they won't beat that! 768 00:51:17,060 --> 00:51:20,092 'This was hardly the revelation of the century... ' 769 00:51:20,127 --> 00:51:23,981 Up the hill, come on. Bloody hell. 770 00:51:24,016 --> 00:51:28,000 '.. given that James and I were working with Evil Knievil. ' 771 00:51:28,035 --> 00:51:30,072 Right, I'm in gear... 772 00:51:33,072 --> 00:51:34,997 Clutch. 773 00:51:35,032 --> 00:51:38,044 ENGINE STOPS 774 00:51:38,079 --> 00:51:41,021 A- a-a-a-argh! 775 00:51:41,056 --> 00:51:43,001 No! No! They're all split. 776 00:51:43,036 --> 00:51:46,012 Up the hill, come on. HORN TOOTS 777 00:51:46,047 --> 00:51:49,013 No! Bloody hell! 778 00:51:49,048 --> 00:51:51,064 Feed in the power like a learner. 779 00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:55,033 ENGINE STOPS Why are you doing this?! 780 00:51:55,068 --> 00:52:00,048 It's amazing that a bloke can be on a car show for this many years and have so little mechanical sympathy. 781 00:52:00,083 --> 00:52:02,013 Help! I think this will work. 782 00:52:02,048 --> 00:52:06,076 Eventually, they'll get so inquisitive, they'll want to go and see what he's trying to do. 783 00:52:06,111 --> 00:52:08,040 It's going! It's moving! 784 00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:11,088 It's moving! Where are the sheep? 785 00:52:11,123 --> 00:52:15,013 A- a-a-argh! 786 00:52:15,048 --> 00:52:16,977 Look, you stupid woolly BLEEP. 787 00:52:17,012 --> 00:52:20,040 Maybe the trick is to sneak up on them and do it quietly. 788 00:52:20,075 --> 00:52:25,040 Right, watch this. Right, got you, got you, go! 789 00:52:25,075 --> 00:52:27,036 How the hell does it do that? 790 00:52:28,036 --> 00:52:30,013 Look at me, I'm a shepherd! 791 00:52:30,048 --> 00:52:33,548 I'm shepherding! Look at me! Hammond, look! 792 00:52:33,583 --> 00:52:37,048 No, that's the next one. They're in the woods. 793 00:52:37,083 --> 00:52:41,985 No. Bad. Bad. Bad thing we've done! 794 00:52:42,020 --> 00:52:45,064 That's what made British Leyland great, it's that kind of teamwork. 795 00:52:48,028 --> 00:52:50,049 This event had been a disaster. 796 00:52:50,084 --> 00:52:57,096 'The Aussies had been awarded 10 points and we'd got minus 20 for losing all the sheep. ' 797 00:52:57,131 --> 00:52:59,609 So we were behind on the scoreboard 798 00:52:59,644 --> 00:53:02,088 as we went into the final event. 799 00:53:05,024 --> 00:53:08,556 A race on a World Championship rally stage through the grounds 800 00:53:08,591 --> 00:53:12,088 of what we had told the Aussies was a typical British house. 801 00:53:15,004 --> 00:53:17,977 These are the cars we'll be using. 802 00:53:18,012 --> 00:53:22,017 Super 2,000 Protons, four-wheel drive, 280 horse power. 803 00:53:22,052 --> 00:53:28,008 The Australians will be using this one and James will be driving... James? Yeah, James. 804 00:53:28,043 --> 00:53:29,025 Why does it have to be James? It's got to be James. 805 00:53:29,060 --> 00:53:33,092 You did the drag race. I did the drifting, so it's his turn. 806 00:53:33,127 --> 00:53:36,040 Remember who took on the Germans, remember? 807 00:53:36,075 --> 00:53:37,567 Oh, JAMES? 808 00:53:37,602 --> 00:53:39,311 James! James! 809 00:53:39,346 --> 00:53:41,020 He'll like it. 810 00:53:41,055 --> 00:53:42,977 Yeah. 811 00:53:43,012 --> 00:53:47,084 'While JAMES was getting ready, the Aussies arrived to inspect the cars. ' 812 00:53:47,119 --> 00:53:49,045 They identical this time? 813 00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:52,016 They are identical, hand on heart. 814 00:53:52,051 --> 00:53:53,985 Who's driving yours? 815 00:53:54,020 --> 00:53:57,092 Steve. You're driving that one and who's your co-driver? You're the co-driver. 816 00:53:57,127 --> 00:54:02,016 Hammond is the co-driver in this and James is going to be driving it. 817 00:54:02,051 --> 00:54:03,072 Oh, here he comes now. 818 00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:08,058 There we go. Lovely. Right, let's get on with this, then. 819 00:54:08,093 --> 00:54:11,041 Hang on. Hang on. Do you think our eyes are painted on? 820 00:54:11,076 --> 00:54:15,044 You're cheating again. May thebest man win. James... All aboard. 821 00:54:17,012 --> 00:54:22,032 Because the Aussies were 15.1 points ahead of us on the scoreboard, 822 00:54:22,067 --> 00:54:26,028 they were allowed a head start of 15.1 seconds. 823 00:54:26,063 --> 00:54:29,013 Hey! Are you ready? 824 00:54:29,048 --> 00:54:31,072 ENGINES REV This is it... 825 00:54:31,107 --> 00:54:34,080 three, two, one, go! 826 00:54:39,084 --> 00:54:43,001 That a boy. Wahey! 827 00:54:43,036 --> 00:54:45,084 Right, we've got 15 seconds, remember. 828 00:54:48,028 --> 00:54:50,520 Three, two, one, go! 829 00:54:50,555 --> 00:54:53,012 Oh, we're going. 830 00:54:54,096 --> 00:54:59,037 'If we could beat them by even a second, we'd win the Ashes. 831 00:54:59,072 --> 00:55:04,028 'Unfortunately, they'd saved their pro racing driver for this event. ' 832 00:55:05,084 --> 00:55:08,036 I know this stuff. This is gravel. 833 00:55:09,088 --> 00:55:12,092 'Happily, though, James was on fire!' 834 00:55:12,127 --> 00:55:14,052 Oh, my God! 835 00:55:18,052 --> 00:55:22,076 I hope I don't wet myself in James's... Your race suit, your race suit, yeah. 836 00:55:29,088 --> 00:55:32,013 That was all right, wasn't it? Yeah. Good. 837 00:55:32,048 --> 00:55:36,052 I don't even know how far ahead they are now. 838 00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:42,084 Oh, my God. Yes! Look at your little feet going. 839 00:55:42,119 --> 00:55:45,000 May, you're a different man in this car! 840 00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:51,558 Time for the hand-brake, are you ready? Righto. 841 00:55:51,593 --> 00:55:55,076 Hey! Not bad. Not bad for a circuit driver. 842 00:55:58,008 --> 00:56:00,000 I see dust, that's got to be them. 843 00:56:00,035 --> 00:56:02,004 That could be them. 844 00:56:04,056 --> 00:56:08,092 Oh! That's just... He's getting better! 845 00:56:12,052 --> 00:56:15,965 'James had almost caught the Aussies 846 00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:19,969 'but then, with just two miles to go, disaster. ' 847 00:56:20,004 --> 00:56:24,064 I know this stuff, this is asphalt. Yep. Now I'm back in business! 848 00:56:27,056 --> 00:56:30,028 That's quite brisk now! 849 00:56:32,052 --> 00:56:36,064 'Luckily, James preferred the tarmac surface too. ' 850 00:56:36,099 --> 00:56:39,020 Oh, he's in the zone! 851 00:56:41,052 --> 00:56:43,048 Come on, Stevie, keep going! 852 00:56:46,016 --> 00:56:47,997 Not far to go now! 853 00:56:48,032 --> 00:56:50,993 'Even though we were right on their tail, it didn't look 854 00:56:51,028 --> 00:56:56,092 'like we would be able to pass, but let's not forget, this was James at the wheel!' 855 00:56:56,127 --> 00:56:57,096 Oh! 856 00:57:02,048 --> 00:57:03,052 Argh! 857 00:57:07,012 --> 00:57:10,052 Oh, my God, Stig... James, you've gone mad! 858 00:57:15,072 --> 00:57:19,092 What's he doing? Unbelievable! 859 00:57:19,127 --> 00:57:22,080 It really is. He's good. 860 00:57:26,072 --> 00:57:29,096 OK, I can hear 'em. Yeah. Keep going. 861 00:57:31,004 --> 00:57:33,033 We've got to beat The Stig. 862 00:57:33,068 --> 00:57:36,044 Come on, James, this is your moment! 863 00:57:40,056 --> 00:57:42,072 Oh...! 864 00:57:44,072 --> 00:57:45,092 Ooh! 865 00:57:47,044 --> 00:57:48,969 Who is that? 866 00:57:49,004 --> 00:57:52,064 That can't be James? Not driving... 867 00:57:53,096 --> 00:57:58,088 Yes! It's the United Kingdom! 868 00:58:05,020 --> 00:58:06,057 Oh, mate! 869 00:58:06,092 --> 00:58:08,060 Yes, stay cool! Yeah! 870 00:58:13,060 --> 00:58:17,044 Bruce! Sorry about that, Bruces. 871 00:58:17,079 --> 00:58:18,985 Can James get out? 872 00:58:19,020 --> 00:58:21,080 He's overcome. He's overcome. 873 00:58:21,115 --> 00:58:24,037 He's actually asleep. 874 00:58:24,072 --> 00:58:26,092 He sleeps it off. He doesn't look asleep. 875 00:58:26,127 --> 00:58:28,593 Very tired, very tired. 876 00:58:28,628 --> 00:58:31,350 Bruce... Unbelievable. 877 00:58:31,385 --> 00:58:34,037 13,000 miles, pointlessly. 878 00:58:34,072 --> 00:58:37,060 Well, you came second... which means you lost! 879 00:58:43,056 --> 00:58:45,977 APPLAUSE 880 00:58:46,012 --> 00:58:47,088 Well done, mate! 881 00:58:49,040 --> 00:58:51,044 Well done. 882 00:58:51,079 --> 00:58:53,013 Lovely. 883 00:58:53,048 --> 00:58:59,036 Was it just me or did anyone else see that funny looking bloke who put his face round the tree? Yes! No! 884 00:58:59,071 --> 00:59:02,033 That hideously ugly tree troll 885 00:59:02,068 --> 00:59:06,053 that put its ghastly gargoyle face round the tree and then disappeared? 886 00:59:06,088 --> 00:59:10,574 Can I just stop you for a moment, because since we filmed that, obviously Australia has been 887 00:59:10,609 --> 00:59:15,025 blighted with terrible floods, a lot of people were killed, a lot of people are missing. 888 00:59:15,060 --> 00:59:19,048 If you're one of the people whose house is now several miles from where you left it, we would just 889 00:59:19,083 --> 00:59:22,048 like to say we are thinking of you and we wish you all the very best. 890 00:59:22,083 --> 00:59:23,993 You're being nice. I know. 891 00:59:24,028 --> 00:59:26,013 On that bombshell, it's time to end. 892 00:59:26,048 --> 00:59:28,068 Thank you very much for watching, good night! 893 00:59:33,068 --> 00:59:36,080 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd. //www.addic7ed.com/ 894 00:59:36,115 --> 00:59:39,092 E- mail subtitling@bbc. co. uk